Due March 2010 - just because I'm pregnant at Christmas doesn't mean I'm a taxi driver

[annamama]

... new thread for oldies and newbies due in March! ...

Pacific, don't worry, to be honest, I'm thinking a lot about my last experience at the moment, so it wasn't like you forced me to relive it!? Actually my waters broke by themselves, some time after the second dose of Misoprostil (it was about the only thing that was in any way 'natural' in my labour!) And yes, the contractions did kick off on a different level after that, but I managed the first five or so hours ok on gas and air, so long as I was getting a couple of minutes or so to gather myself between them I could cope, even if I was making very little (no!?) progress. It was when I stopped getting any break between them that things got out of hand...

Ironically, before all this I was feeling really positive about my birth, and really believed that it would be great, I was meant to / built to do it... Admittedly this got somewhat eroded when I went overdue, but I still envisaged a natural-ish birth and rather arrogantly thought that women who didn't manage that probably just "weren't trying hard enough"

But suffice to say when it came to it, "trying" or "not trying" had very little to do with it... I really felt it was out of my hands once the induction process was started, and I think that feeling, more than anything is what I want to avoid this time...

But unfortunately I feel much less confident this time than last, and one of the reasons I'm Reading the Ina May is because I really feel I need to address and conquer these negative and pessimistic feelings if I want yo stand a chance of the kind of birth I hope for...

Othewise I'm defeated before I start, really...

As for having family to stay, I think it depends on lots of things... I'm lucky that my mum is on her own and retired so was more than happy to vond down for a couple of days immediately after the birth, and despite the fact that DH was around I was very glad to have her there... I was rather battered physically and I remember her helping me out of our shower after she realised I'd been in there rather too long, and found me slumped in the corner sobbing... To be honest , wonderful as my Dh is in many respects, I don't know how long it would have been before he would have realised!?

But that said it wouldn't have been quite as comfortable had it been my in-laws!? But they're in South Africa so no danger of that...

Issues post partum can be quite intimate, and you may not want to have a house full of inlaws or even your own family to have to deal with all that in-amongst...

But I found it very helpful to have someone to mother me a bit, so I could concentrate on mothering my own daughter. I don't always have the easiest relationship with my mum, but she was fantastic for those first few days, probably more so than Dh, who went back to work for a few days and took his paternity leave after my mum had gone home...
Bless him, his idea of 'being helpful' while I was in the midst of the baby blues was to disappear for four hours one afternoon and return wIth some presents for me... A slow cooker and a steamer!? He was surprised when they weren't received with unadulterated joy and gratitude!!!!

Bpm your house full of outlaws sounds dreadful!! You poor thing... Still you know for this time!

I really think that as much peace as possible while you recover physically and emotionally, get to grips with breastfeeding etc. Is the way to go... And onlyhaving people aroung who you feel comfortable enough to go through that with...

Anyway that's quite enough from me for one night, I'm off to read some more hippy births with snogging, nipple tweaking and general nakedness...

hope everone had a lovely weekend!

db
xx

Hi everyone - is it wrong to want to get Xmas out of the way so you can buy cute baby things in Jan sales?

xxxxxx

mumbot sounds perfectly acceptable to me - but as I've already mentioned, I never really seem to 'feel' the festive season...

I'm fed up. No reason.

Maybe it was DP bringing up an invite for us to spend new year at a two day 'do' at chessington world of adventures (staying in the hotel there). I realise that in my head I'd only been thinking about christmas and have now realised new year (which I also hate - forced 'got to have the best time/party/whatever' just because it's a new year starting make my teeth itch) is going to be rather a washout - moreso for DP than I, really, and I feel bad about that. THis is despite the fact that last year we'd only been together a couple of months so went ahead with plans already made seperately - he called me almost nonstop lots to moan that spending this 'special time' with people he didn't care about was awful and wished he was with me. So part of me knows he just wants to be with me, but a part of me knows he'd like us to being doing something 'big' and very drunken He's MUCH more social than I. I don't mind that every now and then but I'm kinda just over it a bit now, don't need it (especially when pregnant).

So, mumbot wishing the whole blimming season away sounds great to me.

Please ignore all the moaning. Just typing it out helps a bit

donttry I had a smile at your mis-spelling of my name and can't help wondering if, infact, you're closer to the mark I feel 'madder' at the moment than usual!

Re: people staying... eh, it's not for me. But I'm a martyr headstrong 'I can cope, I can cope' type. And mostly I can! But I'm useless at accepting help (and it's simply impossible for me to ask for it). The thing is I don't have a loving, or even very comfortable relationship with my mother - she dove headlong into alcoholism when my dad left her when I was 8 and as such we switched roles. I find her extrememly hard work.

