Extended Breastfeeding - did you always know you would?

[TitaniaP]

I have an 8 mo DS and we had loads of problems breastfeeding to start with (wouldn't latch, undiagnosed (until 13 weeks) tongue tie, low supply and really slow weight gain). We seem to have overcome all the problems (with lots of good advice on here) except I still seem to have low supply and am still taking domperidone. I always thought I would feed until at least 4 months, and then it became 6 months and then a year...

I'm starting to think about returning to work and find myself not wanting to give up. Due to the above issues, DS has been mixed fed since he was 4 months old, with me giving 1 or two bottles a day. The last three days he has point blank refused his bottles, screaming and physically pushing it away. Which has made me think the matter might have been taken out of my hands! I assumed (maybe incorrectly) that due to my low supply he would self-wean quite early (and he still could of course).

I have to hold my hands up and admit that prior to DS I thought extended breastfeeding was a little weird (I was oblivious to the benefits) and would never imagine myself wanting to feed for so long (I realise 8 months is still very young and I'm nowhere near extended just yet). I now realise how ignorant my views were and totally understand the reasons why people feed to two and beyond.

So I guess my questions are:
If you fed your children to lets say past a year (not sure when the term extended kicks in), did you always plan it that way, or did it just happen.

How did your family and friends react (or did you not tell them).

How did your partner react. My partner has been incredibly supportive thus far, but I'm not sure what his reaction will be to this. I think because it's so unusual in our society people don't always know what to think.
How should I go about cutting down on the domperidone? Down to three a day now, but any less does seem to impact (or is it just in my head?)
When I go back to work, can I just feed morning and night?

Any experiences gratefully received as I don't know many people in RL who have fed past a year. Thanks if you've read this far!

I didn't find out about natural term bfing (the preferred term as ext. implies it is past the point that a child would normally bf) until DD1 was about 3m as I previously thought you bf to 6m then swapped to food .

I told some friends about my intention to let her wean herself and they were disgusted, one in particular was vicious and kept sending me studies which 'proved' bfing was wrong (none mentioned bfing but rather maternal placental antibodies ) and was generally not terribly nice about it (sending her partner out of the room if I bf, etc, etc. I got PND-OCD as a result and I am still feeling the effects 6y later. I know that sounds extreme but she was very uncomfortable about bfing in general so perhaps my mistake was sharing my resolution with someone who wasn't happy with me bfing in the first place!

I didn't let that stop me and DD1 self weaned at 3.6y, DD2 4.3y is still nursing (I think as it's been nearly a week since her last bf so she may have weaned!), and I am currently nursing DD3 who is 2.4y while typing this. I am also 10w pg and planning on self weaning with this baby

DH is so supportive of bfing and really wants me to continue bfing the DDs until they are ready to stop. I don't think I could have done it without his support and help both practical and emotional.

I couldn't bf without trying to be sick after the 'issue' with my friend as I was convinced my milk was poisonous & damaging DD1 (aka intrusive thoughts & part of the PND-OCD) and he insisted I carry on as he knew I would never forgive myself when I was better if I gave up bfing then and guess what I wouldn't have.

My MIL and mum are very supportive though my brother has asked me not to bf in front of his wife as she is Muslim and apparently it is forbidden in her culture/religion to bf past the 2nd birthday (I'm sure about this but I'm not going to upset my SIL).

I can't answer about the domperidone but a BFC/IBCLC may be able to help.

Yes, you can just feed morning and night and feed more on your days off too

I've recently had this conversation with my DP - I said the WHO advise breastfeeding until the age of 2 and he is fully supportive. I've ready had some comments from my mum that it would be wrong to carry on past a year but I just won't tell her! I'll only be feeding morning and night from April (DS will be 8 months then) and I hope I can keep that up for a while yet :)

I was the same as you OP, in that I thought 4 months, then 6 months, now DS is a year and neither of us are ready to stop. I thought its was weird before as well, but I put that down to ignorance, as I do and will should anyone say anything to me.

TruthSweet I hope your not talking to this'friend' anymore

I did not think I would. In fact I used to hang out on a breastfeeding forum with a similar attitude to EBF as mumsnet when I was pregnant and was a bit worried/upset because I had read about it being beneficial etc but just didn't think I could do it, because it weirded me out a bit.

As it happened we just... never stopped. DS is 3.4 now and it doesn't seem weird at all.

