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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Things my hv said at dd's 6 month review yesterday

103 replies

bumbleweed · 25/04/2006 18:20

Just a bit surprised what I got at dd's 6 month review visit from the health visitor yesterday - I was feeling quite pleased for making it to 26 weeks bf after a rocky start and a few hiccups along the way. Am enjoying starting to wean, and am very tired from dd's night-time wakings and looking for a bit of support. I felt like I got told off all round.

" Oh why didnt you start weaning at 4 months, didnt you know the WHO guidelines are aimed at third world countries and not ours?" (but surely our government's doctors and experts wouldnt have adopted those guidelines then and published loads of information on them would they?)

"But babies dont need feeding during the night once they reach 6 months, its a habit - only a very small minority of babies dont sleep through the night by 6 months!" (oh right, what a bad mother for creating a habit by feeding my hungry baby ..)

"Dont give her too much sweet food or she wont take savoury" (we're talking apple and banana here not cadbury's cream eggs)

"Try to get her onto 4 tablespoons of food, 3 times a day within a few weeks" ( but we're only a week into solids and at the moment she's just tasting the food and getting used to swallowing it and feeling it in her mouth..)

"Babies get all the milk they need in the first 5 minutes, you can break them off after that if you want, the rest is just for comfort" ( .. but what about the hindmilk?)

No wonder people are totally confused by the subject of feeding and weaning - the advice is contradictory and confusing even to the well-informed.

OP posts:

sah · 27/04/2006 10:50

My HV I had when my DD was little was lovely and even babysat for me during the day when I was struggling with PND and extreme exhaustion so that I could sleep. Of course, DD slept the entire time the HV was there and made me look like a liar cos I kept saying she never slept!

Current set of HV's for DS are a complete waste of time. The most recent advice they gave me was when I went to ask for help in how to deal with aggressive behaviour and biting (a fairly normal toddler problem) ... the HV told me that there could only be 2 reasons why he would bite anyone.

I wasn't paying enough attention to him
He was copying the behaviour from me (because I obviously go around biting everyone I meet - not!)

I haven't been up there since. They sent me an invitation to join the parenting class to learn how to deal with toddler behaviour and I have to admit that I was very tempted to ring and say that I wouldn't be joining the class because I was fed up of their patronising, ridiculous, out of date stupid advice.

I get better advice from friends and thats the way it will stay from now on!

Karmamother · 27/04/2006 11:07

Why don't more HVs read websites like Kellymom? At least they'll be doling out accurate information. Actually, instead, why don't HVs give new mums the web address for MN. That would be more beneficial!

suggy · 27/04/2006 12:05

My HV is a star. DD1 had chicken pox 2 weeks ago. Was convinced DD2 (8 weeks old) would be protected. Could not get a dr's appt when spots appeared yesterday. Called HV - she did a home visit and then got me an emergency appointment. and yes it is the pox, she then called me this morning to see how my night had been. I think she'll be a good one unlike the bonkers one we used to have... :0

BernieBear · 27/04/2006 13:49

My HV advised me to control cry my ds - he was coming up 3 months at the time!

Libra · 27/04/2006 14:26

My HV is a very nice woman, but I stopped listening to her around the time that she refused to give me the questionnaire which checks whether you have PND on the grounds that I was 'in too much of a state to do it'. Um. If I was in a state maybe it was because I had PND? If I was sitting there crying and obsessing about not being able to breast-feed and having to go back to work in 6 weeks time and not being able to even make a basic decision about putting the washing out, maybe I ought to have done the bloody test?

LeahE · 27/04/2006 15:29

I keep hearing about this PND questionnaire... in my area it was very simple

Q1: Are you feeling depressed?

Q2: Are you sure?

Ta-daa!

moondog · 27/04/2006 15:34

Libra and Leah...
Karmamother,can we have some mad nursing anecdotes please?
Sah,lol at your dd sleeping when the HV came to babysit!!

CorduroyAngel · 27/04/2006 17:49

GHOSTY... hi, I read your posting about you and your doctor's conversation re. dairy and possible allergic reaction. I think your doc may have been trying to say that if you have dairy products it can transfer to your breastmilk and can still cause a reaction in your little one. Your comment about the cow did make me smile though!!
Love
FunkyJam

Rhian101 · 27/04/2006 18:50

You guys got the PND questionnaire?! Wow, I've never been asked by anyone (doctor, HV, midwife etc) if I'm ok: Not even when I started crying in the middle of baby clinic, when ds2 was 3 months, whilst telling my HV how lonely I was. Haven't been back in months. A bad HV does 10 times the damage not having a HV would do.

joelalie · 27/04/2006 19:45

The only problem with my HV was that she insisted that I should top up feed because my first baby was so big and very hungry. As it happens I did this with no ill effects to my bfing and carried on bf until he was 18 months old. But it was the wrong advice IMO as she as very keen on bfing in general. She was concerned that I was worn to a frazzle so in a way the advice was OK for the situation but still not right IFSWIM.