DP's mother is a joy, in comparision. But she lives close by and so there's no need to consider her coming to stay (not to mention she works full time anyway).

Thining back to when I bouhgt my PFB home, all relastionship 'woes' aside, I think I'd have liked the practical support of a parent around - y'know, someone seeing to the meals, wshing up/washing, tidying up blah blah blah. Because I let that all fall to the wayside whilst I just snuggled, breastfed and bonded. And thats absolutely what the first few days/weeks should be. You CAN'T sweat the house falling apart but if you feel you would be driven mad by it then a helpful parent may be just the ticket (or consider hiring a cleaner for the first few months - I think Im going to do that this time. No 'guilt' for me if I'm paying them!)

BPM I'm literally slackjawed in shock at your wonderful houseuests post-birth. What. The? They sound worse than my lot and that takes some doing! So sorry

My 2p re: meatballs is that I've never even tried Ikea meatballs! I am clearly living a Very Sheltered Life (actually I've only ever been to Ikea once...) However, I ADORE the metballs in tomato and chorizo sause with sauteed potatoes from Marks&Sparks gastropub range. This is awful to admit but it comes in a 1kg package that I can just about manage to polish off ON MY OWN (with some tenderstem brocolli!). Yes, gluttony is a sin, but I do really well with the others (plus I am pretty sure I'm prepared to languish in limbo if it means a lifetime of this dish).

DB I don't want to harp on about what an awful time you clearly had but thank goodness you're feeling angry about it now. Having worked through many issues that were out of my control at the time but left me depressed (luckily not my births, but still) I KNOW that you can't really move on properly until you work through certain feelings and anger is an important one - it's part of the key to recognising it wasn't your 'fault' (as women we're far too unkind to ourselves when it comes to apportioning 'blame'). Understandably, you must have fears about having to 'do it again'. But I've noticed, overwhelmingly, that the majority of women who have a 'nightmare' first birth go on to have a MUCH easier, if not positively wonderful, second birth. Realy, really hoping this is the case for you too and reading empowering literature can only help your frame of mind.

Lunch time. Wish I felt like eating something... [hmmm]

It's definitely not wrong to be dreaming of the sales already (Baby Zara, oh I love love love Baby Zara sales), although I'm still really looking forward Christmas. DD absolutely loves all the lights and fuss this year and I can't wait to see her face on Christmas morning!

I'd like to have a whinge about how HUGE I feel these days! I am so ready not to be pg anymore and I'm only 27 weeks!! Please, someone else tell me they feel the same too. I feel like I've been kicked between the legs constantly(seeing physio for PGP but not really sorted yet), I get Braxton Hicks all the time, and the baby wiggles/gets hiccups what feels like all night. To top it off, I know I look big, I looked big with DD, but it's NOT HELPFUL to have everyone telling me so as well! Yes, March is still a long way off. Yes, 3 months to go. Is this a 2nd pg thing? I don't remember being this fed up so soon before.

One last thing regarding visitors: I didn't have anyone bar DH for the first 11 days and I wish I had. My mom arrived then and it was bliss. However, DH's mum will probably be here for the first few days this time until my mom can come (from Canada) to look after DD, and I know it will be a bit of a challenge, but one I'm willing to take. I am just going to stay in bed and let her do the rest and let it go.....

ILGB It's not just you....I DEfinitely felt fed up of being pregnant at 6 months with DC2. Loved it with DC1. With DC2 i felt like the size of a house, went camping and COULD NOT get comfortable. Spent a whole day in London on tubes and museums for my SIL's 40th and was just so fat and cross by the end of it that I was in tears saying that I really wished I could have the baby NOW. Was then reminded by SIL that she DID have her baby at 21 weeks and that it wasn't something she'd wish on anyone. Felt and and [chastened] and stopped whinging. But was still VERY UNCOMFORTABLE....

Re:visitors... had Mum for both weeks straight after having my DCs. Wish I hadn't had Dad for quite such a long time though..... Mum = cook, clean, watch baby whilst I showered/ slept, entertain DS when DD was born, watch crap tv with me and remind me that it'll all pass v quickly. Dad= sleep in lounge until 11am. Grumble about what a poor night's sleep he'd had as DD cried for most of 1st night home. Want entertaining. Ignore us and read paper and get cross at DS for making too much noise.
Have very very definite views about who'll be allowed to visit this time

Hi all,
IWCAS - I think feeling violently angry towards your ex is perfectly reasonable - in fact I think you've been positively saintly about the whole thing so far ? I think I probably would have inflicted some physical damage by now... I am that he hasn't even bothered to ask how you are... Staggering.

