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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

When did you accept defeat?

110 replies

metalelephant · 17/11/2011 11:08

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OP posts:
TheHouseMistress · 20/11/2011 22:02

Aww metal what a horrible time you have been having :(
I am no expert on bf and never comment on here but your post really reminded me of feeding ds who is now 10. He was my 1st and I was determined to bf,I lasted ten long weeks and then moved to formula. I had to for my sanity.
Ds thrived afterwards and with hindsight if was the best decision for him and me.
Dd born 20 months later fed beautifully and I lasted 10 months with her.
the difference it sounds between you and I is that you love to bf whilst I really and honestly hated it. I did it through duty that it was the best for my dc and to give them the best start in life.
I really wish you all the very best in whatever you decide to do, take very good care x

Original poster
metalelephant · 21/11/2011 07:23

Thank you housemistress, it really seems so arbitrary whether babies take to the breast doesn't it?

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Original poster
metalelephant · 21/11/2011 09:17

...and also whether us mums take to breastfeeding! Wink

This thread has helped me a lot in understanding why I'm so desperate about breastfeeding my daughter.

With my ds it was a massive shock that we couldn't do it - until then I thought that breastfeeding is easy and that mothers that don't do it simply didn't try hard enough. So it was a bit of a slap to face my own inability to do it, and so I was so determined that this time we would succeed that i didn't leave any room for the possibility it might not work again. Perhaps it's history repeating itself, I do wish I had mumsnet when I was going through that depressing time 3 years ago. Somehow I lost a good few weeks from my baby's life crying over the breastpump.

I can only wish everybody that has posted the best of luck with yourselves and your families, you've really been there for me xx

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tiktok · 21/11/2011 09:52

:( :(

It's so not 'arbitrary' when babies take/don't take to the breast.

Early breastfeeding is hugely influenced by birth and perinatal events and treatment.

Some babies do get over a difficult start, some babies manage to overcome heavy-handed shoving and grabbing, some babies can withstand not being given that all-so-important skin to skin...but some babies don't, or if they do, it takes a while, during which the mother may lose confidence and belief in herself and have an all-round miserable time.

If we get birth and early postnatal support for breastfeeding right, we will find far more babies are able to breastfeed happily and effectively; the ones who still have serious difficulties or whose mothers have serious difficulties, will be able to access the time and the expertise for these issues to have the very best chance of resolving....and the support and care they need to rebuild their confidence if the problems persist.

But honestly - in most cases, not arbitrary :(

Original poster
metalelephant · 21/11/2011 10:22

You're right ofcourse tiktok, I meant arbitrary with regards to the mother's desire, as there seem to be lots of factors why things can go wrong. As in, I have met a good few mothers that tried hard but didn't manage for long (or at all) and a few that were a lot more "cool" about it and had few problems.

Obviously I know that my opinions and experiences are anecdotal whereas you have a wealth of knowledge - without wanting too sound sycophantic thanks again.

Another point you made at a different thread resonated with me: you said to a mum that was going to ff that she didn't have to pass the baby around so people can have a go at feeding her and that it could be just the mother and a couple more people. I resented others wanting to feed my son, i felt so pushed aside even when my poor Mil was feeding him( who is a wonderful woman).
This time I know that only me and my OH will give her topups, and that really helps.

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 21/11/2011 10:32

I've only just read this thread so hope my advice isn't too late. There is a teat called the Medela Haberman teat. It was originally designed for special needs babies but don't let that put you off, it's great for babies who need to strengthen their sucking mechanism, or who are combined bf/ff as it forces the baby to active suckle to get milk. The parent can control how easy or difficult the sucking action needs to be so you can start off easy and then progress to more active sucking through the first minutes of the feed. You can buy them online or at larger Mothercare stores. It may help you, or if too late, another mum who reads this thread.

tiktok · 21/11/2011 10:38

It's ok, metal, I see what you mean :) and yes, mothers' desire to bf can vary a lot and it's not always clear why - it's at least partly just human variation!

Babies really, really don't benefit from lots of people having a 'turn' at bottle feeding them, and bottle feeding is much more like breastfeeding when it's recognised that feeding is part of a growing relationship and that babies are limited in how many people they can actually relate to, when they are small. It's a natural, normal, protective response to sometimes feel 'pushed aside' when someone else is feeding, even when that person is a loving grandmother :(

Original poster
metalelephant · 21/11/2011 13:59

Thank you world, I will research them after I find out why her suck is a bit wrong. The HV I saw today pointed out that she can't form a vacuum on the bottle and makes strong sucking air sounds with every suck, which probably also affects her breastfeeding. Back to the jaw...

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TitaniaP · 21/11/2011 16:12

metalelephant - my DS also takes in loads of air when taking a bottle. His TT was snipped at 3 months and i thought all our problems would be sorted. How wrong I was. Anyway i've been seeing a cranial ostepath who specialises in babies and after 4-5 sessions we seem to be getting somewhere - he's gained 11oz in the last week and a half (unheard of). i dont have the sore nipples you've been suffering from, but we do have low weight gain.