She was great with my DD when she was failing to put on weight - very sympathetic and actually told me not to come and get her weighed so often as the stress wasn't good for me or for her.

I did get the PND form which seemed more complex than some mentioned here after no #3 but TBH I'd had PND before so knew what I was looking for anyway.

But generally I tended to nod and smile and ignore their advice once I'd got started. She was a nice harmless old lady who seemed to have my best interests at heart but totally ineffectual so I ignored her...

Karmamother · 27/04/2006 19:50

Moondog, waddya wanna know?

joelalie · 27/04/2006 19:52

"D1 has her 2 year check next week, im going to be in trouble,

DD1 still has a bottle in the midle of the night and is still on SMA.

She has never slept through the night. "

Just saw this brought back some memories

So ...lie!!!! My eldest 2 were like that - well not SMA but still being bf. So what. And didn't sleep - in fact my 3 yr old still comes in with us at about 4am every day. If you can hack it I can't see why it should bother the HV.

There were loads of things I did that I shouldn't apparently - like drink tea and coffee whilst feeding....doesn't everyone? No sockets guards - we had them until DS#1 took them out and chewed them . Why should I tell the truth and get the poor old HV all upset

Emmecanary · 27/04/2006 21:20

Okay, thought I'd chuck in my four-penneth too. I get on well with my HV, all the Mum's in my area do, only she's so flippin busy (got something like 1000 cases on her books apparantly) that you can absolutely never ever get to speak to her, unless its a matter of life or death and you can't leave the house. So instead we've got a fab post-natal group (still going, 16-months on) and we use each other for advice and support.

DS was a large baby, I breastfed him for as long as I could but by 3 months he had bottles too. By 5 months I wanted to wean him "you shouldn't do that until 6 months" was HV's advice (Govt guidelines due to childhood obesity apparantly) but I did it anyway. Confessed to her who then told me that she'd weaned her own children at 13 weeks!!! So, my advice would be that you know yourself whats the best thing to do - follow your instincts - and ask your friends!

chalkie · 27/04/2006 21:24

Wow glad it happens to every one, it is a mixed bag out there, I always hope i dont get the old scary one. So far with dd3 were are haveing a nice time 8 weeks and all looking good I had midwife problems in the hospital, glad i'd been there before and I just stuck my heels in untill i got what I wanted. I over herd one midwife telling a 20 yr old on her first birth to stop making a fuss she did'nt need any pain killers as it was going to get much worse and to go and have a bath. I prayed that one would be on holiday when i went in to labour. But the same attitude seems to have spilled over in to the hv. My dd1 had food allergies weened at 4 months on hv advise my mother said too early and we had big problems I have been told not to wean eithet dd2 or dd3 until 6 months and to try and do breast all that time. fat hope. Mixed up bottle first week while doing tea for dd2 and 1 propped up dd3 and propped up bottle and had all a sleep in own beds in one room by 8.00 felt like super mum. So Im doing what ever works for me and them doesent mean Im going to tell the hv far too frightened of them it is daft :)

Emmecanary · 27/04/2006 21:25

Oh, and I found it rather amusing, and a little strange, that at 5 months and 29 days DS should just be on milk but, TA-DAAAAH, at 6 months he should be on 2 meals per day. Hmmmmmm.....

1Annie · 27/04/2006 21:39

Well I'm sorry to be party pooper but my HV is absolutely fabulous and I wouldn't have coped without her. They are not all bad you know, although I must have been lucky or is it just that mostly we are more motivated to post the bad news than the good.

Any one else got a good one?

matnanplus · 27/04/2006 22:19

As a maternity nanny my friend and i have met two real snorters this last wek.

Mine, baby has raw bottom, i know it is nothing nasty, hv mentioned possible thrush but didn't have a look.

My friends 'mum' told her hv that her 11 day old stitches burnt and throbbed and was told that's normal with no exam and to the concern about her 11 day old babies umbilical was pussy and often had fresh blood around it, again no exam and the reply was a babies umbilical 'usually bleeds and is messy' huh

carol3 · 27/04/2006 23:35

remember hv telling me years ago that ds1(2 )would be anally retetive! (can't even spell it!)if he didn't get dirty. At the time he hated getting dirt on his hands!