And IMHO there's no reason why your ex should be allowed to be involved in any part of anything unless you decide that he can be... Certainly not coming into the hospital to do the 'proud father' bit if you don't want him there. His actions so far should surely mean that you say when, where and how much involvement he has...

It may be that his friends feel bad about the way he's treated you and so are trying to show you that by getting in touch independently? Without maybe realising how it may make you feel... Just a thought., obviously I don't know them so I may be waaay off base.

And yeah, given that you think you'd give yourself a hard time if you "got it wrong" I'd probably give Gina a BIG body swerve!

'The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (By Teaching You How To Ask The Right Questions)' shouldn't have that effect though - it's quite handy as a reference book if nowt else.

Or indeed no books at all - now THERE'S a thought...

Ina May is doing wonders for my self confidence, despite a phone call from my dear FIL this morning telling me how I "must" have a C-section as he's seen photos of me and has decided (in his professional capacity as a GP who did an Obs & Gynae rotation 35 odd years ago) that the baby is obviously too big for me to even attempt to give birth to naturally...

Oh, I'm looking forward with SUCH joy to their being with us for 3 weeks over Christmas... Then he can also tell me all the things I'm doing wrong with the way I bring up DD (too much dairy, bed-time too early, "why do you let her have chocolate buttons" "she shouldn't have bubble bath it's bad for her skin" etc...).

I've just come back from my hospital appt. - Saw just the loveliest midwife there ? (in fact they've all been lovely at the Whittington - it almost makes me cry!) about the abdo/groin pain I've ben having. She says it may be the start of SPD (Fan-bloody-tastic ) and has referred me to the physio... Not much they an do if it is, though, but still...

Checked the baby's heart - strong and apparently "very active"... Oh yes, don't I know - little miss pointy elbows...

My BP is through the floor though, which may be why I've been feeling so wiped out... Not much I can do apparently, other than eat and drink plenty and "rest up" - Ha!

Oh, and she was a bit and that I hadn't had another scan booked before my consultant's appointment (as it's partly to talk about size of baby it would seem to make sense to have had a recent growth scan) so I'm getting one on Christmas Eve - how lovely is that!

Oh, didn't get to see the progress on the house - drove all the way down to bloody Wimbledon only to find that DH had forgotten the KEYS! Gah! So we have to go down again this weekend now... Was SOOOO disappointed...

ILGB - I also feel the size of a house and am fed up with pregnancy - so it's not just you... I know we should be grateful for the blessing of healthy, growing babies but honestly it seems like a real drag second time 'round. I think a lot of what gets one through the first time round is all the excitement and new-ness of it all - it's a bit of a novelty... Second time it's more like "oh, yeah, THAT..." about symptoms you'd forgotten about, rather than "ooh what's happening!?"!!

And is it me, or does no-one else seem to give much of a damn about one's pregnancy second time round either? DHs included?!

And as for Christmas, well being a God-botherer, I should be really excited about one of our biggest events, but to be prefectly honest, there's so much else going on I'm barely even thinking about it mcuh beyond "where the bloody hell are we going to put a Christmas Tree in our tiny rented flat and how an I get the in-laws out of the house as much as possible. Actually, really must try and have a bit of an attitude realignment for the sake of DD if nothing else - I'm sure she's going to just LOVE the whole thing.

[db sets mind determinedly on becoming cheery and festive and full of joy... hmm. Maybe a cup of tea first, eh?]

Anyway, supposed to be working now I'm actually back in the studio...

Onwards and upwards all!

db
xx

MandaHugNKiss - I like Christmas (all the food I think, and I love the tree and the lights), but I hate the enforced bonhomie of new year. For the last few years me and partner have just stayed in and watched Jools' Hootenanny (or whatever it's called) on the TV.

ilovegreenbeans - I seem to be the opposite of you: at 26 weeks I wish I was bigger, and I wish it would move more! Perhaps we just wish for the opposite of what we have sometimes. Mind you, I don't wish to be kicked between the legs.

designerbaby - A crimble eve scan? Awwww.

I'd just like to join the 'I'm as big as a house and thoroughly fed up with it' club as started by ilgb. I wish it was March now - I am so over being pregnant! I met a first-time mum-to-be at a party on saturday and felt slightly ashamed at my own utter lack of interest in my pregnancy as she was wonderfully thrilled still by hers. It IS much more exciting first time round though and she's not due till May so might feel differently in a few months!

