Breast feeding in public.

[MrsDoolittle]

Two years ago I naively breastfed dd anywhere, I even complained to Bravissimo when I was asked to go into a cubicle instead of feed on a comfy chair (and received a very apologetic response).
However this time with ds I feel differently, which is why I have said "naively". Breast feeding seems to have become more of an 'issue' and I have been really shocked by the response of some to seeing women breast feeding. Isn't it sad that I don't feel the same carefree ability to breast feed my 10 week old baby anywhere?
It's the terrible disgust that I am remembering when I write this and my recent discovering that John Lewis' have a parents room with a chair and a plastic shower curtain to pull across.

i will never understand why bf in public causes such a stir. Its great that there are facilities (albeit not many, and generally grotty and basic) so that women can bf with a bit of privacy but why the hell should women have to be discreet. I know some women arent comfortable with public feeding, but plenty of us are and I'm really tired of the view that we should be conscious of others peoples feelings about it! It's just milk, going to a baby! This time I shall make more of an effort to feed in public, even though my boobs probably wont look as great this time around!

LC - I don't know whether you intended it, but your post comes across as rather smug and intolerant. I found it impossible to bf DD other than by getting my boobs out - I never managed the under-shirt discreet approach. I found bf-ing stressful, painful and difficult. I'm glad it was easy for you to find a position in public that you felt happy about, but perhaps next time you see someone in public who isn't doing this, you could hold back on your "disgust" and try to feel some empathy for a fellow mother.

I think lovecloud didn't put that as tactfully as she might, but I must say that as a pro public breast feeder I was nevertheless peturbed once by a woman sat on a grass embankment at the zoo who had removed her entire t-shirt (was naked from the waist up) to feed her baby. Felt she was not helping the cause!

Here Here Oldiemum. The position I had to feed my dd in was v.awkward & my baps were often "put out there" through no fault of my own. I tried to be discreet but failed miserably v.often.
After about 7months dd finally got the knack of all this feeding & now at 23 months she feeds beautifully,& no one would even know I had my boob out.

I'm another public breast feeder, and with the dds, was able to do it as and when necessary without massively exposng myself. This time I am still (at 8 weeks) in the position of almost stripping off and hlding ds in a headlock to feed him. I still feed him though! the alternative is not to go out.

I don't like most feeding rooms, but do need to sit down, so have used them, if available.
I would like to mention Legoland, wh provided closed cubicles, and sofas in the open. When I was there there were 4 breast feeders on the sofas, and all the cubicles empty!It was a lovely experience.

legoland have the right idea! thats fantastic, may go there just to sit on the sofa!

Handleme!

I had big problems feeding my ds on my right side. Could only do this when lying down (whereas on my left side I could wander around the kitchen with him latched on and make a cuppa). It was a big reason for quitting breast feeding at 6 months ( found that I was getting in a tiz about feeding him when out in public). Would have welcomed more private breast feeding facilities so that I could have reclined on a couch and fed him!

Ha. I'm also one of those who could never be discreet. Just couldn't do it, I was too incompetent. I remember once when DS was about 3 months in Orpington High Street, when he just went mental and sucked and sucked and sucked then came suddenly off my breast and the milk just arched out in a fountain. Orpington woman was shocked. But what would you do if your nipple just sent out a fountain of milk? TBH I was so surprised by it and busy making sure the milk didn't go all over my clothes, that it was only about 30 seconds later I realised that I wasn't being discreet. Who are these women whose first reaction to something unexpected, is an immediate, effortless, strategic draping of an elegant pashmina? I'd love to be like that, but never was.

I have to agree with some of the comments made in response to Lovecloud's comments. Her posting implied that only aesthetically pleasing breasts should be exposed during public breastfeeding. It's a bit sad that a woman should subscribe to this sort of sexism. At the end of the day, when you're breastfeeding you're doing just that - feeding your baby. The goodness is in the nutrients you're providing for that baby, not in how photogenic your tits are!

What next - only young, attractive mums allowed to BF in public?!

PS Had to laugh at Jasnem's contribution - for the first couple of months, I too had to strip to the waist and wrestle baby atop of about 50 cushions... Luckily things have moved on.

PPS For retorts to any starers: "I suppose that's the first real ones you've seen". Or as seen on another thread: "Screaming or feeding: you choose".

Good luck to anyone who BFs I say, whether in private or public!

dd as soon as she could, would push off any bit of cloth trying to make life discreet for us. so now I just try to pull down my shirt asap when she pulls off for a good look around. not that I have much to cover up!

love cloud's comments made me think of the masses of lardy jiggly white flesh poking out from over and under too small tops on view in our city centre. and this is just from the young women.

Well yes, I don't exactly find the sight of tattooed flabby midriffs pleasant. But I don't think the women who expose them should be upbraided, I think I should avert my gaze. (And I do - sometimes. )

It makes me very angry - and sad - to read about Mrs D's and others' negative experiences BFing in public. It is bad enough that many people have problems establishing BFing for physical reasons, such as sore nipples and exhaustion from labour and/or sleepless nights. Why should they also have to contend with the disapproval of the tight-lipped brigade? There's a Bill currently before Parliament \link{http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200506/cmbills/079/2006079.htm\here it is} which, as I understand it, seeks to protect feeding in public in England and Wales in a similar way to the current law in Scotland. Let's hope this becomes law and so goes some way to giving mothers confidence to choose to BF if they want to.

Kellsmc - I so sincerely hope that this is made law.

A few months ago an old man criticised my father for running up and down a bank with ds whilst laughing and saying "I'm the king of the castle". Some people are just weird and think that if something upsets them it must be abnormal.