8787sharon · 28/04/2006 11:18

Can't believe some of the stuff I'm reading - I must be one of the lucky ones! I have got the nicest hv around who is so helpful. I've had her since my 1st child was 18 mnths. He's now 6 and youngest child is 2. No complaints

Original poster

bumbleweed · 28/04/2006 13:21

Just returned to this thread and reading some other chestnuts that hvs have come out with which are less than helpful.

I have nothing against hvs or even against mine although I was not impressed with her take on feeding and weaning. Like all professions and walks of life there will be good 'uns and bad 'uns - people who are well meaning but not up to date with the latest theories, people who cant be bothered, people with their own agendas, people go out of their way to do the best and are really patient-centred. Its just disappointing and confusing that something so important and life changing - having a child, and feeding them can be surrounded by so many myths, misinformation and confusion.

OP posts:

flump30 · 28/04/2006 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sarahlou123 · 29/04/2006 13:58

hi just thought i'd add my tuppence here. lol when ds was 4 & half months old i got told by my hv that i was overfeeding him & he needed to go on a diet! i'm still breastfeeding ds & he wasnt at all weaned at 4 & half months so quite how i was overfeeding him i dont know?! it is impossible to shove a nipple into a baby's mouth unless they want it. needless to say i ignored her advice & ds is fine & not overweight at all. I do however also have a lovely hv at our clinic, she listens & gives advise if she's you need it. i use cloth nappies & she always show's great enthusiam about them & talk's about her daughter & grandaughter. we've been ttc#2 for 6 months now & as i'm charting she said she's thinks i should see the doctor for different reasons. she's really lovely & has never said my ds is overweight! he was born 9lbs1oz so he's hardly going to be the same size as my neighbours little boy who was 4lbs when he was born.

kezziejane · 01/05/2006 09:41

Just thought I'd add my 10p's worth. DS3 went for his 7-9 month check 3 weeks ago (at 8 months). He was 5lbs 12oz at birth (my other two sons were 8lb'ers) and at least 4 days early and until 5 1/2 months was exclusively bfed.

I left with the following, he is apparently DEAF (his total attention was on the two little wooden balls she taps together to get his attention so therefore he wasn't interested in the nurse calling his name next to his ear), UNDERFED (I need to up his solids as he isn't following his centile (but we all know that is based on bottle fed babies don't we), SERIOUSLY behind with his development "generally" as he isn't sitting upright or pulling himself up by the furniture and advised me to book him in with the doctor. Now this is DS3 but I still "panicked" a bit He does have a bad squint in his left eye so we are receving treatment for that, he's also allergic to cows milk protein which isn't a problem for us.

1 week later we see Doctor who examines him thoroughly, asks sensible questions and I leave feeling much better . He is actually not far behind and "nearly there" says the Doctor. He isn't deaf (it's all about how they "perform" on the day) and his only concern is his trunk he should be standing a bit more upright but has asked to see him 4 weeks on (next week). He doesn't need to be sitting up without support until 9 1/2 months or pulling himself up with the furniture until 10 1/2 months, AFTER THEN they can show some concern. Told me the HV was out of line and totally wrong as he isn't "generally" behind at all. She did 2 tests and gave up on the rest of them, not being bothered

Oh and she failed him on the fine motor skills. She expected an 8 month old (WITH A INWARD SQUINT) to see a red paperclip in front of a black background (her top). WTF????? Even I couldn't see it (and I TOLD HER SO TOO)

Needless to say, our Childrens Nurse and Heath Assistant are much better informed than the HV. Lots of bfing support from the CN though, she's great (and after my recommendation she now gives out mumsnet's website!)

Well done all of you who have (like I have) passed over the "I think it's time to give up bfing" from the HV and have continued through their own gut instinct

I'm now training to be a Breastfeeding Champion and will be volunteering at the local hospital and Surestart as I feel I didn't get the support with my sons when I was breastfeeding

Take care every1 - Kerry

threebob · 01/05/2006 09:47

At the nine month check here they say "can he hear?" and you say yes and they tick the box. Sounds much more sensible.

kezziejane · 01/05/2006 09:59

In a bit more detail, went a bit like this:-

TAP TAP TAP
SEVERE CONCENTRATION ON DS3'S PART TRYING TO GET THE COLOURED WOODEN BALLS, REACHING OUT...
Nurse goes round side and whispers his name
NO RESPONSE

Can he hear? says HV. I say YES. OH she says, well he's not responding, might be deaf? Maybe he can hear sounds but not voices??!!?? WTF???

Tried it at home, I got his attention, DS1 (8yr) whispers ever so gently in each ear. DS3 swings round immediately to correct side and laughs loudly. Problem solved = DS3 and I both do not like the HV. End of.

Kerry

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