I really don't want to bf anymore, please help :0(

[Dalrymps]

Ds is 22 weeks old. Bfing has been very difficult from the start. I saw a lactation consultant and she helped me with latching on when I was close to giving up and I managed to carry on. My right nipple has a crack, it has never healed although doesn't bleed and according to my gp isn't infected so I don't need antibiotics.

I think the larch is possibly just not quite right on that side, it gets sore for a few days if he's had a bad feed then it slowly becomes bearable again. The 'goo'd' side can get sore too but is mostly ok.

He's teething and had started clamping down on my nipples whilst feeding just to add to my pain .

I keep trying him with a bottle as to be honest I never even thought I'd get this far (only managed 5 weeks ebf with ds1). he won't take it, tried tommee tippee and mam.

I feel like I really want to stop now, I can't take it anymore and feel I'm feeding avaunt my will as I have no choice.

Please tell me what I can do to get him to take a bottle.

I don't mean to sound like I for care, I feel very guilty for wanting to stop and I know none of this is his fault but I've just had enough

DS3 would never take a bottle/dummy/spoon. When he was 7 or 8 months, I got mastitis which was very painful so I was just feeding on 1 side and expressing on the painful side. DS3 then bit the good side - while smiling at me! I was tired and couldn't cope any more. I stopped feeding him there and then. It was torture but eventually, after 24hrs, he took a bottle of milk! I cried so much - I was so happy that he'd finally done it but was also so sad that I'd made him do it. Very emotional!

It really was awful and I felt so guilty at not feeding him but it was just a day and he happily took bottles from then on - he even then started taking a dummy! And he finally started taking solids!!

You've done so well to get this far but if you've made the decision that you don't want to do it any more, then you need to just stop. When he's hungry enough, he'll give in and take the bottle.

Good luck (hugs)

Dal - i am so sorry that you are feeling down about this - you have done an amazing job of bfing against a lot of pain.
my ideas - for what they're worth - are:

a) have you tried nipple shields to protect your sore nipple? I used avent and mam ones all the way through, there's no way I could do bfing otherwise. They might also help a transition to a bottle?

b) have you tried speaking to your health visitor about your sore nipple? my team were great when i had nipple thrush (i had it, no signs in ds) - it was deep inside and feeding was agony - they basically spoke to my docs and said 'give this woman a course of thrush tablets, she needs it' - they knew loads more about bfing than the docs did, and their intervention really helped.

c) i found some different cups in boots/mothercare that had soft spouts, rather than hard ones, or bottle teats, and these seemed a good alternative to ds - not sure whether they might appeal to your ds?

i hope you can get something sorted asap (hugs)

Gettheparty- thanks for the reassurance [smile[

Asuwere- in my head I just want to stop but don't feel I can cope with him being that distressed , will keep trying at each feed and see how I feel...

Strawberry- thanks for the suggestions. I've tried nipple shields in the past but they don't really work for me, it just hurt more!

I don't feel like the pain is inside the breast, it's mainly the end of my cracked nipple and sometimes if latch bad the base where tlhus gums rub. Sometimes it just hurts cause he's fed badly a few times and it's still sore from then. Today he bit the bad side
Nipple then pulled off at the same time, twice. It was already sore before he did that. I cried. I don't feel like persevering any more

I will think about some kind of bottle/ cup combo...

Dal honey you have done sooooo well to keep going this long with all the difficulty you have had from the start.
I am truly saddened that you haven't had a good experince because, as you know, for me, once my Ds was 16 weeks everything got so much better that I'm still enjoying those lovely moments of closeness giving him a bedtime and morning feed after 35mths.
If you wish to try the Breastflow bottles I have 2 barely used...as you know again, my Ds never took to a bottle of any sort, no matter how we tried when I was suffering like you with sore nipples (and mastitis)...you are more than welcome to them ( txt/phone/fb me if you do)
For us the only way of avoiding hysterics when I couldn't feed enough to satisfy him was cup feeding with the doidy.
I really hope he accepts the bottle and gives you some relief soon... you have been heroic to have continued for so long in the circumstances.

Dh trying again, he just keeps crying this is terrible.

I think we probably had to cope with 2 days with a very reluctant baby, I think I actually breastfed her for a few minutes and then shoved the bottle in. Once she'd taken a bottle properly it was okay after that.

Getting her to give up the bottles well that was another story..........

Just wanted to send you a hug. DS has never willingly taken a bottle - we have managed to "catch him out" twice, when he has just woken up. Literally, eyes open, teat in.

