feeking really anxious about bf in public

[slowangels1]

Just read a thread about someone who managed bfing in public today for the first time and got me thinking I'm really nervous and haven't managed it yet. Have fed a MILs (but felt too to do it in front of FIL/BIL so went upstairs discreetly), at a friends and also in the back of a carpark but that's it. I feel like I must sound like such a prude but I just feel really uncomfortable about people being rude to me about it or that I'm no good at being discreet or people staring - it's probably all in my mind but it does bother/worry me.

I'm terrible about doing it discreetly and when I feed my boobs are all over the place. I can't use those feeding tops where your nipple just sticks out as I can't get a good hold on my boob to keep it in position - I need to have the whole thing hanging out to get a good hold . Also DD can be quite on and off with her latch sometimes so it's not just like I can stick her there and leave her and cover myself with a scarf or blanket or some such. She's nearly 10 weeks btw.

So far we haven't really been on long day trips requiring feeds while we are out and when we go out I always plan the whole day around leaving when she is fully fed so will go for a couple of hours or so just fine without feeding.

Am I odd or does everyone feel like this? Any advice on doing it discreetly?

when I'm out and can't find a cafe I just go in the changing rooms of the nearest shop whilst picking up the first item of clothing to "try on"... it's normally a size 8 knicker skimmer and the assistant will do this

The other thing is, if anyone notices you feeding they will be terribly British about it and pretend they haven't seen a thing

Agree with other posters who say they have never had any funny looks or comments, dd is 6 months now and I have only ever had lovely positive comments from men and women! I guess what I do is decide if I feel comfortable feeding where I am and take it from there. Have fed dd everywhere cafes, on the bus, train, the beach, all over London and my hometown, benches etc. Its really liberating after bottlefeeding dd1. A good place to start is a quiet cafe, in a corner facing the wall- nobody even notices and if they do they will probably be trying their best not to look so you arent made to feel uncomfortable! I find benches the best though, I swear most people are so wrapped up in what they are doing they dont notice.

Sorry to hijack op but just wanted to say countbapula you're a god send. I had never heard of breastvest. Have been wearing topshop long vests for months under my clothes and pulling them down at the top to feed ds2. They end up stretched to buggery very quickly! I'm off to order a few breastvests now. :)

OP, please NEVER ask permission to feed your baby, you don't need to!

I just laugh when I think about the first few times I fed DS in public. I was soooo nervous and on edge, waiting for negative responses. I actually sat outside a pub, furthest picnic table from everyone else, and faced the other way, and was still paranoid.

Basically, the more times I did it, the more confident I became. Been feeding him in public for 20 months now and not once has the response been anything but positive.

There is a breastfeeding group at our Sure Start centre, could you go somewhere like that to get some practice being around others when you feed?

tamdin glad to be of service

It will get much easier with practice.

Once your baby is a bit bigger they will latch themselves on once there is a breast in the vicinity so you won't even need to look.

Most of the time people probably won't realise you are feeding, and if they do, they will studiously be looking at the ceiling/the menu/anywhere but risk being seen staring at your breasts.

I tried using a muslin or a scarf but found it very tricky/more of a faff, and found just wearing a loose top under a cardi was easiest, cardigans will hide a multitude(I was more conscious of people seeing my flabby rolls at side of belly, than a bit of rather nice breast TBH )

Do not ask. No need, it puts them on the spot and will just make you feel more self conscious. Just crack on.

Have a magazine you can pretend to be looking at, if you don't know where to look and don't want to make eye contact with people when you are feeding.

Remember, you are much more worried about it than some random person in a cafe - BF is probably something you think about for vast amounts every day, it doesn't cross most people's minds on a day to day basis.

And feel proud, you are doing a great thing for the baby.

I was pretty nervous to start with too, and spent a lot of time fiddling about with muslins to make sure I was totally covered. In the end though, I realised that just made it harder and I felt like I was actually drawing attention to myself so now I just do it. It does get easier with time. Having said that, there are occasions when I'm going somewhere I know I will feel uncomfortable feeding so I express and take a bottle.

Never ask.

I don't know about the UK, but here in Aus it's a baby's legal right to feed anywhere at all. Parliament steps, Sydney Cricket Ground during the Boxing Day Test - I am legally entitled to get my baps out anywhere I need to!

