I really don't want to bf anymore, please help :0(

[Dalrymps]

Ds is 22 weeks old. Bfing has been very difficult from the start. I saw a lactation consultant and she helped me with latching on when I was close to giving up and I managed to carry on. My right nipple has a crack, it has never healed although doesn't bleed and according to my gp isn't infected so I don't need antibiotics.

I think the larch is possibly just not quite right on that side, it gets sore for a few days if he's had a bad feed then it slowly becomes bearable again. The 'goo'd' side can get sore too but is mostly ok.

He's teething and had started clamping down on my nipples whilst feeding just to add to my pain .

I keep trying him with a bottle as to be honest I never even thought I'd get this far (only managed 5 weeks ebf with ds1). he won't take it, tried tommee tippee and mam.

I feel like I really want to stop now, I can't take it anymore and feel I'm feeding avaunt my will as I have no choice.

Please tell me what I can do to get him to take a bottle.

I don't mean to sound like I for care, I feel very guilty for wanting to stop and I know none of this is his fault but I've just had enough

I dint mean to sound awkward but my hv is a bit old school and she talks a load of rubbish sometimes so I think if I see anyone it'd be better being the doc...

I feel 'ok'. Worried and guilty. Worried he'll never take the bottle, guilty for trying to make him when he's he's happy Breastfeeding. I feel selfish.

I love the lactation consultant but I'm concerned if I get in touch she'll try and get me to continue and I don't want to

Oh bless you. Make a resolution. Decide tomorow/this afternoon/Monday whenever.

Today you have to A) make Dr's appointment. To which you will bring ds and just bring him. No organising to do, It will be fine, no biggie, just bring, him. He may want to feed, or not, You can either feed him in a car, or small room, or sat on the reception desk - or he can wait till you get home. He is very able to wait a little while.

B) forget all about it. Fill your head with other things. Got any new baby vouchers left to spend? Bit of online fantasy shopping? Looking through his clothes for things he's grown out of, maybe do a little bit of research into a healthy diet plan for you [I lost plenty of weight when feeding, you can do weight watchers you know ]

c) when it's tme, decide. But have a day of from the heavy weight feeding worry. I have a leaky roof you can worry about if you like???

I'll have to make a Drs app tomorrow now, you have to call 8am..

When you say make a decision and decide when, do you mean when it's all or nothing? Do you think I should just stop bfing or carry on trying at each feed like today.

I'm trying to put it out of my head but it's all I can think about... Currently trying him with expressed milk from bad side. He keeps chewing the teat and tasting milk a bit the pushing teat out.

I've heard you can do ww whilst bf but I can't afford it, my sil gave me her old ww books but it doesn't give specific info in bfing and points etc...

Dalrymps I am so very sorry to see you going through this. I have a Feb baby and your post could have been me a month ago. I EBF until my DS was 6 months. By then I had got to the stage where I was wanting to go the gym (to loose baby weight) and just have a bit of space away from my DS every now and again. It was then that he suddenly started refusing a bottle- my DH had been giving him a 10.30 dreamfeed from about 8/ 9 weeks no problem.

Just like you I suddenly felt completely trapped- knowing that I no longer had a "choice" to breastfeed.

What worked for us was to pick a weekend when my DH was around and go cold turkey- I fed him in the morning around 7am and then went out for the day with my DD. When I got back around 4pm DS had taken a bottle- it had been a huge battle and not much fun for my DH but unless I was out of the house I had kept giving in and breastfeeding him.....

my DH kept DS busy with trips to the park etc.

Am now only doing morning and evening feeds. DS happily taking bottle for rest.

HTH

xxx

On the weight watchers, I bet some mumsnetter or other will know how to do the points to allow for the feeding.

Maybe you could start a thread on reducing weight whilst feeding? Or search for one on mumsnet? It would be something else to think about.

I have to say I don't really know weather you should do what you are doing, or go cold turkey. I don't know what would be best - I guess no one does really. It's all about end goals and gettng there somehow or other.
I guess you need to decide do you want to go 100% onto bottles, or replace certain feeds. I guess it really is your choice. And that's a good thing Once you have your decision made you can then go about making that happen in a way to suit you all.

Have got your CAT

Wow thanks ants, nice to know it's not just me. I'm
Scared of going cold turkey, I feel if he doesn't take a bottle over the next few weeks we might have to try that. Atm we're just trying at most feeds for quite a while on and off and then I feed him. He wasn't too distressed when I was trying him this morning with ebm, just a bit grizzly now and then in which case I stopped and cuddled him then tried again after a minute or two.

I think he's slightly more willing to take ebm but I'm not very good at expressing, usually get between half an oz to an oz unless I've missed a feed on that side or just done a quick feed like this morn then I got 2oz.

