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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

the 'great debate'?

90 replies

Darcii · 12/03/2006 11:58

this may be a naive question but what is all the anger and judgement about around breast or bottle feeding?! i am a first time 36 year old parent who is trying to breastfeed but struggling with the total lack of freedom that comes with it as i have had a very active and busy life before having my baby. i have looked around for support on the issue but can only seem to find arguments everywhere with either entrenched views or defensiveness.

as women we have fought for decades for freedom and choice yet seem to be continually judging each other on the choices made. what's it all about? why is there so much judgement on the issue? i am literally flabbergasted that what i feed my child is such a big thing. after all, if you looked at 20 people in a room you would be hard pressed to be able to tell who had been breast or bottle fed!

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 11:59

Oh no, no, no no no...please no no don't get into it please ladies please!

harpsichordcarrier · 12/03/2006 12:03

oh fastasleep you are a spoilsport Smile
darcii - when you say that you can only I don't personally think that the method of feeding a baby is a matter of "freedom and choice" - it affects another person, so it is a lot more complicated than that.
but possibly this is my entrenched view or my defensiveness Wink

Original poster
Darcii · 12/03/2006 12:06

why not? i am not asking which is better - have had 'breast is best' thrust at me from every angle - but want to know why women are beating each other up so much about it. being a mum and adjusting to the change in your life is bloody hard enough!

OP posts:
TheBlonde · 12/03/2006 12:08

Interesting choice for your first mumsnet post Darcii. Bored on a Sunday morning eh?

Original poster
Darcii · 12/03/2006 12:10

nope. frustrated after my first 2 weeks of motherhood to not find anywhere with an unbiased view on the issue where i can get support. i am not stirring just honestly don't get it.

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 12/03/2006 12:11

what do you want us to say darcii? yes we're all a bunch of bitches just waiting to pounce and judge?

harpsichordcarrier · 12/03/2006 12:11

what do you want us to say darcii? yes we're all a bunch of bitches just waiting to pounce and judge?

Original poster
Darcii · 12/03/2006 12:16

not at all. it's started already. i am merely asking why are there such strong feelings on the issue and such high levels of defensiveness on each side. as a new mum it is quite difficult to get to grips with.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 12/03/2006 12:20

I think that feeding is a very instinctive, visceral issue - feeding anything, I mean, not just out of one's norks. I certainly find that even now my daughters are well beyond the baby stage, if they reject food it pushes all sorts of buttons for me.

So I think that is one reason why this is so contentious an issue. But I also think we get very judgemental on all sorts of other things around parenting, actually.

Twiglett · 12/03/2006 12:20

breast is best is thrust at you from every angle

because .. are you ready for this revelation

breast ... is ... best

now that's for your baby's health and development .. but it might not necessarily be for the mother

so if you feel formula is best for you .. you do it

and struggling with a lack of freedom when your baby is only 2 weeks old is parr for the course I'm afraid

do what you want to feed your child .. no-one cares about your child as much as they do their own

motherinferior · 12/03/2006 12:21

But yes, 2 weeks in is a bit awful however you feed your baby, I think. It's 'oh my god what have I DONE time'. It does get better. Seriously.

Twiglett · 12/03/2006 12:21

yeah ... wean early / wean late
potty train early / potty train late
private / state school
types of clothes
footwear
manner s

should I go on?

Twiglett · 12/03/2006 12:22

hello MI

motherinferior · 12/03/2006 12:22
Socci · 12/03/2006 12:23

I am going to say here that it annoys me that when somebody "new" posts a thread about a potentially contentious topic people assume it's a troll. I don't think Darcii sounds like a troll at all. It is quite likely that when somebody visits a forum for the first time they will post a topic that interests/concerns them. My first post on mumsnet was about vaccinations and I received a similar reaction.

Darcii - on here the breastfed/bottlefed debates tend to go on for at least two weeks and end up with over 1000+ posts! However, although I have seen countless debates on here in the same vein, new members won't have.

Original poster
Darcii · 12/03/2006 12:30

you're right twiglett. everyone has an opinion on what others do with their kids. the work or not to work bit will come soon....

thanks mi - yes it is early days and one of the things i am trying to work out is whether it is the breast feeding affecting me or the general change. expect it's both. as someone who firmly believes in women supporting each other in a male dominated world, it's been a bit of a shock to see the depth of feeling on the feeding issue.

first of many then?!

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 12:31

Don't think she sounds like a troll... but please ladies please do not turn MN into a viper pit not today ok! Make it my birthday pressie!! No bitching on this thread for FA's birthday present!! (Which is tomorrow lol)

fastasleep · 12/03/2006 12:32

I'm of the opinion that most women go completely and utterly bad as a snake in the first few months post birth, whether they have PND or not... the mist clears eventually... but the over the top feeding arguments never fade away on MN Grin

fastasleep · 12/03/2006 12:33

MAD not bad what am I on this afternoon, honestly.

Original poster
Darcii · 12/03/2006 12:33

thanks socci. no not a troll. just a new mum. have been lurking reading posts for past week and finally felt the need to ask the question.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 12/03/2006 12:34

Darcii, I really do think the first six weeks of one's first baby's life are unspeakably grim.

(Second one's not much better either.)

And I found the constant need to be with my babe and whip my norks out did add to the strain. But as I say, it does improve.

geekgrrl · 12/03/2006 12:38

personally, I think having an active and busy life is nice and easy when you're breastfeeding - all you need to take anywhere is a nappy. You see formula feeders lugging what look like weekend bags just to go to Sainsbury's Grin
But nobody gets to have a good time at first it seems - the feeling of 'maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all' x 1000 is called baby shock and happens no matter which way you feed.

welshboris · 12/03/2006 12:41

This is the first of many discussions, debates and arguments as a parent, get used to it

And the first few weeks are shit, you cant expect it to be easy

welshboris · 12/03/2006 12:41

Welcome to MN though!!

Flossam · 12/03/2006 12:43

Breastfeeding = lack of freedom?

Not at all IMO. I was free to go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted with DS when he was BF.

And I could do so while lugging around an awful lot less stuff.

I was proud of myself for bf and knowing that I was doing the very best for my baby.

If you think BF curtails your freedom then wait untill they drink cows milk out of leaky beakers and you end up covered in milk whichever way you take it out.

Also, 'I had a very active and busy life before' Things do have to change to an extent when you have a child. You can still do something and go somewhere when you have a child, but even now with DS being 16 months I find it all gets too much for me. I suspect you would find it just as hard if you bottle fed, probably simply because you are pushing yourself too much.

You will probably view this as an argument or defensiveness. But as someone who BF for 5 months exclusively then bottle fed mainly, I can honestly say that bottle feeding did not improve my freedom or mean that I could do more.