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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

OMG! Could this really be it?

27 replies

Spidermama · 19/01/2006 13:40

My baby has suddenly abruptly stopped breastfeeding and I don't understand it.
He'll be one on Saturday.
Up until yesterday he was still bf-ing four or five times a day and once or twice in the night too. All of a sudden he's having none of it.

This is unknown territory for me. My other three all weaned themselves gradually, seamlessly off at ages two and even three. I didn't even notice them doing it.

Today though my breasts are big, full and very sore. I wasn't planning on stopping feeding yet. I feel I've lost a central tool in my mothering kit.

Is this really it? Or might he change his mind again? Also, why has he stopped so ubruptly. He's eating some solids, so it doesn't appear to be about having a sore throat or teething ifaik.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 19/01/2006 13:47

He might change his mind, but then again he might be leading the way as your other children did - just a little earlier and a little quicker than you would like.

In your shoes I would keep offering, express some to keep the soreness and fullness away, and see whether he continues to refuse over the next couple of days.

Original poster
Spidermama · 19/01/2006 13:49

I think you're right WWB but I don't have a pump. I can't afford to buy one at the moment. Perhaps I'll ask around to see if anyone can lend me one.

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Lonelymum · 19/01/2006 13:50

I have read of children abruptly stopping so this might be it Spidermama. Though, like you, mine all gradually reduced their feeding over months in the younger two's cases.

If I were you, I would express as much as I could, so at least you keep the supply coming and then if he changes his mind, you can restart again. Will he drink your expressed milk from a bottle/cup?

WigWamBam · 19/01/2006 13:50

Can you do it manually? I know it's a bind and can take forever but it might take the worst of the engorgement away.

Lonelymum · 19/01/2006 13:51

Oops crossed posts. FWIW, Spidermama, I found hand expressing nearly as good as an electric breast pump and certainly as good as a manual one.

Pidge · 19/01/2006 13:51

Agree he might change his mind. I fed dd1 until she was 2 and she went through a few phases of being less interested, or rejecting feeds, but then came back to it until she self-weaned when I got pregnant with dd2.

Could you try hand expressing? Not that I ever was very successful, but when I was really full I did manage a bit.

WigWamBam · 19/01/2006 14:00

Just had a thought about the pump ... does your local NCT branch hire them out? I know some do, might be worth a try if you can't find one anywhere else.

tiktok · 19/01/2006 14:05

It's a nursing strike, more than likely, Spider. Check out archives or google or call bf lines.

Original poster
Spidermama · 19/01/2006 14:05

I've just bought a pump from ebay. I've always been pretty crap at expressing and even worse at hand expressing but needs must.

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Original poster
Spidermama · 19/01/2006 14:06

Nursing strike eh? Thanks tiktok.

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Lonelymum · 19/01/2006 14:06

Oh dear, I have just realised I have two old pumps (one manual, one electric) you could have had from me for postage. Sorry - didn't occur to me earlier. If the ebay thing falls through, let me know.

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 19/01/2006 14:09

Ooh, yes, nursing strike, ds was the same aged 11 months. I persevered and you know the rest...he's 3 soon and more passionate about breastfeeding than ever

And this is in no way meant to make you feel guilty, as I know what you have been going through lately, but it is absolutely classic timing for them to do this while you are occupied with other things. A bit like saying "Oi, what about me? I know, this will get her attention...."

Original poster
Spidermama · 19/01/2006 14:28

Franny that's inspiring. I will percevere. I had no idea this could happen (and I consider myself a nursing veteran).

Tiktok I've been reading about nursing strikes now and it makes very good sense. There are several reasons which fit the bill very well.

Thank Goodness for you clever mumsnetters as I would have simply given up even though it feels wrong to me.

Thanks LM. That's very kind of you. I'll let you know if the ebay pump falls through.

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tiktok · 19/01/2006 14:35

Franny, nursing strike is often (in my experience) behavioural, and while there is no good research on it as far as I know, I feel often it is the baby making a protest of some kind. The baby's most physical connection with life, with his mum, with his emotions, is via the breast. When he is cross this is how he shows it - by rejection of this important and instinctive connection.

I have seen it happen with babies whose mothers have gone back to work, whose mothers have been away, who have been put on some sort of schedule, who are being 'sleep trained' or who have had a fright or a shock....it makes me think the babies are expressing something important, and it's lovely when mothers put it right by hanging on in there!

Original poster
Spidermama · 21/01/2006 19:35

He's still having none of it, though he is toying with the idea. Sadly though, he's also nibbling so I'm tying to be really chilled out and warm and motherly when I offer him, but part of me is dreading being bitten.

