I'm so sick and tired of feeling unsafe in the UK

[harietti]

10 years ago I had experienced very little racism in the UK, and when I did, it was so rarely that I could put it down to one bigot being a bit of a knob. It was much easier to ignore. Today, I feel scared. I experience a racist remark from strangers at least once a month if not more, my street is littered with England flags, there is a house on my mum's street that has pictures of Tommy Robinson in the window, I've come off most social media because I can't stand the posts, my son has had racism at school (thankfully the school is incredible and has a no tolerance policy so the child was excluded immediately). I just don't know what to do anymore. It's affecting my mental health and I wish there was something I could proactively do, but there isn't. Not that will make a significant change. All I am doing at the moment is being unapologetically myself, but I still feel like shit. I was born here, and even if I weren't (like my parents), I have contributed so much to society. Worked on domestic abuse hotlines as a volunteer. Been in the charity sector earning a pittance my whole adult life because I want to help people. I feel really helpless and unwanted. Deep down I know a lot of people don't give a shit where my family are from, but equally I know a lot of people do. I'm finding myself becoming paranoid and avoiding conversation with burly white men, not because I don't want to speak to them, but because I just don't know who they are and what they believe. Often I find they are just normal people and are kind, compassionate, and I feel like an utter twat after for ever being worried. Though on two occasions recently my gut has been right, and I have been met with a racist remark, and on the other occasion, I was stonewalled. It was like I didn't exist. I am just so tired.

I don't have any constructive advice. I just wanted to say how much I feel for you. There is no down playing what you are experiencing and it is bloody horrendous.

I despair this world we live in. It's divided and horrid. You sound like such a well rounded, community orientated person. Take heart that decent people will know this and love / appreciate you.

Yep I hide a ton here and also regularly take a break into all black spaces.

Sorry jhound I meant Mumsnet in general
The disabled threads/pip a few months ago
Reform
Racist threads of all description after a while.
I'm not a fan of hatred and division.

It is hideous OP and I’m so sorry you’re feeling so anxious. I’m the granddaughter of an Irish grandmother and Indian grandfather (and a South African father), just this week I’ve had a massive argument with someone who is my second cousin (I think - Mum’s cousin) who was banging on with all this flag bullshit. His own mother was a bloody immigrant. Social media including sites likes MN and the constant reporting of Reform effectively encourage it. It’s grotesque. It certainly didn’t start with this government. It rapidly increased as part of the Brexit campaign.

You need a plan a, move or live in a part of the UK that doesn’t have concentrations of those sort and plan b an exit plan in the event that the likes of reform get into power.

there seems to be a credible belief amongst these thugs that if all the coloured (because they don’t differentiate between refugees/immigrants etc in practice) people were gone then they would get the higher paying careers, the nice houses and whatever utopia that Farage et al has promised.

In reality Farage/Braverman are desperate to get rid of the ECHR so the very same thugs they’ve emboldened will have next to no rights when they march them back into the workhouses. Skilled migrants and others may well leave because who wants to raise their kids in a hostile and economically declining country? I think the flag worshippers need to seriously consider that if an exodus of the very people they hate were to happen then how would there be enough tax payers in this country to top up their UC and countless other benefits???

On my train into London (from a small, well off Surrey village) there were at least 40 people heading to the protest today. They were also well spoken and polite, not the drunk violent "fascists" the BBC talk about.

People have had enough of the UK taking in tens of thousands of economic migrants on boats each year and of their towns looking unrecognisable.

The awful cost of that fear and anger is UK born non white communities feeling unsettled like you do.

You should save your anger for the government - past and recent.

Your towns look unrecognisable because your government has underfunded and ran every service into the ground. A couple of ‘foreign’ looking individuals aren’t the cause of your gripe. They too and you should save your anger for the government.

Does “unrecognisable” mean “has some non-white people in?”

Oh I understood what you meant

What makes a town “unrecognisable”?

I will “save my anger” for those causing me to feel fearful. And it’s not the government.

(Imagine coming to the Black MNers board to gaslight those expressing concern here!)

How do you feel when people on this forum equate womenface (drag) to black face?

It’s so unsafe in the UK for black people. Black people would be safer anywhere else, literally.

But every country is the same! It's everywhere!

Don’t be ridiculous. Are you seriously saying that these people need “opportunities” to stem their racism? That’s like saying men need access to women to stop them committing rape. It’s a disgusting viewpoint to have. Ethnic minorities should not have to rely on white people having enough money in their pockets to not subject them to racism. Do white people genuinely need to be bribed to not be racist then?

No, I clearly said scapegoating anyone is the fault of racist people, no one else. The opportunities issue is in large part the fault of the government, but that is NO excuse for racism, AT ALL.

Oh look, a racist excusing racism. Carry on.

You literally said it’s due to a lack of opportunities and not the people’s own fault. So we’ll just be collateral damage then shall we? While grown ass thugs threaten us? Again, disgusting viewpoint.

