PESH Deli - Taking the B out of BESH

[skihorse]

A new thread for the gabbers.

Hopefully we will find out during the course of this thread whether dear cheggers has laid a baybee or two yet!

I like unusual names too.

If we have a boy, its going to be so difficult to pick a name. When I say unusual, I don't mean wacky as I don't want the poor child to be bullied for having an off the wall name. I am just not a fan of the regular, Matthew/Mark/John etc etc.

So caught up with some old friends today (all of whom are updiffed and onto their second). As I am merely on the first round I of course gladly defer to their knowledge and expertise in most things. However, one of them to whom I am slightly closer, decided to derisively introduce the fact we've decided to do this privately, cue much horror and belittling of our decision. I was a bit stunned really and frankly pissed off with my friend who perhaps has a slight chip on her shoulder. I obviously didn't say anything, but feel like it.

Am I overreacting like the hormonal wench that I am at the moment?

Ah honey I too am hormonal and having a few ishoos and I am currently in the "bollocks to you all" frame of mind. Its working a treat!

silver We've already established that rots was with a "toff" hunt... or perhaps the Belvoir! Mine was more middle-aged farmers with troos strung up with bale-twine!

honeymoo I'd have told her to do one. However... get used to the fact that everyone you meet will have an opinion on how you should conduct yourself over the coming months, how and where you should give birth, sleeping arrangements, care arrangements and where you buy your school uniform! I don't think you're over-reacting at all - I've had a GAY man tell me how to do my pregnancy, I've been told I absolutely MUST have a hospital birth and anything else is paramount to child abuse and I. Will. Die!

We think we've got a boy's name which is unusual (in England) but a very well known, easy to spell, easy to pronounce name which works both sides of the channel. Have you heard the one about how you should search on facebook for the name to see what kind of "people" have that name? We have a Laird.

Btw curly, I noticed on baby names that SFF had veto'd Ailsa. We were lucky we didn't get a girl in that we couldn't agree on any girl's name except Heather and Catriona. I liked Morag, Ailsa, Ingrid etc., and all I'd get was "ewwww they're old lady names"!

Horse shiz: i) cleaning out the water feeder is surprisingly easy, rummage through locker looking for gloves with fewest holes, scoop out poo trying not to get it over work clothes. Pile straw in to water dispenser and drag out trying to remove all poo smears from side of bowl. Re-fill whilst muttering stuff about "it's nobody's fault but your own if your water tastes of poo". Remove gloves, consider binning them. Take gloves home - try and work out what they can go in the washing machine with bearing in mind they'll make everything else smell of poo. ii) Banks are a sure-fire route to OCD.

ski going to have to rethink who I ride out with. What should have been a sedate canter turned into horse getting anxious about being left behind. Which is absurd as horse usually happy to hand canter even when others tank off. Ishoo probably that out with horses fieldmates.

Oh and heading up this new bridlepath at speed, dodging tree routes and the odd tree was interesting!

There's only one girl I would/will ride out with when pregnant... don't trust the others as far as I could throw them! There's going to be absolute carnage at our place next month - we're taking the horses to the coast for a long weekend - typically it was booked about 4 days after I got the BFP - poof goes my dream of riding ont he beach. Actually, I would ride on the beach right now on MY horse, but not with the others. Apparently last year was just a nightmare, there are a small handful who never hack out so have no idea of control outside an arena... there was bolting followed by the jumping of breakers followed by the realisation that the other side was "deeper" and horse and rider disappeared from view under the water! I just don't trust too many other people tbh. There's a girl at our place who will absolutely not use her reins because she doesn't want to hurt him... what she doesn't realise when she runs past everyone else is that she's putting PEOPLE at risk.

oh my lord. That is shocking. Most at our place are considerate. One or two need to put stronger bits in IMHO but seems they prefer to be tanked with!

Will be easier when people know I is diffed then they will know that it needs to be low key hack. If not they can ride with someone else.

Luckily I can hack on my own but when I get bigger and assuming its still comfortable to hack out I will always go out in company. I never ever ride w'out a phone either.

That's actually one of the reasons I want to ride out with Valerie, she's local and knows ALL the little paths we go down, so if the shit should hit the fan she can phone for an ambulance and describe exactly where we are. It's all well and good me having a phone but if I do fall and land on my tummy maybe, just maybe I'll be in too much pain to reach for my phone. Not that I've ever landed on my tummy - only my head.

