Black kids at private school

[QuickQuestionQueen]

I'm considering sending my 2 DCs to a private school in Sept, but I have some doubts whether or not I'm making the right decision. I would be interested to hear of other black parents' experiences.

The area we live in is mainly white, so local state and private schools have a small percentage of children belonging to an ethnic minority.
Both DCs attend good state schools at the moment. Although they've both done well so far there have been several issues over the years - unnecessary storms in teacups (not of my children’s making). I'd say usually their race appeared to be the underlying issue (sometimes by insinuation, once or twice quite blatantly).

The private school seems to offer more academic support, and many, many valuable opportunities in sports and the arts. One of my DCs has been offered 2 scholarships if they attend. Apparently, I've been told by a member of staff, this is an incredibly rare offer for this private school to make. For information - my DC has not been acknowledged for their ability in these subject areas at the current state school.

So my question is, what can I expect if we go private? More chance of racism? Would I be naive to think it would be any other way? But why should my kids miss out on opportunities because of their colour? Also, I'm mindful that we would be at the lower end of the income bracket. I have so many ifs and buts running round my head and am driving myself crazy 🤯
Please - I could really do with hearing the perspectives of others.
TIA 🙏🏾

Btw I don’t mean that the school is only 40% white, more like 60% instead of 90~95% white.
That is enough to make a difference Ime.

I’d also say that if they were able to acknowledge your dc ability when no one had done before then they are probably on the right path too.

@QuickQuestionQueen I’ve never witnessed any overt racism and nor have any of the pupils I’m responsible for - it's a liberal school with quite a 'woke' student body so I'd be surprised if there were any incidents of e.g. racial slurs being used. But I know there have been micro aggressions such as pupils touching/commenting on a black pupil's hair, for example.

The school is being proactive in teaching all pupils what constitutes a micro aggression and in PSHE/pastoral time they have discussion scenarios based around things like the hair touching situation I mentioned, where their tutor guides them through a consideration of why behaviour like this is offensive even if well meant and they consider how they should respond if they witness this sort of behaviour.

There's an affinity group for pupils of colour where they run through this sort of thing and help to guide policy, and black pupils are told about the content of the PSHE sessions in advance so that they can identify any elements that might make them feel uncomfortable - some pupils want to be actively involved in speaking to their peers and helping educate them, whereas others don't want any kind of focus on them as the 'token black pupil' in the session, so we try to take that into account (as we would with LGBT kids in pastoral sessions based on LGBT issues).

They will sadly probably experience racism where ever they go to school.

With that in mind I would choose the school which offers the best education and learning experiences.

If they have a scholarship then I would definitely take up the experience as they sound like they will fit into the school culture in other ways even if their face doesn't fit.

Its really tough - horrible knowing that they are unlikely to never experience racism while they are young. My worse overtly racism I experienced was during my school years. However they will gain a lot from private education and the networks they make there.
Participation is an important part of breaking down stereotypes.

@QuickQuestionQueen I would also say that my school is brilliant and the vast majority of our pupils enjoy their time here and do really well whatever their ethnic or religious background. It sounds like your DC are academic and motivated children with supportive parents who will thrive at a school which offers lots of curricular and extra-curricular activities and extension, so if you can stretch to the fees then I would definitely send them!

There was a mnetter sometime ago whose daughter was on scholarship at a PS and who experienced a very difficult time - as I recall she was one of very few ethnic minority students at the school and being on a scholarship was rolled out on occasion as the poster girl.

The mum eventually pulled her daughter from the school as she felt that race related issues were inadequately dealt with.

The offer of scholarships sounds wonderful, especially since your child’s talents weren’t recognised at the current school and will likely be nurtured at the PS.

Do your research into the PS to determine the student racial profile and whether they have diversity on their agenda and in a way that is more than just offering lip service.

As the current state school is not very diverse it sounds that you will not do any worse with the PS in that regard but at least you’ll be going in with your eyes wide open.

Good luck!

"There's an affinity group for pupils of colour where they run through this sort of thing and help to guide policy, and black pupils are told about the content of the PSHE sessions in advance so that they can identify any elements that might make them feel uncomfortable - some pupils want to be actively involved in speaking to their peers and helping educate them, whereas others don't want any kind of focus on them as the 'token black pupil' in the session, so we try to take that into account"
@itssquidstella I want my kids to go to your school! Where do I sign them up???