I really hope you find something that works for you. Be proud of what you have managed.

Cargirl- is your lo my ds1? He is nearly 3 and only recenty have we got him off he bottles that he would very reluctantly take in the early days.

Sirboob- thanks for the support.

I just tried him and he sort of let the teat in his mouth a few times and chewed and licked and sucked and pushed it back out then went back to the crying... He took maybe a quarter of an oz. He was calm for a little while so dh is trying again. I think I'll have to feed him off the bad side shortly as don't want him going hungry

Hi Dalry,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low and I had to post as I remember going through the same thing with DS although only until around 12 weeks.

i would really try nipple shields if you haven't already, even if it's only until you manage to switch him to bottle. they saved my sanity TBH.

I would also go to GP and say I have thrush in my nipple, no discussion, and get the gel she prescribes to use on your nipple and his mouth. this is what happened to me and it sounds like what you could have? my gp didn't even examine me when i told her i thought i had thrush in my nipples.

i hope it all gets better for you soon as im sure it will eventually.

Hi Darymps, just wanted to add my support really, and my (totally unqualified) thoughts:

1. I think that on balance a happy mummy is far more important to a baby than being breastfed IYSWIM, so if you can get him weaned off then he will benefit from you feeling better

2. you have given him an amazing start and you should be very proud of yourself

3. From a roomful of adults, can you actually point to those who were breast fed and those who were formula fed? My 6mo EBF DD has had 3 colds already in her short life, in spite of the supposedly superior antibody content of breast milk! Although I am (obviously) totally pro BF, I am still not convinced of how much difference it really makes helath wise!

4. I second the dreamfeeding suggestion - sneak a bottle in there while he's asleep and see if he will take it, then perhaps gently wake him (get DH to open curtains, move around room etc) while he is feeding - no idea whether it will work but worth a try

Best of luck

I have 4 brand new unused in box Breastflow sat in a cupboard driving me insane- cat me your address if you want them.

My two took EBM from Dr Browns bottle no prob at all.

I'd just like to say [as a total Breastfeeding mamma who loves everything about it and is probably a bit mafia] it is ok to stop you know. Not give up or give in or be beaten - just step away and make the choice. If you want to. You have total choice over your body and how you use it.

But listen if you need to get through tonight, then tackle tomorrow, and then address the npple issue, and deal with the next thing.....we are wth you all the way, loads of good advice here. And there is no limit to how much help you can have from the lactation consultant, you don't run out of help cheques. Loads of people who feed through the developmental changes and growth spurts etc need regular contact with wise women who know about stuff.

health

And I need to get a new 'i' for this keyboard

Treedelivery Those Dr Brown's bottles seem to be legendary on MN, never heard of them before but sounds like they have some magical quality of some kind

They really worked for us. I think dd1 used them from about 3 months, and dd2 I really can't remember - but fairly young too. Mainly to get gaviscon into her.

I'm mindful that talk of the miracles of any sort of bottle may make Dalrymps feel even more vulnerable - so I reckon the main thing for you Dalrymps is this: imagine the sore side was magically cured and the latching on was ok and dandy. What would you want to do?

I know that mn and a lactation consultant [if applicable] - can get you there. Be that through finding the right bottle & technique to make the switch, to busting this bfing latch/crack nipple problem and establishing peacefull breastfeeding.

A very wise woman once said to me that you simply wouldn't decide to sell your house and leave your husband late at night after no sleep. Major decisions need to be made in daylght hours with a mug of tea and a clear head. To be at peace with your choices - so important I think.

Questions- yeah tried nipple shields, just didn't seem to work for me.

A few people have said to go back to the gp, maybe I will.. I feel like I can't think that far ahead cause just want to stop then deal with my nipples later iyswim?

Ginger- thanks for your lovely words and kind support. It helps when he's crying cause I'm not feeding him to know I have done something right.

Tree- that's a very kind offer, I'll message you, think floria might send me one but be good to have some spare if he takes to them.

Thankyou for saying it's ok to stop, I'm really beating myself up about this.

He's currently feeding off the bad side, it's painful but bearable atm

Tree- I know what you mean, if the sore side was ok then in all honesty I'd probably still want to stop but not be in such a rush. I'd be gradually trying to wean him on to a bottle/ cup. If it were guaranteed it would be pain free from now on with no more flare ups on the bad side I would again be not in such a rush but working towards weaning off.