DB I have noticed the exact same thing in terms of nobody being remotely bothered by my pregnancy this time round either. I used to get phoned up after each midwife visit by both sets of grandparents with DD1. This time - nada. Same with DH. This Saturday, after a broken night with DD1 who has a stinking cold (as do I) DH was moaning about how completely knackered he was and then he had to go back to bed - till MIDDAY. Now, shouldn't that have been me?

BPM I'm horrified that your relations were so awful after your first baby. Partying!!!! Thank God they left pretty quickly.

We had my parents to stay after DD1 was born. She was in hospital for almost two weeks, so poor old DH used up all his paternity leave on that and I was very grateful to have them around when we first came home. It was wonderful to have someone to deal with the cooking and cleaning and looking after me a bit as well. My mum was also hugely encouraging about breast-feeding having bf both me and my sister in the 70s which was v unfashionable at the time. I'm not sure if I'd have stuck with it if she hadn't been there tbh. It was definitely worth it in the end though.

IWCAS I'm so sorry your ex is such an utter knobcheese. I would say it's entirely up to you if and when he gets to see your baby after the birth. If you don't feel ready then wait until you do. Just make sure you've got lots of supportive people around you as much as possible. The really helpful ones will know when to leave you alone too.

By the way... Names...

What do you all think of 'Amelie Hope' for our soon to be DD2? My idea, but DH thinks it's inappropriate to name our DD after my favourite film (Really? Do you agree?) and isn't sure.

DD1 is Isabella Grace (Issie)
DD2 if named this will probably be called Millie much of the time...

Issie and Millie - is it all getting a bit middle class?

Really interested to get your opinions, actually...

db
xx

Evening ladies!

Just a quick one as I'm between school run, dinner and ballet!

I saw a picture of DD1's art teacher's newborn twins today - they're huge. Absolutely massive! I'm actually quite frightened, and I can hear my pelvis whimpering at the thought of them - she carried them to full term and they weighed over 7 pounds each! I'm ringing my Consultant first thing tomorrow and asking for a Caesarean!

Shroomer - you don't want to be any bigger! I wish I was still able to lift DS up and give the DC proper hugs without a big bump in the way! 'Relations' with DH are becoming difficult as well, however much we want it and however hard we try!

DB - I'm very jealous of you Christmas Eve scan - it would just make Christmas for me!

Anyway, I'd better go and rescue the dinner!

Hello, all!

Feel obliged to comment on the IKEA meatball thing at long last: they are A Good Thing but only when eaten occasionally. Yes, you can have too much of A Good Thing...

Big as a house: yes, definetely! Mind you this is No4, I am ancient, I do not exercise ever - unless running after suicidal children in traffic counts .
Strangely enough though I am finding myself feeling a bit sad and whistful that this is most certainly my last pregnancy and that I will never feel like this again. I like being pregnant more than looking after a newborn - maybe I should become a surrogate ?

IWCAS, of course you are entitled to be angry with your ex, livid in fact! And, yes, it is distustingly unfair that he can carry on as before and you are going through pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood on you own. Biology is a bitch, IMO, nothing touchy-feely Mother Nature about it.
How much contact do you think you will have to/want to have with him after your baby is born? Is he giving you any financial support?? Stuff him, you do your thing, woman. Hope you feel more serene soon .

Christmas: I love Christmas, but more as a quiet reflective family holiday, rather than the mad partying, overeating, overdrinking, overgiving, competitive guest hosting that is seems to have become.
My DH gives me a hard time for being an irresponsible European, but yes, there will be candles in this house! And carol music. Faith, not so much anymore , but spirituality hopefully still...

I did not even know that Zara did Baby Zara - another note to self. MN is just such a useful place .

Just seen this and am addicted to names!

DB - I like Isabella (particularly Issie)! Amelie's quite common in Primary Schools at the moment (which obviously doesn't matter if you don't mind). I quite like it but I think that if I were going to call her Millie, then I'd call her Millicent just to do things properly - that's just me, though!

DB, Issie and Millie is soooo sweet! Really really like it. Quite middleclass, but that would not put me off, TBH.

Amelie is becoming quite popular I suppose, if that kind of thing bothers you.
I read somewhere recently that even the most popular names are only 2 point something percent of all names in that year, so in a group of say 30 schoolchildren in one class your chosen very popular name could still be the only one (I am trying to like "Jack" but just don't..).

Anyway, it's terribly middle class to be concerned about being middle class, right?

Millicent

Why am I thinking of an elderly Victorian battleaxe?

db
xx

DB, I've always rather liked the name Millicent but then, in case you haven't noticed, I am addicted to the 'I' sound in names (Alice, Romily and Philip!). . .It is a bit maiden auntish, though, when I think about it!