You might overcome your nervousness if you start thinking of it not first and foremost as you feeding, but as baby eating. Frame it in terms of your baby's rights and you may find yourself getting comfortable with it a lot quicker.

I was nervous to start but am now completely brazen. That said I went to a super-posho restaurant yesterday and draped a muslin over the proceedings, an arrangement I think of as The Hospitality Tent.

Like you, I was nervous about feeding in public and made more nervous by the fact that so many people in the UK bottlefeed (I'm from NZ and attitudes are similar to the Australia one above).

My strategy went like this:

• NCT group
• at my work in front of female colleagues
• John Lewis nursing room
• local cafe that was empty at the time
• restaurant when out with friends
• park bench

then various other cafes and restaurants, a train and the steps of an apartment building.

I do sometimes look for somewhere else to feed if I am uncomfortable in my surroundings or there is a more comfortable chair somewhere else. Little Miss is starting to get a bit noisy and having nothing interesting speeds up the process.

If you are in London, the cafe in Mamas and Papas is great. You are in public so to speak, but in an environment where no one is going to look at you strangely.

I have bf all 4 of my boys all over the place and have never had a negative comment from anyone in public - had a couple at the beginning from family in my own home - but they have got used to it and are much more supportive now. I tend to wear a loose top that i can just hitch up and you can see nothing once baby is latched on. I ended up feeding ds4, standing up on a packed train as although some one in the carriage had offered me a seat we couldn't get into the carriage as there were so many people between us and the seat.

Hey Angels

I always feed my boob monster right before leaving the house as this gives me time to get to where im going and get some things done - plus the fact he screams and shakes his head if i dont feed him now!! My suggestion to you would be plan a few cafe trips with mum or oh when a fed is due, its nice having moral support and the more you do it the more confident you will feel.

At first I used to peg (yes peg ) a muslin cloth to my clothes to cover him up, but now I'm pretty happy to do without. If I'm wearing a vneck top and boob is all out I cover, latch and then adjust so the muslin is just covering the top of my boob - as LO often bobs on and off too, so if he is having an off time I can quickly pull cloth down. The best is vest under loose top though as my boobs are too big for stupid feeding tops!

Most interesting feeds so far have been walking around the airport (who'd have thought printing infant boarding passes would take so long!?) and then on a plane last night traveling just LO and I, and a park last week myself and 3 friends were having a baby picnic and at one point all sat feeding whilst surrounded by lots of rugs and picnickers.

Please just go for it, I hate to think of poor you and A stuck inside or in a hot car all summer. Peg if you have to! x

I use a breastfeeding butterfly, which I bought on eBay for about fifteen pounds. Made things much easier for me.

lol at tarlias pegs and ninefragons hospitality tent . will look at the various covers and tops you supportive ladies have mentioned.

One thing I really struggle to work out is how on earth can you bf single handedly? Am I doing it wrong? . I need one hand to hold DD and the other to hold boob in place for her. If I let go of boob (even after she's latched) I can't get her to latch well/the angle shifts and we can't quite get it. I do have mahosive boobs - maybe that's something to do with it . Can everyone else do it one handed? Just thinking it's impossible to have cake tea in a caff with no hands

Where in kent are you, if you don't mind me asking? I lived previously in medway, now Maidstone. I've never had a negative comment and have been BF for over 5 years continuouslyround and about. someone in Bluewater once told me that they had feeding rooms I could use. I think this was out of concern for me rather than her feelings.

I still feed DD (26 months) out and about with no problems.
Are you near any of the LLL meetings? They run in Maidstone, Rochester, Rainham and one is starting soon in Canterbury. Always handy to get practised in front of other BF mums.

wotmania I'm more the sevenoaks ish area so not that close to maidston etc :( but i do go to bluewater quite a bit (well, pre preg I did) so will deffo go there and hunt out a feeding room.

btw these feeding rooms people speak of in dpt stores - never heard of them! are they with the loos/baby changing area or do you have to ask to get in? might be worth trying that initially

Just another vote here for the "never had any negative commments from members of the public" party. I too have mahoosive norks and can't feed single handedly and DS is 6mo now so comes on and off roughly every 3 seconds to look around at anything and everything.