I’d also say that if they were able to acknowledge your dc ability when no one had done before then they are probably on the right path too.

Sure @TravellingFrom, that's very much what I'm thinking.

Participation is an important part of breaking down stereotypes.

Beautifully put @mysweetlemonpie 👏🏾 and a great post. Thank you.

Yes. Food for thought indeed @Maggiethecat.
I've seen plenty of videos, photos, etc produced by the school on pretty much a daily basis on their SM platforms. It doesn't appear to me that there's evidence of tokenism, etc. Of course, a snapshot on SM doesn't give the full reality, just an idea.

@QuickQuestionQueen

I'm considering sending my 2 DCs to a private school in Sept, but I have some doubts whether or not I'm making the right decision. I would be interested to hear of other black parents' experiences.

The area we live in is mainly white, so local state and private schools have a small percentage of children belonging to an ethnic minority.
Both DCs attend good state schools at the moment. Although they've both done well so far there have been several issues over the years - unnecessary storms in teacups (not of my children’s making). I'd say usually their race appeared to be the underlying issue (sometimes by insinuation, once or twice quite blatantly).

The private school seems to offer more academic support, and many, many valuable opportunities in sports and the arts. One of my DCs has been offered 2 scholarships if they attend. Apparently, I've been told by a member of staff, this is an incredibly rare offer for this private school to make. For information - my DC has not been acknowledged for their ability in these subject areas at the current state school.

So my question is, what can I expect if we go private? More chance of racism? Would I be naive to think it would be any other way? But why should my kids miss out on opportunities because of their colour? Also, I'm mindful that we would be at the lower end of the income bracket. I have so many ifs and buts running round my head and am driving myself crazy 🤯
Please - I could really do with hearing the perspectives of others.
TIA 🙏🏾

It really depends on the school catchment.

Im a black parent with kids at private school in South London, lots of black families and Asian families at the school, so I've never felt DC would feel out of place. The results at the school far surpass anything in the state and for me it was a no brainer, taking the assumption I would sacrifice to pay the fees.

To me that's key, look at the results of the school, University destinations and compare with the state schools you can access, if there's a marked difference, then it's a no brainer.

Now, I know you might be in a market town in Suffolk for all I know, so if my kids were going to be a very tiny minority, I would want to look at the pastoral care in the school (as well as the results) but you did say they will be in a minority if they stay in the state system, in my experience privates have the luxury of providing far better pastoral care than state, but of course there are many bad private schools that are shockingly bad at looking after black pupils.

The class aspect is at play. I firmly believe class cuts across race every time. At a mostly white upper middle classed public London day school, a cultured, educated, well read black family, their child wouldn't struggle with new friends, but a black working family in social housing on a full bursary, that kid will find it tough when hes hanging with his friends in their large homes with mums who are consultant surgeons and dads who are lawyers and QC's.

The families at my school are mostly middle - middle classed, both parents working, modest homes, cars a few years old , not flashy, just like us. There are some wealthier families and I know at least two black families, single parent, rented accomodation, several jobs and bursaries. But everyone gets on really as all parents share a huge respect for education and if anything the wealthier ones admire the poorer parents who are really pushing uphill to get their children into the school.

@QuickQuestionQueen

Yes I did, but this was in 70's and unfortunately some people ( both black and white) thought my parents were getting above their station by sending me there so it was a little tough at times from both sides, but my school friends and teachers were fine and I'm still in touch with some.

I hope that as a white person but with experience of having children in both private and state schools my comments will be taken in the spirit in which they are intended.

My children attended a private primary school and ds also attended a private secondary in years 7 & 8. They had a very diverse mix of friends at the private school. There will be racism everywhere as I am sure you know but it was a massive culture shock to d when he moved to a state school (the private school were dreadful at SEN). He said that he could not believe the amount of open racism at the state school that simply would not have been tolerated at the private school. Also just the general attitides were different. The majority of the private school students did not express, even privately racist attitudes whereas it was endemic at his new school. There was one racist pupil ds knew of at the private school (who himself was South East Asian which was surprising to me but hey ho) but that was isolated.

The private school attracted a lot of medical families. Our area has a long history of welcoming doctors, nurses and other medical professionals from around the world and I think this had an affect on peoples attitudes. Whether this might differ at the school you are looking at because the ethnic mix is not as diverse I don't know.