This is so hard. The postman tried to delivery my ebay pump today but my dh didn't hear the doorbell (deaf arse) so it's in the depot until Monday.

I'm finding this really tough. Has anyone been through it and successfully managed to resume bf-ing? Or has anyone been through it then given up? How did you feel?

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FrannytheQuinoaEater · 22/01/2006 08:24

Spidey, sorry I didn't see this till today. Are you still uncomfortable? If you really can't hand express, could dp help you out with a quick slurp (sorry if too bizarre to contemplate )? I would think your supply must be so well-established by now that it will take more than this blip to muck it up.

As I said, I did get through a nursing strike but I only had one child to worry about. I just did nothing but sit and cuddle and offered to feed at any time when I thought he was relaxed / distracted / sleepy. A bit like having a newborn again. He did feed a bit when he was faling asleep, and also when I nudged him with the breast while actually snoozing. A while later I got him to feed at the end of a bath together. He is now the most ardent feeder imaginable and said to me this morning, "I'll always have milkies, won't I?" Me: probably, dear...

My LLL leader was very helpful throughout - have you tried giving them a ring? Sorry you have this to think about on top of everything else. I keep meaning to email you about ds, I hope you are keeping on top of it all.

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 22/01/2006 08:28

Oh p.s. I think it is especially hard because apart from the feelings of rejection and all that, you are also experiencing a very abrupt cessation in all that lovely oxytocin and whatever those other good things we get from it are. I personally felt quite noticeably depressed the last time ds cut back on his milk, so I'd imagine you are dealing with that as well - what a mixture of feelings

Original poster
Spidermama · 22/01/2006 23:00

Hi Franny. DH did, ahem, help out for the sake of my comfort a couple of days ago and I'm still waiting for the pump to arrive from ebay.

DS was one today. I hand expressed some milk into a bottle (I've never been any good at this though) and he was desperate for it. He gulped in down in a flash and started wailing the second it was all over. I gave him some goat milk which he also loved (Grrrrr!) and he seemed to perk up. However, a couple of hours later he was really blotchy and I'm not sure why. Lactose issue perhaps.

Anyway, it's still going on and you're right about it being quite emotional. How long did your strike last? I'm not sure how long to give it before it'll start feeling like I ought to take the hint.

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bobbybobbobbingalong · 23/01/2006 00:55

There is lactose in breastmilk - so it's more likely to be a reaction to the protein.

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 23/01/2006 09:28

It was only a short time for us - but I have heard of it lasting a week or more if the baby feels especially strong willed! I think offering them your breast is so tied up with giving them your love, that it feels very hurtful when they reject it. Who else have you got at home during the day? (can't remember your children's ages, sorry). Can you do the thing about turn up the heating and just spend the day naked and cuddling with youngest ds? Did he refuse the breast after having the expressed breastmilk too? I would have thought maybe giving him just a taste and then waving your norks in his face might tempt him....

Sorry I can't be of more help. I'd definitely ring the LLL as well, as they do understand the importance of breastfeeding to us Lentil Weaver types.

Original poster
Spidermama · 23/01/2006 12:11

Thanks Franny. As ever the constraints of time and looking after the others are weighing down on me. I will call LLL as my ebay pump STILL hasn't arrived.

I'm begining to feel unlucky.

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FrannytheQuinoaEater · 23/01/2006 12:58

No no no you are so lucky, think of all the years of breastfeeding you have had, and indeed may have ahead of you. Don't start feeling like things are against you - you have done so well coping with all that life is throwing at you, and without getting too sloppy you are an inspiration to certain of us

Call LLL, have a cry and try again.

Original poster
Spidermama · 23/01/2006 15:55

Thanks for that franny. Now I really will cry. In a good way.

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Original poster
Spidermama · 23/01/2006 18:29

Here's an update ...
Just as suddenly as it began the nursing strike appears to be over. After five long days of negotiations I offered him again just after dinner tonight expecting him to turn away saying 'nu nu nu nu' as he has been doing, but this time he took it and had a really long feed on both sides.

I had tears rolling down my cheeks. What a relief.

Thanks Tiktok. Had it not been for you I would have assumed it was all over. I'd never even heard of a nursing strike.

Thanks for all the support, expecially from you Franny.

I'm grinning like an idiot and singing songs now. DS is singing along with me. Pheeeeewwwwwwww!

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harpsichordcarrier · 23/01/2006 18:31

Oh! Spidermama I am sooo pleased to read this. I have been lurking around hoping this would happen.
but with nothing constructive to say.
fab news
(franny's a star isn't she?)