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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

HV suggested I starve DS to get him to take Bottle/Cup/Formula

92 replies

cuppateaanyone · 28/01/2011 14:40

Help, the thought of starving him feels very wrong.
Have been EBF DS (17wks) who is starting nursery in 2 weeks and I go back to work in 4 weeks he will not accept a bottle or formula AT ALL, have been trying for 4 weeks now.
Have tried all bottles, temps, teats, brands, hungry /not hungry,in his sleep, other people the lot. It seems to be the taste, he pulls a face, spits it out then clamps his lips shut.

There is no way I'll ever be able to express enough (found this very hard and don't produce much)

HV suggested cold turkey and basically starve him out? (HV helpfully said his weight was fine so go ahead)
If I do this my mum and sister have suggested I leave the house until they have managed to feed him.

Do I express a bit and then slowly dilute this with formula?

Advice, experience welcome, I'm desperate.

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 04/02/2011 12:19

So am still BF but trying 1-2 feeds a day with formula thru the cup and meals watered down with formula milk to get him used to the taste.
Still trying with the cup and it's very slow but feels like progress, I don't ever think he'll take loads of milk this way tho and feeding first and last thing actually still feels quite limiting.
I tried to express yesterday and literally nothing came out all day so gonna give that up I think.
Petsville - hope the maternity nurse visit went well, interested to hear her thoughts

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KSal · 05/02/2011 08:28

cuppatea I am also still BF and trying the same bottle every day. Only getting an ounce in by dripping it into his mouth. Seems like a total waste of time but i'm trying not to upset him (cos he can go crackers) and let him know that he can get milk elsewhere. I'm hoping he will click but if not we're a bit stuffed and will have to do cold turkey.

my mum keeps telling me that my bro was on cups only at 6 months, but she got him onto bottle at 3 months so its a bit different.

Also interested to hear petsville's experience with the maternity nurse

Petsville · 05/02/2011 09:25

Well, the maternity nurse was very nice, good with DS, generally helpful about sleep / settling - but she couldn't get him to take a bottle in spite of hours of trying. She didn't mention anything that hasn't been said on here (letting him play with the teat, making sure the bottle's warm, trying when he's half-asleep), but it was quite helpful to have it all brought together. She's obviously not used to failure: I think we really do have an ultra-stubborn baby.

We've just gone cold turkey: DS's last BF was at 4 yesterday afternoon, and we're offering the bottle (and water), but no breast from now on. The mat nurse and my GP both advised us to do that, and I don't see that we've got any choice. I'm sitting here listening to DH trying to get a bottle into him and my boobs are killing me!

KSal · 05/02/2011 10:06

Good luck. Sorry its come to this, but i'm sure that it will do the trick and hope it doesn't take too long.

Petsville · 05/02/2011 10:33

PS I meant to add that the maternity nurse said this is an incredibly common problem, and she's tempted to set up an anti-NCT to warn women that if they're going to need their babies to take a bottle, they need to start after the first couple of weeks and keep going. Apparently she regularly gets calls from women who are working all day and feeding all night and falling apart Sad.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 05/02/2011 14:12

Ksal - I also feel like i'm getting no-where fast, and no his sleep is suffering, he's waking every 2.5 hours, we had this a while back then he was great and now i'm on my knees. After a whole week maybe he will take 50 mls but only when he's happy otherwise he has a meltdown. Good news is that he seems to have really taken to food and is eating everything we throw at him. Spoke with my HV and technically two BF's a day is enough if he eats like he has been doing but still need him to accept fluids.
Petsville - suspected that would be the advice and I think it's the only way, think it's all or nothing. If I want DS to benefit from breastmilk will have to mix into his meals (if I ever manage to produce any) whilst there's boob he'll accept nothing else. Really feel for you hope you crack it, please let us know how you get on.

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Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 05/02/2011 14:31

Just to add, discussed weaning at length with HV, I know it's not for everyone.