There's never an excuse for racism. If those people you mention aren't racist, why do UK born non white communities feel unsettled by what they say?

Someone can be racist as anything and well-spoken, 'polite', , non-violent and sober.

No, the comment about government being responsible for lack of opportunities was in response to people saying that if people lack opportunities, it's their own fault.

i’m white, my children are white, i live in an area with a very low number of black, asian or eastern european people or people of that descent. but i am appalled at what is happening. i thought my village had escaped the flag shaggers but overnight someone has been out with a cherry picker and put flags on every lamppost around the turkish barbers, chinese takeaway and corner shop run by someone of south asian heritage.

i have lived in london and other cities that are diverse and i have raised my children not to be racists or xenophobes despite their lack of exposure to much diversity. i have met people from all over the world who have been awesome humans, i have met people from all over the world who are awful pieces of shit. people are people. good and bad and everything inbetween.

My teens were annoyed seeing the flags today as they understood it was part of a wider campaign to legitimise the far right and their hate. we talk about this kind of thing and we share our thoughts and ideas and look to history to learn from too.

the racists have always been amongst us but now they have been given permission to not be embarrassed or fear challenge for stating their views in public anymore.

im lucky that baring a couple, i don’t have anyone like that in my life and the ones i do are married in relatives who i can largely ignore.

i can’t imagine what it must feel like to look like someone who is potentially at risk of abuse or violence from these morons. my heart broke when i read of the Sikh woman raped in the west mids by racists.

i’m terrified of a reform government. we will all be at risk if that happens. black, asian, gay, women, holding anti racist views, we will all be fearful of state retribution. as a PP said it’s text book 1930’s Germany.

the media have whipped the anti boats brigade up into a frenzy but most don’t have the ability to understand WHY that is happening, what role Brexit played and the success of stopping the lorry crossings etc etc.

it's no accident that the mandleson story is evolving just as Farage’s tax evasion was gathering traction…

i wish i knew what to do other than hold strong in what i believe, treat others with respect and courtesy and raise my children to do the same.

That’s because it is their own fault. If a white male born in the UK is not able to make a decent go of his life then he cannot blame anybody else I’m afraid. The level of privilege these thugs have been born with is astounding, and to then turn around and try and blame immigrants for their shitty lives is laughable. So no, the government is not to blame. Because quite frankly, if these men (and most of them are men) have not been able to make a go of their lives in the UK then they were never going to succeed anywhere else.

Once again, you should not need to be bribed to not be a racist.

I too shudder at what is happening in this country. I am white and always challenge racism if I hear it. And I hate the flags. (And I don't understand why anyone calls Stephen Yaxley-Lennon by the name he adopted to hide who and what he is.)

Do we need a visual sign of support, or does one exist already? I now understand the role of the rainbow lanyard as a visual sign for LGBTQI+ people, in a new way. Would a lapel badge of, say, hands of different skin colours holding hands be of some reassurance if you were able to walk down the street and at least see such badges around you? I don't want to divide the world into us and them, but no-one should have to walk down the street and feel alone in the face of such open hostility.

Unfortunately, the Uk media is supporting racist diatribe and because the media is ‘saying what they want’, racist people think they are free to openly say what they really believe.

Housing the ‘boat people’ in hotels seems to have started this new wave of racism.

People on benefits, who haven’t worked in 20 years but have nothing physically or mentally wrong with them are blaming these ‘boat people’ for everything wrong with Britain without any thought that it’s them who are contributing to the failure and economic state of this country. These are the type who attend these protest and rallies, along with many a pensioner brain-washed by the Daily Mail.

My in-laws have become obsessed with GB news which has been on the TV when we’ve visited and the absolute garbage I’ve heard on that is baffling. And they’re in their 80s and believe the media would never lie to them and they believe all this tripe.
They used to get on well with their Asian neighbour and last week, my FIL was complaining about them having 3 generations living in one house and it being a disgrace!
This family has not done anything to warrant this change in my FIL’s behaviour.
On GB news, was a man saying the Labour government would be allowed to force pensioners to ‘look after’ migrants if they had spare room and my in-laws were panicked that they’d have 2 boat people forced on them as they have 2 spare bedrooms!
Utter madness. We’ve stopped going round to be honest as me and DH don’t want to hear it and they won’t listen to sense.

I dont think even more virtue signalling is the solution.

It doesn't help that a lot of Muslims in Rochdale & Rotherham covered up the sexual assault by the gangs. But then so did a lot of white people, including the police, some of whom also raped the victims.

But obvs most UK Muslims revile those actions.

On sharia law, it's worth noting that over 40% of UK Muslims do support 'aspects' of Sharia law being introduced, which is worrying.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.secularism.org.uk/news/2016/12/over-40-percent-of-uk-muslims-support-aspects-of-sharia-law&ved=2ahUKEwjp1e28jtaPAxVpW0EAHY2PGdMQFnoECCQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3y4hIBWloCsod0wg0a7g18

NONE of that is an excuse for racism.