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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

HV suggested I starve DS to get him to take Bottle/Cup/Formula

92 replies

cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 14:40

Help, the thought of starving him feels very wrong.
Have been EBF DS (17wks) who is starting nursery in 2 weeks and I go back to work in 4 weeks he will not accept a bottle or formula AT ALL, have been trying for 4 weeks now.
Have tried all bottles, temps, teats, brands, hungry /not hungry,in his sleep, other people the lot. It seems to be the taste, he pulls a face, spits it out then clamps his lips shut.

There is no way I'll ever be able to express enough (found this very hard and don't produce much)

HV suggested cold turkey and basically starve him out? (HV helpfully said his weight was fine so go ahead)
If I do this my mum and sister have suggested I leave the house until they have managed to feed him.

Do I express a bit and then slowly dilute this with formula?

Advice, experience welcome, I'm desperate.

OP posts:
japhrimel · 28/01/2011 15:15

Expressing and slowly switching seems far better than cold turkey! Are you stopping bfing completely?

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 15:30

I don't want to , in an ideal world I'd feed first and last thing.

OP posts:
ScarlettWalking · 28/01/2011 15:33

I don't think that sounds great at all - can you not get some more specialist help?

japhrimel · 28/01/2011 15:36

It feels instinctively like trying starvation could be bad for your future bfing relationship IMO.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 15:41

From who - nursery were the same, doctor referred me to HV, private baby nurses ??
sorry typing one handed so it's a bit brief

OP posts:
ScarlettWalking · 28/01/2011 15:43

Yes private peadiatrician/ infant feeding/ nutrition specialists. Do you have health cover of any sort?

happyhappyjoyjoy · 28/01/2011 15:47

Sorry you are going through this. I had a bottle refuser and it's very worrying when you know you have to back to work.

You do know he might refuse a bottle of expressed milk as well? DD refused bottles / cups of ANYTHING until she was about 9 months old. Luckily I didn't have to go back until she was 9 months old but I worried about it so much for the couple of months beforehand.

I know people who have done method your HV suggested. My sister did it with her DD as she was going back to work and was desperate. It worked, but I think there was a lot of upset involved (for both mum and baby).

WoTmania · 28/01/2011 15:52

don't have have phone numbers to hand but you could phone one of the bf helplines (La Leche League, NCT, ABM etc) and/or go to a local BF group.

The LLL groiupo I go to has a number of mothers who have gone back to work and stll managed to give the babies just EBM while at work.

happyhappyjoyjoy · 28/01/2011 15:52

How far is your work from the nursery? Would it be possible to nip there in your lunch break to feed your DS? Have you considered weaning him?

happyhappyjoyjoy · 28/01/2011 15:53

Have you tried an electric pump WRT expressing?

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 15:57

Happy - yes indeed for two weeks just not much came out and it's not a long term solution for me, I don't work near enough and it's not the type of job where I can pop back.
Have started weaning but early, early stages.

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 16:11

Scarlett - investigating with DH, didn't think it would be so hard.

OP posts:
hannahsaunt · 28/01/2011 16:17

I tried it with ds2 and failed ... he would go v happily from early morning feed to bedtime feed with nothing if it meant not taking a bottle ... HV said given I was only working 3 days a week, to go back to work happily - BF him morning and night with proper meals & water in between and to do 3x BF on the 4 days I was at home ... it was fine.

I actually expressed milk every lunch time and drove it over to nursery where the girls would spoon it in with a teaspoon (refused bottles, sippy cups etc). I am a v soft touch ...

He knows his mind ... He's now 8 and thriving.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 16:24

I'm working FT, DS will be at nursery from 07.30am til 6pm and some days I will have to work late, or away from home - i have to work and tbh am looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Petsville · 28/01/2011 17:50

No suggestions, but watching with interest as we're in the same boat. We were desperate enough to pay for help but the maternity nurse who was going to come and try to crack it for us had to cry off because her own daughter went into labour unexpectedly. I think we're going to have to go down the "starve him out" route as I'm FT and long hours (and the job needs my brain, so I can't be up all night feeding him to make up for him not having eaten during the day).

Petsville · 28/01/2011 17:53

Oh, and in our case the problem seems to be the bottle, not the milk - we were trying for ages with EBM and got nowhere. We're now trying with formula and it seems to make no difference either way.