I was also anxious in the early days but have quickly realised that a) no one really notices you feeding, b) no one cares and c) if your baby needs feeding you soon forget your inhibitions and just get on with it. Maybe find another bf mum you could go out for coffee with then you feel a bit of safety in numbers.

I have never used a muslin/cover or whatever, just can't manage the logistics and tbh I think it draws more attention to me... not that I'm bothered about that now, but I just don't care now. And believe me, I was a very very shy about my body type person before DS. You will get there, relax, don't stress about it and just do whatever you feel comfortable with. You'll be feeding here, there and everywhere in a couple of weeks I bet.

Have never used a feeding room, would much rather people-watch in a cafe or on a bench or whatever, but if thats what you feel comfortable with then go with that. M and S, John Lewis, Mothercare, Boots, lots of places have them - I'd never noticed them before DS either :)

They are often in the changing rooms. The JL one is in the changeing room but separate. If you are in Sevenoaks (I went to Walthamstow hall :) ) I really don't think anyone would dare say anything, though they might tut. They are far too repressed.

I once had to feed on a train, squashed next to a man who was reading the Sun or something similar, and his newspaper had 'BRITAIN'S TOP TWENTY TITTIES!!' or something as its headline.
I was reeeeaaally not looking forward to feeding next to him but there was nowhere else to sit and it was a long train journey so no option but to get on with it, and he didn't even notice, or if he did he didn't bat an eyelid. And that was with immense boobs and a wriggly 8 month old..

Also I think it's illegal for anyone to object to a woman breastfeeding her baby, anywhere.

And it definitely gets easier (or you just get more shameless!).

OP go ahead feed in public, start small, local coffee shop or similar, i have only ever been complimented for bf in public, IMO the trick is don't ask, that way you are not drawing attention to what your doing, (not in an ashamed way, i just mean people get curious)

I was sat in birmingham city center last week, ds3 needed a feed, so just got on with it, spotted a couple of older ladies on the next table, obvious that they were talking about me.......

hackles up and speach ready, one of them came over, ....... turns out they were a lovely gropup all cooing over baby and how fantasic that you could bf in public, as they couldn't when their babies were young, had a great chat with them. I was shocked as i had been expecting an ear bashing very judgemental of me

as for clothes, get a couple of suumer vest tops, wear one under your usual top, pull top up and vest down, your top top will cover everything once bambino is latched on, works out at about three pounds each.

good luck

The law is indeed on your side. You are legally entitled to feed your baby.

I've never asked anyone's permission. And I've never had a negative reaction (2 years of BF here across two babies). For the first couple of months with DS1 I found it quite difficult to BF, and couldn't do it in public. After that it got very easy, so you may find it gets much easier too. As others have said, get a vest top under a stretchy/loose top - so you pull top up and vest down a bit and don't expose too much. By the time your DC is 3 mths, you'll probably just be able to poke their head in the general direction and they'll latch on themselves, so you don't have to expose anything/do much.
Have fed on crowded trains, in banks/shops, waiting rooms of all types, on park bench, in cafes, on aeroplanes, in meetings (i work from home but occasionally have to go to meetings and had a couple while on maternity leave). The more you do it, the less of a 'thing' it seems. It really can be just a part of everyday life. And, funnily enough, once you do it, you realise that quite a few mothers you see out and about cuddling their babies are actually feeding them - you don't notice when you're not in that situation (and mostly other people won't be noticing you either).

I've had one negative reaction - two old biddies at a school fete furtively looking and muttering to each other. When I pointed it out to DH, he stood up and loudly pointed at them and said THEM? ARE THOSE HORRIBLE WOMEN MUTTERING ABOUT OUR BABY EATING? HOW FUCKING RUDE! which made me love him even more.

But we are in one of those Nappy Valley areas with Bugaboos double-parked everywhere and I couldn't think of an easier place to raise a posse of breastfeeding mums to run them off the school grounds.

But aside from them, people are lovely about it. Yesterday at the restaurant the waiter poured me a glass of water, asked me if I needed anything else, gave me a big smile and left me to it. I think you will be surprised by how positively people react.

I was once feeding on a bench in a shopping centre and a waitress from the café opposite came rushing out and asked if I wanted to come in and sit down. She was about 8 months pregnant which might have had something to do with it!