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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

feeking really anxious about bf in public

75 replies

slowangels1 · 04/05/2011 20:59

Just read a thread about someone who managed bfing in public today for the first time and got me thinking I'm really nervous and haven't managed it yet. Have fed a MILs (but felt too to do it in front of FIL/BIL so went upstairs discreetly), at a friends and also in the back of a carpark but that's it. I feel like I must sound like such a prude but I just feel really uncomfortable about people being rude to me about it or that I'm no good at being discreet or people staring - it's probably all in my mind but it does bother/worry me.

I'm terrible about doing it discreetly and when I feed my boobs are all over the place. I can't use those feeding tops where your nipple just sticks out as I can't get a good hold on my boob to keep it in position - I need to have the whole thing hanging out to get a good hold . Also DD can be quite on and off with her latch sometimes so it's not just like I can stick her there and leave her and cover myself with a scarf or blanket or some such. She's nearly 10 weeks btw.

So far we haven't really been on long day trips requiring feeds while we are out and when we go out I always plan the whole day around leaving when she is fully fed so will go for a couple of hours or so just fine without feeding.

Am I odd or does everyone feel like this? Any advice on doing it discreetly?

OP posts:

Original poster

slowangels1 · 05/05/2011 15:09

well, I made it out on my shopping trip and (small steps in the right direction) managed to feed in john lewis feeding room . Didn't know they had one until I looked out for it after what you'd all said. Not quite the caff but getting closer.

Was very pleased with feeding whilst out and about....not quite so pleased about the massive poo in the nappy I had to fire fight

wotmania my sis and mum went to wally , I was a Tonbridge Grammar girl myself

OP posts:

EauRouge · 05/05/2011 15:17

Hi Angels That's brilliant news, well done A feeding room is a good place to start. Parks are good too, they are open but you can usually find a quiet spot. How's everything else going?

YankNCock · 05/05/2011 15:18

Well done, OP!

Cosmosis · 05/05/2011 15:27

yay :)

Original poster

slowangels1 · 05/05/2011 16:01

all going well thanks eau. ALice is a little sweetie and is pretty good . I had alot of bfing probs initially so feel very with myself that I managed to stick with it and it's now working OK.

OP posts:

EauRouge · 05/05/2011 16:10

So you should! I remember all the early problems you had, you deserve a pat on the back, not to mention a massive slice of cake

WoTmania · 05/05/2011 18:29

well done on the getting out and feeding :) is your sister older or younger - yiu're my age (well, I was 30 yesterday so not quite) so we were probably there at the same time.

Original poster

slowangels1 · 05/05/2011 18:41

no my sister is alot younger - she's 20 so only left recently :)

OP posts:

Original poster

slowangels1 · 05/05/2011 18:43

but I knew some people who went to the primary and/or secondary school at wally so we've prob known some of the same people

OP posts:

WoTmania · 05/05/2011 18:54

ah, I know someonew who was in her year then. but yes, how funny, small world indeed.

Da1ryQueen · 05/05/2011 21:14

I never got any negative comments and I fed the DCs everywhere and anywhere. I remember once being on a train with my son who was 11 mths at the time, and being worried what people would think feeding a bigger baby in public, but I just got indulgent smiles! Was speaking to my sister the other day about it, and she said when they were viewing a nursery her DD was hungry, so she just walked round the nursery with DD on the boob - it's great when you get to that level of competence!

pearlgirl · 05/05/2011 23:49

One of the nicest reactions I had when feeding a fussy little ds4 in a restaurant was the middleaged male waiter offering to cut up my food for me so i could eat it before it went cold.

AngelDog · 05/05/2011 23:52

Well done, OP. Another vote here for never having had any negative comments, and DS is 16 months now.

I was feeding him once (a wriggly 9 m.o.) when a single male friend stopped to talk to me and clearly had no idea that what I was doing was bf'ing, even though I managed to unlatch DS, cover up and sit DS up all with this friend stood right in front of me. You'll find it gets to be second nature.

IME libraries are a good place to feed if you're feeling twitchy, especially in the children's section. Our library service has a policy that says that babies and toddlers are actively welcomed to bf in the library.

Tarlia · 06/05/2011 03:45

Well done, angels.

The pegs are designer (who'd have thought.. ) pegs that I peg muslin onto buggy with, not rusty old ones from my garden.