In defence of the other woman she's not terribly experienced and he's started running rings around her in the stable... I've pointed her in the direction of Kelly Marks/Monty Roberts to get that under control and she's taking riding lessons. At the same time I'm absolutely loathe to offer advice because there's really nothing worse...

ROFL @ not using reins... oops. And at breakers. My dog did that on our last trip to the beach (Hornsea, in January, with video of the accompanying hurricane to prove it ). Very amusing. 2 foot high one side, 6 the other. He did it 3 times before realising that "looking before you leap" is a good idea.

silver there are/were a couple of sabs or former sabs on the BESH thread from what I recall. confuses the hell out of me about the whole protect the foxes-kill the horses thing. Like I said, the only thing I originally raised that that if Lush were genuine about wanting to support stopping hunting, there were better places to put the money . And therefore it was pandering to the ignorant majority who don't recognise that while there are hundreds of innocuous sabs, who do what they think is right without hurting anyone (ignoring the fact that they also prob eat battery chicken etc), there is a significant minority who are just terrorists and murderers (which may not have been politically correct but we all know about the things that have happened). But then I found myself having to justify why I feel, as a farmer's daughter who has seen all aspects, that fox hunting is the kindest and most humane way of controlling foxes but people can't see past the toffs and coats and blood smearing (the latter of which I clearly also find actually, as opposed to Peshily, repulsive). I've never really understood why it's practically impossible to have a proper discussion with someone about why, actually, FH may not be cruel (or may be better than the alternatives) but logic doesn't seem to be an option when talking about such gorgeous animals. Yet the same people would happily set mouse traps in their house and would scream at the thought of rats - and a pest is a pest, just because they're eating YOUR cereal boxes rather than some random farmer's chickens, which apparently doesn't matter as "that's nature". And as ski says, .

ski The Staffs showground may have been "relatively" posh but I'm not sure whether that makes the North Staffs Hunt posh because I was never anything to do with them (just the pony club which was affiliated to them) so there . I object to being called a Toff when I had to share a wash room with BOYS!!! LOL.

I only rode on the beach once. I took my ossie to Anglesey when I was about 16, where my grandparents lived, and we rode on the beach there which was brilliant, although not the galloping-across-sand I'd hoped for as there was no sand. He was most amusing in the sea as the waves scared him and he jumped them all .

Now then honey. I need more info please. For what reason do your friends think that going private is a bad idea? I think I need to know this before making a decision about whether they were BU. .

You're not the daughter of a cabinet minister are you, and your friends are also kids of CM? Where your going private will cause great scandal? I can see the Daily Mail now: "Senior Labour Minister's Daughter Doesn't Trust the NHS! Honey Moo, Daughter of minister Derek Moo, says "I want the best for myself and my baybee, and frankly the NHS isn't going to give me that. I'm sorry Dad, if that means you've failed, but I was planning to vote Tory anyway".

Anyway, after a little blip yesterday my hormones seem better today and I think I'm chirpier! Went to a party last night and managed to stay until nearly 11pm with 1 1/2 hour drive home (yuck). Fortunately YOB drove but I was still awake when we arrived which surprised me. Nice party - my friend's husband's 60th (60th!!! my friend is married to a 60 YEAR OLD!) and their son's 30th - brilliant. My friend is 10 years older than me and I find it most amusing when we go out that people frequently mistake her for my mum. She doesn't find it so funny, not sure why. We went shopping in York a few weeks ago and they were giving away mum and daughter vouchers for a spa day when you spent over X amount and she got one, which I took great delight at inviting myself to .

Well we have a dilemma here. Our house isn't really our house. It's a bit complicated but it's YOB's mum's house. When his father died she moved somewhere smaller, which he bought for her as he'd just sold his house, and he moved into here with the intention of selling it. 4 years later it's still on the market. So we live here rent/mortgage free (bonus) but we can't move/go where we want to go and also it's tricky doing stuff on the house (ie upgrading or even gardening) as MIL feels it's her house, not ours. Anyway, it's a lovely place to live so that's fine, but if it sold some money would pay off YOB, and the rest split between him, his sister, his SIL (his bro died) and his mum. So anything we do which doesn't actively sell it is bad for all the others.

We said because of the baby we were taking it off the market until September. Now let's say we get a buyer today, it's going to be around 8 weeks to complete at least. In 8 weeks we're off to Crimea. Then we have maybe June to move, then there's no way I'm moving from the beginning of July to the end of September. But MIL wanted to know yesterday why we wouldn't consider moving in early July? . Or AIBU???!!

