Positive Breastfeeding in Public Stories

[heresthething]

The good old DM has just run another story about a lady being asked to turn to the wall while BF in a library (yawn). Very irritating as while this sort of thing is rare enough to make the news, because these stories come out women think that BFing women are hassled frequently in public.

This just isn't true. That's not to say it doesn't happen, but, in my experience I get loads of positive feedback and to date nothing negative.

Can we share positive stories to encourage other women to feel comfortable about public breastfeeding? I would like to be able to use these in an NCT magazine article if that's ok - if not just say so :)

OK, not all made up then, only mostly. But I do think that most of the "negative looks" and "tuts" and so on are in the mind of the beholder. If you're doing anything even slightly out of the ordinary, it's very easy to think that everyone's looking at you and judging you. In general, though, people are actually thinking about their own business, staring into space, or, if they are frowning or tutting or cat's bum facing it's about something that's happening in their own lives, rather than about the feeding baby in the corner. Honestly.

seeker I think that's often fair. Certainly not always the case, but often so. I've experienced it myself where I've seen someone apparently doing a cat's bum to me, then they sort of come to the moment and realise where their line of sight is headed, and they break into a big smile of support.

Perhaps some regions are more supportive than others, because of how often BFing is seen. We can all help make it become the norm by doing it as much as possible .

Also, has anyone seen anyone BFing? Have you gone over to give them a smile or a nice comment? I've only had the opportunity once and as I walked away she had a huge grin on her face.

I BF all over the place- I was really worried about doing it in public to start with as I was sure I was going to get told to feed him in the loos wherever we went. I'm sure it helped that the first few times I had DH with me, which gave the confidence to try, which allowed me to realise that no-one really even notices and certainly don't object! I'm lucky enough only ever to have had positive experiences: smiles, thumbs up, friendly comments, free pots of tea in restaurants, etc. Even the elderly couple who came home to find me sitting on the grass outside their house BFing couldn't have been nicer about it. Like Seeker, I sometimes almost hope to be challenged so I can come back with some stinging, plagiarised wit!

BF my four DC all over the place, no negative comments, many little old ladies stopping to tell me I was wonderful .

Then, one day, sitting on a ledge behind the tills in Tescos an old woman storms over to me, waving her stick at me, and shouts: "I've just got one thing to say to you, young woman. Well done. That's all." She then stormed off, no doubt to wave her stick at someone else.

Lots of kind smiles here, have had cafe staff fetch me drinks of water (they asked if I would like one) and had the best conversation with an elderly man in Costa when DS2 was a couple of weeks old.

He looked over at me and made eye contact and I thought for a second we were going to have an issue. But then he said how lovely it was to see someone feeding and that his wife (how was now deceased) had fed all of their babies and how he misses that time in their lives and so on. It was just so wonderful, he had a cuddle when DS2 was done.

I haven't had any negative comments from strangers, have had a few "When will you be giving him a bottle?" type run ins with friends/acquintances but I am quite gobby and let people know I won't be. they don't mean any harm but are conditioned to think that is how you feed babies.

I think my confidence has been helped by being in Scotland, where it's against the law to stop a woman from breastfeeding in a public place. I'm not sure I would have even braved cafes etc in the early days if I'd been south of the border.

But I've only ever seen one other woman doing the same thing and that was a friend I was having coffee with.

Great idea for an article!! When I was pregnant I was a bit worried that I would have a hard time BFing in public, because of this sort of story in the news.

I prepared myself with lots of very rude answers to give to anyone who'd have the gall to complain, as I was decided to BF anywhere I liked. During the first weeks I would start feeding looking around to see if someone would give me any ugly look.

To my surprise, it NEVER happened. People couldn't care less if I'm feeding my baby or not.

Once I was in a bench in Hamsptead Heath feeding and an elderly man sat by us and said "that's so nice to see people breastfeeding" and started chatting with me and my husband.

So, I'm very happy to say that all the rude answers I had in store are still very much in store, and I would really appreciate if newspapers would stop running stories about people complaining of BFing mothers - as they create unnecessary worries in pregnant and breastfeeding women (like it happened to me!).

I have never had a negative comment either, having breastfed for oh, nearly seven years of my life now (between 3 DCs I hasten to add).

However I have often put it down to:

a) I have a naturally sour face with a permanent "fuck off" expression so people might be scared of me

b) I am a devotee of She-who-must-not-be-named and therefore usually back at home for feed times

Loads of positive comments for me too, but also almost exclusively from old ladies. Mind you, they are magnetically drawn to babies .

