Bonding - breastfeeding v bottle feeding

[Overcooked]

Not a bun fight, genuinely interested.

There are a lot of people (health professionals included) who state that breastfed babies have a closer bond with their mother.

AIBU to think that actually it could be similar to the intelligence thing (i.e. intelligent women are more like to breastfeed and also more likely to have intelligent children so the breastfeeding is in fact a bit of a red herring).

So in the same vein are women who choose to breastfeed more likely to have a good bond with their babies in any event, and also trying to measure 'bond' must be nigh on impossible and very subjective in any event so how can one compare the two.

Would be very interested to hear from anyone who breastfed one child and bottle fed another to see whether they feel they had/have a stronger bond with one over the other.

I like to think that it is because I am intelligent that I didn't breast feed my babies. I have a blood clotting disorder which means that I have to take medication for 6 weeks after the baby is born. In maternity, they said it was safe to breast feed on the medication, despite my being on a very high dose, and that it was contra-indicated to breast feed on it.

As maternity staff and the leaflet inside the box had differing opinions, I also asked in haemotology and the hospital pharmacy who both said that it wasn't safe.

In the end I made the choice, believing that it was better to be safe than sorry. If there was a chance that the drug could harm the baby it was better not to breast feed while taking it.

I was still the one who fed them, burped them, rocked them in the night, changed the nappies, bathed them and loved them. Having never breast fed I can't say whether or not our bond would have been stronger, but I can't imagine loving my children any more than I already do, they are my world.

What I hated was feeling that I had to explain my choices to the people who looked down on me for bottle feeding, but I still feel that I made the right choice for our family.

Ah sorry overcooked, I think I misread your OP.

I used to think that bfing and birth experience were terribly important and had a huge influence on your dc's life. And whilst I still think they are important and, at the time, all-encompassing, as my own dc have got older I had started to see the huge number of other factors involved in parenting. I really can't believe that the way you feed your baby has any lasting impact on the relationship you have with them.

FWIW, I bf both of mine for over 2 years each. I don't think I am any closer to them than I would have been if I ff, although I did love the bfing cuddles. Along the same lines, ds was a prem emergency cs and spent two months in hospital, dd was spontaneous VBAC at term. I love them both exactly the same and had a very similar bond with them even when they were tiny babies in very different circumstances.

I bf my ds for 18m, he never ha a bottle. But I am skeptical about the bonding thing. If it were try wouldn't it mean dh wouldn't bond with ds? And they have an amazing bond. I do think maybe it's about physically being held and cuddled but of course you can do this when ff too.

Intelligent people are more likely to breastfeed???!?

Haven't read the whole thread, but in my limited experience, it made no difference.

DS1 was BF until 10 days, at which point I was a sobbing wreck. FF was the most bonding experience in the world, because I actually started to enjoy feeding him.

DS2, EBF, no problems with bonding either.

I can see why bonding might be easier because of the physiological effects of breastfeeding on the mother. But I don't see why the bond would necessarily be stronger for breastfeeders. Just... different in its evolution.

I think OP was alluding to studies that breastfed babies have statistically proven higher IQs which might suggest breastmilk was to credit; what the media coverage of those studies glosses over is the inaccuracies & inconsistencies of IQ tests, and that even in the studies with that finding, the IQ difference is quite small.

A good study controls for parental IQ and social class status; I think it's known that in UK at least, breastfeeding rates peak among middle-higher income families.

For me, bonding with my two was affected by:

DD1, horrible forceps birth, looked nothing like me or my side of the family, horrendously painful bf- blistered and bleeding nipples, mastitis, thrush in the nipples, supply issues, not gaining weight much and dear God the GUILT of not being able to do it right lasted until DD2 was born. I stopped bf her at 6 weeks. Started bonding properly when I wasn't dreading feeding her anymore.

DD2, lovely elective section, spitting image of me/my mum, bf for one week (still no milk by day 7) - rediculously sore, decided it would be best to ff for my own sanity (no guilt at stopping this time). Absolute doddle bonding. Infact I could say immediate strong bond from birth.

My bond with DD1 and DD2 is equally strong now, but it took a lot longer to develop with bf DD1.

For me the real bonding with DS began when he was 3 weeks old and I made to decision to give up the agonising breastfeeding. Before that I had basically ended up dreading having him near me because I knew he would want to feed and it was just too painful And there were none of the lovely breastfeedy cuddles that I had heard so much about and had been looking forward to.

Once DS switched to formula I felt like I could start being a proper mummy and we started on the lovely cuddles!

I breast fed my daughter, but my twins were premature and tube fed followed by a bottle. I adore them all and the bond is the same with them all.

I bottle fed first child (as couldn't do it) but then bf second one as managed it and I definitely don't have a closer bond with one than the other.

Something that you dont get with bf babies is the gazing into their eyes while they feed, as bf babies close their eyes while feeding. At least they do at first. (I can't remember how long for.)

