Educate me: why would you not want your baby to have the colostrum if no medical reason?

[RainbowsFriend]

Just found out that a couple of my social circle are not attempting breastfeeding second time around, but will be going for bottles from day one. No medical problems/issues, just said it would be easier to have bottles and a toddler than breastfeed.

I didn't want to pry, and I respect their choice of course, but I'm really curious why you would not even express the colostrum to give your child - I thought it was soooo important for the immune system.

I admit I'm a bit biased as I still bfeed DD 22 months, and do use it as a parenting tool to a certain extent. We massively struggled at first as DD had a missed tongue tie that wasn't picked up til 5 months, so I know what it's like to have pain and struggle, and I remember from when our toddlers were little that these mums had to give up fairly quickly first time around and know how difficult it was. But why not express a bit of colostrum?

So please let me know so I can understand better?

[breatheslowly]

I spent 5 days trying to BF DD and they were miserable. She was clearly dehydrated and my nipples were shredded. I dreaded her crying. I have since read plenty and concluded that the benefits of BF are insignificant enough for me not to worry about them for my own children (do what you like with yours), I have clearly not come to the same conclusion as you about it being sooo important. I have no desire to repeat this experience of attempting to BF or spend time faffing about with expressing minute amounts of colostrum. Providing colostrum for some women is not without personal cost and they may choose to channel their energies elsewhere. For example they may feel that BF will be very time consuming and may be detrimental to their relationship with their toddler. People often get wrapped up with the importance of attachment of a baby but forget that the toddler's world has been turned upside down and these mothers may be acutely aware of their toddler's individual needs at this time.

Decisions like this are just one of a huge number that parents make for their children and I am a bit surprised by how much some people care about this for other people's children instead of looking at the bigger picture of the child's upbringing.

[BrittaPie]

I do find it a bit odd when people won't try, just because they might find it easy, and straightforward breastfeeding is so much easier long term.

Of course they might not find it easy and might not be inclined to struggle on, in which case fair enough.

My inbuilt laziness wouldn't let me get away with not trying the simpler solution first though

I was lucky - DD1 was prem, jaundiced and we had a very bad birth, so she took three days to start feeding properly, but after that we were fine until 4 months when I couldn't feed any more because I was ill, and DD2 basically got pointed at my boob in the recovery room and started feeding, and didn't stop till she was 14 months old. I know not everyone is that lucky, and I am the last to judge, honestly. It's just that I had no idea that it would go well, and so I could have ended up making up bottles in the middle of the night instead of just rolling over to let the baby latch on. Having done the middle of the night bottles thing when DD1 needed it, I am really glad I didn't have to do it the whole time.

[breatheslowly]

I understand your point for the first child BrittaPie, and we certainly did give it a go the, but a crap experience the first time can be really offputting the second time you have a child. Particularly if you found FF easy after giving up the first time.

[wigglesrock]

I didn't want to and therefore didn't with any of my 3 children.

You don't need to support your friends with their choices. You just need to accept that people make different choices bit like most of life.

[frasersmummy]

What is there to understand ... your friends are bottle feeding.. what else do you need to know ??

I have 3 cousins in one family 1st 2 bottle fed .. absolutely fine.. 3rd one breast fed... has asthma, excema and loads of allergies. Now I know this bucks the trend but just goes to prove that breastfeeding doesnt always help

and as for ff babies are more likely to get lukemia .. that just smacks of making mothers feel guilty

[usualsuspect]

I didn't want to.I don't have to justify my feeding choices to you or anyone else.

[Branleuse]

they probably just dont want to

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

Harriet. You might want to read the research paper in question it doesn't quite say what you are extrapolating from it.

I did BF. But every single woman is allowed to make whatever choice she wants with regard to her own body. I don't see what is so hard to understand about that.

They may have a myriad of reasons for not giving any BF but at the end of the day it's their choice. Their body their choice.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

If I had decided not to BF then I doubt I'd want to start at all. They've made that decision with the whole family in mind eg toddler's feelings, maybe how hard/easy they found BF etc.

I'd be surprised if a hospital was supportive of expressing colostrum (rather than BF directly) if the baby wasn't in NICU/SCBU.

Expressing can be hard and I imagine expressing colostrum is harder still.

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

I tried my absolute hardest to BF my DS but it was awful and the first 5 days if his life carry memories for me of crying while feeding him and dreading him needing feeding - this is not how a mother should feel. I ended up with postnatal depression and I truly believe the pressure I put myself under and the feelings of being useless and a rubbish mother contributed to my post natal depression.

When I have #2 I will bottle feed from birth and I will have no guilty feelings about it. I am confident to make these decisions this time rounds.

FYI - my son is a healthy 4 year who hit all the standard milestones on time. He had had no major illnesses other than standard chicken pox etc. In contrast my friends child who has been exclusively breast fed has a number of allergies and food intolerants.

I appreciate OP wanted to understand rather than judge but all you need to understand is that it's a mother decision and hers only.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

A 21% decrease in a low risk figure (which remains a low % risk thereafter) has to be weighed up against whatever increased risks the mother feels open to eg PND if she is pressured into feeding differently to how she wants.

I voluntarily double my risk of ovarian cancer every day. I do this because the benefits of reliable contraception that suits me are worth it.

[Fairylea]

Because some women like me absolutely hate and detest the feeling of their breasts or nipples being touched, breastfeeding included (and I know I do because I did attempt to breastfeed my first dc and absolutely hated the sensation). There is something called d-Mer which is a hormonal change that occurs in some women who breastfeed leading to depression and a feeling of total anxiety etc. Google it. It's a very real thing. For some it can actually trigger severe pnd. So when that's weighed up against the immunity benefits of colostrum many women like me choose to bottle feed from birth. I have no regrets and both my dc have always been healthy and happy.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

X-post arkbuilder - sorry it was so tough

[HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand]

I never had any desire to breast feed. I didnt even entertain the idea of breastfeeding for the first few days either for the benefits of all the goodness.