I am very pro bf. I fed my DD and my DS in public.
I sometimes had a few stares but never any comments (though sometimes wished somebody to say something, just so I could retaliate!)
I too didnt like sitting in those "feeding rooms" as they are more often than not a dirty room next to the toilets with an uncomfortable plastic chair and a sink. Great!
I was very discreet in getting my baps out and always chose the quietest place (more for the peace, rather than the stares).
I am not going to let my kids go hungry because other people cant get to grips that boobs were and are designed for feeding not gawping or groping!
I used to be embarrassed for the first 3 months when DD was born but got used to be out and about. Once DS was born I couldnt give a toot what people thought and would get them out wherever I was, restaurant, park bench, in the middle of department store, in the food court next to young kid stuffing a burger down his neck!
I'm all for bf in public and think young people's education on the matter needs to be improved.

i would love to have bf dd for longer than i did, i couldn't face thought of feeding her inpublic as i am very self conscious - too much so i know. but i have to say that the bf room at mothercare in ewston is bloody great, very comfy chairs! the only prob being the water cooler (they being very pro-active in putting water of some form in there!) is over the opposite side of the room!!!!!!!

Mrs DL - I bf out & about with no probs - I would refuse to bf in a special bf area!!

I was of the opinion that it was less of an issue now ie b/f in public
I have b/f all 4 the eldest is 12 and rememmber getting curious stares when I got them out in cafes or the shops in 1993/4 but rarely a comment.
Nowadays dd4 is almost 1 yr old and almost exclusively b/f so get them out everywhere or wouldnt go any where-the nicest thing was at church a couple of weeks ago thought I had been quite discreet but at the end two ladies who i had not met b4 came up and said how lovely it was to see a b/f baby -one was a midwife the other a b/f support counsellor what are the odds ?
Rather be a bit embarrassed that let baby cry or go hungry do not like feeding rooms -as I have a 3yr old and a 5 yr old my 3 yr old now b/f's the dolls at the mum and tots saying that they need a bit of booby.

I went to a Christening on Sunday and my 6mth old needed feeding. I got up walked to a discreet area and fed her there and then in the Church. I did not move for anyone's benefit but my childs, there was a nice comfy soft chair to feed on as appose to a church pew! Plus I still got to see the Christening!

I like to feed my baby when she needs it and have used designated areas - but normally there's an uncomfortable plastic chair next to overflowing smelly bins - so I feel like some of these companies are forcing me out into the open.

Now a days I like the break to be honest, leading up to her normal feeding times, i'll park up at a nice coffee shop, where I know I can change her nappy, i'll order myself a drink and a cake and we'll both sit and enjoy our beverages. I've never had anyone give me any hassle. I've fed her openly here and in Spain on holiday and not been on the receiving end of anyones tongue lashing - but then I don't expect to either. Even though I am breastfeeding I am still wearing more cloths and have more discretion of my lady lumps than the average hen party goer or beach girl.

I think sometimes people see woman + baby + breastfeeding = vunerable - yeah i'll take her on! Bring it on I say.

Oh and my lady lumps are pretty big and droopy - I don't let them all hang out breastfeeding or not - but if you are going to look THAT closely while I get myself set up - then i'm gonna take it as a compliment that you like the way I look and you can't take your eyes off me - cause what other reason could there be.

I whole heartedly support feed or scream as a choice to give people if they pass comment. Noone in their right mind would choose scream!

Debs

Only had 1 negative remark - I feed my 6mo dd (very nearly!) anywhere and one of my bottle feeding friends did say to me when she was first born 'Oh my God, you're not going to get your boobs out are you?' Er, yes! What do you expect me to do?? She did squirm a little bit, but she doesn't bat an eyelid now. Think I may have 'turned' her!

But....

I got on to a train from London last week, first class, dd needed feeding, but it was packed to the rafters with suited business men, I was the only woman on the god damn carriage and facing 2 said men and sitting next to another. I would love to say I fed her ........ but I didn't have the guts - how awful is that??? I was so relieved when she nodded off, I didn't move a muscle so she wouldn't wake. She woke up around Market Harborough and half of them had got off, so fed her then I'm so ashamed

Today I got some bf tops from JoJo Maman Bebe and this afternoon I went to a cafe with a couple of antenatal friends from dd1. Both these friends had bf for a year.

Dd2 was geting a bit fractious so I fed her - my first time bf in a public place apart from John Lewis parent room.

I mentioned to my friends that my new snazzy top was giving me the confidence that my boobs weren't falling out ( J cup bf boobs) and both of them said they didn't know I was feeding. Shows how much I have progressed in the last 11 weeks!

Think I will bf in public more - bring on the negative comments.

(bit of a hijack - but I am so proud of myself )

talking to my neighbour today she was telling me she went to a local clothes shop in Ulverston and wanted to try a few things, but her ds was crying for a feed so the assistant sat her down on the customer sofa and told her 'you feed him and when you've done hand him over, I'll take him while you try the clothes on!'

good marketing if nothing else

hark at this............
sitting bfing ds4 in a cafe today with ds3 and dp...a bloke (65 ish years) came in and said to me 'I only came in because I saw you had a baby blanket over your shoulder and i know what that means'

Now he was being humourous but i am also very shy over the public bit and dont like doing it so doubly

I know exactly what you mean. I was very discreet with DS1 once I had the coordination/confidence to feed him in public and by the time DD1 and DS2 came along, I fed anywhere anytime. With DD2, In NYC, I am finding people staring at me and even making comments that would not have bothered me with the first 3. My skin is getting too thin.

My understanding is that I will be given a 'citation' if a police officer catches a glimpse of my nork. At first, I thought bring it on (as it would be a nice thing to have in DD2's baby book since she is our only American baby). Now, I live in fear of being spotted.