We have two viewers next week and we want to say no more after that as the logistics are getting too complicated.

If we sold it we'd need to super-quick find somewhere to rent which is close to school work, and takes dogs. There's not much of that around here.

I don't know what to do - I don't know if we should just do anything poss to sell it for the others, or whether it's reasonable to ask for some grace so we have some stability.

I know people move house when babies arrive, but I really don't want to!

What is it about me and essays?

rots Nod, smile and say "of course". If she couldn't get a buyer in 4 years, what on god's fucking earth makes her think she'll find one now with the readies to complete? Did she halve the price or something? Nobody in their right mind is going to get/take out a mortgage just before a possible massive political upheaval. Don't worry about it - if she does pull off some minor miracle and sell it, let YOB take control and rent somewhere else - seriously, don't micro-manage him just let him deal with it.

As for hunt sabs, probably covering themselves with make-up which was tested on dogs/rabbits - but I guess that's OK. Meh, meh, meh. Funny how many people (in cities) bitch about foxes squealing/howling/mating during the night...

The lovely Valerie has offered to take me away in September for a gallop on the beach - if I'm back in the saddle it might well be very nice! That would be a massive pro in moving to The Hague - great beaches for riding on.

PS rots There's a baby name thread for you to wade in on...

Advice needed:

It's time for me to book into (NHS) AN classes, if I'm going to do it. Thing is, I feel like I know about as much of the theory as I'm ever likely to know - I've read and researched voraciously, got the CDs and the books about pain management and breathing, and will be doing some of this with the Doula too.

So all you wise second-time-rounders - do you think it's worth me going? Will I gain any more from it? (not arsed about the meeting other mums social side) What am I going to learn that I don't already know?

cunty Whilst I have no experience with all of this I am pretty much decided on not going. According to my Practical Parenting magazine it really is optional and they're going to talk about all the shiz you've mentioned above - or, you can teach yourself. In addition, for me, it'll be in Dutch and I just can't be arsed...

cunty I did the NCT ones first time and they were exceptionally helpful, even after devouring every bit of pregnancy and midwifery stuff I could get my hands on (inc mum's work library stuff, so pretty detailed).

I didn't do the NHS ones so not sure how they would be different.

I suppose they gave me the confidence to stick to what I wanted to do, and also helped my ex to learn stuff which was really important as he won't read a book at the best of times, never mind ones about babies. So if your OH is going too, that would prob be useful.

Personally, I would say, what have you got to lose other than a bit of time?

ski which thread?

Baby names... I don't want to out you, but it's LC's name.

Thanks ski, I went onto board and found it (thanks for the consideration )

Put a definate postive reply!!! So nice to see so many positives to it too. I only named LC what I did (first name) because it was ex's late dad's name and while I really liked it, it wasn't my first choice, but I wanted to get ex to like the child a little bit But it's really grown on me and now I love it. But only in full - I don't like the shortened version although his nursery used it all the time. YOB's the same with his name. It HAS to be DavID, not Dave, although obviously his name, which isn't David as you know, but you know what I mean. Clearly calling him David would be odd.

Middle name was def my choice - named after my Grandfather and my two best friends (surname) - the one who's just turned 60.

Ahh the names debate. Who's going to out their favs?

I'll fess up to loving Toby and Marcus. YOB has allowed them onto the "thinking about" list. I like them because they're a bit different but not daft like some modern made up names (judgeeee) but they may seem too poncy for some. But then I did do PC in posh digs, apparently .

Also Anthony for a middle name = YOB's best friend's name and my Grandfather's other name. But with Toby it's two ees and with Marcus it sounds very Roman!