My mum found it difficult when he was 1+ but in the pulling-at-clothes, wanting to feed all the time phase. Now it's only really bedtime it doesn't come up so doesn't get mentioned. Other family have assumed I've stopped and I haven't corrected them.
Different sets of friends have reacted in different ways - NCT group knew until just before age 2 that I was still feeding (because the last other bfing woman in the group had just stopped) and have not mentioned it since then. All were neutral about it except one who expressed her disgust but more in an "it's not for me" way.
Old friends have either assumed I've stopped, or, surprisingly, reacted positively. I say surprisingly because these are people in their early 20s without children, so I'd expect them to be a little weird but they've always been fine.
New friends I've met since having DS, the ones I've become close to, I met through the local La Leche League group so, unsurprisingly, they have been very positive about it and I am somewhat of a "trendsetter" having had the oldest breastfed child most of them had seen when the group started up (he was 16 months - most of their children are older than this now and still breastfed :))

XP never really much cared what I did and we split up when DS was 13 months so it was never an issue. I think he would object now DS is older, but frankly I don't care any more

I got together with DP when DS was just 2 and he is tentatively okay with it but does find it odd. He reckons it would be different if he'd seen it evolve from birth, though.

You can definitely just feed morning and night past 9 months or so. You can also feed like this in the week but feed normally at weekends, your supply will adjust to this.

No idea about domperidone. What are the signs of low supply which caused you to have to take it originally?

No had no idea I would feed past one year. Always had the idea that I'd feed till 1 then DD would have milk in a cup. She on the other hand had different idea's, I found the hards bit around the year mark as I hadn't though about feeding past one. We did stop feeding in public at that point but I didn't wean DD untill she was almost 3, I was pg and not enjoying feeding and she was down to one feed a day then anyway.

Most friends didn't know so didn't really say anything. I'll never forget the look on MIL face when my DH told her DD was still having milk at 2.5years. She'll almost chocked on her tea, no one really new as we didn't stay overnight with IL's or my parents. It was deliberate just that as they didn't see it and it didn't come up in converstion they had maybe just assumed we'd stop eariler.

Aw, how lovely that you're thinking of breastfeeding for longer :) My plan was similar to Truth's- get to 6 months. I hadn't really considered what happened after that! We've got a bit past that now... almost 3 years past it. I don't think I'd heard of anyone BF a toddler before DD1 was born and I'd certainly never heard of tandem feeding.

TBH I've never really had any negative reactions and I'm most definitely not in the closet, I still BF DD1 (who is 3.4yo) all over the place. My grannies have both been a bit confused by the whole thing but I don't see them as unsupportive- things were just very different in the 1950s. I too have made a lot of LLL friends and my pre-DC friends I think know better than to criticise My DH quite rightly thinks that I'm marvellous

It might be best to chat to a BF counsellor about the domperidone, your reasons for going on it and what you want to achieve. Is there an LLL group near you?

Annpan88 - I didn't for years but occasionally see her now (I keep it very impersonal).

However DH has never forgiven her and refused to go to her wedding! I think for him seeing me go from proud to bf DD1 (I had substantial problems to start with and DD1 only really bf from 8 weeks old) to gagging and retching while I bf her over the course of a few days really scarred him for life.

My friend had told me if I didn't stop bfing by 6m I would permanently damage her immune system and she would be very ill and I was conflicted over bfing her as I wanted too so much but I couldn't let go of the idea I was poisoning her body with my milk so much that I would gag/retch while feeding her the 'poison' she was asking for.

Without being melodramatic he very nearly lost me as I was suicidal, so much so that he had permission from work to call me hourly and I was under the crisis team and nearly admitted to a M&B Unit. I guess you can never go back from that to see a person socially and being pleasant to them.

No, I was blissfully ignorant before I got pregnant. I thought you stopped at 6 months.Then I worked out if you did, you had to switch to formula until one year. That seemed a bit silly so I started to educate myself. Read 'The politics of Breastfeeding' and that really pissed me off and made me very , very determined to breastfeed until at least a year. Then, when we got to that point it seemed a bit mean to stop as she so obviously loves the stuff and it is no real hardship to me so we carried on. So now I think we'll carry on until she self weans.
DH is from a culture where breastfeeding is the norm so is very supportive.
My family is also in a country where breastfeeding is more normal, though natural term maybe not so much. They are also supportive.
My friends know I'm a bit of an old Hippy so are not surprised.
The only raised eyebrows I have had have been from people from work.And I don't give a rat's arse what they think.

