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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Best Clothes for Breast Feeding & General Advice

73 replies

TicTacsMum · 16/10/2005 15:09

I'm only 32 weeks pregnant but planning to BF. My problem is that I can't imagine being able to do it in front of anyone - especially my dad and brother - and the thought of doing it in public terrifies me!! I wondered if anyone has any tips on the best clothes to wear for privacy or just any other general advice.

Also my boyfriend isn't hugely supportive of the breastfeeding thing and whenever I speak to his mother about BF she's really really negative and normally says something like "You'll probably not do it for long anyway - I bet you'll end up using formula"!!! It's driving me mad

Ta

OP posts:
pootlepod · 16/10/2005 16:02

If you're 32 weeks, you'll be having a winter baby...

I wouldn't bother with 'special' tops, I did buy one but I found it fiddly and the buttons showed. As you are having a winter baby you might want to investigate a shawl/cardi/poncho/pashmina type thing- you may not want to wear this all the time but have in your bag and use it for feeding.

Generally the baby does cover your modesty and it's only latching on/off that's a bit tricky. I practised this at home and also in front of a mirror- after about 2 weeks I felt confident to feed in front of people at home- (I asked my sister what she could see) and a month to feed outside. I tried to chose good seats, i.e. next to a wall etc. For the first few days I would recommend doing it alone if you are shy- I had to literally get undressed and I had huge boobs but things settle down and you will get better with practise.

I found it helpful to undo my bra feeding clip first, underneath my clothes and then pull it down (sorting out the breast pad!). Then I would place dd in position and lift my top to feed. When she had finished I would then cover up asap, pull my bra up a little, burp her and then sort out my clip.

I never encountered any hostility although some people do, however it's probably only these cases which get into the papers etc.

Regarding the support, breastfeeding is a skill which has to be learnt by both mother and baby, it took me two weeks to feel as if I knew what I was doing- it can take longer and I had a few problems of nipples being sore and engorgement. You need to make sure you have some people on side for you if things aren't going too well so perhaps investigate numbers for breastfeeding counsellors before (NCT- you do not have to be a member or midwives)- if you have negative support from you families then this could be helpful.

Good luck!

MrsSpoon · 16/10/2005 16:11

I found fitted/rather than big baggy, t-shirts and jumpers worked best (although make sure they are loose enough to be able to pull them up). Easier than fighting with yards of t-shirt and baby.

As far as Dads go, first time round my Dad hid under the paper every time I fed DS1 but by the time I was feeding DS2 he had been watching daytime TV and learned loads about the health benefits and rather than hiding away he openly talked to me about how good it was for DS2 . I know my Dad wouldn't have sat looking at me if anything had been on show. The mirror idea is good, I also worked a similar system to Pootlepod for getting bra unhitched/latching baby etc.

I fed in public loads and I think it's just a case of getting your confidence up. I've had some really nice/positive experiences when out and about feeding, very few people are disapproving and of those very few will have the guts/nerve to kick up a fuss.

katzguk · 16/10/2005 16:16

hi my friend used this site to get some tops breastfeeding

she emailled them first to get an idea of size, think she worked out that she got 3 tops inc p and p for about £30

Shivs1974 · 16/10/2005 16:35

Hi TTM
Hope you don't mind me posting. I bought a black short sleeved top from Blooming Marvellous (in size large) when I was pregnant. As my dd never latched on (I express full time), I've only tried it on - and never worn it. If you're interested, I'd be happy to sell it to you
Here's a pic of it

What do you think? Oh, the size is large. Let me know if you're interested...

liquoriceallsorts · 16/10/2005 16:43

I didn't buy anything special to breastfeed - personally I think its just a gimmick to get pregnant women to buy more crap! Once you get practised at feeding you can slip baby up under most tops and feed fairly discretely (if you want to). The only thing I can't wear is clothing that goes over the whole body (like a dress) with no buttons at the top. Blouses are hard because you have to open up and show a lot of breast which is hard if you feel self conscious and have to feed in public.

