Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Should I give up breastfeeding?

60 replies

Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 16:46

Will try and make it brief, pfb is 8 weeks old struggled to breastfeed until 3.5 weeks. He lost 12 % of weight so was scared he would go to hospital so started giving formula. He has now put on weight I have been expressing and giving breast milk in bottle as well as the formula. Since the start of the week been bf again and then giving formula but I know he is not getting much breastmilk due to the amount of formula he drinks.

I would love to bf exclusively as I had always planned. I have been taking Fenugreek and my current routine is bf both sides then give formula then pump any breastmilk and save in fridge I never seem to pump more than 30 ml when I was bf at start managed to get 60 ml so my milk has decreased.

I am also using nipple shields as he struggled to latch, I know its all about supply and demand so I keep him sucking even when there is no milk there but he gets frustrated so have to give bottle to placate so he is happy while i pump.

Does this sound like I should give up I wish I had never given formula now. :(

OP posts:
freddiestarratemyhandbag · 15/12/2010 16:50

If you want to keep going, then keep going.

Exclusive breastfeeding is not the be all and end all (although you will get some fantastic advice on how to get there if you want to do it).

I mixed fed both of mine (v similar issues to you, my first lost 20% of birthweight and did end up in hospital - I gave formula to my second when I saw us heading down that route). Mixed feeding is not as good as EBF but it is still a good thing. Every breastfeed makes a difference!

Good luck whatever you do.

MoonUnitAlpha · 15/12/2010 16:53

Have you spoken to a breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant? If you want to get back to exclusive breastfeeding I think you need to speak to an expert to come up with a plan to wean off the nipple shields and reduce the amount of formula. I'm sure it can be done if that's what you want to do!

latrucha · 15/12/2010 16:58

I'm sure it can be done too, and well done for sticking in there. You're doing a brilliant job in a stressful situation (I know, I've been there).

I do think you need to speak to an expert to talk through the issues and come up with a plan one-to-one.

Breastfeeding Network supporter line 0300100 0210

National bf helpline 0300 100 0212

It is possible but you need help. I did and I did!

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 17:02

Thanks freddiestarratemyhandbag it is good to know others have had a similar situation. I really should go to a bf group but I feel a bit of a fraud as ff also. I know others probably have problems but I feel I will be surrouded by loads of Mums bf "properly".

OP posts:
tiktok · 15/12/2010 17:04

:( Mirabelle....I agree, talking to someone may well help you come to a decision.

You are currently going through the most difficult and time consuming and least rewarding way of feeding - bf, expressing, bottle feeding with ebm, formula :( :(

The only sure way of increasing your milk supply is to remove milk frequently from both breasts day and night. If your baby is not doing this effectively for whatever reason then you have to express at least 8-10 times in 24 hours inc at night. (If the baby is feeding effectively and often, you can reduce this, but from what you say, you are not confident he is doing this.)

That's the biology of it - and for most women, it is really, really hard to do.

There are other options and add ons - nursing supplementer, ditching the shields, gradually reducing the formula . But you need to talk to someone and work out the right course of action for you.

If he is getting a large amount of formula, this would have to reduce too.

This is the worst of formula supplementing when babies give us a fright with lost weight - the use of formula creeps up and up and starts to take over :(

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 17:08

Thanks for the numbers but won't they just want me to bf and not give formula , then he will be screaming and starving again. I have tried to get him to latch on without the shields by shaping my nipple but he just cries with a mouthful of breast!

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 15/12/2010 17:14

They won't just tell you to stop the formula and starve your baby - they'll be able to give you some advice on the best way to reduce the formula if that's what you want to do.

tiktok · 15/12/2010 17:15

Mirabelle - the helplines are answered by trained breastfeeding counsellors. I am one. We never 'just want someone to bf and not give formula' - ever. In your case, it would be important to continue formula alongside bf, until bf was re-established, if that's what you decided to do.

We often talk through situations like yours, believe me, and we support you whatever you decide to do.

Please don't be put off calling.

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 17:19

I would feel stupid actually talking to someone about it as I feel a bit low about it all. I did try talking to my HV but she said as long as he is putting on weight its fine. Everyone seems to think as long as he is putting on weight I should be happy so I try and keep it to myself that is why I am on here.

OP posts:
tiktok · 15/12/2010 17:33

It can feel awkward talking when you feel strongly about something, I know. But your issue is something breastfeeding counsellors are well-used to hearing about - no one would think you are stupid or that you 'should be happy'.

I think the difficulty is that a talkboard is not really a dialogue, a conversation, and anyone helping you would need quite a lot of detail, and a chance to work out with you what is right for you.

One option might be to ring the helplines and ask if someone can offer to help you by email - then you would not have to voice your concerns and the worry about sounding stupid would not apply.

No one here, or on the helplines, will tell you what you came on here to ask though - whether you 'should' give up. That has to be your decision.

What do you think?

MoonUnitAlpha · 15/12/2010 17:36

You really shouldn't feel stupid Mirabelle, lots of women have been in the same situaion. The people on the helplines will have much more experience than your HV and are used to talking women through feeding issues. If they can give you some suggestions whether that's to help you get back to breastfeeding, or stop altogether, or mixfeed, or work on the latch - isn't it worth a call?

tiktok · 15/12/2010 17:41

Just struck me - some women don't want to call the breastfeeding line(s) because they are worried they might cry.

