Due November 2009 - second trimester thread part 2

[skorpion]

Hope this works

Yep still 3 months to go or more... 26 weeks here
I have had so many comments from ds nursery teachers and other mothers about my size (must be due soon NOT) and imagine when I turn up for school run in sept still with a bump and imagine when I am still there after oct half term!!!

I had Tesco lasagne in the end. Very nutritious lunch indeed. All I need now is Krispy Cream.

Kreme!

If anyone out there happens to have a BT Vision Box, it's got a 35 min dumbed down simple video on the care of new-borns, a 1 hour thing on "natural pregnancy" and a 2.5 hour () breastfeeding instruction video.

I've watched the first two, didn't really learn much but made DH sit through the new born care one, and am brazing myself for the BF marathon. (2.5 hours. Seriously. I will not utter the words, but... is it really THAT complicated?)

Scarlotti I got the Amby, it was £150 on kiddicare.com so saved nearly 25% on the RRP.
'tis still rather pricey, but am hoping that it will eliminate the need for a crib (and cut down on the sleepless nights)

DS has a fever, a sore throat and a cough. Am managing not to run around shrieking 'The PLAGUE! The piggy plague is upon us!' but it's a near thing. He's currently asleep, having spent the morning esconced like a tiny wheezing emperor on the couch with (forbidden) Thomas the Tank Engine movies and (forbidden) juice to drink. He's not really interested in eating, but the juice seems to be going down ok.

I went to the hospital this morning, to discuss DS's birth and my options for this birth. The consultant was discussing my hospital notes from that birth, and honestly, I felt as if I'd fallen down the rabbit hole - according to my notes, I was officially in labour for all of FIVE HOURS. This was certainly news to DH and me, who had to pay for eighteen hours worth of hospital parking (and my waters broke six hours before I got to the hospital). Given that I was at 10 cm by 6 am (when I insisted that they do an internal) and DS was born at 10.30, that makes the second stage of labour alone a grand total of four and a half hours.

My guess: they were badly understaffed, and left me in the pre-labour ward until I was at 8 cm because that way, they could leave me alone and unattended. Then they moved me to the labour ward, and the 'official' stats on the paperwork reflect the time when they finally moved me to the labour ward ie. the point when I was already in transition.

Also, apparently I DIDN'T haemorrhage in the third stage. I have no clue why they were arguing over the top of me about whether or not to give me a transfusion, and what the fun bimanual uterine massage was for, then (and the hospital records don't show why he was scraping around with metal instruments inside me, either. Some sort of gynaecological treasure hunt? Your guess is as good as mine.)

Honestly, I am just so ANGRY. The only question which the consultant answered satisfactorily was whether or not it's possible to do an instrumental birth on someone suffering SPD without putting them in stirrups (apparently not). So, SPD girls, when your community midwife says reassuringly that they won't be yanking your legs wide apart, that only holds true if you don't need ventouse or forceps.

I suppose now I know why they refer to 'doctoring' notes - it's because doctors do it.

scarlotti, I guess exploring other options would be a good idea. I'm sure your husband doesn't want you to do anything that makes you feel bad but I guess, it's a hard time for men when they don't get anything.
At the beginning of my pregnancy I couldn't imagine any sexual activity at all (luckily it got much better, but probably still not "enough"). My husband complained that I had been abusing him. After the wedding I wanted lots of sex until I was pregnant and then nothing at all! At least he could still make fun of it. And it is definitely his own fault if he managed already the first month we actually tried
Broodzilla, I have that same kind of lump very often, usually on my right side, just next to my belly button. But I'm always wondering if it is the head or the bottom.
I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow. They are still turning for a couple of more weeks, aren't they? Sometimes my whole belly, especially again around the belly button, is moving like a wave. I suppose that is some kind of turn, just couldn't tell if it is just sidewards or more an up-down-change

Tamlin, sorry haven't seen the last page , hope you DS is soon better.
I can understand your feelings. Why do they even bother keeping notes if then they are so completly wrong?

Tamlin - when I went to see consultant for Strep B he booked me in for a glucose test cause wasn't sure why I was there! Apparently fact that I carried Strep B wasn't even in my notes. What worried me even more was that he was willing to take my say so that i did have it and suggest induction and tell me I would need antibiotics -thought he might have checked! Bizarre aren't they?! Oh and to top it off DH asked him about pregnancy and swine flu and he said that he wasn't aware that pregnant women wee at any different risk to anyone else and wasn't aware they would be treated with any different - fills you with confidence doesn't it?!

Tamlin you poor love - anything else about to land on your plate?
Hope DS is feeling better soon and if it is the dreaded SF that he makes it through without too much discomfort.
Am so on your behalf re your appointment, I know you were hoping that this would help you put the experience to rest and move forward. Hope you still find a way to do that and look forward to this lo arriving.

usi maybe it is hard for the men, but I can't muster much sympathy really. Maybe he could spend a few days in my shoes, carrying around an extra 9kg, getting kicked in the cervix/bladder/insert other organs here at random times, spending what feels like an age on the loo and swelling up all over the place .... maybe there might be a little more empathy then.
I think Broodzilla's got the right idea - just tell me a white lie and pretend it's ok!