Cyclebump · 06/05/2011 21:14

My first baby is four weeks old and I'm BFing. You're not a prude for being nervous, I felt the same. I was convinced DP would be weird about it but actually he's fab and is far more chilled about it than I am. I'm now getting there but here some of the stuff that helps me:

I wear my breastfeeding outfits at home and practice feeding in them so I'm prepared when I go out rather than panicking.

I have a bottle of expressed milk with me just in case if we're going out for a long time and I lose my nerve (H was mixed fed for the first two weeks so takes bottles but prefers boob).

I use light muslins or cellular blankets to cover exposed flesh as I found H panicked if he was made to feed in the dark.

I use the car. Recently at a rugby game (DPis captain), I fed H in the car in the carpark.

Original poster

slowangels1 · 06/05/2011 21:21

thanks cyclebump. Tell me, when you carry around expressed milk how long can you keep it in your bag before it goes off? Do you keep it in a cool bag thingy? I often wondered about doing that for tricky situations but never sure how safe it was to leave it out of the fridge for long.

OP posts:

kd73 · 06/05/2011 21:28

Just thought I would add that I have never encountered a negative comment, but appreciate it is very scary the first time. I bf DS1 for a year and am currently bf DS2.

I expressed with DS1 and occasionally would carry it in a cool bag thingy as you say, only ever had a problem during the height of summer when it was obvious that it had gone off, as like cows milk it went bitty when shaken. I always tested it before giving it to DS both to ensure that it hadn't gone off and to test the temperature. I have to admit though, I normally just bf distcreetly as it was easier.

Selks · 06/05/2011 21:50

I used to run a bookshop, and I laid out a little area with a comfy chair, kettle for tea and coffee and stack of magazines near the back of the store (but not hidden away in some grotty area), and made it available to any woman who wanted to breastfeed in peace and comfort. There was a box of toys and books for older siblings too.

orangehead · 06/05/2011 22:06

I have bf 2 and never had a negative comment, but a few times had people looking at baby saying how lovely baby was as they thought he was just asleep in my arms. I used to practice in front of a mirror and learned how to do it very discreetly. It took me a while to feed publically with ds1 partly due to embarrassment and partly because we had latching on issues so there seemed to be alot of waving my nipple around so could not of been discreet. But once he got hang of it found we could be quite discreet. Never had a problem with ds2 he just went straight for it no problem.
In cafes I always tended to go for corner tables rather than being in the middle of the room which felt more on show. Debenhams had tables in little coves which was great. In the early days I also used to get hubby to sit infront of me, facing so we could chat, but he gave me some shielding just incase.

wolfhound · 07/05/2011 09:22

Selks - i would have loved your bookshop!

Cyclebump · 07/05/2011 12:42

I carry it in a coolbag, and was told it would last for six hours at room temp. I discard it if I haven't used it.

Oh and I have only ever asked once if it was ok to BF in a cafe. The lovely owner said she would throw out anyone who complained and encouraged me to feed H whenever and wherever I wanted.

The first time I went public we were in a local park and I fed H on a bench in a deserted part of the park. It was the perfect setting for my first time as I could practice without observers.

Emzar · 07/05/2011 21:13

I'd second the suggestion of one of those aprons with the stiff neck, they're great. I'm not particularly bothered about people seeing me breastfeeding, but I'm still having trouble with the latch at the moment, and would rather not have people watching me fiddle about getting it right! The apron means you can cover your boobs and the baby while you get sorted out, but you can still see what's going on, and it's loose enough to not get in the way. I tried it for the first time in a pub today and it was fine - no one even seemed to notice.

reastie · 12/05/2011 21:13

just to follow up have now used john lewis feeding rooms twice. Still too chicken to go to a cafe though but will build up courage. Think I might get one of the vfing covers you guys recommend but there are quite a few about and not really sure which to go for. Maybe I'll ebay hunt now.

wolfhound · 13/05/2011 11:10

good for you reastie. :)

fruitybread · 13/05/2011 11:35

well done slowangels - FWIW, in a John Lewis cafe, there's normally umpteen women BF-ing, so no one bats an eyelid. I used JL feeding rooms once, got stuck there for AGES with DS doing a mammoth feed, and just thought, sod it - next time I got sat down in the caff with a cup of tea, a magazine and a scone, and was happy to let him scoff for as long as he wanted.

I had a summer baby and found feeding outside in parks very good to start with. The whole issue of 'private space' seems different outside - I definitely felt more confident on a bench/sitting on a blanket outside than sitting right next to a stranger in a caff to start with.

(obviously al fresco BF-ing depends on the weather - sudden heavy showers not helpful).

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