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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

feeking really anxious about bf in public

75 replies

slowangels1 · 04/05/2011 20:59

Just read a thread about someone who managed bfing in public today for the first time and got me thinking I'm really nervous and haven't managed it yet. Have fed a MILs (but felt too Blush to do it in front of FIL/BIL so went upstairs discreetly), at a friends and also in the back of a carpark but that's it. I feel like I must sound like such a prude but I just feel really uncomfortable about people being rude to me about it or that I'm no good at being discreet or people staring - it's probably all in my mind but it does bother/worry me.

I'm terrible about doing it discreetly and when I feed my boobs are all over the place. I can't use those feeding tops where your nipple just sticks out as I can't get a good hold on my boob to keep it in position Hmm - I need to have the whole thing hanging out to get a good hold Wink. Also DD can be quite on and off with her latch sometimes so it's not just like I can stick her there and leave her and cover myself with a scarf or blanket or some such. She's nearly 10 weeks btw.

So far we haven't really been on long day trips requiring feeds while we are out and when we go out I always plan the whole day around leaving when she is fully fed so will go for a couple of hours or so just fine without feeding.

Am I odd or does everyone feel like this? Any advice on doing it discreetly?

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 04/05/2011 21:06

No one has EVER said anything negative to me, even now when I feed my very indiscreet 9 month old and he's pulling off to look round every two minutes Grin

Have you thought about getting one of those nursing covers? They might make you feel more confident that no one can see anything.

I'd try going to some breastfeeding cafes or baby groups to get some public feeding practice too, in a safe/supportive environment.

Cosmosis · 04/05/2011 21:09

Honestly no one has ever ever even looked at me funny, and DS is 8m now so not exactly small, it's pretty obvious what's going on. I have found actually it's a really nice opener for people to talk to you, and you find you chat to all sorts of people. And you get to sit in lots of cafes and eat cake!

I second Rita and find a bf group near you (your local childrens centre probably runs one) as that might make you feel more confident.

Or perhaps do you know another bf mum who would do it with you? If you're any where in Yorkshire I'll meet you in a cafe and feed with you :)

SpangledPandemonium · 04/05/2011 21:13

I am on second one now and have never experienced a critical comment or even a disapproving glance. Quite the opposite.

Agree with previous posters - can you start off with another bf mum for moral support?

Original poster
slowangels1 · 04/05/2011 21:24

Not anywhere near Yorkshire afraid cosmosis but thanks for the offer Grin

I have been to post natal classes where other mums bf I just didn't need t feed at that time. I could have I think if I needed to but I would have felt awkward - like I was being more indiscreet than everyone else. Maybe it's all in my mind Hmm . All my friends that have babies ff :(

OP posts:
MrsT30 · 04/05/2011 21:25

I felt like this with my first child. I was so self conscious about it that I never really fed her in public. So I spent a lot of time away from the action! I fed her a lot in the car so we could go for days out and I could always pop to the car to feed. Some places have feeding rooms which helps but I always found she wouldn't feed well in them, perhaps because it wasn't the right time.

Anyway when the second one came along, I found that I couldn't keep disappearing to feed him because I had a 2 year old with me. So I forced myself to feed him in cafes etc. You can always find a quiet corner or face away from people. Once I had done it once, it became less stressful, and I found that he fed much better because I would just feed him when he wanted to not when I found a feeding room. I have spent the whole winter with this big jersey scarf wrapped round my neck for such occasions.

Sorry this is a bit long. I know you shouldn't have to worry about breast feeding in public but I just wanted to sympathise and say I know it is uncomfortable but really it is possible and as others have said, no-one has ever said anything. I'm not sure they've even noticed. Having said that I still haven't fed in front of MIL because she'd have kittens, but then sometimes it's nice to have the excuse to have a quiet sit down in another room!!!!

Good luck.

Original poster
slowangels1 · 04/05/2011 21:29

Erm - this is an odd question but when you all feed in cafes etc do you ask the cafe worker if it's OK to bf there or do you just go for it (not sure of etiquette)?

OP posts:
RobynLou · 04/05/2011 21:29

I've bf 2 children out and about all over London and anywhere else we've ventured, on the tube, on the bus, on the train, in the park, in millions of cafes, in pubs, in church, during a meeting at work...you get the picture.

I have NEVER had a single negative comment in nearly 4 years, I've had a couple of ladies say how lovely it was to see me feeding my baby, that's all. I've never even had a 'look'.

don't rush yourself though - 10 weeks is still early days, things will get a lot easier, and lo's head will get bigger - so they then cover up your boob themselves!

RobynLou · 04/05/2011 21:30

just go for it, I've never asked. I'm quite the entitled type Wink

Cosmosis · 04/05/2011 21:31

I have never asked, because I don't actually think it's anyone elses business. I leave it to them to say anything if they don't like it and then I'd create a big hooha with them for trying to stop me Grin

RobynLou · 04/05/2011 21:31

If you're worried then go for a chain cafe - neros or starbucks or the like they would never ever complain about you feeding - would be v bad for business for them to exclude one of their main groups of customers!

