Neighbour keeps asking to borrow money

[mslewis]

Sorry to come here with this problem, but my neighbour is fully getting on my nerves. Don’t get me wrong; when I met her, she was nice enough. The school sent my wee girl home alone mistakenly, but I wasn’t in, so my daughter went to hers and she took her in , plus took her to a nail salon to get her nails done and paid.
But, recently, all she does is ask for money! I was quite happy to give her £30 as a gift one time she asked and paid her other half £60 to drill on a cam doorbell and 20£ to put a small chainsaw together for me. But now I feel she is taking advantage, because she is asking once every few days.
I am a single mum, suffering with autism, adhd and depression. She is making me not want to leave my house and avoid the school run.
To put salt in the wound; I took her wee girl for a sleep over. (Our daughters are 7+8) her uniform was dirty, so my daughter lent her a tracksuit and is yet to get it back. The mom said a few times she will give it to us, but her nephew actually told us, his cousin keeps other people’s stuff, hence why my daughter is her only friend. The neighbours daughter stole a football medal from her friend and her cousin (neighbours nephew) had to sneak into her room to get it back. Bless him, he is only 7.
But she is really starting to trigger my autism. She can see I am a single parent to three kids. She is sitting round her gaff with a long term partner and has the support of all her family. I just feel like she should have her ‘ish’ together.

@Alwaysalwayscold it doesn't matter what you think. She has as much right to choose to post here as she does AIBU. She made her choice so stop challenging her.

Go and find another post where someone would like your advice.

The OP has already stated why she has posted here. If you are finding that difficult to process, then that is too bad. You should just drop it now.

You are vulnerable and she is preying on you. Charging £80 for some light DIY is ludicrous, she is taking advantage of you. The normal neighbourly interaction here where a neighbour utilises their specific skill to help another out would be the helpee would give the helper money for materials and a token thank you (box of chocolates/bottle of alcohol/flowers etc) not £80 quid for a couple of screws

You do not owe her anything, you do not own her a relationship, money or even to preserve her feelings as she isn't concerned about how she makes you feel. In your positions I would stop talking to her other than a brief 'Hi' in passing and I would stop the children playing together so you limit that interaction and remove her from social media.

Thank you <3

Why are you not more fuming that a school sent your 8 year old child home alone, without contacting you and asking you to pick her up!!! Major safeguarding fail!

Don't explain your finances to your neighbour, would you hand this person your bank statement to have a nose through, I'm hoping no so why explain your private financials.
Just say no, if pressed just say I don't have that for you. Look at it this way, what she's asking is take food out off your table that's meant for your own family.
It's OK to make friends say hello, or hang out sometimes.
But sometimes your neighbours can be a bit to close for comfort and be over familiar, especially if they feel they know your business.
I hope this situation works itself out.

Taking your daughter to get her nails done was a strange thing to do.

Also expensive. I wonder if by doing this she then thought she had some sort of "hold" over you.

Or maybe she did the nails herself, but wanted you to think she paid for her to get them done, to make you think you owed her.

Either way, yeah, whenever she asks you just have to say "actually I was going to ask for the money that you owe me back, as I'm really skint"

The tracksuit....you may have to write off. Do you ever see the daughter wearing it?

This was a mistake. Don't disclose your private personal financial details to what is essentially a stranger. Don't say you haven't got money, then give her more than she asks for. You are inadvertently sending mixed signals.

I would suggest you don't get over friendly. Keep any interaction short and polite. She is using you. You do not need dishonest people in your life. Do girls age 8 really get their nails done? No wonder she needs money. It's a frivolous waste if finances are tight. You didn't ask her to take her, so I would have said thank you but not offered to pay. It was her choice.

Go and knock on the door and ask for the track suit back. Say she needs it for (insert reason), and you'll wait. Or it was a gift and it has sentimental value. You don't care if it needs washed.

Start distancing yourself and make polite excuses. She will drain you like a leach.

If she asks for money again, just say sorry you've just had a big bill. Change the subject, or say you have things to do and leave. Be polite and wish her well.

I didn’t give her the extra 20£, but defo shouldn’t have given her the 30£ in the first place

No, I don’t see the child wearing it. She just claims she can’t find it

Never apologize for saying "no". Don't say "sorry" there is nothing to apologize for.

@Aixellency do people/women have to identify themselves as being black first on this thread before getting advice.
I don't think the colour of her neighbour matters, she is a user.

I assume most people on this thread are black or have some connection.

THIS
Don’t ever apologise.

I don’t have the money. And I’m going to follow you home to get Sally’s tracksuit.
Blunt. Stern. And to the point.

@mslewis

You don't have to justify yourself to her forever and be used as a last resort or first call bank of England hole in wall cash machine one stop shop..

Just cause she once gave your daughter a make over nails 💅 done pretty,

Just tell I haven't got time for this kind of nonsense anymore or start asking 🙄 for favours yourself of her

She will soon hot foot out of your hair life
These Users types usaully do

mslewis:-
She's asking because she knows you won't say no and has no intention ever of paying it back
A human leechy slob is what she sounds like
Next time she asks say no; and that her girl can get herself some other sucker to latch onto, not your daughter who's tracksuit she still has and you'd like it back?!
Because the apple I feel in this case won't have fallen far from the tree
And your neighbour will always be this way
Good Luck with it All and take care of yourself