Let me tall ya :).....loads of women cry on the breastfeeding line. I'm not saying it's compulsory or anything, but it sure does happen a lot!

We just let you cry, and we wait until you feel ok to talk.

We don't say 'cheer up' or 'look, you have a lovely baby, why be upset?' or 'loads of people are worse off than you!' or 'pull yourself together and call again when you're not so pathetic!'

I promise!

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 17:47

I will carry on bf badly , feeding formula and pumping and not give up. I just wondered if the small amount of breastmilk is worthwhile the 30 minutes of pumping x amount of times day and night when often my baby is crying and I try to comfort him as best I can but difficult when using pump. Also then the 30 mins of baby flailing at breast to then be given 6 oz of formula!

I would guess if I couldn't adequately feed my baby to start with I am never going to be able to.

I don't have any social life as I have no friends here so nothing to stop me carrying on I suppose just seems quite stressful, just as soon as have finished feeding process time to start again.

OP posts:
tiktok · 15/12/2010 17:52

Mirabelle, just think about making the call - you might need to get used to the idea first.

"I would guess if I couldn't adequately feed my baby to start with I am never going to be able to." - that is just Not True.

(BTW, the small amount of breastmilk you get is worth it - it has antibodies in it against infection, for a start.)

latrucha · 15/12/2010 17:55

I've been where you are Mirabelle. It's horrible. You can feed your baby adequately yourself. It's just that your milk supply has been messed up and you need a plan to sort it out again.

And yes, it is worth it.

ecobatty · 15/12/2010 18:02

Just wanted to add my encouragement. I've been there and managed to re-establish bf - with help from a lactation consultant and a lot of support from dh.

It was worth it, and I continued to feed until ds was almost 3, so in the scheme of things he only had formula for a very short while...

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 18:11

Thanks to all of you for your advice, think I will just carry on and see if I produce any more milk. My dh thinks I should just ff I think , don't think the pumping and crying at night are good for him now he is at work.

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 15/12/2010 18:32

You seem to be feeding in the most difficult/time consuming way possible at the moment though - breastfeeding+expressing+formula. It could be worth talking to someone about other options.

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 18:53

I came on here for advice and to hear other experiences but everyone just quotes phone numbers or recommends I call one, I could have googled one if that was what I wanted, why is this topic here , everyone on it could call a number? I feel crapper than when I first posted now.

OP posts:
tiktok · 15/12/2010 18:59

Aw, Mirabelle - people have taken time to support you, empathise with you, and to suggest where good help can be found.

Very few people, especially people who have had difficult, long-lasting issues like you have, can find a 'fix' by posting on mumsnet or anywhere else...you've struggled on for weeks, and you come and ask people who don't know you, who don't know your details, what you should do? They're not going to tell you because that's not what support or advice or the shared experience you ask for actually is.

You've asked for advice - each and every post has given you some. You've asked for experiences - there are several.

Sorry you feel 'crapper than when you first posted', but that's no one's fault here :( :(

MoonUnitAlpha · 15/12/2010 19:03

Mirabelle, really sorry you feel worse :(

I don't feel like I can give any breastfeeding advice though, because I only have experience feeding my own baby, and I don't know enough about breastfeeding, or you, or the issues you've faced to be able to say anything useful to you.

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 15/12/2010 19:13

Sorry I shouldn't have put that. People seem to overcome similar problems but nobody says how. If the bit of breastmilk I give him helps him I will carry on. It just prevents me from going out properly so I will try my hardest to bf.

I do appreciate all the posts, Im just a bit stressed and it really upsets me. I will go away now anyway Blush

OP posts:
latrucha · 15/12/2010 19:13

People don't want to just tell you what happened to them because that might give you a wrong impression of what to do in your own situation. Each situation is different and alot of the people you will find answering a topic like this were given bad or misleading advice at some point and are aware fo the dangers of that.

We certainly didn't mean to make you feel bad, but to say we've been there and know how tough it is (and also to point you to people who can really help you decide for yourself, instead of feeling trapped, which is how you sound now).

dundeemarmalade · 15/12/2010 19:15

Hi Mirabelle,
the thing that strikes me is not so much that everyone says call this number or whatever, but that many, many of us have been in your position and needed the gentle and loving support of a trained and empathetic helper to sort things out. That is certainly my experience.

There are so many different issues that can bugger up a breastfeeding relationship that it's not possible to give a one-size fits all quick fix: I had issues with positioning and a slow-growing baby with bright green poo so was convinced that dd wasn't getting hindmilk, others have babies who have to be taught to latch on, others find it hard to stop everything and just feed, feed, feed, etc. etc.

So I don't think anyone is trying to fob you off, just to make sure that you get some peace of mind - feeling like you can't bf is not a happy place to be, and nobody wants you to have to stay there.

jandmmum · 15/12/2010 19:16

Have you tried hand expressing instead of pumping? I was in a similar position to you doing bf express and formula, then my pump broke and I really thought that was the beginning of the end, but had to express somehow as started getting engoured. I hand expressed and got loads more and quickly started to cut down the ff as I had enough ebm for the feeds. Then as my DD got older and began to feed better I cut down on the expressing too. Might be worth a try. look at the tops on Kellymum [http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bf-links-pumps.html#manual here] for tips. would really get some RL help though as it does sound like you would like to continue.

Swipe left for the next trending thread