Yesterday I was in the same room as several mothers who nurse their school aged children

[Babieseverywhere]

This was the annual LLL social coffee morning for nursing mothers of children over 4 years old !
It was so nice to discuss the good and bad points about nursing older children. :D

Roll on next year :)

'If I had a 7 year old still using nappies/bottles/dummies/being spoonfed puree etc I would try to move them forward (and I'm not talking about pushing children who aren't ready, which is the way it was taken further up the thread), but helping children to grow up appropriately.'

That's because you see bfing as something babies/small toddlers do not something that children do. It's a bit like saying 'I'm trying to stop my 6 year old play with toys - I think he should start learning how to file and use the fax machine'.

Playing with toys is an age appropriate behaviour for a 6 year old, there is time enough for a child to pick up office skills when they are ready and of an employable age.

Bfing is an age appropriate behaviour and a child will do with out it when they are ready, there is time enough for them to self soothe/have a fully functioning immune system/eat a full diet.

If weaned before they have grown out of it they will use other things to fill that gap (thumb sucking/lovey/dummy/whatever comforts them) until the time they feel they can do with out the artificial prop.

I think people forget that adults exist for one purpose only - to beget offspring so all we do should be in their best interests (biologically speaking not spoiling). I am talking about in a pure biological sense - all species seek to reproduce and flourish so as long as the upcoming generation is as healthy as can be it doesn't matter what happens to the preceding generation. Obviously we have moved past that to some extent culturally but we can't escape that our biology seeks to pour the resources in our bodies into our children's bodies for as long as is possible (if you excuse the pun ).

If though a child can't physically bf when they have adult teeth (unless somehow they teach themselves to latch again) then the issue of much older children bfing seems moot to me.

DD1 self weaned at 3.6y/o when I as 8 month pg with DD3 and I as willing, if not at all enthusiastic, to bf DD1, DD2 & DD3.

But as it turned out DD1 self weaned as she got her adult teeth early - she has just turned 5 (this week) and has 4 adult molars and one adult front tooth (which she has had for a few months now). She had difficulty latching for a few weeks prior to her last attempted feed (couldn't suckle or put her tongue in the right place) and when I checked her mouth she had massive gaps at the end of her jaw after her baby molars which she hadn't had a few weeks previously. So we told her she was now too big to bf and she was a really big girl now, she was fine about it. She hasn't asked for it since though I did express once for her which she though as horrid and she has tried to have 'Daddy Bah' to DH's eternal disgust .

DD2 is nursing now at 3.3y/o and she feeds with nowhere near the frequency of DD1 (a major bfer and I though for sure DD2 would be the first to wean) but she hasn't had any problems latching yet and I don't anticipate any happening soon given her dentition. Plus as she is unwell I am in no hurry to speed up the process.

What my rambling post meant to say was if the shape of mouth/state of dentition control maximum length of bfing from the point of view of the child then they can only bf as long as their physiology lets them - assuming the desire to bf continues up to that point.

Some children don't need to bf as long as others and may self wean from a emotional/supportive bfing relationship before their physiology insists on an end to bfing.

A mother who allows a child to bf as long as they need to is not doing anything to harm the child - it is a passive neutral inaction not an active participation on the mother's behalf to encourage bfing past the point of being able to bf.

I read littlepigshavebigbears post a couple of pages and it made me cry.Very touchingly put. I imagine all of us who were bf (not me,sadly)will have unconscious memories of that time, and the ebfers will just have more recallable memories.I'm sure my DDs will remember bf and I hope that for them that is a memory of love and initimacy and safety.I don't think anyone sets out with a first baby intending to feed to 4 or beyond,its just a day to day progression:-If you don't set an end point,as i didn't,then you happily drift along with your child.Why that is ever up for criticism is beyond me,surely we can all do with as much love and closeness in our lives as we can get.

TheSecondComing, why on earth does the child agree to it, if it's so cruel to him and so embarrassing? As someone (LeninGrad?) said upthread, it's not easy to make a three year old do what you want at the best of times, I can't imagine that this child is suckling against his own wishes.

Toddlerwrangler, I think under-twos are already at the stage of "ooh this feels nice", but you said you were comfortable with older toddlers breastfeeding, so I'm not sure that your bright line really is so bright.

I'm not trying to get you to say anything, I haven't even decided if I agree with you or not! I was just curious, because I would have thought that by four, if the kids are laughing openly, he'd maybe be aware that it's not a usual thing to do? But I see what you mean, it's the fact that he'll be That Boy Who Still Sucked His Mum's Boob later in life.

What a shame, though. Because it's a vicious cycle, isn't it? It's unusual, so therefore he'll get teased, so therefore she shouldn't do it, so therefore it'll remain unusual.

Nursing an school sashes child at the school gate is a breastfeeding myth.

All the mothers agreed that all our children our grew the need for nursing in public and they would only ask for milk at home. Last public feeds were between 3 and 4 years old and often linked to injuries.

All the mothers provided standard snacks and drinks for their children, both at home and in public.

I know thesecondcoming dines out on her friends 'breastfeed in the park story' but this is either an exception to the rule, one off occurrence as the child was injuried or inaccurate gossip.

I find the talk of lovelies, dummies etc interesting, as my children have none of these things. They have favourite toys but show no distress when they vanish.

TheSecondComing - I don't think many extended breastfeeders would offer their kid breastmilk as an after school snack in the park rather than a gingerbread man or bananna. By that time it tends to be an evening and nightime thing, part of the cosy bedtime routine.

On the other hand if the child had fallen down and scraped their knee, was over tired and inconsolable and really wanted to breastfeed, why not. Kids tease other kids over all kinds of things - eating 'wierd'' food, smelling like curry, because they have a disabled sibling, being a tom boy, having an accent etc... They can also learn to accept difference.

TheSecondComing never saw the child breastfeed in the park but heard the gossip later on, which is why I am guessing that the child had hurt themselves prior to nursing.

I have found whilst nursing my younger babies and toddlers, that other children are very interested in what is happening. Some might be giggly at first but if you tell them what its happening and what cows milk is (i.e. Breast milk from a cow) they settle down and just learn that some babies aren't fed from bottles.

Our society needs a lot more normalisation of such a normal process. Really there should be no need for me to drive an hour to met up with an handfull of women, who understand me.

Nursing our older children is normal and hopefully everyone will see that.

What always amazes me, from personal experience, is the amount of people who are repulsed at breastfeeding an older child, and yet happily let them walk around with a dummy in at 5 or 6 yrs old, or admit to giving them a bottle of milk still.

This happened to me a few times, fellow parents aghast that dd was still breastfeeding (and because she was eating normally, and of course, drinking other things, it wasn't as if she was bfing like a newborn, it got to first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and then the morning one went, and then she suddenly just forgot one night to ask for milk, so never fed again) and yet, "oooh I have to prepare her a bottle of milk and give it to her at night with her bedtime story".

REally liking your last sentence Babieseverywhere :-)

Yes, please private message me, the address and usual day and times of this lady's visit to the park.

I would be very interested to meet her.

BTW your last post about this lady (on another thread) you said it had happened once and though you had not seen it yourself, it had been reported to you by several people.

I can only go off what you posted, if you decide to change your story how am I ment to keep with you.

So now you have witnessed this lady breastfeeding and she is a regular feature of your park visits. Well not something I would choose to do myself, but good on her.

Awaiting your PM.

Opps, meant to keep up with you