Bonding - breastfeeding v bottle feeding

[Overcooked]

Not a bun fight, genuinely interested.

There are a lot of people (health professionals included) who state that breastfed babies have a closer bond with their mother.

AIBU to think that actually it could be similar to the intelligence thing (i.e. intelligent women are more like to breastfeed and also more likely to have intelligent children so the breastfeeding is in fact a bit of a red herring).

So in the same vein are women who choose to breastfeed more likely to have a good bond with their babies in any event, and also trying to measure 'bond' must be nigh on impossible and very subjective in any event so how can one compare the two.

Would be very interested to hear from anyone who breastfed one child and bottle fed another to see whether they feel they had/have a stronger bond with one over the other.

This will be personal for each mother and baby and cannot be generalised. I bf but wouldn't think this automatically made me more bonded than a FF mum. My bonding with my son was about hundreds of factors from feeding to changing him to cuddling him to singing to him to comforting him...and so on.

In fact, one of my best friends FF her first baby (he couldn't latch on; she is bf her second who could) and I can't think of a closer pair than her and her DC1. They have an incredible bond.

Another friend who adopted and could not bf her baby also ff and they are so so close. I cant imagine them being any closer.

For me, having a breastfed baby and toddler certainly meant I could not as easily go out without him as some FF friends (DS was a total bottle refuser). So yes, there is a practical physical bond when bf that doesn't always exist when FF; although I know FF babies who only want to be fed by their mums too. So that isn't always true for everyone either.

I did find that keeping up bf all night when DS started at nursery at 9mo really helped him stay very bonded and secure despite being away from me a lot. But perhaps that would also have been true if I ff him? Perhaps he just wanted to be close to me and any way would have done? With my control group of one, I will never know.

Interestingly, since I stopped bf my toddler, I notice that he has become far more equal with his affections for his parents. Before then, it was all about me. But that could also be his age rather than any sign that we were more bonded while I bf him, as he is growing up and developing in new ways all the time.

So I have no research to back me up but I think probably all mums can bond; there are just different ways to do it.

I don't know but I doubt it's true.

I didn't breastfeed for even a day (just couldn't stand the idea of it) and I don't think I have a poor bond with my children.

Lots of things can affect bonding though can't they.
I could worry that I have a weak bond because I exclusively ff
I could worry that I have a weak bond because I work full time
I could worry that I have a weak bond because I have mh issues

But actually I think I have a very strong bond with my children because I am a single mum and they are both girls. I suspect it is stronger than it would be if I had a husband or was a single mum of boys. But again, I could be wrong.

It's all subjective anyway, isn't it.

As far as I could make out my mother bonded just as closely with the child she adopted as a 2yo as with the ones she breastfed from birth.

My sibs and I were all FF and both parents worked. We're all intelligent, and as for bonding, well, none of us have RAD, so I'm guessing it worked. Hard to determine bonding now, as we're adults and relationships will change no matter how you were raised.

I think the fact that breastfeeding means a baby is potentially likely to be held more than their Mother and spend more time with their Mother could mean it is easier to form a strong bond, but it is equally possible to have the same sort of bond when FF, if you also feed in a similar way, but just happen to not be breastfeeding.

By the above I mean, I see many mothers when out with their baby propped up in a pram or car seat either still or even being pushed along with a bottle in their mouth and I also know Mums who feed their baby at home while they are sat in a bouncy chair. Difficult to do these when breastfeeding and obviously none of them are going to promote a bond. 'Passing' a baby around so all and sundry can feed the baby isn't condusive to bonding either IMO, neither is leaving your baby regularly with others from a young age. I do think all of these are more likely to happen if you are FF, due to the logistics, but that doesn't mean to say they will happen.

I too felt that early on when my DD was very young that I wasn't bonded to her at all. In fact, I resente dher a bit and dreaded her waking up for feeds. My Mum stayed for a week after she was born and only held her once or twice, literally, as I was too afraid she'd wake up if DH or I passed her over and she'd need a feed. However, DD is now 16 months and I can absolutely say that my bond with her is extremely strong, as is DH's and he's obviously not breastfeeding her....

Miodori, I think I speak for a lot of mother when I say dreading your baby waking up for a feed in the night does not only happen to women who breastfeed - I think the thought of her waking (again) was sometimes worse than the reality

My first strong bond feeling to dd was connected to bf-ing her. Don't know if it would have happened if it had been a bottle as I never really got to give her a bottle as she was a refuser.

I do wonder about what me bf-ing meant for dh's bond with her as the other side of it is that feeding her is something he never really got to do. They seem pretty bonded though....

Not just the night, anytime. I definitely didn't feel like that with my FF babies. However, it was due to unresolved problems and recurrent mastitis.

I think it assumes that the choice is actually:

Breastfeeding- on demand with lots of lovely snuggly cuddles

Bottle feeding: bottles propped up in cot/on pram at 4 hourly intervals.

While there may be people who bottle feed like that, I suspect most cuddle, feed more or less on demand etc.