Tiportreatex · 16/10/2005 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tadpole · 16/10/2005 17:01

hennes have some nice t shirts both short and long sleeved for feeding. they have a wrap over effect top with a panel behind and you get to your breasts between the wrap bit and the panel and they look like ordinary tops. theyre cheap too.

Original poster
TicTacsMum · 16/10/2005 17:53

Thanks for everyones advice - I like the idea of the vest top & hoodie/cardigan idea and can see that that might work for me.

About MIL - it does make me more determined!

Partner will be fine when the time comes I hope as he is very supportive about everthing else. I think he's coming round to the idea of BF (slowly). I keep telling him the health benefits and the other day he said -"why doesn't everyone do it then?" as if the BF is something bizarre!

Shivs1974 I like the look of the top but think i'd need a small.

Cheers

OP posts:
aloha · 16/10/2005 17:57

Oh yes, flashing your tummy flab is definitely worse that the miniscule about of bosom flashing that goes on (less than if you were wearing a low-cut top IME).
I just wear t-shirts (normal fitted ones) and hoik them up.

Mojomummy · 16/10/2005 18:09

definetely get a decent bra !! I would try the Elle Mcpherson range as they have a sort of drop down cup which doesn't expose the boob as much. Figleaves.com sell them.

Also normal button up shirts should be fine & zip up cardigans - well, this was fine for me !

And well done for breast feeding

aloha · 16/10/2005 18:11

I also recommend Elle Macpherson bras. Have one on as I type! By far the best. Really, it's the only style I wear as it's the only one that actually works like a bra and gives support and a half-decent shape.

I couldn't do shirts etc, felt too exposed.

kama · 16/10/2005 18:20

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
TicTacsMum · 16/10/2005 18:55

Just looked at the Figleaves website. OMG £30 for a bra Will have to be something cheaper I think

OP posts:
frannykenstein · 16/10/2005 19:12

Ask someone to buy you an Elle Macpherson bra instead of a present for the baby! (or hint for vouchers from Blooming Marvellous, they sell them too). They are wonderful, so comfortable and feminine.

Agree that a vest or t-shirt with a cardi over the top is the best for modesty. Another mum gave me a good hint for keeping warm and not exposing tummy flab - cut a hole over the chest area of a normal t-shirt, then tuck it in to your trousers or skirt. Wear your usual top over this t-shirt and just pull up to feed.

You don't have to feed in front of your dad etc. if you don't want to or until you feel more confident. It's probably best to go into a private room (or ask visitors to go into another room) to feed at first anyway as you and the baby will both be more relaxed. I felt terribly awkward about feeding in public at first but it gets easier and easier. People honestly don't tend to notice once you get the hang of it and relax - they think you are just cuddling the baby. However there are nearly always private places to go if you prefer. If you're out shopping you can go in a changing room, in a cafe there is often a mother and baby room.

Try to get your boyfriend on your side - it's pretty hard work at times even if your partner is supportive. Would he read stuff about how beneficial it is? Maybe leave some leaflets around, or find a good website for him.

Good luck and kama is right, after the first month or so it actually becomes easy and enjoyable, honest

Mojomummy · 16/10/2005 19:34

well, I thought £30 for a bra, but believe you me, worth EVERY penny !

I bought 2 horrible (tight on the ribs) mothercare ones + a couple (badly fitting)of Asda ones. Then after 7 mths, bought an M&S one. It's lacy & bulky & cost £10 + . I always felt frumpy & lumpy in them. So I must have spent almost £60 & felt awful the whole time

You'll be giving birth, you DESERVE the decent bras & getting vouchers for them or bought for you in a GREAT idea. They also do matching thongs, which your DP might like ( mind you, you might not fancy wearing those for a while....)

dinny · 16/10/2005 19:40

just wear a vest under whatever normal top you are wearing if worried about exposing flesh - then pull outer top up and vest down, iyswim!