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Petsville · 05/02/2011 14:39

cuppatea, we're weaning too - DS is loving real food, which is the one bright spot in this whole sorry mess. Sounds as though your HV is more use than ours - I can't imagine discussing anything with the one we've got.

Sorry about your sleep problems - we had the same sort of waking pattern for about 8 weeks and I was falling to bits. DS is still wakeful but he's old enough that we can say definitely that he doesn't need to feed between midnight and 6, so DH and I are splitting the nights. Might you be able to do that?

Nearly 24 hours and he still won't take a bottle - has had water, so we're not worried about him dehydrating, but he hasn't taken any milk at all Sad.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 05/02/2011 14:51

Yup we're sharing nights too, he can go right through so with the first waking we put him in his bouncy chair under our extractor fan on a medium setting and it's like magic but sleeping in the kitchen is not a long term solution.
Otherwise we play white noise pretty loud and I hear him wake sometimes and then drift back off but that was last week and this week he's wide awake. giving him a BF is the quickest way of getting him back off, why oh why does this coincide with me trying to get him off the breast!
24 Hours, thinking of you, HV and Doctors all say 'they won't starve themselves' but you do wonder. Hang in there.

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WildhoodChunder · 05/02/2011 20:31

I don't know if this might help - ~Petsville's seen my thread, not the same scenario as DS has taken bottles previously and only lately got fussy - I hadn't tried dreamfeeding him but just have and he's taken it without a murmur. Have you tried that? Sorry if someone's already suggested it. I got him off to sleep on the breast and then 'offered' the bottle (sort of wiping it on his lips where they close, and if he parts them, slip it in.

Petsville · 05/02/2011 20:35

Thanks, WildhoodChunder. DS won't dreamfeed at all - breast or bottle. I don't know why not given that he makes eating motions in his sleep quite often, so he clearly does dream about milk.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 07/02/2011 12:14

WildhoodChunder, have also tried this.
Am at my wits end now and see no other option - I genuinely would not have BF had I known how much upset this would cause, I'm losing sleep with worry, every feed is a battle and this kind of prolonged stress isn't helping anyone.
Will feedback on my experience.

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kissncuddle · 07/02/2011 16:21

Hi my baby went to nursery at around 5.5 months and has never taken formula. Once solids come in then you might find your baby waits.

Once they have solids they can have yoghurt other food.
You may need to somehow pop in for bf for the next 6 weeks but then you may find your baby waits and that you just need to feed feed feed around the time you work.

You will be tired but please do not worry and enjoy your last 2 weeks. The nursery will know what to do in terms of trying to get your baby to have a bottle.

My baby never took a bottle but was fine to be left at 6 months and fed like crazy after and before work and round the clock. It is tiring, but doable. I worried like crazy about how he would not take formula, cups, spoon feeding of milk, formula and then later on even cows milk, but it all worked itself out. I never expressed either as could not seem to do it. My baby was always around 91st percentile too.

Please try enjoy your last few weeks and do not worry.

kissncuddle · 07/02/2011 16:24

Oh and op my baby took lots of water, but never got down to 2 feeds a day. I still fed through the night.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 07/02/2011 16:40

Thanks Kissncuddle, the thought of feeding through the night makes me feel physically sick, I am scared enough about sleep and holding down a job as it is and simply cannot drop everything and get back to nursery to feed him.
Struggling to enjoy my time with him having this hanging over me and the prospect of getting even less sleep than I do now....

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WildhoodChunder · 07/02/2011 17:29

Has anyone suggested trying to syringe feed formula? DD would not feed at all at the start but would swallow milk dribbled in from syringe? I have nothing else to suggest, sorry you're going through this.

kissncuddle · 07/02/2011 18:44

Cuppateaanyone please do try enjoy the time you have, you will look back and regret it otherwise.

I should add that my baby did go five hours at night so I just about had enough sleep myself. Your baby may well take a bottle, or have milk, yoghurt etc.

KSal · 10/02/2011 13:44

Sorry petsville feel like I'm stalking you a bit, but how are you getting on?

