Why is my newborn so angry?

[Dannilion]

DD was born at 39 weeks after a long, long labour ending in EMCS last Friday.

I am at my wits end with trying to Breastfeed her. She is gaining weight well (only 50g off birth weight already) and has plenty of dirty nappies.

However, it takes about 30 minutes to coax her onto the breast. She screams, punches and latches on and off for ages before settling. My poor nips are so blistered and bloody despite the excessive use of Lansihoh.

I've tried feeding her when she's asleep, just waking, bottles of ebm, skin to skin, co sleeping and she's jus still so angry as soon as she knows eating is involved. Once she's actually latched on properly she's fine.

Only getting about an hour between feeds as it takes so long to get her on, I am so shattered and out of ideas I just sat next to her Moses basket and cried along with her last night.

Am I missing something?

Poor you. I'm afraid I have no idea and someone clever will be along to help soon, but wanted to recommend the BioFemme nipple cream and compresses which you can get in Boots. They worked sooooo much better for me than Lansinoh which never seemed to absorb! You can keep the compresses in your bra to soothe as needed. Good luck, it sounds like you are doing really well despite everything.

Sounds like your doing everything right, a friend of mine had a similar issue ( but didn't sound quite as bad) and it was something to do with her let-down. She use to make sure there was milk right there before she latched DC on, I think it helped. Hope you get it sorted soon, bleeding nipples are no fun xx

Hello and congratulations on the birth of your dd! I can only speak from my own experience which is this. Some babies do take a long time to feed, and all you can do is 'go with it' and if it means to begin with you don't get much of a break between feeds, it honestly will pass. It is so hard in the beginning, but try to rest (!) and things will settle down.

I bf my first three babies, and although I found it utterly exhausting to begin with, nothing prepared me for the fourth!! She was sliding on and off the nipple, constantly 'fighting', and constantly crying. At about four weeks I was sitting up all night with her because she literally wouldn't lie down in her moses basket, at all, ever. I googled everything I could think of, tried everything, and having bf for 6 years, was really flummoxed. In the end I asked my hv if I could have a referral to a lactaction consultant to see if she had a tongue tie. HV thought she hadn't, and as she was gaining weight etc, didn't really see the point, but I insisted. My dd seemed to take in a lot of air when feeding, and seemed windy/uncomfortable in addition to all the palava sliding on and off and rooting around, batting me with her arms etc.

Long story short(isn!) the lactation consultant found the tongue-tie, and she had it snipped just before 12 weeks, and miraculously slept, started feeding better and my sanity returned. Not instant, but the improvement was so quick, and tbh once I knew she had a tongue tie I felt better knowing that there was a reason for all the angst.

So, if I were you I'd google tongue-tie, look at the pics to see if your dd seems to have similar, and ask someone (e.g. hv, bf specialist etc) to check your latch. But don't be fobbed off. If you think there is an issue (even if not tongue-tie but something else) insist you get help from all the people out there who are trained and skilled in helping Mums in your position. I really wish you luck, and hope you find the answer.

Is she better one side than the other?

Is she hungry when you try to start feeding her? With only an hour between feeds is she fighting it because she doesn't want it yet?

Is she arching her back, screaming, being sick a lot which might suggest reflux?

I think it would be a good idea if you asked a midwife to watch a feed to see if they have any suggestions.

Have you heard of biological nurturing? I hadn't heard of it until after I'd finished bfing, but something about it really struck a chord with me. Bobbing her head on and off, swinging her arms around etc are all reflexes to help with breastfeeding, but don't really work with the babe-in-arms position we use now. With biological nurturing you sit leaning back, and put the baby on your front (not horizontal), so you are belly-to-belly; the idea is that your baby will bob around then find the breast.

Of course, you don't have to try it and it may not be of any use to you, but I wish I'd known about it when I was struggling!

I remember thinking the bf would be easy, and being quite shocked at how stressful it was at the beginning. Once we'd both got used to it, it did get much easier. It sounds like you're halfway there if your DD is feeding once settled, so well done on that.

Does your local hospital or Children's Centre have a feeding clinic? I went 4 times & they were very helpful with position & technique of tilting Dd head back so she took a big mouthful & didn't just nip the tip.

Dd had very strong suck & hard jaws according to midwives, I ended up with deep splits & when she was sick it was always bloody for at least 6 weeks. I know it's hard, but try not to cry out when dc is feeding - you don't want them to associate feeding with your sounds of distress. Took me 4 weeks to control this.

If you have to stop for a few days to give your boobs time to recover, you MUST express, preferably with a pump, to keep your milk going. I didn't & lost milk on 1 side, it came back but it was a long hard slog & never came back as much as the other side. Now, having stopped about 4 months ago, I am very slightly lopsided & stretch marks on the side I mostly fed Dd from as it got massive with all the milk.

Re the Lansinoh, it is very thick but warming it up really helps. Try sitting with the tube tucked under your arm or leg, near an artery, for a while before you need it. You probably won't need cream after a couple of months, as your sensitive bits will desensitise, almost to the point of being numb. (I know, really attractive!)

Good luck to all struggling with this.

Just wanted to second happy nappy's advice about getting seen by a lactation consultant, they can check for tt and if there isnt one give you specialist advice. As a first timer I didn't trust my instincts that dd wasn't feeding right and got fobbed off by several professionals leading to weeks of exhaustion and misery til her tt was dealt with. Things were immeasurably better within days. I also faffed around on google when I should have been doing something in RL for too long.

BF isn't meant to be a battle it's meant to be natural and nurturing so try to get the right RL help if you can .

My only suggestion which you may have tried is to feed before she starts crying. As soon as hand is in mouth or sticking tongue out. As soon as mine were angry because they were hungry it all became much more difficult. Also a bit of hand expressing just before you feed, so that boob isn't too full for DC to get hold of.

DD1 was like this. My mum told me to always stop after 10 minutes or so if she wasn't latching on, pretend you're just having a cuddle and not a feed then try again.

This was 20 years ago, probably is out of date though.

Have you thought about taking your DD to a cranial osteopath? It can really help babies who've been through a difficult birth and definitely helped my DS1 with feeding. Do try it if you can. The first few weeks can be so hard though, hang in there x

I would say plenty of relaxed skin to skin when possible and I know it is difficult but try to relax when you think she's hungry, it issso stressful when they're like this though so I know it seems impossible!

Definitely speak to a Lactation consultant, breastfeeding peer or La Leche League have a number where they can speak through with you and I think they have councillors too.

Congratulations by the way!

Poor you. I've been there with both. DD1 had bad reflux which manifested itself in excessive sick at about 8w but got better in time. DD2 made me so sore - she had a totally different latch - so I tensed, she came off and didn't get enough. I had had a c section and couldn't face the clinic so I paid someone to come round. Best money I ever spent . Good luck. It will get better with the right help but do ask and then ask again.

Congratulations, just a thought are you holding your baby's head rather than the back of baby's neck if you are baby may feel that it is being forced onto the breast, this can sometimes cause them to struggle at the breast.:-) lots of great support groups out there