I wish someone warned you this might happen - it's been huge stress, it's bad for our relationship (I hate BFing and only persevered for DS's health) and it's going to mess up my return to work (in a v. hostile and insecure environment, so I need to be as on the ball as possible as soon as I get back).

wickedfairy · 28/01/2011 18:03

Oh God - we are in exactly the same boat as you - am anxiously awaiting some advice, just like yourself. Due back to work in less than 8 weeks and we seem to be going nowhere. My DD (almost 6 months) is EBF and we have been weaning for about 3weeks. She happily takes food, but doesn't really drink any water from bottle/cup.

Absolutely WILL NOT drink milk from a bottle/cup. We have tried formula (cartons and powder) and also expressed milk. Different bottles and teats, hungry-not hungry, I feed, DH feeds. Milk appears to make no difference, as she refuses my own milk - it is the bottle.

Today I bfed her (both sides) at 9am and she has had no food since. Have been trying both formula and expressed and I think she must have taken less than 30ml/1oz since 9am. She is not crying to much (yet) but we are expecting to be up all night. I feel terrible starving her, but she seems ok so far????? Very strange. Obviously this will not last long and she will become ravenous.

Does it make a difference if I am out of the house? DH got her to take 50ml yesterday pm when I was out. Can she sense I am around, even though in another room.

Sorry for the thread hijack - it seems this problem is very common unfortunately.....

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 18:31

Good to hear from you Petsville, ditto re wishing we'd had known it was this bloomin hard.
WickedFairy - the whole me not being about has been suggested so as a last resort - think I will try expresssing and mixing and then cold turkey if not.

OP posts:
germum · 28/01/2011 20:29

These are my experiences.

DS1 - gave him bottle of EBM from birth, went on holiday at 2 mths and didn't do it. Came home and he stopped taking bottle. I was due to go to work at 3 mths ( and didn't want to stop bf) so expressed every feed until he took the bottle. It took about 8 hrs which seemed like an eternity especially as he was used to feeding every 2 hrs. I kept it up for the first night and the next day went back to bf and one bottle EBM a day and he was absolutely fine.

DD2 - had no attempts at bottles until about 5 mths old. She would take very little and reversed cycled on me ( had all her milk at night) until I did cc at 6 mths

DD3 - had no attempts of bottle until 5 mths old. Had no problems with actually taking bottle because I bf her according to EASY routine rather than on demand so she wasnt used to feeding for comfort.

Rebecca41 · 28/01/2011 20:36

Regarding the bottle issue - I just kept on trying, and the Haberman Feeder bottle worked in the end.

But I didn't try to introduce DS to a new flavour at the same time as a new feeding method. I started with expressed breast milk, then gradually introduced cows milk (he was older). So I'd start with 1 part milk to 9 parts breast milk, then gradually reduce breast milk component over a matter of days. It worked fine, and by the end of it he happily drank cows milk.

Rosebud05 · 30/01/2011 09:50

We've got some friends in a similar situation for the same reasons ie returning to work.

They seem to be getting there, by mum going out whilst someone else gives the baby a bottle and REALLY REALLY persevering - it's really hard.

If expressing isn't an option, maybe the jump to formula is too big. Could you start with watered down formula (not as the whole feed, just to facilitate his drinking) then build up?

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 30/01/2011 11:30

So finally managed to express 80mls and most of that went down his front but some made it, DH did it and it sounded awful, tippee cup seemed better than the breastflow bottle but TBH there was so much screaming (I was hiding upstairs) I couldn't really tell.

Off to express some more and start it all again.

OP posts:
Petsville · 30/01/2011 15:50

Good luck, cuppatea. We got nowhere by perseverance (we've been trying since November!), so we're about to get tough as time is running out. From tonight, no BF during the night: it's a bottle from DH or nothing. If that gets nowhere, we move to cutting out BF during the day. Feel horrible, but there is no real alternative.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 30/01/2011 16:24

Petsville, you're back v. soon I think let me know how you get on.
Second expressed feed today from tippee cup seemed slightly better but still just a few mils, I mixed the remainder with baby rice as couldn't bear to waste it. Me thinks I will also be in cold turkey street too.
Hope you getting more sleep re sleep regression.

OP posts:
Beveridge · 30/01/2011 16:35

DD became a bottle refusnik at 4 months, then discovered she would take defrosted breastmilk from a bottle before she would take fresh, it can taste different so may do the trick.