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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

the 'great debate'?

90 replies

Darcii · 12/03/2006 11:58

this may be a naive question but what is all the anger and judgement about around breast or bottle feeding?! i am a first time 36 year old parent who is trying to breastfeed but struggling with the total lack of freedom that comes with it as i have had a very active and busy life before having my baby. i have looked around for support on the issue but can only seem to find arguments everywhere with either entrenched views or defensiveness.

as women we have fought for decades for freedom and choice yet seem to be continually judging each other on the choices made. what's it all about? why is there so much judgement on the issue? i am literally flabbergasted that what i feed my child is such a big thing. after all, if you looked at 20 people in a room you would be hard pressed to be able to tell who had been breast or bottle fed!

OP posts:

Blu · 12/03/2006 22:55

I drank more than 1-2 drinks a week!

tiktok · 12/03/2006 23:17

Not this old chestnut - that breastfeeding 'dictates' what you can eat or drink.....for the vast majority of women, it doesn't, and the 1-2 drinks a week thing is just mad. A typo, maybe?

foundintranslation · 12/03/2006 23:21

I'm bf and I drink a glass of wine about 4-5 evenings a week (not atm though, given it up for Lent). I just stop at the one glass and it's absolutely fine.

ghosty · 13/03/2006 00:24

In my maternity unit where I recovered from the birth of DD I was positively encouraged to have some wine with every dinner for the 5 nights I was in (had had a c/s ... ). Not that I needed much persuasion
This in NZ where drinking when pregnant is a no no but drinking in moderation when breastfeeding is fine ....
I couldn't drink more than a glass a night when DD was small only because I was too tired and wine makes me more sleepy.

Agree with tiktok ... this 1 - 2 glasses a week thing is a bit mad ... how would the French nation cope with that I wonder?

I have been thinking about this thread a lot today and at the risk of killing it (I tend to do that a lot lately) I thought I might have my say ...

Totally agree with Rhubarb when she said something like: "If you feel guilty then you made the wrong decision"
I gave up breastfeeding DS at 6 weeks for lots of reasons but one of them was definitely because I couldn't cope with the demands on me that this baby made. I was one who didn't go out or do anything until he was being bottle fed. I thought bottle feeding would make me happy and feel free again. Well, it didn't ... I felt guilty about it until DD was born (4 years later) and made sure that I tried to go past 6 weeks if I could ... I did ... went nearly a year with her and so when she gave up (this time it was the baby, not me making that decision) there was no guilt involved at all.

The thing is, it isn't breastfeeding that takes your freedom ... it is having a child that does that ...

I don't feel one way or the other about what other people choose to do ... everyone knows breast is best - that is a fact ... BUT we also all know that "Happy Mum makes Happy Baby" ... so if a woman doesn't feel she wants to or she can't then why should anyone judge her for it?
There is so much more to motherhood than pregnancy, natural birth and breastfeeding. Ask all those fantastic adoptive mothers out there.

I just knew that for me, when DD was born, breastfeeding was the way I was going. My friend whose baby is 3 weeks older than DD didn't breastfeed ... so what?

When I gave up breastfeeding DS I did have sad looks from my coffee group friends. At the time I felt judged but in hindsight I don't think that is because they judged me at all. I believe there sad looks were everything to do with how I told them I was giving up ... "I can't do it, I am resenting him ... I am on antidepressants." All 'woe is me' really. That is why they were sad. I spent about a year justifying to anyone who would listen why I wasn't breastfeeding. That was my problem ... nothing to do with what they thought.

Anyway .... ramble over
Thread killing complete

ghosty · 13/03/2006 00:34

Just read that through and need to clarify a couple of things.

Darcii ... FWIW ... with DD, I was a lot braver about going out and about ... I had to be, I had another child to take to kindergarten, soccer practice, swimming etc .... so I couldn't stay in all the time ... my baby had to fit in, not with me, but with her brother ...
But I did find that once I had got the b'fing established it was soooooo much easier than bottle feeding. And I had given up with DS too early to know that. By the time DD was 2 months old (which seems so far away for you right not but will be there any minute really) I was breastfeeding her anywhere and everywhere (On the steps outside Auckland Museum, in parks, on benches in shopping centres).