The names go together quite well, though.

IWCAS "he was still deciding how involved he wanted to be" !!??

!!??? It's his CHILD - anything less than "as much as possible" is pretty bloody awful IMHO as is the fact that he has to "think about it" at all... Goodness me...

Given that, your call to make. Admire you wholeheartedly for being so generous in wanting to allow/encourage bonding etc. Not sure I would be so gracious.

Just don't forget about you and your feelings and emotional needs... It's also your job to protect yourslef and your baby from a lot of emotional nonsense in those precious first few hours. Frankly, your bonding and emotional well-being try not to let anything mess with that if you can help it.

And the in-laws really can wait a few days... it won't do them or your baby to wait until you feel more able to handle to emotional implications of a visit - which there's bound to be no matter how lovely they are...

Try not to forget that your emotional wellbeing is also really important for your baby especially in those early days/weeks. It's not being selfish, it's taking care of your family...

Srry that sounds like a lecture - wasn;t meant to be. It's just you sound like you're taking everyone else's needs into account, and forgetting about your own - and you are the most important person in your baby's life....

[db clambers down awkwardly from soapbox...]

Feel free to ignore all that and have some instead.

db
xx

Sorry, typing/syntax/grammar all over the show. Hope you can decipher something worthwhile in the midst of all those errors...

Geeees...

db
xx

DB - I like Issie & Millie too! Millicent is nice but so is Amelie. Top of our list is Isabelle / Issy, I know it's popular but I don't like any other name better so far. Ellie & Issy sound ok?

Anna - really happy with our Isabella - she get's called Bella at nursery as there's already an Izzy (Isabel) - I think it's nice to have options - she can choose when she's older...

Her Daddy calls her "Frog" or "The Boogaloo" or "Boogie" anyway...

db
xx

Ellie and Issie is nice! Pretty and girly, and the names get on quite well together!

We had out names (Dora and Elizabeth) but have since decided that we didn't like them enough to commit to them.

We like Matilde at the moment, but don't have a name to go with it (any suggestions?).

Loving Amelie, Milly, Issy. They're not for us - know too many others who we're good friends with but love them as names.

IWCAS

(in my experience) They won't take your baby away even if you beg unless they're very very quiet If your baby cries overnight on the ward it's hard hard work and I found that I was getting minced nipples from all the fannying around latching on and off so he'd be quiet. 2nd time round I learned that even if I can't sleep doing it, holding a dummy in her mouth until she started sucking on that was a useful way of pacifying a child that's already had a half hour on the boob and is still crying. As my MW put it - don't let baby use your nipples as a dummy. They'll be so sore by the time your milk actually comes in ( day 3/4) that it might put you off breastfeeding altogether.

IME you have degree of choice in how long you stay in hospital - all being well I mean.
6 hours seems to ge the generally agreed minimum to make sure you are not likely to have some kind of nasty postpartum haemorrhage on the way home...
After my last v v normal delivery (still feeling smug about VBAC ) it was I who wanted to stay in for a couple of nights to not have DSs 1 and 2 jumping all over me (I mean literally) whilst I was trying to get to know DS3 and at least make a start with the BFing.
Again at your request the MWs if not busy might take an unsettled baby however DS3 was returned to me after 20min of incessant squealing in the arms of a very experienced baby-pacifying midwife.... for more time on the boob . I was (and am) very hellbent on BFing so having made that clear I was glad to have them support me.

Am quite at all the girl name discussion - not something we will ever have to consider now...]wink]. We have kind of run out of boy's names we like AND go with DH last name...

thanks for the sympathy girls. I forgot to mention the heartburn and constipation that have also been my constant companions lately, grrr... I never had any of this with the 1st!

Baby Zara is fantastic. But pricey, but good quality, unusual, and not always pink! (or pastel blue I think) and their sales are usually quite good.

On the names front, dd has quite an unusual name. It's not made up (most common reference is a Shakespeare character) but is not heard much, so trying to find a less unusual name for this one if it's a girl is a bit tricky. Can't have really "popular" or "plain" names as they'll just make dd's stand out as more unusual, but I don't really want another really uncommon name.

db, I like Millicent much more than Amelie. Amelie always makes me think that someone is mispronouncing Emily. Millicent is very sweet :} I also love Dora, but is has been vetoed here. DH's fave at the mo is Jemima, which I'm slowly warming to, but I guess it's good that we do have 3 months to go, eh? (btw, our boy's name has been sorted for ages, THAT was the easy part.)

Oh and ICWAS, I have no advice for you, but I take my hat off to you for keeping it together so well despite all the crap you've been put through.