buffytheharpsichordcarrier · 16/10/2005 19:43

lots of really good advice on here... I absolutely second the person who said that the first month is NOT indicative of what bf can/will be like. My sister told me this at the beginning, when I was having difficulty latching on. She said - in a couple of weeks you will be doing it on the bus. and she was right - like everything, once you get used to it and confident it is SO much easier.
At the start I used to carry a blanket/muslin around with me for a while which I used to call a "dining rooom" - it gave me confidence to drape it over my shoulder.
don't feel you HAVE to bf in front of someone if you are not confident, and it is a really good excuse to escape and go and have a lie down for a bit in a quiet room! but if you are nervous, then it can help to sit right next to the person who is making you nervous (in my case my father in law) so that the whole operation is out of his line of sight - then you can both carry on talking as if nothing is happening.
good luck with it all, and I hope that it works out for you. I am still bf (2 1/2 years later) and I have to say that it is a wonderful experience if it works for you.

lummox · 16/10/2005 19:45

would have agreed with everyone else that there is no need to get the special feeding tops until this week.

i found myself sat by the side of the road feeding ds (who was getting beside himself too far from home to make it back) with French farmers gawping from their tractors.

now to be fair that isn't going to happen everyday, but for the first time i was quite pleased to have a special feeding shirt with buttons so that you show as little boob as possible. might be worth getting one or two.

(or not moving to France, I guess)

intergalacticwalrus · 16/10/2005 19:46

I didn't get dressed for 4 months, and after that, I was just grateful for clothes that fitted that weren't maternity.

JennyWren · 16/10/2005 19:53

Hi,
I find best either a vest/cardie combination or big shirts that I could unbutton from the bottom -all of my upper chest and whichever side I am not feeding from stay covered and the loose bit of shirt tucks around my dd's head to cover the outside of my breast. Some people cover the baby's head with the shirt but I find it hard to latch dd when I can't see her, and I like to watch her, anyway!

The best bit of advice I had about feeding in the presence of someone I felt uncomfortable feeding in front of, or who might themselves feel uncomfortable, was not to literally feed in front of them, but to arrange to sit next to them. Then they can't see you chest on anyway, and they don't have any issue about where to look.

Hope that helps.

Original poster
TicTacsMum · 16/10/2005 19:56

I've been lurking for months and just plucked up the courage to post for the first time today. I can't believe I've got so much good advice already - thanks everyone! There'll be no stopping me now!!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/10/2005 20:05

£30 for a bra but you will be wearing that bra every day for the next X months (12 per DS in my case) so at a cost per wear it's not so bad. And there is the Feel Good Factor too. From what I remember, maternity and nursing bras were designed as a contraceptive device. Having just looked at the Elle McPherson ones, I'm amazed at the difference!

Having said that, I wouldn't buy an expensive one for the beginning - from what I remember, my ribcage shrank fairly rapidly and then of course there's the ever changing cup size. Best have some cheap ones for starting out and treat yourself to a couple of expensive ones (bought with the money you're saving by not buying formula!) later on when it's settled down.

Oh, and beware of buying special bf-ing tops to fit your pregnant size. I had a Blooming Marvellous one which was fab as a maternity shirt but looked like a shapeless tent as I began to shrink.

CarolinaFullMoon · 16/10/2005 20:06

Any vest/t-shirt/jumper/cardie combo works well. Just no button-up shirts or dresses. M&S nursing bras are about £20 I think so not that pricey, but I wish I'd got some Elle McPhersons instead - the Marksies ones are getting horribly grey and saggy now.

kama is right about the first month. You're likely to spend an awful lot of that first month feeding though, and I bet after a couple of weeks you won't feel so self-conscious feeding in front of relatives. The baby will hide your boob and they don't wriggle at that age so there's no unexpected flashing.

I found feeding in public much easier if I had dp or another mum with me, as if the extra numbers would stop any heckling . I haven't had any negative comments at all though, in nearly 12 months of feeding ds.

Good luck

Psychobabble · 16/10/2005 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 16/10/2005 20:08

Oh, I never had a single negative comment feeding in public and I fed DS for 12 months and DS2 for 14 months.