Tree - in an ideal workf, if my nipple wasn't sore I would like to ff in the day and bf at night, best of both worlds and he still gets some breastmilk but maybe just unroll he starts sleeping through.

He just fed off the bad side, it was a little better as I've been resting it and using lots of lansinoh.

Just until he sleeps through

Also the random parragraphs half way through a sentence are my phones fault!

From a fellow March 2010er, I'm so sorry you're feeling so rubbish. I have no real advice apart from to say that while breast milk is nutritionally best etc etc, the feeding of a small baby should not ruin the precious first few months with your new arrival. Don't let anyone bully you into doing something you don't want to. Someone posted a link a while back for some bottles which you could kind of squeeze to get the milk into stroppy refuseniks -'will search for it for you later.
There is much more to being a good mum that what you feed them. You did your best and thats the main thing.

Was wondering if bottle handles would give your ds a sense of control over how much of the teat he put in his mouth and would let him 'play' with it for a bit too, taking the pressure off feeding time. The handles slip over the neck of the bottle and you put the ring and teat on top, iyswim. All makes do them.

I sympathise with your pain- I'm combination feeding, and after trying LOADS of different bottles, the ones my DD will feed from when not BF are NUK bottles. The blurb says they're closest in shape to a real nipple- while I don't know about that, they have been the only ones she likes. Hope that helps. Also while many wouyld not agree with me, I wouldn't be feeling bad about the BF; I think people forget the most important thing is that the baby is fed and the mother is not distraught..

Hi Dalrymps me again - weirdly enough I started this thread earlier today re WW while BF! I have rejoined this afternoon. Basically you are allowed ten extra points while exclusively BF and 5 if you are combination feeding. Hope this helps on that topic!

My understanding of your situation is that you have definitely decided to stop BF but your DS will not take a bottle which is stopping you transitioning to FF. Am I right?

From Tiktok's link on p1 of this thread (I know you may have already read this but just in case it was hard to pick out the relevant bit last night):

Experiment with different teats. Sometimes softening the teat with boiling water helps (but allow it to cool before putting it in your baby?s mouth). Some babies will only accept a bottle when it is obviously not a breastfeed. You could try not heating the milk or holding your baby in a different position from the one you usually feed in. You could also ask another person, such as your partner or your childminder, to give the bottle. Your baby will not expect them to breastfeed and may be more willing to accept a bottle from them. Let your baby play with the bottle and try to avoid any fights! Once your baby starts to make a huge fuss, or to show distress, then forget about persuasion ? just leave it for a few days and try again then. Or think about using a cup. Your baby may manage a cup far more easily ? and a baby of five months or so onwards can practise holding their own spouted cup. If it?s formula she dislikes, she may prefer expressed breastmilk.

You have persisted with BF your baby when many a woman (myself included) would have crumbled long ago - bloody well done for that, now it's time to give yourself a break. Try ringing your HV and running it past her, she may surprise you.

UnMumsnetty (((hugs)))

Sorry I missed the title off that excerpt from the NCT site - here it is:

What about babies who refuse to take a bottle?

HTH!!! :)

Scooter- thanks for the support, feeding is sooo emotional for me, I really beat myself up about it but I suppose at one point I'd only get to a week so at least I've got this far.

Dinah- interesting about the control aspect cause he seemed more willing to have it in his mouth this aft when he was holding on to my hand and guiding it in. I think I have done handles in the cupboard, not for nuk but I'll try them to see if they fit.

Miss- thanks for the sympathies. Yeah, the nuk ones are the ones we are trying at the moment. Dh has been trying him for last 5 mins and although he hasn't taken it yet he's not crying like he was last night so maybe more calm about the idea.

Ginger- wow, just the thread i needed, will take a look!

Thanks for copying out that link for me. We are trying several things from it, dh is giving it him mostly, holding him differently, I softened the teat with boiling water. We haven't tried it cold but various degrees of warm. We are going to try him with a sippy cup too but mainly for cooled boiled water for when he's weaning.

We have had one success tonight, he held a piece of pitta bread with hommous in and had a good old chomp on it! Even ate some. A lot more success than we've had with the purees.

I'm so sorry to hear you're having a tough time, Dalrymps. I'm not trying to be patronising, I genuinely think you've done amazingly to do this long whilst still in pain.

What finally worked for us after DS refusing a bottle and doing the rolling it round in his mouth thing was heating the milk to really really warm - I know you've tried warm but I was surprised at how warm we had to have it before he'd take it. Not hot, obviously. And quite a fast teat. Now he knows there's food in a bottle he will take it at colder temperatures and I've been able to change down the teat flow.

