Tandem feeders, I need some help please!

[JellyBellies]

Sorry, if this is very long.

DS1 is 27 months and i have a 3 week old DS2. DS1 fed through my pregnancy but I night weaned him 6 months ago and cut down a lot on the daytime feeds as well as I found it very very uncomfortable. BY the end of my pregnancy he was probably feeding once in 3 days.

Now that DS2 is here and I am feeding all the time, DS1 obviously wants to feed to. The problem is I still have that same uncomfortable feeling while feeding him. I read the tandem feeding book published by the LLL - I think it was described as BF agitation. That's how I felt when I was pregnant, just wanted him to stop. I have the same feeling now :(

But still I do feed him as I feel it isn't fair if I only feed his brother when he so wants to feed but the problem is when DS1 starts feeding, he doesn't want to stop. He is a pretty efficient feeder and can normally finish a side in 5 min. But now he will stay on even for up to 20 min if I let him. This is driving me crazy. I let him stay on for up to 10 min and then make him stop. This leads to a huge tantrum unless some super quick distracting is done!

I don't know why he is doing this. Does anyone have any experience of this? I do want to keep feeding him but I do not want to be feeding him for 20 to 30 min at a time. Even my newborn finishes faster!

Thanks for reading!

Oh god, yes. I remember it well. Sometimes I actually wanted to physically throw ds1 off me

Ds1 wanted to feed every time ds2 fed - and more!! The tantrums were unreal if I denied him. I was laid up with a broken ankle too and tbh, for me, the agitation was not as bad as dealing with the tantrums, so I sat it out.

And it passed, eventually....

I gave ds1 about a month or so of (almost) unlimited nursing, and then we managed to negociate reducing the sessions a bit. But, he was 4.4yo so really it's a different situation to yours as your ds1 is younger.

What really annoyed me was that it felt like a mouse on one side and an elephant on the other!! That passed too as ds2 got bigger. I also remember feeling resentment towards ds1 for spoiling the time with newborn ds2, and feeling resentment towards ds2 for spoiling what had been a lovely relationship with ds1 But we all get on great now

Could you tell him that when ds2 finishes, then he has to as well? Or count to 10 for each feed? Obviously you can count as fast or slowly as you like. Can he wait til ds2 is finished? I found that I could handle it better one at a time.

He's doing it because his whole world has been rocked by the arrival of the baby and he needs the reassurance and security.

I hope it all works out for you.

Yes, DD1 went back to exclusively BF for a couple of weeks after DD2 was born, she was near enough the same age as your DS1. DD2 is now 4 mo and things have settled right back to normal. Normal was never that relaxing in our case, but at least it's familiar territory

I know it's tricky but try to get some one on one time with DS1 to help him feel more secure, I get in the bath with DD1 if she's having a wobbly day. And you can't tell your DS1 that you love him too many times!

Things will get better! I had the same resentment feelings as mawbroon, and guilt that I wasn't spending enough time with whichever one I wasn't with at that particular moment. It's a juggling act but you'll find something that works.

Thanks for your replies mawbroon and EauRogue, yes I feel the same resentment and guilt! I do prefer them one at a time, find it difficult to hold both. I'm very glad to hear that it does settle down :) I just wish that I didn't find feeding DS1 sooo uncomfortable, just a bit sad about that really, would be so much easier if I could just put him on and forget about it

I just feel really guilty when I say no to DS1. Do you think it affects them in anyway if you do?