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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

this is so hard

51 replies

bigkidsmademe · 25/01/2011 17:36

hi everyone

I am so sad and frustrated about breastfeeding and would love some advice from anyone. I was so convinced I would bf and be good at it and do it for ages and now, with DS only 16 days, I am already wavering and am just so sad about it Sad

things I am struggling with are

  • he feeds continuously. Cluster feeding in the evening, but also continuously throughout the morning. My nipples ache so much, and I am confined to bed. But that's not the bad bit - I don't mind that. What I mind is that after hours of feeding, when he comes off he still roots and cries desperately. He just does not seem at all satisfied and it breaks my heart that I'm not feeding him enough (although his nappies are fine and he has not lost any weight from birth). Are there any ways to deal with continuous feeding? Does this stop or get easier? We are doing skin to skin for hours every morning already and feeding on demand.
  • when, in the mornings and evenings, he is in his heavy feeding time, he wriggles a lot while feeding, pulls off so abruptly it hurts massively and then instantly screams to go back on. He is so active and seems in pain but is not at any other time of the day. This upsets me a lot
  • sleep. We've started giving him a bottle of formula at midnight as this allows me 3 hours sleep for the only time but I know how bad this is and feel so, so guilty about it and its effect on my supply Sad. I know I should cut it out but I don't know how I'd cope with even less sleep.
  • emotional demands of feeding. I'm struggling now even though DH is still off work, doing all the cooking and cleaning and bringing me sandwiches and tea in bed. How will I manage when he's back at work? I used to be so organised and high achievign and the fact that the house will be messy and nothing done is something I really struggle with. I know this is minor but it gets me down!

I'm sorry for moaning (yet again) when generally things are going well but I can't keep crying about it all day so tears splash off his little head Sad

So I guess I'm asking just for any little bit of advice, about anything, just to keep my chin up? Does it get easier? If I stopped now I'd never forgive myself if this was the worst bit and in a few more weeks it would be easier.

thanks everyone

OP posts:
jaffacake79 · 25/01/2011 17:47

Oh lovely it's still so early for you to have it all established! Please give yourself a break!
Now, we all know that bf is the most ideal thing to do for your dc, but the odd bottle of formula is not, I repeat, NOT going to do him any harm. Especially if it means you get some sleep and can function more as a human being.
Are you drinking enough, eating enough and taking care of yourself? If you're not then you need to!

jaffacake79 · 25/01/2011 17:54

Have you spoken to a breast feeding nurse or your hv? They will have some real hands-on advice for you. All I can say is that if he's weeing and pooing and gaining weight then he's fine.
I'd question if he was actually hungry for all that time, or just sucking as a comfort reflex type thing. You could try him with a dummy to see?

As for worrying about the house, seriously - forget it! If you have visitors ask them to help you with stuff, they've not just come to coo over the baby. The time they're little is so short, a clean and tidy house really isn't as important as spending time with your baby.

Have a good cry, get it all out and talk about it with someone, your dh? A problem shared and all that. x

tiktok · 25/01/2011 17:58

:( :(

he's 16 days old - just 2 weeks ago (and a bit:)) he was inside you. He wants to be near or on the breast for as many hours as possible and that is fine and normal. Making meeting these needs easier for yourself is far less hard than trying to change him.

It does not matter about the house and mess.

It really doesn't.

What's more important - meeting the needs of a tiny human, or meeting the needs of an inanimate object :) ?

You are clearly feeding him beautifully and he is clearly bustin' with health.

Stay in bed all day if you want to, or on the sofa. Live on takeouts and ready meals for the moment if you need to.

Things will get better - lower your standards and enjoy chillin' with your little man :)

Original poster
bigkidsmademe · 25/01/2011 18:02

thank you

I know what you say is true rationally but when it is four hours into it and he is still so hungry I get such a crisis of faith in it all! And when going for a wee requires leaving him screaming and legging it to the loo for 2 mins then charging back - it's very hard

Will it calm down then, in terms of feeding time?