My sister and i were not breast fed and we were never ill. Unlike our breastfed cousins who were always getting colds or ear infections. Babies need a bit of bacteria in order to build their immune system up so they can fight infections.

I get really angry with these do- gooders who breast feed who then try to push their views on mums who cant/wont breast feed. We are not bad parents by not doing this. Its very unfair for people to judge why we choose to ff instead. Its not that we cannot be bothered and we dont want our babies to get a good start. In my opinion i dont think the colostrum does anything. My lo is 8 months old and he hasnt shown any sign that he would have benefited from it.

Part of my decision was also that as i wasnt breast feeding i didnt want to mess with my body and begin the process of producing milk. I wanted it to dry up as soon as possible. From my own selfish point of view too i felt my body had been through enough and i wanted it back for me! So i could get back to normal. I also didnt like the idea of having baggy saggy boobs, chewed nipples, leaky boobs, nor did i fancy feeding on demand a dozen times in the night or expressing. I did not fancy feeling like a cow. Plus i didnt want my dp to feel funny about my boobs if our son had been there. In my opinion my boobs are there for sexual reasons only for me and my dp.

When i see bf mums most of them are a typical stereotype - they stand out a mile. Proper mumsy and over protective. Possibly do the whole terry nappy things too. With everything organic!!

Also whilst you are all judging us mums who ff. I, and a number of other people who i know think the same do not like seeing bf mums whapping their big floppy white tits out at baby groups, cafes etc to feed their babies. But then your answer would be that its the most natural thing in the world!! But the majority of people who would probably be of that opinion would be mums who bf.

Why can you not express when you go out!! I find it very off putting.

Now i am expecting some very harsh comments from my post. Bf mums who i have offended but i feel very offended by the op post!!

[RemindMeWhatSleepIs]

Now now, play nicely! Lets not try and offend all breastfeeding mums just cos you don't like questions asked by OP. that would make you as bad as her.

Surely everyone should just feed their babies however works for them.

I'm a breastfeeding mum and I get constantly nagged to give it up. None of anyone's business. I feed discretely and not in public. But that still stops me from joining friends on nights out at the times they want us to go out. So I'm adversely effecting their social life.

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

Hubbahubba - I can assure you I am not a stereotype. And I BF my last until she was quite elderly in BF terms.

Define proper mumsy and overprotective please.

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

And I don't have "big floppy white tits" and I never ever whapped them out anywhere

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Hubba, the title got my hackles up a bit but if you read the full post and the OP's other posts she is clearly trying to understand rather than judge.

There are plenty of posters responding who have BF with explanations rather than judgement, so your post is indeed harsh.

[Badvoc]

Sigh.
Boring.
Op....do a search and unearth the vast amount if other threads like this.
They may answer your question.
And FYI, I am the opposite of what you are talking about....I tried to bf ds1 and nothing came out of my breasts other than blood. Expressing colostrum is easy is it!?
I did bf ds2 for 3 months and then stopped because he was insatiable and - having another child to look,after school runs etc - I could not feed 16-18 hours per day which was what he wanted.
HTH.

[rundontwalk]

Agree with Doctrine.

FWIW I had an awful bfeeding experience with dc1 (born v small,long stay in hosp,minimal support, huge amounts of pressure to continue when he clearly just didn't have the strength). We did get there in the end & continued for 7mths. I'm glad this happened,but with hindsight I wish I had given myself 'permission' to FF. I'm sure it contributed to my PTSD.

With dc2 (3days old!) It's been totally different-latches well & feeds well.

So a long winded way of saying that I think we all just need to accept different people have different reasons. I don't see the need for insults to start flying,whether they are regarding bf or ff mums. We are all doing what we think is best at what is a bloody hard job!

[RemindMeWhatSleepIs]

"We are all doing what we think is best at what is a bloody hard job!"

[hazelnutlatte]

I expressed colostrum as I couldn't get dd to latch - it was bloody horrible, and the 'help' I had from hcp's in hospital to get dd to latch was completely useless - it involved 2 mins of shoving dd at my boob whilst she screamed her head off, then getting the syringe out to express the colostrum.
If I have another child I will try to bf again, but if it doesn't work I'm not going to feel guilty about ff.

[AmberLeaf]

D-mer

[blueshoes]

LauraPashley: "I think the health benefits of BFing are overrated myself. When have you ever been able to look at a (not currently feeding at the time) baby, toddler, or child and say, yes, they were definitely breastfed?"

Apparently, dentists can tell. A baby that has been mostly bf-ed develops a wider flatter palate than one that is constantly bottlefed. It affects their smile.

[FoxyRevenger]

I intended to BF DD. She came, I had no milk. She was too tired to suck.

I hand expressed whilst hundreds of people came and went around me on a busy ward. Nothing.

A HCA brought me a breast pump in the middle of the night. In bits. In 2 jugs of Milton. She was too busy to help me put it together.

The BF Counsellor came to see me and told me I'd be as well bottle feeding.

My FIL thought it was 'sad that I'd given up on the breast'

I cried. A lot. And on Day 3, when DD had low blood sugar, decided I'd have to bottle feed.

Is that ok?

Your wide eyed innocent OP made me feel like shit. Why not just come out and say you massively judge people who you think haven't done as much research as you or just couldn't be bothered with the effort?