I don't think there is much difference, except that the baby probably becomes more dependant on mum only if Breastfeeding. Or that might just be my DS.

I think that any kind of feeding is a bonding experience - providing food is the ultimate primal thing, after all. I completely agree that it's the being held thing that matters, and that is nothing to do with feeding, everything to do with how important a mother thinks cuddles are. I'm of the opinion that cuddles trump housework every time.

FWIW both my BF daughters were perfectly capable of staring up into my eyes while they were feeding, it isn't just bottle-fed babies who can do that .

Both my DDs are very intelligent, but so are DH and I, so I don't think that one is too plausible. What I have found is that my DDs are a lot less susceptible to gastro bugs than DH and I - they are now 9 and 11 and have had only one episode each in their lives. And they recovered from them in about 48 hours, where the same bugs laid their FF peers low for 6-7 days. However, if you ask me whether that is worth struggling with cracked nipples, mastitis, painful let-down, tongue tie, endless slow feeds - no, it really isn't.

SIL bottlefed and has a fantastic bond with her DD. I breastfed and have a great bond with DS, but when DH vis around I don't get a look in!

I don't think that the method of feeding is what determines the bond, I think it is more likely that mothers who find it hard to bond with their baby are less likely to want to breastfeed.

Pointy - I absolutely believe that breast is best and passing on a mother's anitbodies is just one of the very good reasons to breastfeed - it is the intelligence and bond thing I question...

By the way, one of the things DH hates loves about me so much is that just about everything trumps housework for me

However, if you ask me whether that is worth struggling with cracked nipples, mastitis, painful let-down, tongue tie, endless slow feeds - no, it really isn't

Well, obviously that is your own (valid) opinion, but for me it was worth it. 4 week sof painkillers due to cracked, bleeding nipples, 11 bouts of mastitis. It was/is still much easier than FF in spite of those things.

It's a shame that some women accept that pain is inevitable or gets so bad that they feel they want to stop breastfeeding because of it, it shouldn't be that way.

I actually agree with you, midori - I was just making the point that we all have different tolerances for things and that we shouldn't be so quick to judge.

One of the biggest benefits of BF to me was the ease of the night feeds - pick 'em up, slap 'em on, wind 'em, get back to sleep. I'm too lazy to do bottles.

The bond link (if there is any) could be in reverse, in that mums with stronger bonds are more likely to breastfeed, whereas those with weaker bonds are more likely to bottle feed.
(Disclaimer: I am NOT saying that if you bottle feed it is because you had a weaker bond)

If there is such an effect, I'd imagine it will be very small, and, obviously, with the full spectrum of natural range, ie. an effect of the average and not an absolute measure.

On personal experience, I breastfed DS up to his 1st birthday and he's very much attached to me and me to him, but I was still able to work full time and even travel for work during maternity leave, although I did limit travel away time when he was younger.
Just anecdotal evidence, of course.

I think I speak for a lot of mother when I say dreading your baby waking up for a feed in the night does not only happen to women who breastfeed

I know I'd dread it more if I bottle fed!
I guess the only benefit would be that OH could do it, but I think I'd still wake up.

I breast fed my first for 12 months and my second for 6 months, the bond is the same for me. don't know if that counts as both were breast fed but for different time scales.
I was desperate to finish both times but guilt caused by severe pnd made me feed my first for longer....

Also pointing out that I found bf easy, only really painful for the first couple of minutes in the first 2-3 weeks or so.
No cracked nipples and no supply issues.

3 years ago I might have said bf helps with bonding and maybe it did back then but looking back now, my bond with dd1 is a lot more to do with co sleeping, not letting her cry and learning to cope with every task with a baby in one arm
But that's my anecdote, limited to my experience

find it hard to see why the method of feeding your child would affect yourbond tbh. holding your baby and bfing v holding baby and giving them bottle-dont see it

There is a theory that BF promotes bonding because it stimulates the release of oxytocin which is supposed to make us have feelings of love.

I dont think the claim it promotes bonding is necessarily the same as saying BF mothers have stronger bonds.

If you google it you will get loads of results ....but not many peer reviewed RCT's to support it

ll31, the point is, surely, that it is much easier to bottlefeed your baby without holding them than it is to breastfeed without holding them.

Lueji, once we had the breastfeeding sorted I didn't dread night feeds at all, they made no real difference as I could feed and sleep.

There was a programme on BBC the other night about bfing. I decided to watch a little bit of it even though I'm still a bit gutted about bfing not working out for me so it's a little sensitive still. The first thing I heard was a male doctor saying that babies who are breastfed have better bonds with their mums. It pissed me off so much I had to turn it off!

I don't buy it, and I really resent the implication that the bond I have with my DS is somehow deficient. When I feed him a bottle, like someone upthread already said, he looks up at me and it is a bonding experience, boobs or bottle I reckon!

I don't think the bond is stronger for bf than ff. I think it is a bit of a cliche tbh.

I am still bf our 20mth old ds and have been v lucky to have had a fantastic bf experience (but not so lucky in the sleep stakes) but I think my bond with ds would be no different if we had ff.