No idea I would extended breastfeed. Recall seeing someone feed their toddler once and was horrified (in my late teens).

But when baby was born, I breastfed because I knew it was the best option for him (and was actually terribly convenient for me too). Kept going, I guess I thought I'd encourage weaning about 12m, go straight to cows milk etc.

He got sick at 12 months, didn't seem right to wean him off both from comfort point of view and providing him with a great food and antibodies. Then we went travelling lots, and it was extremely convenient, he only fed at sleep times and would sleep anywhere.

Then we fell pregnant, thought he'd wean during the pregnancy, he didn't. We moved to a different area just before baby was born and I thought it would be difficult for all (including pregnant me) to force weaning when we'd just moved and then baby was almost due.

So I tandem fed, and fortunately had great support and limited negative reactions. DH was fine with it all. Certainly many friends and family were surprised, but none were overtly negative (to me anyway!).

Tandem fed DS and DD for 7-8 months, then eldest weaned at nearly 3. Shortly after I was pregnant with next child, and tandem fed him with DD for another 6 months.

When last DS weaned "early" at 16 months I was rather surprised, but after having fed nonstop for nearly 6 years I was kind of "done".

So unintentional to start, was convenience, but then did believe in benefits so did nothing to actively encourage weaning (but admittedly nothing to force the matter either way).

I too thought you stopped at six months, then realised you didn't have to and what was the point of changing to FF? And DS never took bottles anyway. Now he's almost 15 months and it's so convenient and easy, calms him down, cheers him up,helps with teething, tantrums, bumps and falls,gets him to sleep, works when he refuses food randomly and has enabled me to eat like a horse and still drop 2 stone!

DH happy about it especially as I do the night waking and resettling... My son has 3 main feeds a day and a resettling feed at night when he wakes. We live in a hot humid country so it doesn't seem nreasnale for him to wake once or twice needing a drink and it gets him back to sleep faster than offering water, which he tends to spill on his vest and the mattress.

Dunno what relatives think as we don't live in same country as them. MIL will be staying with us in a few months but if she doesn't like it she can jog on. She BF herself but only for six weeks, she thought her milk had dried up. (she had crap advice, :( for MIL)

Nreasnale = unreasonable. Dratted phone.

I wasn't even going to breastfeed! (dd self-weaned at 5yrs 10mths )

Most people (inc family) weren't still aware she was still feeding and Ichose the cowards way out and just didn't mention it- once they gett that age it's not like they are having it hourly.

Dp always supportive and pro-bf....(he was more pro-bf than me when I was pregnant and saying "I might not...." )

Good luck OP with whatevre you decide!

I didnt plan to but we're still going at 16 months and DD shows no sign of stopping. I went back to work at 10 months and just do morning and evening on the 3 days i work, with 4 or 5 feeds the other days

I'm planning to let dd self wean. I'd just hoped to do longer than with ds which was 19 weeks. Shes 28 weeks now and going strong.

Wow, thanks for all your messages. Sorry for using the incorrect term!

The belief in my low supply comes from a combination of not feeling my milk coming in, never feeling full, not able to express, never leaking - not even if DS pops off mid-feed, DS not having many wet nappies and not putting on weight even after TT divided and lots of cranial Osteo sessions. He's putting on weight now he's mixed fed and weaning but at one point he was below the 0.4% line (born on 25%).

I never tjoug

Oops sorry DS got hold of phone. I never thought after all the problems we had to start with that I'd still be feeding now.

Truth - so sorry to hear what you went through.

I didn't always know I would feed natural term (DS is 13 months). I had a difficult start with breastfeeding so took each day at a time. He took a while to wean onto solids and wouldn't take a bottle anyway (plus I didn't want to give him formula if it wasn't necessary) so it just kind of happened for us. I have no plans to give up any time soon. I would prefer it if he self-weaned although we would like another baby and my fertility hasn't returned so I do hope he cuts down a bit soon - enough to conceive again and then I would love to tandem feed ideally!

DH is supportive, he knows breastfeeding is magic and can soothe DS even when he is in the worst of moods/pain/illness.