Original poster
slowangels1 · 04/05/2011 21:35

good idea robynlou. I'm going to tkmaxx tomorrow (oh what excitement!), and, although I won't sit in the middle of the store to feed Shock Wink I will have to in the car -at least that's another time of doing it out of the house IYKWIM. Would consider trying a caff but it's one of those out of town industrial shopping places with no foody places.

so you guys don't even think about when DC have last bf when you go out? you just go and feed whenever they need it? that must be so liberating and my life is planning feeds around going out Hmm

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 04/05/2011 21:35

I've never asked - I don't think anyone even notices most of the time! You're more likely to confuse people by asking.

naturalbaby · 04/05/2011 21:35

i've never asked permission and never had comments or stares or whispers or any other negative reactions and my 3rd baby is 3months - i've ebf all of them. i expressed and used bottles for ds1, but once forgot to take a bottle with me and just had to get on with it.

i am lucky though that i can manage it without getting too much flesh out and can cover up, but i always use layers and have a muslin or thin blanket to tuck over any exposed bits once baby is latched on. at the moment i wear a bump band for my tummy or a top i can pull down under a top i can pull up, a cardi over the top to drape around the sides.

Cosmosis · 04/05/2011 21:36

please do it! it will change your life, it really will :)

RitaMorgan · 04/05/2011 21:37

When he was little I would be a bit aware - like I'd know he hadn't fed for a couple of hours so would suggest we go to a cafe/pub/find a bench to sit on. I have been caught by a baby who wants to feed right now and have had to perch on a wall though Grin

fartingfran · 04/05/2011 21:37

I've never ever had a negative comment (sadly - I long for it actually, I'm so ready for it!) and I have fed all over the place. But at 10 weeks with a baby who bobs on and off I can understand your anxiety. In another 10 weeks you'll be amazed at home much easier it gets, so don't despair :)

RitaMorgan · 04/05/2011 21:39

Definitely wear layers - a vest you can pull down, a loose top to pull up, or a shirt with a big cardigan.

RobynLou · 04/05/2011 21:42

I have to be aware of when a feed might be due this time around, because I have to make sure we're somewhere that's safe for DD1 to be roaming around while I feed, other than that I just get on and go - we'd never get out the house otherwise!

I carry DD2 everywhere in a moby stretchy wrap which I find really useful, it stays on you when they come out of it, and is perfect for covering up a bit without having to hold fabric in place.

Cosmosis · 04/05/2011 21:45

I have also fed while perched on a wall! It was someones garden wall and the lady whos house it was came out to post a letter and saw me and laughed and said "needs must eh!". She didn't bring me a cup of tea though the bitch Wink

bringinghomethebacon · 04/05/2011 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frogsandsnails · 04/05/2011 21:55

I felt exactly the same with my ds.
I agree with RitaMorgan layers are the way. I always wore a vest under my top so i could pull one down and have the other up, so nothing was exposed. I would find a nice quiet spot in a cafe. I also felt better with dh or friend where i could chat and felt more relaxed esp as ds would often feed for quite a long time. I didnt feel rushed.
In the beginning i used to go in the feeding rooms in shops but i got fed up of sitting on my own staring at a wall, they were also in the same area as the baby changing - not the sweetest smelling.
After the first few times of feeding in public i felt more confident and found it quite liberating!
Good luck and happy baby days xxxx

Muser · 04/05/2011 22:03

I have fed on a crowded train surrounded by business men. It wasn't crowded when I got on it and started, then it filled up. The man who sat next to me asked me very politely if I minded him sitting there. Grin

Nobody has ever commented and I don't think I've had a look. But I don't look around to see what other people think. I'm not sure I'm always the most discreet about getting her on, but as there are tits on every other advert in the paper I figure my very boring ones aren't going to excite anyone.

But, I wasn't always like this. I was terrified to start with. Really, really nervous. I started off by feeding in a fairly empty park - basically forced to as baby woke up and we were too far away to get home quickly. Then I met some lovely friends I made on Mumsnet for lunch and fed then. But I was still a bit nervous. I think it was when I was sat in a really dull feeding room that I vowed just to get over it. Sat there, nothing to look at but the toilet (baby change/feeding room combo), no signal on my phone to Mumsnet, no nothing. It was shit. I'd much rather be sat in a cafe, with a piece of cake, and not feeling like I'm doing something shameful that must be hidden away.

Having said that, feeding rooms are a good option. Mothercare ones are usually rather nice, big department stores will have them too. There's no cake, but at least you're out of the house.

TheRtHonCountessOfBapula · 04/05/2011 22:03

I remember the first time I fed DS in public. DH was with me and we went to Nero's, I got comfy on a leather sofa, got DH to buy me cake. Maybe try going somewhere you know will be bf-friendly (as a previous poster has said, the main cafe chains are a great place to feed) with a good friend or your DP, or, better still, another bf mum? That way you can practise in a situation where you feel comfortable and confident, and progress from there.

Definitely second the vest thing - or try a breastvest (google it - I have several and wear them every day).

Another good tip I got on here is to feed at home in front of a mirror - that way you can see what's on show (or not) and make adjustments if necessary.

I was nervous at first but now I feed anywhere. I fed DS in the middle of DH's office the other day! I've only ever had smiles and 'aaaahhh' type comments as well - never any negativity.

Muser · 04/05/2011 22:07

I do the vest combo too. I also have some breastfeeding tops that actually work. One is a stripey one from JoJoMamanBebe, the other is by BooB. The BooB ones are good as rather than slits they have a sort of shelf, so it's like the vest up/down arrangement. Means you can get quite a bit of boob out if needed.

NonnoMum · 04/05/2011 22:08

I too had a "nursing cover" (like the John Lewis link) which seem to be a bit more popular in the US.

I felt a bit like you, in that I didn't like my DC to suddenly latch off and leave me feeling a bit exposed. Some people might criticise the whole idea of a cover to feed your baby, but if it makes YOU feel more comfortable, and if it helps any woman BF for longer, and if it helps the baby concentrate, then fine i say.

(by DC3 I could feed whilst jogging pretty much but with DC1 I was veyr much like you...)

Good luck...

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