Due March 2010 - just because I'm pregnant at Christmas doesn't mean I'm a taxi driver

[annamama]

... new thread for oldies and newbies due in March! ...

Hi Ladies
Just checking in.
Not got much to say really. Took pacifics advice and tended to my child/husband/did some work but I'm bored now so back cruising around MN.
On the Ikea meatballs I am a fan but I've only ever had them twice I think. I am so unenthusiastic about shopping these days - internet shopping yes but actually out there trailing around with DD in tow I'm very reluctant. Last week I lasted about 20 minutes in M&S before deciding that I needed a sit down and have some food in the cafe.
I can't face Ikea right now - it's over an hour away anyway and that is too far!
I'm not getting an Amby - the moses basket beside our bed worked pretty well for DD and then into the cot when she was too big for that. So far I've bought two new baby gros cos I couldn't resist them and this for £21 on ebay a couple of friends had recommended them and while I had all the time in the world to cuddle DD when she was a baby I thought something that rocked gently would be nice if I had to spend time getting DD off to bed/fed or on the potty or some such task. DH works shifts so is often not here at bedtime so hopefully this will be my extra pair of hands!
Hope those of you feeling poorly are on the mend and way hay to those who are having a break from illness/infections/sickness/general knackeredness.

smac we have the same swing and it does really help when your needed else where!!LOL

we have been to a christmas party today (arranged by the charity who deals with Rosies DDH-) we had a fab time and both DC's met santa and were given a gift!!!

i am tired now though so having a lazy night in from of the tv!

Have a fab night out Pacific, and any one else who is off out tonight!

spk soon x

Hi everyone. Flying visit as I'm exhausteed and am going to jump in the bath!

I'm glad mada and pacific are on the mend.

And sariska I've bought a new born snuggler for my amby, which is supposed to centre the newborns. Also you can buy specific sheets but I've read that normal sheets or even pillowcases can be used too.

Thanks for all the congratulation re the wedding. I used the words "my husband" today and felt weird. Far too grown up( and I'm 36 FFS!!)

Fascinated by all the newborn baby advice/experiences - its so good to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak.

Right - hope I haven't ignored anything important (I had to speedread posts since Wednesday).

Must go over to Caitni's babyname post now, then BATH!!

H ha meant Manda not MADA!!

Hey all

To those who asked "Creepy Crawlies" is just the name of our local soft play. Nothing to do with bugs or arthropods of any description. We also have "Wacky Warehouse". Love the alliteration.

Just back from IKEA. Meatballs for DH. Disappointing pasta for me. Fish finger for DCs and a happy time for all.

Kids in bed at 9 and still squeaking. Lie in for me tomorrow??? [hopeful]

Off to slob in front of tv with a beer refreshing cup of herbal non-caffeinated tea.

Hi everyone, y'know, you're all so lovely and supportive, I wish I could get more time on here... Bloody work; doesn't half get in the way of one's mumsnetting time...

Nice Saturday for us, met up with some lovely Kenyan friends of ours who we don't get to see much. They're amazing and I wish we saw more of them... They're older thAn us with grown up kids and such wise heads - almost like having extra parents (but without the aggro!). But then I had to spend the afternoon in work which was a pain...

Pacific, my concerns with induction? Well, just that I did have a horrible time with it last time... Long (51 hour) labour, uterine hyperstimulation (basically one contraction which didn't stop for four hours) with very little progress... forceps delivery and extended 3rd degree tearing plus cervical and vaginal tearing... (sorry first timers - not what you want to read... But to reassure you this is far from a 'normal' birth experience! And I'm fine now!). I don't know what the causes of all that were and what might have happened if I hadn't been induced... But definity got the feeling that my body wasn't ready and reacted badly to being 'forced'. That said Dd was 9lbs 8 (I'm just a diddy 5ft 1) so not sure I'd have wanted to wait for her to get much fatter...

Gah! Just lost the second half of that post!!??@£&!?!!

Anyway, not sure how much of my experience was due to being induced, how much of it was because I was induced with a drug unlicensed for the purpose (misoprostil - more commonly used to treat ulcers and for terminations...) anyway, I have a lot to talk to the consultant about, oh yes...

But I do think the experience contributed significantly to the PND I had later on, so keen to try and have a different one this time. I think I tried to be a 'perfect' mum to try and make up for feeling like a failure at all things birth... Nuts, I know, but that's PND for you...

And yes, I do think that Gina's advice and routines make a lot of sense, and will attempt to follow the routines again this time ( if DD1 will allow me!?)...

I do think though, that Gina combined with PND and a strong OCD perfectionist streak is probably a recipe for disaster... I'll be trying to be a bit more sane about things this time!?

Sorry, posting in bits to try and avoid losing the whole bloody thing again!

