Neighbour keeps asking to borrow money

[mslewis]

Sorry to come here with this problem, but my neighbour is fully getting on my nerves. Don’t get me wrong; when I met her, she was nice enough. The school sent my wee girl home alone mistakenly, but I wasn’t in, so my daughter went to hers and she took her in , plus took her to a nail salon to get her nails done and paid.
But, recently, all she does is ask for money! I was quite happy to give her £30 as a gift one time she asked and paid her other half £60 to drill on a cam doorbell and 20£ to put a small chainsaw together for me. But now I feel she is taking advantage, because she is asking once every few days.
I am a single mum, suffering with autism, adhd and depression. She is making me not want to leave my house and avoid the school run.
To put salt in the wound; I took her wee girl for a sleep over. (Our daughters are 7+8) her uniform was dirty, so my daughter lent her a tracksuit and is yet to get it back. The mom said a few times she will give it to us, but her nephew actually told us, his cousin keeps other people’s stuff, hence why my daughter is her only friend. The neighbours daughter stole a football medal from her friend and her cousin (neighbours nephew) had to sneak into her room to get it back. Bless him, he is only 7.
But she is really starting to trigger my autism. She can see I am a single parent to three kids. She is sitting round her gaff with a long term partner and has the support of all her family. I just feel like she should have her ‘ish’ together.

You just tell her you are not in a financial position to lend/give her any more money and your child needs her tracksuit back. Start unapologetically putting in firm boundaries.

Just say “I don’t have money to spare”, don’t say ‘sorry’, no need to apologise, just say it and walk away. When you leave your house, if she pops out, just wave, say ‘hello’ and just keep walking. Don’t stop for the chance of conversation, if she’s trying to engage just tell her you must dash or that you are in a rush.

The second time she asked, I actually told her this. I explained my outgoings were way more than my ingoings and she still begged me for an extra £20 the first time I lent her 30£

Just say ‘no’ and stand firm. Doesn’t matter if she begs. Just keep repeating “no”.

Think of it that she's asking you to give her money. Because it seems unlikely you'll get paid back.

Can you afford to just give money away? Doesn't sound like it. So practice some sentences to use... " Sorry I cant". "Sorry not at this time" "sorry no"

Start to say no and ask her to give the tracksuit back. Then distance yourself from her as she isn't worth more than your well being.

You have to be firm and as pp says, unapologetic.

People like this take advantage of your kindness and “niceness” and the only way to deal with it is to be more direct and firm.

Say you can’t afford to lend money and don’t be swayed. Don’t apologise either. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself.

You need to ask for the tracksuit back from the mum. She maybe doesn’t realise her dd still has it.

Don’t justify yourself. Just tell her that you’d rather she didn’t ask for money anymore because there is no way you can spare any. *Did you get the money back for the ring doorbell, etc? If not, she has spotted you as an easily manipulated target.

Blunt is the key here, no excuses

Next time you see her - Hi neighbour, I'll be round this evening to collect the tracksuit.

If she asks for money 'sorry, I don't have any money' 'can't give what I don't have' or is she asks to borrow 'you've not paid me back the previous times'

She’s trying to extort from you because she believes she believes you are an easy target.

You need to say “no” very firmly without explaining why. When people try to explain why they can’t do something, it gives the other person a way in to discussion. Just say, “I’m not in the position to do that.”

In your position, I would keep a record of interactions with her and remember, if she keeps doing this, it becomes harassment which you could report her to the police for. I would also let school know what’s going on so that they don’t use her as an emergency carer again.

Put it this way,OP, she has no qualms about being cheeky to you in asking for money and not taking no for an answer. She’s not sparing your feelings is she?

You’ve got to give the same back.

Ask her to lend you money - she'll disappear like a shot!

Seriously, next time she asks say 'oh, I can't, actually I was just going to ask if you can lend me £50?'

What an uncomfortable position to put you in. I would go over and knock on the door and just wait there until she gives the tracksuit back. No more money should pass hands. In fact I think I would ignore her. She is exploiting the fact she knows she has made you uncomfortable enough not to stand up to her.

Looool

I told her the second time i couldn't afford to and didn't have it. Her response don't you have an extra 20£? My electric is gonna go' I just ignored her, but she has been asking every few days for different amounts, so I dont respond and ignore, because she ask over facebook. I would be so embarrassed asking for money, while having a whole fiancé at home. She also knows I don't have my family, like she does.
I asked for the tracksuit a few times and she keeps saying she will send it over, but it never arrives.

So she’s promising to give it back but doesn’t.
Use the tracksuit to your advantage.

Next time she asks for money say you’ll give her some but you want the tracksuit back first.

Then don’t give her any money.

Unfriend her on Facebook. Keep your distance
If she comes to your door, you’re not in ( even if it’s obvious you are)

I know it’s difficult but you really need to be firm, just say no, you don’t have any spare money.

as for the track suit, go round with your daughter and stand firm, you’ve come for the track suit and don’t any excuse. Just stand on her door step, and suggest to your daughter that she pops upstairs for it if need be.

and whatever you do don’t let any of them into your home to play again.

i had a neighbour who would constantly ask for food, always sending the kids round for a pack of fish fingers, a lump of cheese never just a slice of bread or a tea bag 😂. It’s hard to stand firm but in the end I just use to say sorry I need that for my children’s tea ask so and so down the road.

you just need to be firm.

When she says don’t you have £20, you say ‘No! Don’t you?!’ And leave it there.

I would go round, get the tracksuit, and then tell her you are desperately short this week and can she lend you £20 for food.

Just send her a text if you don't feel comfortable about saying anything to her.
Just say that you aren't in a position to lend any money. Nip it in the bud now. She is using your autism and praying on a vulnerable person.
And you are vulnerable as she has already worked out that you won't try hard to get your money back.
She is a con artist,please stop giving her money,I can promise you it will get worse if you don't.

My dad had a neighbour like this, always wanting to borrow money. His strategy was to lend her a tenner and not lend anything more until he got it back. Once she had repaid him he would let her borrow a tenner again, so this same tenner just went back and forth. He didn't have to refuse her every time and it just cost him a tenner to keep her away until the next time.

In her case though, she was the single mother living alone without support and he was in the better financial position. In your case you would be well within your right to just tell her you can't keep lending money as it leaves you short.

And definitely don't give a thing until the tracksuit comes back.

Edit to say this neighbour of his was borrowing/taking money from more than one person and had a sense of entitlement to other people's hard earned cash. Don't feel bad if you can't give her any, there are probably a dozen people round the neighbourhood she taps up!

you need to start a thread about your child’s school

how old is she?

'I can lend you money - once you've paid the £30 back and returned the tracksuit I will lend you £10 if you need it'

wtf the school sent your 7 year old home alone????

How did the school manage to send you child home alone mistakenly? Did you complain? Your neighbour should not have taken her to get her nails done in those circumstances.