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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Things my hv said at dd's 6 month review yesterday

103 replies

bumbleweed · 25/04/2006 18:20

Just a bit surprised what I got at dd's 6 month review visit from the health visitor yesterday - I was feeling quite pleased for making it to 26 weeks bf after a rocky start and a few hiccups along the way. Am enjoying starting to wean, and am very tired from dd's night-time wakings and looking for a bit of support. I felt like I got told off all round.

" Oh why didnt you start weaning at 4 months, didnt you know the WHO guidelines are aimed at third world countries and not ours?" (but surely our government's doctors and experts wouldnt have adopted those guidelines then and published loads of information on them would they?)

"But babies dont need feeding during the night once they reach 6 months, its a habit - only a very small minority of babies dont sleep through the night by 6 months!" (oh right, what a bad mother for creating a habit by feeding my hungry baby ..)

"Dont give her too much sweet food or she wont take savoury" (we're talking apple and banana here not cadbury's cream eggs)

"Try to get her onto 4 tablespoons of food, 3 times a day within a few weeks" ( but we're only a week into solids and at the moment she's just tasting the food and getting used to swallowing it and feeling it in her mouth..)

"Babies get all the milk they need in the first 5 minutes, you can break them off after that if you want, the rest is just for comfort" ( .. but what about the hindmilk?)

No wonder people are totally confused by the subject of feeding and weaning - the advice is contradictory and confusing even to the well-informed.

OP posts:

Original poster

bumbleweed · 25/04/2006 20:41

panicpants .. I meant it must be on the script because I got the same patronising lecture

dreaming ... how annoying to be told you are over-breastfeeding, that is just wrong-diddly-wrong

OP posts:

farseer · 25/04/2006 20:43

I would like to say I'm shocked at your health visitor but truthfully I'm more resigned to the fact that 99% of the time whatever comes out of their mouths is tosh and should just be ignored.

My own team of HV's said that you don't need to take the baby to clinic in the first weeks, we'll come to you to weigh dd. They told me they'd be thereat 9.30. I waited until 12 and no-one had been. Phoned the office, all on lunch. Phoned again and I was told 'Oh we'd forgotten about you' They were reluctant to send anyone but I thought I'm not wasting another day waiting for you so you can come on the day we've already arranged.

I spent the whole day listening out for her but by 4.30 I was desperate for the toilet. I took dd with me and left her in the kitchen on teh way to the loo and left ds2 playing in the living room. When I'd finished I collected dd adn went to look for ds2. I found him talking through the letterbox to HV.

I opened the door and before I could even speak she said, 'oh you are in then? I thought you'd left ds2 home alone'

Me: Hardly

She came in the house and had a good look around, not subtle at all. She then lectured me on how to change and clean a baby. (dd is no 3!!)

Ds1 was home from school by then and she looked at each of them in turn and said, 'Oh, they've all got different dads then have they?'

Me: Jaw hitting the floor!!!! None of her f*ing business as far as I can see

Whe she left I was shaking with rage, without coming out and saying it directly she had said I was a neglectful, unclean and loose woman.

I can feel the rage building in me again just thinking about it.

I consider myself to be a confident, well informed, sensible mother with a bit of experience now on how to deal with new babies. I just can't imagine what a visit from her would've done to me when I was a nervous, unconfident, relatively young new mum for the first time.

farseer · 25/04/2006 20:45

I would like to say I'm shocked at your health visitor but truthfully I'm more resigned to the fact that 99% of the time whatever comes out of theri mouths is tosh and should jst be ignored.

I opened the door and before I could even speak she said, 'oh you are in then? I thought you'd left ds2 home alone'

Me: Hardly

She then came in the house and had a good look around, not subtle at all. She then lectured me on how to change and clean a baby. (dd is no 3!!)

Ds1 was home from school by then and she looked at each of them in turn and said, 'Oh, they've all got different dads then have they?'

Me: Jaw hitting the floor!!!! None of her f*ing business as far as I can see

Whe she left I was shaking with rage, without coming out and saying it directly she had said I was a neglectful, unclean and loose woman.

I can feel the rage building in me again just thinking about it.

beansprout · 25/04/2006 20:47

bumbleweed, good on you for knowing your stuff

They don't do 6 month check ups in my area so I haven't seen a hv since ds was a few weeks old, so I must be making a complete ar$e of things without their advice. Oh good

2Happy · 25/04/2006 20:50

this thread is AWFUL! Makes me so much happier that ds hasn't been near a clinic since his 5 month immunisations (now 10mo). They only just phoned about his 8 month check...

kama · 25/04/2006 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kiskidee · 25/04/2006 21:49

more health visitors to line up and shoot.

hunkermunkfish · 25/04/2006 21:52

Do you know what, I think that all the confident well-informed mums SHOULD go to their HVs.

They wouldn't know what had bloody hit them.

www.mentalhealthvistorsnet.com would be buzzing with it!