I had many a knowing nod and smile from younger people, but the only one I remember actually speaking to me was a young Spanish woman who stood and chatted to me as I sat on a bench feeding my daughter. She was really open and asked all sorts of specific questions about the practicalities of feeding. There was no awkwardness or embarrassment on either part and nor should there have been - I could just as easily have been filling my car up with petrol!

Not one negative comment here either in the 7m I've been feeding DD, and I feed her wherever and whenever. I got nods and smiles as I fed her in the pub last weekend. The only comments I've ever had have been along the lines of "You're doing a wonderful thing, it goes so quickly, treasure it" etc.

Ooooo Cies you have reminded me - I have fed DD in a number of transport cafes (DH and I have a secret addiction to them on long journeys ) and never had so much as a raised eyebrow. Sheer indifference!

Also, has anyone seen anyone BFing?

I've seen lots of other women bfeeding, though mostly at toddler groups etc. I haven't seen many bfeeding in more non-child related places, like a shopping centre or a cafe in a DIY store that sort of thing. I like to stay with my family whilst I'm feeding DD so I bfeed anywhere, in food courts in shopping malls etc, but I often wonder if there are loads of other women feeding but maybe they are out of sight in a mother and baby room or similar??

Have you gone over to give them a smile or a nice comment?

Not as such, because most of the other mums I see are older than me, I feel it would be a bit patronising. Once though in a cafe I went to get a table whilst DH paid. There were a few small tables free but I was hugely pg at the time and needed a bit more room. The only table with room for DH, buggy, bump and I was directly next to a woman bfeeding. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable when DH joined me so I asked her if it was ok if we sat there, I said I didn't want to disturb his feed. She thanked me for being so considerate but said she didn't mind at all.

I saw a woman bfing one of her twins at the Tate Modern this summer. I smiled but didn't say anything as I didn't want to intrude.

I remember seeing a woman bfing her child when i was about 15 - before i had thought about having children let alone bfing.

I remember thinking shes feeding her child ahh thats nice - I dont think i thought anything of it IFYSWIM

Ive seen quite few women bfing and have smiled and sometimes asked if they need anything.

I've only ever received positive comments as well. I'm another feed anywhere and everywhere type. I have seen other mothers feeding in cafes, public spaces etc, and it would never occur to me to go and say anything as to me it is the most natural thing in the world. Thinking about it though, maybe I should as they might like the reassurance if they're not as brazen self-confident as me!

stupid I'm an older mum and would be chuffed to have a nice comment or smile from a younger woman :)

DD had a meltdown in the pram where there was absolutely no place to feed her -- we were about a 10-minute walk from home, so I felt silly buying a drink in a cafe, but much too long for her to ride home in the pram, screaming with hunger. I finally just sat down on a concrete block outside a building, which was obviously not intended as a seat. This very elderly man appeared, who had difficulty walking, and then I realized he was coming towards us. He got quite close and stopped, staring at us. He said, very earnestly, "Is he drinking?" I said, yes, she is. That was all he had to say, but it seemed very positive.

I recently intended to bf ds3 (who is 3mo) in a local cafe whilst waiting for the end of school, but it was packed, so I ended up out of desperation going into a local church, where there was a sort of elderly people club going on. I popped my head in and asked the nearest lady if I could sit at the back and feed my baby. I think she was a bit taken aback, but said it was fine. After a while I was approached by another lady who said she was a retired HV (and I must admit my first thought was, "Uh oh"), she said that it was lovely to see me feeding in public and how you just didn't see it nowadays. :)

I bf all 3 of my children and although I don't often feed in public, I've never had any negative comments

i've never had any problems. once, i was bfing my firstborn while having lunch in a pub. a smartly dressed woman at the next table looked over a few times and i thought i might get the opportunity to use some of those put-downs i'd been storing up. but once i'd finished and taken him off for a change, she came over and said to my DP that it had made her feel nostalgic for feeding her own children, at least until DS was sick all over me.

Organic - I'd give you a smile but I'd feel too shy to say anything!

I have breastfed all three of mine in public and I would say that 99% time no one has noticed or if they have they've not commented or even looked. I did once feed in the ball pool of a local soft play place and a man commented that he'd never seen that before. I told him that it was the most comfortable place I've ever fed and he said he'd remember that!

Never had any negative comments here either, and I'm still feeding my 13 month old in public.

I think the nicest was when I was on my own feeding in a coffee shop and got chatting with a pregnant woman and her friend sitting next to me. The pregnant lady was really interested and said she really wanted to give it a go after seeing me!