Oh dear, this thread does seem to go through sad times, doesn't it? Meggy that's an awful thing to have to deal with - life is incredibly unfair with no rhyme or reason, sometimes. It's a very hard thing to try to adjust to your own grieving and give support to the person who is dying...difficult to know how to balance the two sets of needs sometimes.
Madamefreckle please don't think that there is some sort of hierarchy of bad news...generally I find nothing in the world is less helpful than the thought there is always someone worse off than you. Sounds like you are having a shite old time, and for what it's worth, I'd much rather think about your situation and try to find something helpful to say than burble on about my situation, which is something I spend far too much mental energy on, anyway.
But having said that...thanks for thinking about me, everyone. I'm back on a fairly even keel after yesterday's conversation with the consultant. I'm certainly going up in the world: yesterday I had the consultant, his trainee doctor sidekick and a midwife and I note with amusement that for my next scan I get a Professor! No doubt flanked by several adoring acolytes. The general intention of the session was to have a good scan of the baby's brain and to reassure me, I think.
Headline news, tickertape stylee....I have what appears to be a primary CMV infection....consultant reckons 80% of women who he sees with this condition have perfectly healthy babies...of the 20% remaining the most common outcome is hearing loss (something I am really not that bothered about)....perhaps 2% of these women have babies with very serious brain and nervous system defects, which are generally picked up by regular scanning throughout the rest of the pregnancy.
I think I surprised him by refusing an amnio and PCR which would definitely confirm whether the baby has picked up the infection. But there's really no point - I wouldn't terminate if the baby had the infection and there's no therapeutic intervention to give if it does. The only reason to do it is to give me peace of mind and I'm not prepared to risk the miscarriage rate just for that. So I'm now on two weekly scans for the rest of the pregnancy and we'll just have to wait and see.
For now, then, I'm going to stick with being mindlessly optimistic and assuming it's all going to be fine, mostly because I'm waaaay too lazy to embrace the stressful, tiring alternative of worrying about it for 4 months .
On the plus side, this week I think we have sorted out the nanny situation for my maternity leave. Which reminds me can'tsleep I saw your note about 'self-employment' for some support after the baby arrives. As far as I know the IR come down pretty hard on on nannies who try this sort of arrangement, but for a doula or maternity nurse on a short term contract you might find things are different.