The class aspect is at play. I firmly believe class cuts across race every time. At a mostly white upper middle classed public London day school, a cultured, educated, well read black family, their child wouldn't struggle with new friends, but a black working family in social housing on a full bursary, that kid will find it tough when hes hanging with his friends in their large homes with mums who are consultant surgeons and dads who are lawyers and QC's.

Agree with the point about social / cultural class being the predominant factor. Only … I don’t know a single black bursary child at a top flight independent school who is not from a cultured, educated, well read … family. How else would they know how to access bursaries?

Go for it.

Me & all my siblings attended private schools. There were not many black children but many Asian children. Due to international aspect, you may find more diversity at private school than state school if in a fairly white area (albeit I'm including Asians when I refer to diversity).

Private schools tend to take complaints about racism more seriously.

Try to find out if there are black parents at that specific school you can speak to.

Sounds terrible but black kids that are good at sport, confident and highly sociable do tend to be more shielded from racism than others.

Make sure they have a strong social network of black friends outside school if their school friends are predominantly white.

No less racism at private schools so definitely go for it!

*Oh to clarify I'm black

@TottersBlankly

The class aspect is at play. I firmly believe class cuts across race every time. At a mostly white upper middle classed public London day school, a cultured, educated, well read black family, their child wouldn't struggle with new friends, but a black working family in social housing on a full bursary, that kid will find it tough when hes hanging with his friends in their large homes with mums who are consultant surgeons and dads who are lawyers and QC's.

Agree with the point about social / cultural class being the predominant factor. Only … I don’t know a single black bursary child at a top flight independent school who is not from a cultured, educated, well read … family. How else would they know how to access bursaries?

This is so true, at my local Indie ( not top flight, more top 30 ) there are some black working class families who find out about bursaries through the grapevine at local primaries.

But myself (educated and well read) wouldn't push my kids for say Westminster and St Pauls and the other top flight schools, true in part for logistics, we don't live in central London or the wealthy west London districts. So if people like me are self-unselecting....And its true many working class people don't even know private schools have full bursaries, many of them with a high cut off, like 70 K family income and still some money off fees

www.stpaulsschool.org.uk/admissions/bursaries-assistance-with-fees/

(My hasty phrasing above suggests I personally know every black child in receipt of a bursary - which of course I don’t. But you know what I meant, I hope.)

Some really good discussion here. I agree with @cheekyduck and @carmenitapink.
You will generally find that private school families place a great value on education (which sounds obvious). State school families also would but there may be a higher proportion of families there who don’t compared to the private school.
If your DC has been identified as having great talent with a scholarship, the leavers destinations of the school are admirable, it really is a no brainier. Please please do not let race act as a barrier to your DCs access to a good education. A good Education is the number one factor in helping to improve quality of life in later life.
I agree that class does trump race. When peers feel a person is “like them” they tend to like them more, are subjected to less racism, are included more often which in turn helps the DC confidence, social standing in the school and general educational outcomes.

How valuable are the scholarships - what % of fees?
If they are only 10-20% then it may be part of a marketing plan (we discovered that 60-70% of the students at the DC's private school had been awarded small scholarships worth 5-10% to encourage them to accept places).
Also if there aren't currently many black students it may be part of a diversity drive.
One of my DS's best friends at his private school was one of only two black students in a cohort of 120. They both had scholarships.
As a result (and 'as a scholar') DS's friend was constantly being asked to turn up and represent the school - at parent's events, speech days, open days, VIP visits, in press photography etc etc - much more so than the other scholars. He became the de facto 'face of diversity' for the school - splashed across all the marketing materials, banners etc.
Some students might enjoy and appreciate this, but he found it tiresome after a while, but was told it was part of his responsibilities as a scholarship recipient.
Just something to be aware of and consider!

@Comefromaway

I hope that as a white person but with experience of having children in both private and state schools my comments will be taken in the spirit in which they are intended.

My children attended a private primary school and ds also attended a private secondary in years 7 & 8. They had a very diverse mix of friends at the private school. There will be racism everywhere as I am sure you know but it was a massive culture shock to d when he moved to a state school (the private school were dreadful at SEN). He said that he could not believe the amount of open racism at the state school that simply would not have been tolerated at the private school. Also just the general attitides were different. The majority of the private school students did not express, even privately racist attitudes whereas it was endemic at his new school. There was one racist pupil ds knew of at the private school (who himself was South East Asian which was surprising to me but hey ho) but that was isolated.