OP posts:
moonstorm · 25/01/2011 18:04

Breastfeeding IS hard, but ultimately it will be easier. x

For me it got easier ar 4weeks, then again ay 6-7, and at 3 months things are really settling into place/

Get a magazine, book or watch TV. Or go get a coffee somewhere and feed. Everything else can just wait. Smile

jaffacake79 · 25/01/2011 18:06

Yes. It will. Also, letting him cry for a bit is NOT going to hurt him. You can have a shower or go to the loo and he'll be ok.
Make sure you try and get out of the house for a bit too, even if it's just a walk down the road and back. Cabin fever is awful.

Make sure you're taking care of yourself, and the feeding will eventually settle down.

Original poster
bigkidsmademe · 25/01/2011 18:18

perhaps a lot of this then is adjusting my expectations post motherhood rather than about feeding per se

he does look healthy Smile

OP posts:
Bushymoo · 25/01/2011 18:48

I'd definitely speak to your HV if your son is fussing on the breast and your nipples are sore because it may be that his latch isn't as good as it could be and correcting that may make a difference.

I can certainly sympathise with the pain, my son does the abrupt pulling off the nipple and it hurts no end (I'm beginning to think he may have silent reflux), we've also gone through cluster feeding and the lack of sleep is really tough, all I can say is it does get easier (and I'm hoping even more so as more weeks pass) so I hope you can hang in there.

Good luck :)

MoonUnitAlpha · 25/01/2011 18:53

It could be better to call the NCT line if you have soreness or concerns about the latch - HVs normally don't have much/any bf training whereas the NCT can put you in touch with a qualified bf counsellor.

sickoftheholidays · 25/01/2011 19:11

Bigkids - did you have a difficult/instrumental delivery by any chance?

Original poster
bigkidsmademe · 25/01/2011 19:21

no - vsginal and fine

i've been to 2 climics now and they say latch is fine. nipples no cracked just overused i think!

OP posts:
Original poster
bigkidsmademe · 25/01/2011 19:21

sorry foe typing am (of course) feeding

OP posts:
japhrimel · 25/01/2011 22:07

It will get easier.

Make sure you get out sometimes or you'll go stir crazy imo. At that age, babies want you for comfort, not just hunger, so just because he's rooting doesn'tr mean desperate hunger. If you go out in the car (even if he screams while you're getting ready) he may then just drop off to sleep for a nap.

Get your OH to settle him as they know Mum means milk.

Bella2010star · 25/01/2011 22:14

It will get easier the first few weeks are difficult. Think it is also all the hormones and realisation that you are a mom! are you co sleeping? I found this easier at night as it saves the worry of getting up and out all the time.

I felt like a milk machine when I first had my daughter and actually got pretty depressed about the fact that all she seemed to want me for was milk. However, I have recently weaned my daughter now 1 year and wish I had that back :)

I feel that going to a b. feeding class would help. They are v supportive and non judgemental this support I found great as I realised that I was not the only one experiencing these problems. I also had loads of worries as my friends and Mom bottle fed and things they said started to make me worry.

HappyAsASandboy · 26/01/2011 09:20

It will get easier Smile

My twins are now 14 weeks. My lowest point was at 2.5 weeks. I sat on the sofa sobbing and telling my mum that I didn't know I could be so tired. Meanwile one (or maybe both!) of my babies screamed down the monitor and I didn't even notice. When I finally noticed the screaming, it kind of snapped me out of the sobbing (for that moment) and I carried on.

I think the only advice I can give is just to carry on. No long term (i.e. tomorrow!) goals, just keep going for now. I got my husband to fill the kitchen with yoghurt, cheese, crackers, juice, apples, chocolate, Heinz stew pot things (should be given on prescription to bf mothers IMO. bottom of this page) so that I could run a raid on the kitchen two or three times a day and return with a tray of four hours food. Also used a flask to enable hot drinks without leaving the bedroom.

I existed like that for about 8 or 9 weeks. Made it out the door about once a week for two hours from about 4 weeks. That'll seem like an age to you looking forward, but it seems like it passed in a blink of an eye to me now Smile

Good luck Grin Please don't let pressure to carry on as before re house, getting out etc make these early weeks more stressful. There is loads of time in a few weeks for breezing around town with the shiny new pram and getting dinner ready for hubby Wink

MrsMagnolia · 26/01/2011 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rougelapin · 26/01/2011 12:54

You are doing amazingly well! Just wanted to reiterate that it will get easier, it really will. You life has changed massively, it will take time to adjust. Adjusting was my biggest problem, but once I just sat back, relaxed and let my baby lead me it started to fall into place.