Loving the Ina May Gaskin book, wishing I'd read it before the first one... Makes me bawl my eyes out, though because all the birth stories are so amazing and so far from my own experience... And I bet none of her Mums got shouted at for bleeding on the floor of the ward when trying to go to the loo a few hours after giving birth and while still having no feeling in their legs from the Epidural ( I'd asked permission to go, too, and had been barked at "well it's over there"... And it was, IMHO stupid of them to remove the cathetar without checking if I could actually walk first... And waking me up to do it at 2 am when I'd already been awake for 3 days in labour FFS... And Breathe... !!)

You know, it's funny, but it's only recently that I've been able to feel quite about it all... Before I just felt like it was all my fault...

On a lighter note (hears collective sigh of relief!) Ikea meatballs... Yummy! My Dd loves them too (although she loves anything which is basically meat - I blame the South African genes from her father)... I confess to having found excuses to go to Ikea around mealtimes just so I can have some... That's sad, right?

Anyway, going to see what the builders have been up to in our house tomorrow, very excited as I haven't seen it in almost a month and I gather they've been busy!

But right now, must head to bed, and try and find a comfortable sleeping position!

(heaves self from sofa and hobbles off)

Sorry for being a drama queen!

Love to all,

db
xx

Evening all..
love the meatballs chat, (and the fact that since the majority of you DO like them, my guilt for said balls of meaty glory has lessened)..they were GOOD and DD also enjoyed them. Have to say it was a verrryyy sllooow process with two tired pg mums trying to feed their toddlers, i actually think DD and her friend would have set the table and found the correct condiments far quicker than us...we actually both missed the SKYSCRAPER of Antilop high chairs and sat them on normal chairs,made for interesting eating....

sympathy for everyone with twinges/spd, i have a tickling elbow in the deepest depths of my right hip, which is, er, fun?? and i don't think i get BH but i do get a sort of "twang" sometimes across my tummy as i sit up, or shift on the sofa etc etc

db uterine hyperstimulations does NOT sound fun, i was also induced and hated it but i did have a lovely epidural (pls tell me at that point you were also with some sort of pain relief........) Everyone's posts on Ina May has made me think I'll reread her this time, see if she passes on any positive birth stories (second time lucky?!)

utterly waffling. am so sorry. Am at my mum's this weekend, it's been quite a good weekend starting from the fact i managed to get most of my TV choices past her (She Who Must Hold The Remote) !! Though everyone here does keep saying "ooooh not long now then " and then shift uncomfortably as i say, er....well, march.... i know For A Fact there is someone much bigger than me in the village due a few days before me decides to omit fact said pg lady has had twins

right better go. Have missed loads out, sorry, but am already so bored of myself i think i should stop....
sarah and smac agree on swing, borrowed mine from friend
donttry hurrayyyyyyy for Husbandness, it's so lovely to use it!!!

DB I'm also quite OCD and was definitely heading in an unhealthy direction with Gina first time round. Second time DD just seemed to know how to read Gina herself and fitted in beautifully to the routines. Third one? Had better do as its told........

Seriously though - your labour sounds horrific. AS does the afetrcare So so sorry.

and just one more thing....
Meatballs = WRONG WRONG WRONG.

aftercare - herbal tea has clearly taken effect.

Pacific - re chatty MILs (who are also a godsend when it comes to babysitting) - I know the feeling! Mine also loves to blether on when she gets here and when we arrive back. I feel terrible admitting it but sometimes when we get back from the cinema or wherever I just wish she (or both of them if FIL is there too) would bog off back home and let us relax! Having said that they are brilliant when it comes to babysitting-they do it most weeks and often take DD overnight some weekends. I know we're really lucky to have them close by to help out.

Annamama - snogging during contractions??? WTF?? Can't say it would be high up there on my list of 'things to ease pain' next to tens machine or biting on DH's hand! Must check out this other thread you speak of.

Had a nice Saturday-off to DH's school's christmas fayre this morning, family swimming this afternoon then curry and telly after DD went to bed. Nice.

I know... I think it's meant to make contractions stronger. Will def try it as I had a looong labour last time.

Morning, all, happy St Nikolas' Day!! Today German children get stocking fillers from Father Christmas so go and treat yourself to something nice !

DB, OMG, sorry I made you repeat your story, I do recall now and nobody could blame you for NOT wanting to repeat that experience!
FWIF, I found induced contractions after ARM much harder to cope with than "natural" contractions later on with DS3. No denying, contractions are sore but I found them also quite satisfying if that's the word, in that I was confident that they were achieving something...
Hope your consultant appointment will be constructive. Raspberry Leaf Tea/Capsules? There is not evidence that it induces labour (although should not be taken, is it before 36 weeks or something?), but it can make the Second Stage more effective.
Here's hoping for a phantastic delivery for you - you're owed I think !

anna, snogging during contraction, no thanks, NOT gonna happen here !