The private school attracted a lot of medical families. Our area has a long history of welcoming doctors, nurses and other medical professionals from around the world and I think this had an affect on peoples attitudes. Whether this might differ at the school you are looking at because the ethnic mix is not as diverse I don't know.

@Comefromaway very interesting. Thanks.

I wonder what made the state school so ineffective in dealing with racism?

I can't say I'm surprised when I hear that people who are not white can be racist against others. Why does this surprise you?

My GS goes to a prestigious private school on an academic scholarship. He is white. There are black pupils there (although only a few because of the demographic of the area) and it looks to me as though there is no racism. Certainly that is how it comes across to me from his chatter.

Private schools in some areas have more black pupils than in the local state schools as they are from abroad.

If you feel that this school will foster your child's talents, then I would go for it.

@carmenitapink

Go for it.

Me & all my siblings attended private schools. There were not many black children but many Asian children. Due to international aspect, you may find more diversity at private school than state school if in a fairly white area (albeit I'm including Asians when I refer to diversity).

Private schools tend to take complaints about racism more seriously.

Try to find out if there are black parents at that specific school you can speak to.

Sounds terrible but black kids that are good at sport, confident and highly sociable do tend to be more shielded from racism than others.

Make sure they have a strong social network of black friends outside school if their school friends are predominantly white.

No less racism at private schools so definitely go for it!

@carmenitapink black kids that are good at sport, confident and highly sociable do tend to be more shielded from racism than others. All true, however my DCs although clever and sporty tend to be not as confident as other kids so I don't think will get that shield you mention. I've been working on that with them both since they were tiny but I guess they just take after me a bit too much . I'm hoping (but not expecting) PS to help boost their confidence a bit. Thanks for the encouragement

@CornflakeMum

How valuable are the scholarships - what % of fees? If they are only 10-20% then it may be part of a marketing plan (we discovered that 60-70% of the students at the DC's private school had been awarded small scholarships worth 5-10% to encourage them to accept places). Also if there aren't currently many black students it may be part of a diversity drive. One of my DS's best friends at his private school was one of only two black students in a cohort of 120. They both had scholarships. As a result (and 'as a scholar') DS's friend was constantly being asked to turn up and represent the school - at parent's events, speech days, open days, VIP visits, in press photography etc etc - much more so than the other scholars. He became the de facto 'face of diversity' for the school - splashed across all the marketing materials, banners etc. Some students might enjoy and appreciate this, but he found it tiresome after a while, but was told it was part of his responsibilities as a scholarship recipient. Just something to be aware of and consider!

@CornflakeMum Thanks for your post.

You raised a lot of points I've been mulling over myself.

The scholarships plus the bursaries my DCs have been offered equate to just shy of 90% of the fees. We will still find the fees to be a struggle though, but could just about manage it. As you pointed out, part of me wonders if this is part of the school's diversification strategy. But another part of me thinks well, why not take advantage? It's win/win?
However, I know my DCs would hate it if they're repeatedly being used for publicity.

Regarding the scholarships I spoke to the relevant staff before entering my DC for the tests and was assured that as long as they play at least a once weekly role in their extra curricular programme that they will have fulfilled their scholarly duties. I hope that is true 🙏🏾

The school was v v encouraging about getting my DCs to apply. Another reason I suspect they could be on a diversity mission. The scholarship and bursary offers are too good to dismiss without careful consideration even though they will be quite a financial stretch for DH & I.

@QuickQuestionQueen

90% is an excellent scholarship! I can see why you want to seriously consider it. I think if you can financially manage it, I would go for it too.

Do you know if your DC would be eligible for extra funding for anything like school trips, elite sports coaching, music lessons etc (whatever their 'thing' is!). Always worth asking.

If finances are going to be tight, don't be afraid to make full use of things like the secondhand uniform sale (if there is one) - everyone does, and there is no stigma attached.

Well done your DC - sounds a fab opportunity and good luck, whatever decision you make!

Thanks @CornflakeMum Yes, the bursary entitles both DCs to hefty discounts on school trips and tours, sports, uniforms, school meals, D of E fees, etc.

This is a new way of thinking for DH & me because we've never relied on any financial benefits for our family. My friend told me not to allow my pride to get in the way of my DCs' educational opportunities. I think she made a good point.