The pain is the main issue. The other issues I have are being the only one responsible for feeding him, not being able to have a break from him for more than a few hours. Also I feel the responsibility of his weight gain as ds1 had weight gain issues and although ds2 doesn't he's hardly massive and it's a worry at the back of my mind. I'm not very co
Fortable feeding in public either so it's restrictive socially for me. I also need to lose weight but can't diet. I know these all sound trivial but they're things that are getting me down.

Thankfully he only fed once through the night (it was four times the night before). Just had a quick feed on the bad side this morning but he kept pulling off which didn't help. Gonna try him again with the bottle in a minute...

So sorry to hear you are having such a crap time.
I can understand totally how you feel. When I couldn't get DS to take a bottle I felt like my 'choice' to breast feed was taken away from me.

My DS refused a bottle from 16 weeks to 22 weeks. My DS was kind of chewing the teat/rolling it around in his mouth. Then one day just took it. I kept trying bottle at one feed each day, and when he refused/cried I stopped trying and breast fed, eventually he took it. This was with MAM teats. I started out with EBM then gave a small amount of EBM followed by some formula, now only 2 weeks in (from him starting to take the bottle) he is taking a full bottle of formula.

I dont have any advice re painful feeding I am afraid and it may take time but I am sure your DS will take it eventually.

If you do decide to go down the cup route, my HV had a useful tip (for once!!) to bath them in clean/non soapy water and let them practice with the cup in the bath where it doesnt matter if they cover themselves in water.

Oh and I dont know if you have started weaning yet, but that might help as your DS will be experimenting with flavours and textures which might make him more ameanable to another 'strange' taste/texture.

Also meant to say that you have done an amazing job, I could not have carried on with the pain you are experiencing, I was ready to stop at 6 weeks when had v painful/cracked thrush riddled nipples. I only carried on because it cleared up, going on with that pain for so long - you are a fabulous mummy!

i came over to offer my breastflow bottle but I see you will be inundated with them! :)

Please go back to the doctor and try to get them to listen while you wait for DS2 to take a bottle. You need to concentrate on you too and that should mean getting rid of this pain ASAP. Youve done what I was considering as impossible at 6 wks with cracks and infections, i was ready to give up then and I would have if it hadnt healed.

DD wont take any bottle but I am inspired but Ang - perhaps now we are starting weaning she might be more receptive.

Thankyou for the tips and support ang, it means a lot.

I was trying at one feed a day but admittedly not bothering some days as we seemed to be making no progress. I'm trying more often now in the hope of getting the transition over with quickly and with as little disress as possible.

Your post gives me hope he might take it eventually.

Thanks for thinking of me Siamese, yes the lovely ladies have offered me some of those bottles

I will try to get to the doc at some point although I feel reluctant as it's a faff to get an appointment, get there, plan feeds around it and arrange to leave ds1 with granny(I usually just take one of them with me if I can help it as my doctors room is upstairs and no lift). I resent doing all that just to be fobbed off when I get there

Ang- that's exactly how I feel, that my choice to breastfeed has been taken away, stupidly it actually makes me feel quite panicky. The fact that feeding can involve
Pain too just makes ne feel worse that I know a feed is coming but I have to do it as there's no alternative. The other week I had a stomach big and I was having severe, almost labour like stomach cramps whilst feeding him and tryig not to have an accident, I thought then that I just wish he would take a bottle.

I haven't started properly weaning him as such, well I have tried him with baby rice/pear/apple on a few occasions but not on any sort of schedule. He is not very receptive to it (just like ds1) and I'm hoping as his motor skills develop he'll take to blw successfully. He has sucked on a bread roll and slice of pear which he quite enjoy so maybe that's the way to go...

Stomach bug

How about seeingg your hv about the ?thrush/?positional pain? I am sure she could get a dr to write the prescrption for you. It's hardly a class A drug is it?

Do you feel any brighter today? One thing I have noticed about bfing, is that regardless of how it is going, we tend to focus all our feelings onto it.

WHat I mean is, that all our worry, stress and anxiety seem to condense into the big feeding issue.

Have a nice day today, take it easy and slow - eat gentle soft lovely food. Make custard and hot chocolate and stick Love Actually on or something. See if you can get a bit of headspace for yourself. Perhaps this afternoon you could ring the lactation consultant and arrange a visit. They won't mind one little itti bit - in fact, most of their cases will be mums in the first few weeks. You will be some variety as you are longer down the line, and they will enjoy seeing a larger baby