Hope going back to the GP works this time. As someone else pointed out, it's hardly Class A drugs you are asking for now is it?

good to hear that he is taking some solids - at least that might take some of the mental pressure off you thinking that he is hungry if you don't breastfeed him - if that makes sense?

have you tried wearing a few layers when offering him a bottle? maybe he smells your milk and it puts him off when all he gets is a bottle instead of the boob that smells so good?

Bluey- when dh was trying him tonight the most success he had (when ds let him put it in his mouth for a while) was when the milk had just been warmed so maybe next time I'll try following your advice.

Asuwere- yes it does take some of the mental pressure off, and some of the worry about him not being interested in food. It seems he is interested but in real food rather than purees.

I don't feel too bad about it at the moment, I'll probably be stressed out again about it tomorrow!

I think you have to remember that bf is comfort as well as food which is why I think my dd was happier to concede after she'd had a small feed from me and then I gave her the bottle whilst still in the same bf position etc. Almost like she'd had her comfort and was more open to considering something different.

All I can say is that with my 4th she had ebm out of a bottle most days from birth to stop this being an issue (knew I was returning to work when she was still young!)

Aah I thought I'd just copy it out for you in case you hadn't managed to digest it - you seemed so upset yesterday.

I am doing baby led weaning with DD, she absolutely loves it and it sounds like your DS might too. This book is brilliant and free delivery from Amazon - I highly recommend it if you think you are going the finger foods route. Less hassle in terms of pureeing stuff for them, but probably more messy! I have some fab photos of DD covered in houmous etc

Cargirl- I think that's part of what upsets me, I said to dh yesterday that I feel like I'm taking his comfort away :0(

Ginger - thanks for the link, will take a look, I need blw ideas if we're going down that route. He was dive bombing my dh's choc chip cookie this evening, tried to bite it, not ideal first food at all!

Dalrymps, you've done really well to BF as long as you have. I am very pro BF (fed for a year each time very happily) - but am also very realistic. Do what is right for you & your DS, not what the BF mafia makes you feel you have to do. Your DS will have benefitted hugely from BF so far. If you do decide to give up BF, do so telling yourself you are NOT going to look back and feel guilty. You will always get BF purists who will try to make you feel like a bad mother for giving up but it's crap. Do what's the right thing for you and all of your family. Babies get comfort in lots of ways, not just sucking their mother's nipple.

Thanks ladette, that helps. I am very pro bf too, I'm also not very good at bfing which is why it's such a struggle, I know in theory it's the best food for ds blah blah blah but how much pain is that worth?

Dalrymps, the only thing I'm going to add to all of this is something you might already know, but a lot of people don't, which is to beware the weaning hormone crash.

When you stop breastfeeding, the hormones produced in your body that are supposed to promote all that closeness and love and happiness (oxytocin? I can never remember) reduce. So a lot of women experience a hormone crash that, whilst not nearly as severe as the 'baby blues' one, can knock some people for a bit of a loop. My friends have described it, variously, as feeling PMT-y for a week or two, or just feeling really anxious and weepy. I weaned incredibly slowly so I don't know that I experienced it much, but I was definitely not myself for quite a bit.

I'm telling you this because you sound like you've found this a hard decision, and you probably already feel a bit weepy. So please do remember that hormones play a part in that, be kind to yourself for a while, and don't assume that feeling bad means you've made an awful mistake. You'll feel better once the hormone crash abates, but it's best to be prepared.

I hope it goes smoothly for you, you poor thing!

I just wanted to say how fantastic I think you are for having BF for so long under those circumstances.

Good luck with the emotional change.

I found its quite hard to get fluid out of our sippy cup, so do bear this in mind when choosing one. Maybe dare to get a free flow one if yours is an impatient one (We tried but they don't seem to sell them here).

We've just started on BLW as well

hello, sorry haven't read the whole thread so apologies if i'm repeating... you could try just a normal beaker. We.ve used a doidy cup since ds was under 5.5 months and he took to it really well, having proper gulps within a week (and that's only using for it for water at sporadic meal times. If offered more frequently i'm sure your ds would pick it up quickely) but tbh i think i'd just use a normal un lidded beaker if i did it again. We only put a drop in then top it up. And we hold the bottom so ds can grab the handles. Apparently drinking from one is more normal for a bf baby

Tortoise - thanks for the advice, I had heard about the hormone thing but wasn't sure if it wad real or a myth! Will bear it in mind when I feel down...

Climber - thanks for the support. Yeah it's a free flow tommee tippee sippy cup I've got for him so should be ok.

Moonface - thanks for the tip, I'm going to try a normal beaker (see above) and I also have a doidy cup (somewhere!) so will look that out if we're not making any progress.

He bit my sore side as he came off again last night, ouch. I've just fed him from the other side over night and expressed from bad side this morning. Gonna try him with the expressed milk in a min.