Also, when I say 'children take away your freedom' I don't mean it in a nasty "Don't have kids" type way ... I mean that regardless of which way you choose to feed your children, your life will never ever be the same. I wasted months of mine and DS' early time together wishing I had my 'old life' back. Not wishing him away but missing the old times. Don't do that ... you will miss out on precious days that you won't get back again.

koolkat · 13/03/2006 09:03

tiktok - no actually it makes total sense to me. It was straight out of the pages of kellymom.com. Do you have scientific evidence that says otherwise ?

koolkat · 13/03/2006 09:09

Of course it depends on the age of the baby too. I am not really worried about what or how much I drink now as my bf son is nearly 21 mo.

But when he was a new born I did not drink much. I hadn't read recommendations then, just used my common sense. Plus large amounts of alcohol dehydrates me which again I didn't think was a wise thing to do when I felt incredibly thirsty and hungry in the first few weeks after my son was born.

If you feel you need to drink vast quantities while bf a newborn, please check with a qualified bf adviser.

blueshoes · 13/03/2006 09:22

ghosty, totally agree with you. Dd was a purist breastfeeder - snacker and comfort feeder who refused all bottles, dummies despite my best efforts. Yes, it was limiting, particularly since she was my first child and I had such a long run as a carefree single person. But once you accept your fate as a mother to such a baby, I found the subsequent months of bf-ing a complete breeze. Just took dd everywhere, food and comfort on tap. In the end, we continued until she was 17 months. 1 year on, bf-ing is a distant memory - but despite the initial adjustment, one that always brings a smile to my face.

Prufrock · 13/03/2006 09:47

koolkat - tiktok is a qualified bf advisor!

She has posted significant amounts of research here in the archives on bf and alcohol, which I for one have been incredibly grateful for. In summary they said that you need to ait roughly 1.5 - 2 hours per unit before all alcohol is out of your blood, but that at up to 2 units, there were only traces of alcohol in breastmilk.

tiktok · 13/03/2006 10:39

Ta, prufrock.

koolkat, don't be defensive about this :) There is a lot of information about alcohol and breastfeeding - do a search on my name and alcohol in the archives and you'll find links.

There is no evidence whatsoever for keeping alcohol intake to 1-2 drinks a week. Kellymom has one (non-referenced) guideline, among many, saying 'Many experts recommend against drinking more than 1-2 drinks per week' which is at odds with the rest of the guidance on the same page - which includes some of the scientific evidence you ask me for.

I don't feel the need to drink 'vast quantities of alcohol', and nor do any of the posters here, as far as I can tell. In any case, if someone did feel this need, I wouldn't send them to a breastfeeding counsellor, but an alcohol counsellor!

tiktok · 13/03/2006 10:44

ghosty - good post about what people's reactions to you were and how you interpreted them at the time.

I see very little judging of mothers who don't breastfeed. I do see and hear of mothers who feel judged - but the truth is that most women are aware that feeding can be a personal, emotional and deeply sensitive issue and they tread very carefully.

A mother who wanted to breastfeed and didn't, or a mother wondering if she should stop breastfeeding, will see a poster or read a comment about risks of formula/benefits of breastfeeding, and she'll take it to heart as a judgement on her. She may even feel 'they're making me feel guilty' or 'they're saying I am a terrible mother'.

And they are not.

koolkat · 13/03/2006 12:24

tiktok - yes you are right do go and see AA if you are having a drink problem while bf.

Common sense I gather and one would not have to go to a NCT bf adviser to be given that piece of advice, eh

koolkat · 13/03/2006 13:07

ghosty - the French nation does not have a particularly good bf rate, it may have something to do with their excellent wine

ghosty · 13/03/2006 18:41

koolkat

I am so relieved that finally I didn't kill a good thread ...

Coolmama · 14/03/2006 22:18

I was one of the lucky ones who had enough milk for darling DS and half the neighbourhood and so I donated breast milk - much like blood donation only without the needles - and was told by the hospital that a drink was fine - I just had to count an hour per unit before feeding or expressing for donation.

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