Bonding - breastfeeding v bottle feeding

[Overcooked]

Not a bun fight, genuinely interested.

There are a lot of people (health professionals included) who state that breastfed babies have a closer bond with their mother.

AIBU to think that actually it could be similar to the intelligence thing (i.e. intelligent women are more like to breastfeed and also more likely to have intelligent children so the breastfeeding is in fact a bit of a red herring).

So in the same vein are women who choose to breastfeed more likely to have a good bond with their babies in any event, and also trying to measure 'bond' must be nigh on impossible and very subjective in any event so how can one compare the two.

Would be very interested to hear from anyone who breastfed one child and bottle fed another to see whether they feel they had/have a stronger bond with one over the other.

Bonding is such a subjective issue and affected by countless other variables, I think it's utter bullshit to say that breastfed babies have closer bonds to their mothers. Furthermore I think it's one of the most unhelpful, damaging claims in the pro-bf literature because it causes immense upset amongst those who cannot/don't want to breastfeed.

Dc1 is asd and really struggles in school and he was breastfeed till 5.5ish

I think it really doesn't matter what milk a baby gets

Unless the OP is responsible for this research, maybe give her a break on the intelligence thing?

Pointy and scarlet - I agree entirely, I think expectations and circumstances make up a lot of how people cope with 'the early days' or babyhood.

Nancy, I am just looking for a discussion, points of view, I don't claim to know it all - I certainly don't.

I think perhaps if you have a negative feeling towards the way you end up feeding that may have a bit of an impact on eary bonding, but like I said I felt v negatively about BFing and began to bond a bit once I stopped being bullied about keeping BFing and allowed myself to give him the odd bottle! - was bliss! and I began to feel good about the whole thing so I could enjoy him

"I think it's utter bullshit to say that breastfed babies have closer bonds to their mothers. Furthermore I think it's one of the most unhelpful, damaging claims in the pro-bf literature"

Is there really "pro-bf literature" that claims that babies have closer bonds to their mothers if they are breastfed?

How could anyone make a claim like that? It's entirely unmeasurable, unquantifiable.

I have read that breastfeeding is a bonding experience but never anything that claims there is less of a bond without it.

The main reason I failed to bond with DS1 who was FF from 10 days old is because I'd been made to feel like a useless piece of shit by ignorant twats for failinf to BF.

I'm happy enough in my intelligence not to have to prove it to anonymous people on the internet so I won't but believe me, I am actually very intelligent

I mix-fed DS for 6 weeks, hated it, swapped to FF and that worked fine for us.

Specifically about bonding, one of things I really did love about FF was the fact that DS would look up straight into my eyes while he was feeding and I could happily talk and sing to him so in my eyes we bonding strongly through that :)

Just to clarify again - I am not saying I agree with the link with breastfeeding and intelligence or bonding at all I am saying that I have heard and read a lot of suggestion that it exists but I think that there are a lot more things involved in bonding or intelligence than simply the way a baby has been fed.

If anyone can demonstrate how 'bonding' can be accurately measured then maybe there's a discussion to be had. 'Love' - which is what we're talking about - between mothers and their children is such a uniquely individual & personal experience that I think it's quite wrong to suggest that it all hinges on one or other factor.

How you feed your baby is an incredibly personal decision, and the experience of bonding is different for everyone. I would say that an enjoyable feeding experience, whether that be BF or FF, is probably best for bonding. For some people I imagine that BF does help them bond, and the opposite it probably true for others. There is no test for 'bondedness' anyway, and I think it's a pointless and damaging comparison to make, in what is already a very complex decision making process for most women.

Specifically about bonding, one of things I really did love about FF was the fact that DS would look up straight into my eyes while he was feeding and I could happily talk and sing to him so in my eyes we bonding strongly through that
I have to say, this sounds so much nicer than my memories of sobbing throughout feeds, dreading the agony of let-down, and feeling like I wanted to be anywhere else! And DS never once looked at me ungrateful little sod.
I think bf'ing is like anything else - it has its good points and its bad points!
But I don't think it will increase a bond that is already there.

Exactly Hobnob, I think it is an unhelpful suggestion and certainly another stick to beat women with but I also question its veracity.

Wing - exactly, the vessel doesn't matter, it's the closeness to your baby.

"Specifically about bonding, one of things I really did love about FF was the fact that DS would look up straight into my eyes while he was feeding and I could happily talk and sing to him"

:)

I've never given any of my DDs a bottle before they were at the "give us it, I do it myself" stage, but DH has given them all bottles from when they were newborns and that's what he does too. It's really sweet to see.

I would say that feeding them has had a pretty big impact on his bond with them, which is quite an unpopular view around here, but there it is.

biglads I'm with you on that, sometimes I would SCREAM during feeds! and DS was like a derranged vampire when he wanted milk, I'm not kidding he would actually growl and his eyes were fixed on the prize not on me! and he'ld dig his little nails into my boobs while he fed

giving a bottle was bonding bliss, I loved watching him have his bedtime bottle with him all snugged up in bed beside me in his night babygrow looking at me under sleepy eyelids!

I found it was exactly the opposite.

I did both with my children and due to the hideousness of bfing I resented every feed,was tense and just wanted each damn session to be over which I'm sure said babies could pick up on as they wriggled and cranked all the time.

With formula waaaay different,loved every feed.I was chilled,they were chilled and we made such lovely eye contact.

And yes what is bonding exactly anyway,it's very subjective?

Having experienced 2 completely different feeding methods (one BF, one tube fed!!) I would definitely say it has had no bearing on bonding at all. I loved/bonded/whatever you want to call it in the same way and time with both.

"DS was like a derranged vampire when he wanted milk, I'm not kidding he would actually growl and his eyes were fixed on the prize not on me!"

Sorry halloweeny, I know you had a tough time with bfing, but that made me :o

My experience sounds very different from yours, but that does sound familiar.

I've always found the looking into their eyes as they breastfeed thing a bit awkward, like you shouldn't really be making eye contact.

I wasn't able to breastfeed either of my two younger DC. DD2 because she was very ill and nearly died and the shock made my milk dry up totally. DS because I was in ICU after having him and he was 10lb 5 oz. The midwife told me to not even try as it would make me more ill.

I do not have less of a bond with them than I do with DD1.

I still like feeding DS now (9months), and I love when he looks up at me and smiles and milk pours out the sides of his mouth and it's just about the only time he ever lies nice and still and I can enjoy a cuddle without being kicked in the face or having my glasses pulled off.

Halloweeny one of my twins were like that,his latch was like a vice grip,he also did the nail thing.He'd fall asleep on the boob with the same grip and it was nigh on impossible to prize him off -twas just hideous.

Bonding is about so much more than how you get food in to your baby. In some cases it may have a part to play but I also think that the guilt felt by parents who bottle feed as they are made to feel inadequate by parents who bf probably has greater impact.

Halloweeny, your vampire comment made me think of a friend of mine who struggled (really struggled) through three months of breastfeeding until she went back to work. The plan was to then mix feed the baby until six months = however, her DD had other ideas, as soon as she had a bottle of formula she just refused breast milk from bottle or breast - my friend felt like it was a right kick in the teeth - mothers are just the facilitators for the first 1 8 years.

Prairie, totally agree, Bfing was making me sore, weepy and resentful(not of my DD, of the situation). When I gave a bottle, the peace compared to before was great. I definitely bonded better when I was FF, just because I was not in pain, and could see what she was taking.
I did try, and again with DD2, but BFing just did not work for me, and was a great cause of stress.

Ghost, that's interesting, it's really hard to speak about this to people, it's very emotive and actually all the people I know with more than one child used the same method of feeding with both.