Re baby books and sleep stragegies: I truly think the trick is to find a way that suits you, your family and the baby in question. And provided that's the case all sorts of different approaches do work: from co-sleeping til their 5 (not for me, but hey) all the way to the other end of the spectrum with more sturctured sleep training. I found different things worked for me at different times in a baby's life and also for different babies alternative strategies were needed (DS1 = velcro baby, DS2 just wanted to be fed, burped, changed and put down).

Night out was fab, home at 2 , DH was very drunk jolly, but unfortunately seems to have come down with some dreadful viral illness this morning requiring lots of fluid, Paracetamol, TLC from me and moaning on his part ... Like last year we swore we should do it more often - not going to happen, I know that already, but next Christmas night out is something to look forward to.

Have a nice Sunday! Gammon in the oven here for lunch.

Designerbaby I cried reading Ina May's birthstories too. Amazing. She's made me a lot more confident about booking the homebirth.

Before I used to think it was a good idea to read up about all the things that can go wrong, but now I think its better to just have confidence in your body and focus on the positives.

I think just reading that will ensure it works out a lot better for you this time round.

On the subject of meatballs...nope I'm a veggie. I do have some quorn ones in the freezer which are delish though.

Anyone else waking up really early? I'm wondering if babs is kicking me awake!

Actually I have ANOTHER question for everyone.

I'm in a quandry as to whether to have family stay right after I give birth to help out.

Both my and OH's family live farrrrr away but both mothers would be willing to come and help straight after the birth.

They'd stay in our house though so I'm very reluctant.

Surely the last thing you want is guests right after giving birth?

I told my own mother (who would be coming from Ireland) that 2-3 weeks post-birth would be better. I told OH that I think it would be mad to have his mother (and potentially high-maintenance step-dad) stay right after birth.

Am I mad to turn down the help though?

Oh yeah annamama Ina May Gaskin says the snogging can help the cervix to open! Also nipple tweaking.

I'm a repressed convent girl...sounds MORTIFYING! Mind you so does childbirth in general so going to have to get over it!

Me again!

Re-read my first post from today and didn't mean that things only go wrong because people don't have confidence. Didn't mean that AT ALL!! Just meant its better not to be scared.

donttry I think everyone is different when it comes to wanting/not wanting family around. My MIL lives about an hour away. My mother lives 500 miles and 2 ferry rides away. I knew that I wanted my mother down around the birth of my first child (she is retired so has plenty free time!) and she is coming down again this time.
She ended up extending her stay as I had an emcs and it was fantastic having her around. She cooked, she cleaned, she arranged flowers, she answered the door to the postman and delivery guys for the endless stream of gifts we received, she walked the dog, she did the supermarket shopping, she made tea and cake for other visitors. I could not have done without her! I was all tearful when she did leave! It very much depends on the relationship you have with your mother and if she is a helper or is high maintenance!
My mum doing all this stuff for me meant I could just sit and BF as much as needed and cat nap and really bond with my baby.
I asked DH to call my Mum first with the news of the baby and his Mum second. My mum was at our house so only 10 minutes from the hospital so she was able to come straight up for visiting hours. My MIL was called second and she was there an hour later and got second cuddles. It was lovely that they were both able to meet DD within a couple of hours of her birth. They both seemed very happy with this arrangement.
This time round as long as baby comes on time and doesn't make an early appearance my Mum will be staying with us so we don't have to worry about disappearing in the middle of the night and organising childcare for DD and dogcare for doglet.
I wouldn't have it any other way and fortunately DH is completely comfortable having my mother staying - in fact if he had his way he would let her come to the birth and he would stay at home with DD but that is not going to happen!

As SMAC says eachto their own re visitors. Frst time I hada CS and the baby blues and a uterine infection hit just as I got home three days after birth. We were also hit by the outlaws: 5 of the in the mood for partying n a 3 bed house plus my mum and her partner. I have horrd memories of well and truely losing the plot. My MIL insisted on wearing her stillettos on our brnd new oak floowing despite being asked three times to remove them. At one point there were 9 people partying downstairs and me sat on the loo unable to put my knickers on trying to call for help. I wennt downstairs to try and phone for the doctor as my temp was high and I was in a lot of pain (the infection) only to have a video camera dstuck in my face. The highlight was when there was a power cut and I recall standing at the top of the stairs stark nakid screaming for someone to bring me my baby!

They left the next morning.

My advice is to wait and see how you feel. Second time I was OK (but they left it a couple of weeks for visits).

My Mum lives locally and I was always glad of her company although my MiL is far more helpful (IYSWIM. My mum still expects me to make the tea etc!

