Prep, private or state primary?

[TwentyTwoLizards]

Am I doing my children a disservice by not sending them to prep school? If so, then when should they go?

We have three children, two boys and a girl, who we anticipate might start single-sex full boarding in year 9, to whatever extent that even still exists, if they are keen on it and if they even get in. We will also look at a range of co-ed full boarding schools. Our oldest two are already at our village primary and the other one will be starting soon. We are pleased with it so far but I wonder whether it might not be academic enough in a few years. It provides no extra curriculars so we help our children to do as much as possible, but again local offerings are limited. The teachers are brilliant, there are some really proactive and involved parents, and our children have lovely friends.

We live rurally and have limited options - there is one private day school about 45 minutes away which isn’t especially good. It is a run-through school from reception and doesn’t prep for common entrance etc. There are two good prep schools within about 90 mins drive of where we are now, and we favour one in particular. It would require our children to weekly board and I worry that if they start boarding too early that it may negate some of the benefits of senior boarding that we had. Thoughts welcome…

Tricky as I think it depends on your children’s character interests and your family views. But based on what you’ve said I’d stay local
until 10-11 (depending on maturity and academics) and then move to the bigger school which will prep for common entrance or as required. Your choice of schools may change as your children get older and their interests and personalities begin to show through

Thank you. Yes, that is sort of my thinking too, though maybe my post was too leading. They are still so young and we will respond to their interests and personalities, as you say. Some of our friends seem to be intensively tutoring their 3 year olds, while ours are a little older and seem a bit feral and certainly more “rural” in comparison at times (but happy, active, sociable, clever and capable, I think!), so occasionally I wonder whether we should be sending them to prep school to give them the best start. I am sure they’ll be capable of making up for any lost time academically, I just want them to also enjoy their education as much as possible at every stage and to be able to shine for admission processes in year 6.

Also for a dc starting Reception now, the boarding schools options / sky high fees in 7-9 years from now is mind boggling - a reduced number of schools with fees approaching £100k per year. It will be anyone who can pay who gets in.

Why do you think that sending them to a school 45 minutes away that ‘isn’t especially good’ will be giving your dc ‘the best start’?

what do you mean by that?

The OP didn’t say that, @Muchtoomuchtodo. Her only comment on the 45 minute school is that it’s not especially good. That sounds like a clear dismissal to me.

@TwentyTwoLizards in my experience children start to show what they need from school at around seven years old - do you have any time until then?

In my family we tried a convenient local independent at that point, because it offered more than the perfectly nice village school. But it was clear they needed much more scope at ten, and (with our eye on preparation for senior boarding) we moved them to a boarding prep, where, one might say, they were stretched to their full potential. (And had the time of their lives.)

Obviously children unfold in an infinite number of ways - but my advice would be to wait until they’ve shown you what they need.

How old are they?

UK boarding preps are not competitive and providing your DC have no major educational delays or behavioural issues you will get a place in any of them at 11. They will then prepare your DC for a range of suitable boarding senior schools. Pretty much all of these senior schools are now a buyers market. This is especially the case if you are a British family as these schools are struggling to maintain their share of British children.

You may have an issue if you want your DC to go to a super competitive boarding senior school. But that really just means Eton these days and possibly Wycombe Abbey for a girl (or anywhere people think may be a destination for the royals). In these cases you will need them to prepare for an entrance test at 10+. But these tests are supposed to be tutor proof and to take into account the school the child has been at. Not sure how true that is in practice. Eton will also be looking for a talent in a non academic area. Do you have the opportunity to nurture sport, music, drama etc where you are currently living?

Honestly, if you have a nice village school I would keep them there until they finish primary. You can provide your own enrichment opportunities - read with them , talk to them, discuss current affairs with them. Take advantage of local sports, art, music, drama opportunities including holiday courses.

Your DC will be fine!

I don’t get the impression the OP is unfamiliar with the application processes for the senior schools she’ll have in mind …

Think you've hit the nail on the head here - traditional wisdom about how competitive private schools are is fast being re written - waiting lists shortening, entry requirements lowering etc

My two kids have just finished senior school having been in a combination of state primary, then preps, then one went to a senior day school and the other to a boarding school. Looking back I would advise as follows.

1. Keep your DCs in state primary until at least 7. Before this age there is not really much difference between a good state primary and a prep. Also bear in mind that in most countries around the world formal education doesn’t start until age 7, this is for well researched reasons. Let them keep their muddy knees and tell them to climb trees. 🌲 😊
2. A transfer to a good prep at somewhere around age 7 to 11 will help them academically and to get ready for senior school. Although given your location description this might be harder for you to achieve.
3. Once in senior school, this is were the real difference between state and independent options shows.
4. Lastly whatever you do, don’t get tutors for a 3 year old. That won’t help them (they are too young to seriously learn academic stuff at that age) and it will just be your family tearing up money!

@DishyDad2 what were the real differences between state and independent options at senior school?

Thank you @AgitaAndroidI think that is probably how things might play out for us here too and it’s really helpful to hear about your children’s experiences. Children are 3, 5 and 6 so still plenty of time!

@DishyDad2this sounds extremely sensible and very much what we are thinking at the moment too. Thank you.

In your situation I would generally do ‘state till 8’. But under 11 is too young to board - and I say that as someone’s with 25years+ of working in boarding schools. Boarding at a young age can be good but these days the vast majority of under 11 boarders are there for a specific reason - a forces family, a bereavement and the remaining parent having to work difficult hours, divorce and both parents remarrying and having a ‘new family’ (this one is particularly heartbreaking). Very few do it ‘just because’ these days.

This is eye opening and heart breaking. Thank you. I went from state to senior boarding and never felt disadvantaged by it (the opposite actually), while my husband is more ambivalent. Do you mind sharing what it is that you have done in the boarding world?

I’ve taught in three boarding schools, two had under 11 boarding. I’m sure some of the younger ones enjoyed it and some parents will say it was great though, I just found it rather sad. I don’t know how many full weekly boarders there are these days - I suspect a lot do flexi boarding - a night or two a week. Lots of kids do well on flexi - a night or two at school saving a commute but still very much living at home.