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 10/02/2011 16:16

Me too, KSAL, my mum has offered to take DS on saturday to sort this, HV said no fluids unless the bottle and he will take it, she was v. understanding and confident this will work - dreading it but mum is also a nurse and is very good with him. Will post after.

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NikkiTwinkle · 10/02/2011 18:44

Hiya
I'm going back to work in 2 weeks and my DD starts nursery in 4 days. She is entirely BF and won't take a bottle either, we've been trying since she was a month old and no good.

I've spoken to my Nursery about it and they're willing to take her on with a couple of cups of EBM and give them too her at her feed times. She's 9 months old so does eat food so I know she wont starve.

I was going to go cold turkey but didn't want to give up completely and this seems one way of doing it.

Nursery have said that babies get used to what happens at home and what happens at Nursery.

My dislike of cold turkey approach is that they're still at home and therefore expect you to walk through the door and feed them. Trust could be compromised etc.

Hope you get some solution, but speak to your Nursery and they may be willing to do the work for you, it's a different environment, you're not there so not expecting you to walk through the door.

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 11/02/2011 08:10

Thanks NikkiTwinkle, DS won't take any fluid in any real quantity from anything from me, tippy cup sometimes but he doesn't suck so it's dripping in and he gets fustrated and kicks off,he has only just started weaning and milk is still the majority of his calorie intake.
If he were eating then I wouldn't be that worried.
I want to address this problem and stop the daily upset that dominates feeds, it's gone on for ages and that's not good for him either.

Nursery do say he will act differently and he starts 2 weeks before I go back (I brought forward his date to help address this ) but it's my responsibility to sort this and if DH or my mum / sis can feed him sometimes then that's great.

Wildhood - he would take a syringe but not sure I want him to get used to it.

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Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 12/02/2011 19:28

Okay so mum took him today at 8am, his last BF was at 4am, by midday he'd taken 75 mls and then at 3pm hours did 150 mls, he's feeding again now and whilst he's fussed and cried alot at times (she says) but he's getting it.
She checked for wet nappies (plenty) and kept watching his fontanelle.
We're using a Breastflow bottle.
I've expressed and am freezing milk as we go, will do this for as long as possible and mix it in with the formula.
Think we've got a way yet before this is sorted but it's progress

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KSal · 16/02/2011 15:53

how's it going cuppatea? will he take a bottle from you now?

nearlymumofone · 17/02/2011 13:33

DS now 6 months EBF for 5 months refused bottle but will now take and enjoy one. It seems he didn't like the taste of the bottle (maybe the milton sterilising fluid). We noticed when we gave him calpol/infacol etc beforehand he took bottle. So now when he's being funny with it I put a drop of infacol on the end and he takes it (or has done so far..). He has bad wind etc anyway so would have infacol now and then anyway. Worth a try??

Original poster
cuppateaanyone · 19/02/2011 09:30

Hiya, tried the infacol /calpol trick but it didn't work, thanks tho, it was good thinking (took me ages to come up with it myself)
KSAL - Yep we are all bottle now I'm probably his least fave as I reckon he can 'smell' my milk.
We did the cold turkey a week ago today and I vowed no boob until he was 'established', in hindsight I haven't got the nerve to offer him a boob in case it confuses him.
Sat/Sun/Mon he missed about half his feeds refusing it, screaming etc but took enough each day for us to persevere.
By Tuesday night he was taking bottles when tired without a murmur, he really didn't like taking it first thing in a morning and still fusses a bit with that one but I've not had to BF since.
He started nursery monday and they are amazed, he's gone from screaming and taking 70 ml on monday to taking 200 ml with smiles yesterday.
I'm expressing a bottle every day (dumping at the moment due to meds) but will freeze and use that either in a feed or in his porridge.
I had some root canal work on monday and it's not gone that well, had I still been BF I would be in agony as am on some pretty strong painkillers.
With hindsight I would have done the cold turkey much earlier as he wasn't as upset as we thought, especially when I compare it to weeks, no months of upset trying a bottle.

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