Pagan · 25/04/2006 21:55

I'd agree with complaining about it in a letter. Perhaps not in a complaining way if you don't want to be so confrontational but more of a 'what are poor mums supposed to do with all the conflicting advice' tack

For the record your HV is a loon!

Caligula · 25/04/2006 21:58

I can't believe it, they are actually qualified nurses.

Honestly, I thought anyone could walk in off the street and become a HV. I can't believe these women have actually been trained on anything. I'm gobsmacked.

Karmamother · 25/04/2006 22:05

I mentioned to my HV that I got a lot of info from MN. I asked her if she'd heard of it. I got a curt "yes" & that was it. I wonder if HVs tell each other that vile things are said about them on the internet. At least they can't set their lawyers on to us.....

I thinks it's fair to say that HVs aren't always up to date, in much the same way that not all MWs know how to support a BFing woman. The moral of the story is.....if you've got a good one, you're lucky. If not, there's always MN!!

Karmamother · 25/04/2006 22:06

caligula..some of them have even trained as MWs as well!

Original poster

bumbleweed · 25/04/2006 22:07

Hee hee, the sheer outrage and gob-smackedness of mumsnetters really is the best antidote for healthvisitoritis

OP posts:

morningpaper · 25/04/2006 22:18

groan

I was planning on taking my 6 month old to be weighed tomorrow (hasn't been weighed since 6 weeks) but this thread has put me off

I always leave the clinic feeling crushed and wanting to cry

hunkermunkfish · 25/04/2006 22:19

Oh, MP

Imagine I'm there with you making faces at what the HV says and encouraging you to say "can you tell me where you get your mad ideas you strange woman?"

farseer · 25/04/2006 22:21

Morningpaper, its not that accurate but I stand on the scales without dd, then stand on them with dd. I get a rough idea of what she is and avoid the trek to the clinic to overhear, 'Weaning? well have you tried Smash?'

morningpaper · 25/04/2006 22:28

I'm too scared to stand on the scales myself

I actually sat her on the bathroom scales today and she was 18lb. Not sure how accurate that is.

I will probably leave the clinic visit for now...

I have had a lot of arguments with the HV's when I used to go there with dd1 three years ago ... basically I would stand there saying "That's so interesting, where did you read that? Can you show me? Can you tell me where you read it? CAN YOU GET ME THE FUCKING BOOK YOU IGNORANT TWAT?"

Twice I had them retract their "advice" (once because she claimed that dd wouldn't learn to speak properly if she wasn't weaned at 4 months ["Oh really, what study was that?" - refusing to leave until she admitted it was bollocks - once because I should have had dd on follow-on formula after 6 months because breastmilk didn't have enough iron "Oh that's interesting because I understood that iron in breastmilk is absorbed by the body at a much higher rate than in formula? Where did you read that information? Can you show me? Can you get me the book? ARE YOU TALKING CRAP AGAIN?")but I would be seething with rage and about to drop dead from a heart attack.

motherinferior · 25/04/2006 22:29

MP, it's also an enjoyably sneaky technique to ask them what a centile is.

morningpaper · 25/04/2006 22:30

I've got the growth charts for breastfed babies - I might just replace the ones in the book to make myself feel better

NotQuiteCockney · 25/04/2006 22:32

I did take DS1 in at 5 months, to be weighed, out of curiousity, and also to see if they would pick a fight, as we hadn't started solids. Of course I got one of the lovely HVs and had no problem at all.

My problem is, the evil HV is always there, counselling some poor woman to STOP BREASTFEEDING NOW. It's very loud, because generally he's getting it translated into Bengali for the poor woman's benefit.

And I really want to say something or get involved, but it's really none of my business.

NotQuiteCockney · 25/04/2006 22:33

MI, you are evil. I don't think I could do that without giggling at them.

Karmamother · 25/04/2006 22:33

MP where did you get the chart from?

hunkermunkfish · 25/04/2006 22:36

Yes, I used to take DS1 to be weighed sometimes when I fancied a ruck

LeahE · 25/04/2006 22:40

Even though ours were nice, I didn't take DS after 4 months except for his 8 month check (and I probably wouldn't take a future dc after the first couple of weeks). It just didn't seem to be adding anything to the sum total of human happiness... also at that point we were cosleeping and I didn't want to have one of those discussions and ruin an otherwise good relationship.

farseer · 25/04/2006 22:41

Sorry MP I forgot to say erase all numbers from your head as soon as you step off the scales

I'd love to be able to challenge them so openly as you've done. I tend to just smile and nod and think What bollocks in my head. But I'm wound up for the rest of the day over whatever crap they've spouted at me and end up on the phone to everyone ranting instead.

I've no idea what weight a baby is 'supposed' to be at a certain age so I'd say 18lbs is right if she's happy, your arms are aching when you cary her and she keeps growing out of her clothes ( I might suggest that as a technique for monitoring growth next time I see HV!). Mine are always too big according to charts, but then I'm not far off 6 foot, DP over 6ft and DS1's BD is 6'5" so I was never really surprised when they were considered 'big babies' but it pisses me off that they don't ever seem to take these things into consideration

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