My family know I am still breastfeeding and don't object - if they did I wouldn't give a flying fuck anyway. :) I think I have actually educated them a lot on breastfeeding throughout my journey. Neither my mum or MIL breastfed past a few weeks. MIL thinks it's a bit wrong but I just smile sweetly and ignore her comments whilst giving a good dose of factual information to support 'extended' breastfeeding if I can be bothered.

If your baby is still interested in feeding morning and night then by all means, do! I don't have direct experience of weaning down to fixed times as I'm currently a SAHM but my DS has certainly fed just morning and night occasionally.

Not sure about the domperidone, sorry.

Congratulations for making it so far though - it's lovely that you want to continue. :)

With first baby assumed I'd feed for 6 months, maybe a year to avoid bottles, but it went well and just seemed to to set an arbitrary limit on it. I went back to work part-time at 12 months and DS seemed to lose interest in day feeds even on the days I wasn't working (still keen at night for a quite a while grrr). From 18 months he was just having one bf first thing in the morning, and this petered out just before his 2nd birthday. I was pg at the time and did encourage this as it was a bit uncomfortable.

DD, my second, was 3yrs at Christmas and is still bf. She tends to have first thing in the morning feed plus one or two during the day if she asks and it's convenient (she has a great habit of asking just at 3pm, just as we have to go and pick up her brother!). Having carried on this long, I'm happy to let her self-wean.

Family & Friends - tends to be only close friends know we're still going as don't often bf out of the house now, as DD too busy with other things when out. My mum does mutter about it from time to time, but it's something we've agreed to disagree on. In the past she has shared with me the opinion that it's all for the mother's benefit to feed an older child.

DH - has always been supportive. I think maybe once when DS was around a yr he said something about stopping now because it would be harder later. But otherwise he's left it up to me, and is incredibly proud that his children have been bf.

Op - I fed ds1 till 12 months and ds2 till 3.10 ( he stopped when dd arrived ). He only had it o o to bed and been stopped 4 months now. I have no idea how long dd will bf and I'll be led by her.

Dh incredibly supportive and my mum and mil have had to accept it and actually were supportive to the best of their ability.

Ds2 has tried to nurse again. But he's forgotten how. Did it tonight and sort of holds his mouth over it. Then says he will have other milk (cows). I never planned to nurse as long, but I strongly believe in following child.

DS feeds 4-8 times a day and once or twice a night at 2.2.

I always hoped I'd be able to feed till 2, but I wasn't sure DH would be okay with it after 6 months or a year.

In the end he was okay about it. He is content for me to continue as long as it makes our family's lives easier, although bf kind of gives him the shudders a bit. He is pretty well educated now about the normality of 'extednded' bf and the benefits of it, even though he doesn't like it that much at a personal level.

He's twice talked about weaning (once I got as far as trying to drop one feed) but the practicalities have been too difficult. I do all night wakings and DH would have to start helping out if DS were weaned, which is the strongest argument I have for continuing!

Family & friends have just got used to it. I think they think I'm odd, but they don't really tell me. I have been asked when I'll stop, but I just say 'when one of the three of us thinks I should stop' which is sufficiently vague, and has led to discussions about how/when children self-wean. It helps that my DS has eczema and I've been able to tell my slightly-more-hostile parents that it would probably flare up more once he stops breastfeeding.

It's been a lot less a big of a deal than I had expected. :)

DD turned 2 in January. Still bf. I hadn't planned to, but then I hadn't planned not to iyswim. Just going with the flow!

Most people don't know as DD only feeds twice a day (up to 4-5 if she's in one of those moods!). Those that do definitely think I'm a little unorthodox!

DP is very supportive and DD...well she just looks so cute :)

Angel are you EBF-ing your DS?

I'm currently thinking about this whole weaning matter (DS is 4 months) and really don't want to stop EBF because it's so incredibly convenient and both DS and I like it. Have started reading on the matter and thought that from 6 months onwards they need at least a few solids to keep iron levels up?

It is really interesting to read how many people didn't think about it and it just developed. When I had DD I was hoping I could make it to 6 months, as I struggled for only a few weeks with my boys.

When I got towards 6 months, I started panicking about teeth, since it really had never occurred to me that we would get past that point, having struggled so badly before.

DD is now 8 months and we are going strong and I'm now starting to consider how long I may bf for. At this point I can't imagine stopping.