I can't remember if you mentioned seeing a Cranial Osteopath - but wondered whether it might help your DS.

Original poster
metalelephant · 21/11/2011 17:09

Hello again Titania, that's great news about the weight gain! DD's tongue tie was snipped at 12 days old, which is almost a month ago now. The extreme pain stopped, the soreness now is totally bearable, but she still keeps her mouth closed however much I try to latch her on...

Last week we saw the cranial osteopath for the first time, will continue with the appointments. I rang the tongue tie clinic and they gave me a follow up app on Wednesday. Maybe they'll she'd a light on the jaw/ sucking issues.

Hope this is an even better week for you x

OP posts:
dribbleface · 22/11/2011 10:43

how you feeling today metalelephant?

Original poster
metalelephant · 22/11/2011 17:51

Hello dribbleface, I feel much better thank you. It has really helped talking about it here, and though it's still pretty much the same in terms of breastfeeding difficulties, I feel saner and less desperate. Smile

I hope all is good with you too?

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dribbleface · 22/11/2011 18:11

glad you feel better in yourself. I'm good thanks, ds2 not feeding well, few sucks here and there but no really good feeding session. seeing hv tomorrow, will see what weight gain is and reassess. i sound all logical now but will be a mess tomorrow if i decide to stop bf. it's so easy to advise others but much harder when its yourself!

MixedBerries · 22/11/2011 19:21

Probably today which is 5 weeks exactly. All very disillusioning.

TitaniaP · 22/11/2011 20:02

Are you OK MixedBerries ?

Original poster
metalelephant · 22/11/2011 21:08

Dribbleface, best of luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you and lo x

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Original poster
metalelephant · 22/11/2011 21:11

MixedBerries what's wrong?

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MixedBerries · 23/11/2011 10:42

Thanks for asking Titania and metalelephant. Having a horrible time at the moment. DS is 5 weeks, had his tongue tie snipped for the second time 3 days ago and we're trying to go back to exclusive boob after feeding EBM using bottles now and then. It's not working. I have mastitis for the 2nd time, nipples have always been sore and not getting better. He cluster feeds all day and I'm not exaggerating. It's three times an hour on average and he acts like he's starving the whole time in between. I think I'll give it one more week but if there's no improvement after then, I'll just have to stop for my own sanity. I can't live like this. And no-one can really help out with feeding when it's boob feeding. No sleep to be had either. Making everything worse and I just keep getting infections and colds because I'm so worn out and don't get time to eat or anything. I know boob is best and I never thought I'd consider formula but this is too much to take. A mother who feeds formula is better for DS than a mother in hospital.

TitaniaP · 23/11/2011 10:48

Oh mixedberries that sounds like hard work. I know how much a TT can affect breastfeeding. I haven't had the pain or mastitis you've had though.
I'm not sure I can offer much except sympathy. Hope it gets better for you soon

dribbleface · 23/11/2011 10:49

Mixedberries - you poor thing, that sounds like a real struggle. Be kind to yourself and if you need to stop you should, your so right a healthy/happy mum is much better.

metalelephant - just had him weighed, he's put on 6 0z so fine, still struggling a bit. My health visitor is just lovely, gave me lots of support and encouragement, offered to come round each week if needed, but added that i should not be a martyr to breastfeeding if its not working for me/him and my family, she's very sensible and a bit old school but very nice, i didn't like her at first but she's a star!

Original poster
metalelephant · 23/11/2011 13:38

Hey dribbleface that's good news then! And it's so good that your like your HV, hope your weekend goes well for you and lo.

Dear MixedBerries I hope today is a bit better. You should take care of yourself and ensure you get enough rest and look free your poor boobs too, mastitis must be so tough. Just one suggestion, can you recheck your baby's latch at the tongue tie clinic or with a lactation consultant? My LC recommended I massage my breast and press during feeding to ensure the ducts don't get blocked because that causes mastitis or ( as in my case) the breasts stop producing milk.

I wish you courage, and good luck, let us know how it goes xx

OP posts:
Original poster
metalelephant · 23/11/2011 13:40

"Look free your poor boobs" was meant to be " take care of your poor boobs" but my iPhone felt differently...

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Original poster
metalelephant · 23/11/2011 13:43

MixedBerries, I didn't mean to suggest you should continue breastfeeding if it hurts you physically and mentally, nothing wrong with formula Smile

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Original poster
metalelephant · 24/11/2011 10:47

We've been doing better in the last couple of days... She started drinking less formula, from 120+ml going down to 60ml so that probably meant she drinks more from me.
Since yesterday she has been refusing most of her topups, after correcting the latch she sounds like she's drinking better, without me pressing my breast constantly.

I don't know...maybe this won't last, I don't want to be over optimistic about things. I will just continue taking it one day at at time, and enjoy every feed.

I guess next weeks weighing will tell, so far she's been putting on loads of weight, clearly thanks to the formula. Thank you again for everything, good luck to us all x

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dribbleface · 24/11/2011 18:19

Metalelephant - thats great news, glad things are a bit easier. Fingers crossed you have turned the corner.