The housework and cooking isn't important, sod it. Let your DH look after the both of you.

rougelapin · 26/01/2011 12:55

Oh and I felt the same when dp went back to work, wondered how the hell I'd cope! You will though. Try and get out for a littlE walk once a day, even if it's just down the road and back.

alfiemama · 26/01/2011 13:02

Your doing a fantastic job. I'm always on the Internet when feeding. The first few weeks are the hardest, but it gets better.

Original poster
bigkidsmademe · 26/01/2011 22:06

oh thank you everyone Smile

just knowing that it is normal to find it this tough helps. You see women doing it one handed in starbucks and it all looks so easy that I was a bit Hmm

i'll just persevere then and junk any other aims in life for the next few weeks!

interestingly though, this morning when I couldn't take any more feeding, DH took him from me and went away downstairs... turned out he wasn't hungry and his bouncy chair and playing distracted him for two hours with a nap. I think perhaps I should try things other than feeding sometimes too, when we've been going for a few hours!

seriously, thanks everyone, you've really cheered me up

OP posts:
islandbaby · 26/01/2011 23:18

Oh, I agree. Try other things more than just feeding him. I'm a new mum too (7 whole weeks now!) and I was trying to solve every cry with feeding, which turned out not to be what he needed all the time.

BFing hasn't really worked out for me though, but I have been expressing almost exclusively for him for the last 3.5 weeks. It might be something to consider, because I was crying so so much and every feed was more and more stressful for us both and I wasn't emotionally able to stay on the sofa all day just feeding him.

Now that I express I feel so much closer and happier with my DS as there's no stress between us. Every 3 hours or so I sit down with a cup of tea and can get about 4oz out (often more), then I just feed him that as and when he wants it. I often get him all lovely and naked to feed skin to skin, sing to him and just enjoy the long gazes into each others' eyes. It's delicious.

Well, it's not for everyone and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up, but it's just to say that it's not got to be feeding at the breast OR exclusive FF.

jaffacake79 · 27/01/2011 14:11

So pleased you sound happier yesterday, I was just popping in to as know you are today?

organiccarrotcake · 27/01/2011 18:48

Gosh, I could have written this. :(

My mum said that DS didn't realise he'd been born and I think she was right. He just needed constantly to be near/next to me or Daddy or he got really distressed and he was a total boob monster. I think you'll find he's not hungry! He sounds like he's getting loads but he is just finding the adjustment to life in the scary wide world rather tough. When he's crying, it's often because he desperately needs YOU or your husband to hold him and tell him that it's all ok. Bless him. Us mums think our world turns upside down but imagine how the babies feel.

Do you have a sling? A stretchy jersey wrap would be good. If you can get out for a short walk I bet he'd love it, in the pram or better still (for the closeness) a sling. Or try to sleep while your husband takes him out.

It will get better and surprisingly quickly. Breastfeeding is often harder for the first few weeks then it gets massively easier (to the point where you're breastfeeding while doing 3 other things without even thinking about it). Other than the 6 week growth spurt which you just have to ride out, in the long term it's great.

You will be fine, you're doing brilliantly. This is all normal and It Will Get Better, I promise.

Original poster
bigkidsmademe · 27/01/2011 21:07

hi

today's been good, although he's very windy. Interestingly he does love the sling and resolutely refuses to be put down to sleep. Poor wee thing! We put him in the sling and went for a nice brunch today which was lovely.

all the promises that it will get easier have made me feel very positive Smile

OP posts:
crikeybadger · 27/01/2011 21:18

Glad you've had a good day bigkids - you sound alot happier. It's amazing how much better you feel for getting out.

You may like to try and get a copy of a book called 'What Mothers Do: Especially when it looks like nothing ' by Naomi Stadlen.

It's a brilliantly reassuring book when you feel that you never get anything done and are finding becoming a mother a bit of a shock. Can't recommend it enough. Smile