Feel free to trash. I won't take offence.

cunty I didn't do NHS AN classes but I understand you may learn useful stuff about the specific hospital, and could ask questions about their decision-making policies so you know what is/ isn't possible to request insist on. Saying that, you can ask that stuff on a tour of the ward anyway, and I know a couple of people who have attended one NHS class and decided it was so basic it was a waste of time. As with all NHS services, I'm sure it varies enormously. The NCT ones we did were brilliant.

rots We moved house 3 weeks before the foal was born, while I was in a wheelchair. It's amazing what is possible. Though I still scratch my head over where things are in the kitchen as the cupboard arrangement was done by MrP and random helpers, and 18 mths later I still haven't sorted it out.

ski I have done loads of beach riding, most of it with relatively inexperienced people in the mix. Would only do it now under very controlled conditions! Memories include galloping along a deserted beach and seeing a lone person standing on the sand - then realising he was surfcasting and therefore attached to a very long, very invisible fishing line! Also one time riding a borrowed horse with the mysterious name of Bullet - all became apparent as soon as hoof touched sand...

rots Names: You simply cannot do Marcus Anthony! Although I can see why you might want to, because then the initials will be MAC, as in M A Carrot! But please, you have to learn that babies smply cannot be used as pawns in your evil marketing empire.

Thanks Ski, Silver and Carrots. Was dead miffed as the inference was that somehow I was wasting money and too good for the midwife led centres etc etc. Wasn't said, but the smirks made it clear. Maybe it's different outside of London but all I hear is that the midwife resource is inadequate, epidurals are decided by the midwife whether you are in enough distress to warrant and no breastfeeding support etc after. I just felt that no matter what kind of birth I decide upon, I wanted the reassurance of knowing that I would absolutely have the support throughout whatever. I don't think you could put a price on that. Maybe next time around I will feel a lot more confident to do it another way...

Anyway have ranted enough and mr moo says these things are always contentious and I should have kept my trap shut in the first place. He has a point...

cunty I've been told the reverse by an older friend, who found the NCT great for social and crap for practical advice, but said the hospital classes were much more useful in terms of the advice you actually need and use. I guess it just depends on the individual teacher and class...

honey wasting money is a personal choice, no? I mean, what's a waste to one is essential to another. "Too good" for midwife centes? Bollox. How about they're not good enough for you? If the service isn't what you want and you can afford it, get it from somewhere else.

Don't sound like the kinda friends I'd want

pony at Marcus Anthony Carrot!!! The things I would do for promotion LOLOL.

Maybe I should consider Jasper?

Honeymoo, it's your money, spend it on what you want. I had a bloke at work telling me I was insulting the NHS by having a private midwife but availing myself of the occasional bit of free NHS treatment. I don't give a stuff what a man thinks about my pregnancy and birth, the NHS nearly killed me and DD last time, and I felt rather insulted byt them TBH. But apparently, being insulted is a one way street when it comes to being a patient. I'm going private and the rest can tut all they want and go spin!

Sabs - why do they all look as though they need a wash? They are violent, dirty agressive nasty pieces of work. Have a look at our sabs website. Nice, isn't it! I'd rant a bit more about them, but I am very tired - took big horse and his little rider out with the draghounds today, and got to get my energy back for a day on foot with my hunt tomorrow.

Oh, I'm to tired now. OH told me I had to take DD out to the hunt because he was busy playing cricket. SO I had to carry her overywhere because apparently her legs don't work when it is windy

Dirty AND can't use capital letters . Bless. But then that's always my point - they're uneducated. Even the website says, "ripping up mammals for fun is morally abhorrent" as though this was something we wouldn't agree with . And that's the point they're missing... the following for fun is separate and if the first is happening anyway for pest control, what's wrong with the latter?

Aaanyway.

We would all love the NHS to be brilliant and perfect, but its not. Until it is, I see no reason to take advantage of the fact that in this country we are unbelievably lucky to have the option of private alternatives. Sadly, those checking out of the NHS do nothing to force it to improve BUT when it's your body and your child, who wouldn't do the best for them? I'm all for socialism to a point but in the end some selfishness is necessary, and I don't mean selfishness in a negative or critical way, simply meaning "doing what's best for oneself rather than the community as a whole".

I was quite happy to go with an indie MW as I'd assumed the NHS wouldn't support my birth choices as last time. BUT it turns out they did so I went back onto the NHS. I wouldn't even think for a second that if I drop out it's not putting the pressure on them to change and therefore I shouldn't. I mean, I recognise the problem but in the end I'm not willing to sacrifice myself and my babe!

Do what you want honey and bugger the world.

MIL, bless her, assumed I'd be going for a home birth and has been extremely supportive. My friends all know I would anyway as would most of them. Very supportive lot, mine!

Thanks peshies, very much appreciate your points of view.

Crucial bit is obviously affording it, and we are pushing ourselves a bit to do it, but as you say the NHS isn't perfect and I'm not taking any chances when I don't know what's ahead! This time anyway...