this is so hard

[bigkidsmademe]

hi everyone

I am so sad and frustrated about breastfeeding and would love some advice from anyone. I was so convinced I would bf and be good at it and do it for ages and now, with DS only 16 days, I am already wavering and am just so sad about it

things I am struggling with are

• he feeds continuously. Cluster feeding in the evening, but also continuously throughout the morning. My nipples ache so much, and I am confined to bed. But that's not the bad bit - I don't mind that. What I mind is that after hours of feeding, when he comes off he still roots and cries desperately. He just does not seem at all satisfied and it breaks my heart that I'm not feeding him enough (although his nappies are fine and he has not lost any weight from birth). Are there any ways to deal with continuous feeding? Does this stop or get easier? We are doing skin to skin for hours every morning already and feeding on demand.

• when, in the mornings and evenings, he is in his heavy feeding time, he wriggles a lot while feeding, pulls off so abruptly it hurts massively and then instantly screams to go back on. He is so active and seems in pain but is not at any other time of the day. This upsets me a lot

• sleep. We've started giving him a bottle of formula at midnight as this allows me 3 hours sleep for the only time but I know how bad this is and feel so, so guilty about it and its effect on my supply . I know I should cut it out but I don't know how I'd cope with even less sleep.

• emotional demands of feeding. I'm struggling now even though DH is still off work, doing all the cooking and cleaning and bringing me sandwiches and tea in bed. How will I manage when he's back at work? I used to be so organised and high achievign and the fact that the house will be messy and nothing done is something I really struggle with. I know this is minor but it gets me down!

I'm sorry for moaning (yet again) when generally things are going well but I can't keep crying about it all day so tears splash off his little head

So I guess I'm asking just for any little bit of advice, about anything, just to keep my chin up? Does it get easier? If I stopped now I'd never forgive myself if this was the worst bit and in a few more weeks it would be easier.

thanks everyone

Hi Bigkids,

I too could have written your post when I was at the stage you are now at. What you are experiencing sounds completely normal! By the weight your little man is gaining you're doing a fantastic job as well by the sound of it.

I had many of the same experiences as you. Dd would feed and feed and feed for hours. She never seemed satisfied. I was close to tears most days and almost reached for the formula. At 6 weeks, I introduced one bottle of formula at bedtime to try and get some sleep. I cried as I watched her drink it - I felt so guilty. BUT it worked a treat and she and I both started to get a lot more sleep almost straight away. Giving a bottle won't hurt your supply, especially if you bf either before or after the bottle.
It also took me a while to realise that she is a tiny baby who NEEDS HER MUM! She too gained loads of weight and if felt so good to know I'd done that!

Now she's almost 4 months breastfeeding is so easy. She does have setbacks - the growth spurts mentioned by wolfhound for example. When this happens I just imagine how much I'm nourishing her. Its lovely. And so easy (and cheap) to just bf when she's hungry. When I was at your stage I couldn't wait to stop bf but now I don't want to stop! She now sleeps all night most nights too. She does the wriggling thing sometimes but often it's due to one of a few possibilities - you come to know what could be the problem as you get to know YOUR baby. He is an individual who you will come to know well as time goes on!

About OH going back to work - I worried about this but found that I got into my own routine really quickly.

Oh and I love the quote about mothers being like swans. A beautiful image and very true!

Well done hun and stick to it xxx