How on earth do I stop bfing?

[stmarymead]

Hello...my DS is 13 months and is bf. I rather naively thought that at 1 I could just swap him to cows milk in a cup. Haha. Ha. If only it was that easy.
I warmed some milk in a cup and he point blank refused it, coupled with screams and tears it was a thoroughly stressful experience. My DH managed to put him down with no milk and he went to sleep (but woke at 4 to be fed). Tonight dh is away so I attempted the manoeuvre on my own. Screaming, tears turned up a couple of volume notches from last night and absolutely no chance of him going to sleep. I put him down screaming and he just carried on into complete hysteria. Ad I relented and fed him. I know this was probably stupid and totally the wrong thing to do, but I was so upset at seeing/hearing him that I couldn't bear it.
Any advice/experience at swapping a bf lover to cows milk and a cup?
Thanks!!

He links bf with his bedtime routine - its comforting and cuddly, a cup is not. I'd suggest first establishing a bedtime routine where you feed first, then bath then stories in room and settle to bed, when this is established your DH can try putting him down when you are out with out a bf and see how it goes. See if your dh can put him to bed several days in a row like this with you out of the house. But, tbh, you don't have to stop bfing at 1 if you don't want to and its easier on both of you if your DC decide to stop - ds1 stopped at 18 months, DS2 at 28 months - of their own volition.

Are you still feeding in the daytime. When i finishing up with DS the h/v said make sure that all you are doing is the nighttime one and then if at all possible go away for a couple of days. That is what I did, my mil came and stayed and I moved out . It worked, when I came back he tried to feed and I just said it was all gone avid he accepted it.
It's very hard for both of you

Can I also add ds was 19months when i stopped and my dd who will be 2 next Friday is a bigger boobie monster so don't feel that you have to stop if you don't want to.

You need to stretch it out and drop one feed at a time so it's not such a big thing for him. Get DH involved if you absolutely can, as he's at the age where he'll be aware that Daddy doesn't have any milk and so he will be less likely to hold out for it! :)

I've been posting about this very issue this week! Have just stopped bf DS (10mo). We did it in stages. I stopped daytime feeds at 6mo, he wouldn't take a bottle so has a sippy cup of formula morning and afternoon. It took a while but now he drinks it quite happily. Difficulty came with working out what to do at bedtime. He has resolutely refused formula at bedtime for months. I was despairing. So I tried him with a cup of cows milk (just a small one, maybe 3oz? he has formula all the rest of the day, I know cows milk can't be their main drink until they're one) and he also has a yoghurt. We moved this part of the bedtime routine downstairs (in front of baby jake ) so that he could have his teeth brushed upstairs etc during his bath. But i kept wimping out of not feeding him a bedtime when he cried, so on saturday he stayed at the Inlaws without me, as an experiment... They put him to bed and he cried for two minutes and then went to sleep! So I figured well he can do it, so haven't bf him since! BUT he hasn't fed to sleep for AGES, so it wasn't a total shock iykwim. I think gradual is your friend. Also DS hates any warm milk-formula or cows. Straight from the fridge please mummy, thanks very much! Hope that helps, good luck!

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful, sensible and useful responses.
One question dinkystinky, you mentioned yours stopped of their own volition... Providing this was within a few months (i am 7 weeks pg)this would be my ideal...but do they really just stop? I just cannot imagine ds ever ever doing that. I guess all things change, but this little episode has worried me somewhat.

And also thank you all for saying 'don't feel you have to stop', it's so complicated isn't it!?

Stmarymead - they just didn't want a feed and when I asked if they wanted milk they said no.

You may well find your Ds self weans soon as pregnancy can change the taste of your milk to them - several of my friends had this happen.

They do stop, eventually, but not usually at 13 months - much older.

Self weaning can happen during pregnancy, but I'd expect it to have happened before 7 months if it's going to.

I'd say if you're absolutely desperate not to tandem feed, then you'll need to do something drastic like cold turkey (maybe do some kind of swap with him which is really high value - strawberry milkshake?? Always before tooth brushing, never in a bottle, and you can wean him off it later - or smoothies are a healthier alternative, you can buy frozen fruit mixes for making them up) or even going away for a few days.

If you're not averse to the idea of tandem feeding then you might need to be prepared for him to want to feed more once the baby arrives. Again if you're dead set against this, then it might be an idea to restrict feeding to certain times, like bedtime, and be really strict about this so that he understands that's the rule - and make sure you prepare him for the fact that the baby is going to be feeding in the day even if he can't (which might be hard or impossible to explain to him at his age.)

I think op is 7 weeks, not 7 months.

Self weaning in preg is common, I believe in second trimester?