BPM at your family!! That sounds like an absolute nightmare and the LAST thing you want to contend with after giving birth, never mind adding blues and infection on top of it all. My parents came over from NI but stayed with my brother who lives about 20 miles away, so we had the best of both worlds-mum helped out, made the tea etc etc (while dad cooed over baby and read the paper!) but went away in the evenings so we had peace and quiet and the chance to be alone with our new baby. I'm hoping we'll be able to do something similar this time round too so DD1 will still get plenty of attention after DD2 arrives.

anna I'm with pacific I had a long labour last time too and I want to make it easier this time but I draw the line at snogging during contractions!

Sounds like a complete nightmare BPM! I must admit I did laugh (bleakly) at your story though...am I evil or did you just write it very well?!

Am about SMACs mother. Mine is great with babies and would help around the house, but she gets on my nerves a lot of the time with her anxiety and negativity, so I think I'll wait.

Since I'm planning a homebirth I won't even have the "buffer zone" of time in hospital so I definitely think I'll tell people they're not invited (to stay) until we're ready. Its just the staying in the house bit that bothers me, not people popping in for a while to see the baby.

Hmm, yes, mothers/family staying after birth: has its pros and cons...

My mum is v hands on and wants to help (to the point of pushiness and desperation) and was great when she and my dad arrived 10 days after DS1 was born. For general cooking, making tea, holding baby that is. She inadvertantly (and she would be v upset if I said this to her) undermined my attempts at BFing him. She never breastfed and like myself had no particular knowledge about it. She repeatedly said "he cannot possibly be hungry again" if he piped up 1 hour or so after a feed and would take him away for a long walk. Much as this gave me a break I do not think it helped me build up a decent milk supply which led to all sorts of problems in the longrun.

I suppose what I am trying to say in a v roundabout way is make quite clear that you are looking for help with cooking, washing, cleaning, shopping, entertaining other kids if applicable, but that the new baby will be yours . Of course appropriate grandparent holding baby time should also be allowed, awwww!

Much as being on MN a lot has made me almost want a home birth I am quite glad to be able to stay in hospital for a day or 2 without DSs1-3 to get to know No4.

BPM, your story just sounds horrendous! Thankgoodness your nekkid screaminess scared them away (note to self: must remember that one!)

Hi ladies

Am exhausted tonight, after a busy but lovely weekend. Out Friday night with friends I've not seen since the birth of their son nearly 2 years ago (they live in Slovakia), Sat to Ikea (and yes, meatballs for lunch ), assembling said Ikea furniture on Sat night (til half one ), then buying Christmas tree today (yay! won't go up until tomorrow night though), and afternoon/evening at a Swedish friend's Christmas party. But really feel like we've made excellent progress on getting our tiny flat sorted for baby's arrival (this isn't so much about nursery furniture btw, though we do have all the bits and bobs like cot and drawers etc, more about improving the storage we have by getting things like a fab new wardrobe with clever sliding doors). So tired but happy now

Soooo enough rambling from me.

DB god, your first birth was so horrendous . You seem to have processed it, but I think your being is an important part of healing (stop reading if I sound too hippy-dippy!). You did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for anything. PND can affect women who had textbook "good births" (or "good pregnancies" or whatever). I'm glad the Ina May book gives some solace (even if it also provokes some natural grief after what you experienced).

Donttry I'm so glad there's another first-timer planning a HB on this thread . My mum is dead set against it (as are a fair few of my Irish rellies) so I've stopped mentioning it to her.

BPM what an awful time of it you had after your first birth . I think sometimes a mad influx of visitors (especially if they're staying over) can lose sight of care of the new mother in the early days. Especially after a c-section (would anyone ever come and party in your house after you've had other abdominal surgery ).

Smac your mum sounds amazing! Lucky you, both to have her and to have a DH who loves having her around too (and I'm glad that you appreciate her too )

Pacific my mum may be a little like yours on the breastfeeding. She never breastfed any of her six children (apparently none of us ever "took to the breast" whereas I just think it was the late 60s/70s and the fashion was formula all the way!). Establishing breast feeding after birth is one of my big desires so I could do without that (I'm strangely nervous about breastfeeding - think I've read too many stories on MN about the struggles as one 1 woman in know in RL has had problems with it). Still, she'd be great for support/humour/going to the supermarket/making tea/cooking dinner so I reckon I'll take the risk on the breastfeeding front

My FIL is dying to come over after the birth - because of coming from the States he's going to book his flights quite soon I reckon and will probably be here when baby is very young. I'm looking forward to it (my husband is very like his dad, so I find my FIL very easy to get along with) and I know my husband will also be glad to him here. My MIL isn't so excited, but I think it's more to do with her own insecurity than anything else (and I'm refusing to engage with her insecurity as I'm busy enough with work/life/getting ready to be a parent!).

Right enough waffling from me. Really hope everyone had a good weekend and anyone under the weather is starting to feel better.

xxx