It's interesting that not one single person yet has said that it made the bond stronger.

lljkk - that's exactly what I was trying to say, thank you.

Bosgrove I too have a clotting disorder. If the drug you are talking about is clexane/lmw heparin, it is fine to breastfeed on it, despite what the leaflet say. It says this as it is not safe or ethical to run clinical trials on pregnant or breastfeeding women. I have spoken to midwives and consultants in NICU, post natal, antenatal, haematology in two different hospitals, all who confirm its safe while breastfeeding and the pharmacist who runs the breastfeeding networks drugs in breast milk helpline also says it is safe. Warfarin is not safe during pregnancy or breastfeeding AFAIK.

Overcooked I think that filetheflightoffancy just said it.

I found bf gave me an incredible bond with dc.as they get past six months and more active, bf allows you lots of close,cuddly times and especially at night. Dh really didn't get the same bond as me.

I love bf ing my babies but that's just my experience.first couple of months are hard but after that its great :)

Oh and my experience is that bf relaxes dc so much more than a bottle, google Dr Sears website for all the science behind why it relaxes and soothes babies so much :)

Well I'm still breast feeding my 18 month old- only once a day now though and she looks up at me with one huge eye so from a personal experience I know that not to be the case.

I breasted my DS (now 5) until 3 months old and then mixed fed until 4.5 months and then FF him until he was weaned. He refused to BF at 4.5 months. I had a good bond with him despite it being a difficult forceps birth as a result of an induction. BFing him was painful, I felt awkward but it was a blessed relief when he refused me. As a character he was much more independent than DD is and I have wondered if that is to do with the BFeeding. She was induced as well, lost a lot of weight the first 2 weeks, I had painful breasts, cracked nipples but this time I was better prepared and knew that I'd be ok.

She is very untrusting of everyone except me. Recently, she has become closer to my DP as she eats a good filling diet now and the BFing has reduced. However, my other theory is just that we spend a lot of time together and not being a first time mum I don't see anyone ( except on the school run or in parks) with babies her age.

Something that you dont get with bf babies is the gazing into their eyes while they feed, as bf babies close their eyes while feeding. At least they do at first. (I can't remember how long for.)

Err, yes you do get that.

I do feel that my bond with my breastfed child is stronger, but I think there are a lot of factors involved in that, inlcuding my own emotional maturity and I think that breastfeeding is only a small part of that.

No way did bfing relax my 3,quite the reverse.Must have been all those stress hormones from me whizzing about.Formula on the other hand omgoodness,amazing stuff!!!!

I think the bonding is in how you hold the baby and cuddle it while feeding as opposed to whether it is breast or formula. I have exclusively BF my DD since she was born and she is just over a year now. I don't think our bond, which is incredibly strong IMO, would be any different as long as I had held her and cuddled her in the same way.

Its the comfort giving that creates the bond IMO, not which milk you give the baby. I think BM is nutritiously different to FM and would opt to always BF where possible, but don't think it is the absolute worst thing possible to use formula if you can't BF. In fact I think we are lucky we have the option which generations of women before didn't have.

Breastfeeding has definitely helped ME bond with my son. Not saying FF mums don't bond just as or more strongly with their own children but personally I do feel it has made the bond stronger for us. I'm very lazy by nature and prize my own space/time and think possibly I'd have been a bit too quick to hand him off to someone else to feed as well as change and bathe etc, and I think doing all that stuff is actually how you bond (whether you feed them boob or bottle).

I also loved the hormonal connection, how I would let down when he cried, the peacefulness and sleepiness that would overcome us both when he fed - it was as if we were physically connected at times. We co slept too, I would hold him a lot and obviously I would do all the feeds, so sometimes I barely put him down - he got to feel like one of my own limbs after a while. I loved this physical proximity. I'm sure loads of FF mums get this feeling too, it's just that I personally probably wouldn't have without breastfeeding.

Actually, come to think of it, I think co-sleeping has far more impact on bonding than which milk a baby has. But that's just my thought on it.

Just to add, overcooked although I think bonding is about far, far more than feeding (see my earlier post) and every parent and child is entirely different, there was a big hormonal hit for ME involved in every breastfeed.

I had forgotten till I read this thread that I felt terribly, terribly depressed as I cut down feeds, not really as I was sad to do so, but I missed the "high" that bf my DS gave me. It really felt like cutting down on an addictive drug.

So I suppose that I did find bf a bonding experience in that I associated it with a blissful feeling of contentment and love. It really was that powerful for me.

Of course I know this is not true for everyone - just reading posts here shows that for some people, ff was a far more blissful experience that helped them bond. Which was the right thing for them.

Mainly I think the most important thing is to find your own way to bond with your baby though, not measure yourself by what works for someone else.

I mostly grumbled when I bf, it wasn't very bonding at all. I didn't gaze into their eyes either, I read the paper or watched the news.

How do these health care professionals measure the bonding? I think it's daft.

Are the babies completing a satisfaction survey?

Load of codswobble, in my unprofessional opinion.