As you can see, the calm that had descended has gone again.

scarlotti, sorry to hear that you have such negative feelings again. Even if in theory I feel sorry for men, I do hate it when it actually happens that he wants to and I don't. But do you know when I would like to share the joy of pregnacies most? When I wake up in the middle of the night, can't go back to sleep, feel restless, want to move, make noise, watch TV or just do something. And what is he doing??? SLEEPING!!! In these moments, I kind of dislike him for that. So far I could control myself and did not disturb his sleep but I can not garantee for the next three months

Ok, I now have a rather stupid question but as we are living in a (ugly) furnished flat since we moved to England, I have no idea where to buy all this baby furniture. Well, I know there is IKEA (in Austria I got all my furniture from there, but should I trust them cot-wise (our bed broke several times until we fixed it with glue)? And what about the pram? I only know mothercare.

Go around to various shops to try out prams and get an idea of what you want, then actually buy it online - kiddiecare is really good price wise and service wise.

Ikea do baby stuff, but the things I've seen are quite basic. Personally I'd want a sturdier cot - something that will take a bit of punishment from an awake baby/toddler who wants to attract Mum/Dad's attention!

Spoke to DH - apparently he was actually trying to take the pressure off by asking, in that I'd know then that there would be no advances for the next few months
I suggested better wording next time. He also said maybe him being half asleep and not really thinking through what he was saying probably wasn't the best idea either.
You don't think?!!

Men!

scarlotti - good to hear you're in a better mood.

ursigurke - we can trawl shops and compare notes if you like. I just don't really want to start yet... [hides head in sand]

sleepless, ursi or anybody else in similar situation? Can I ask you about language? I am Polish but have lived here for 14 years. DH only speaks English. I am thinking of speaking to my kid in Polish, to DH in English. But am a bit concerned of turning her brain to mush. Goodness, I'm turning my own little brain to mush with this - hope you can follow. Basically, I'm interested to hear opinions about bringing up children in a bilingual environment. Thanks.

skorpion, I'm in a different situation, we are both Austrian (although two very opposite dialects, so kind of bilingual) but I'm actually a qualified secondary teacher for French and therefore have a very strong opinion about bilingualism. You absolutely have to speak your own language to your child! Not only will it be a big advantage for her to be fluent in two languages but also, even if you lived here for 14 years (and I suppose you only started to learn English as a teenager/adult), you are probably making little mistakes or just using unusual expressions, you might also have an accent, so your child would start from a wrongish base. Back in Vienna, I had lots of students from foreign parents who tried to speak German to their kid to help them to learn it but actually they ended up with a wrong first language, a wrong German and were unable to understand the simplest grammar system in English or French. Children with parents with two different languages learn the differences very quickly. They might mix up the vocabulary at the beginning or even take slightly longer to start using words but then, they learn both languages in a normal speed. (and even if a child only has to learn one language, he/she will make mistakes while trying to "understand" a certain rule) And once they have understood two language systems, they will even have less problems to learn a third or forth language in school. I suppose in your case, she would first speak a bit more Polish (if you are the one spending more time with her), but then, with friends, nursery and school, English will become her main language and it will be up to you to cultivate the polish knowledge as well (reading and writing might become an interesting question). Sorry if I get so excited about it but I have seen so many children with language problems and was always jealous of those bilingual kids who were fluent in two without any effort. Learning languages is so easy for kids and sooo difficult for adults.

scarlotti, thanks for your advice and glad that you have been talking to your husband. So, it has just been a misunderstanding, he seems to be a very nice guy.

Hello hello, been up visiting family in Bonnie Scotland for a few days so just catching up on all your news. Was great, saw my friend with 2 little ones and we gossipped for ages PLUS I got a load of baby stuff from her - snuggly fleece sling, bouncer, V-pillow, Avent breast pump and a few other things

BTW eeyore I am feeling it too - my god if 2nd pregnancies mean bigger I dread to think how heeeuge I will be. Am massive already I am feeling lots of kicking and wriggling like mad in the evenings and mornings...and through the day actually. All so exciting.

And finally...Woo! With all the Oxford fans and visitors maybe that is the place for a Due November 09 meet up one of these days?! Thanks for the tip on the vintage shop BBL. I am looking forward to exploring the area in the few weeks we'll have there before BeeBee comes along. DH grew up in Headington and we have friends in Wolvercote and Osney Island but don't know East Oxford at all... yet!

usigurke yeah, he's not a bad old stick really

Agree with usigurke skorpion, you should speak Polish and your DH English. Baby might take a little longer to speak, and will probably mix up words but you'll open up the linguistic part of the brain much earlier and baby will pick up languages so much easier in later years.

I wanted to speak to DD in Welsh when she was little but I was on my own, so worried she wouldn't learn English. Wish I had now.

I went to a Welsh speaking school and spoke English at home. I don't regret it at all but my Welsh is pretty rusty these days because I just don't have any use for it in England.
A good friend of mine is German. She has always spoken German to her ds whilst his Dad speaks English. He slips between the two very easily and had no problems in speaking English when he started school.
I also have a friend who's mother is Swiss and she is very angry that her mother only spoke to them in English, it seperates her from half her family in Switzerland.

Scarlotti glad you got things sorted.

Nos Da

Evening all

Hope you're all celebrating the week coming to a close with a glass of schloer or suchlike! I've been naughty and had a Chinese takeout tonight... I've been healthy all week though so I think I deserve it.

Usigurke thanks for helping me gain some perspective on the bump touching. I'll try and contain my angry hormones by thinking of what you said...

Thanks for the bf'g advice Helips, Tamlin and Skorpion. I'm still in two minds about whether to have cs or not but I'll hopefully have more of an idea after I see the consultant next month.

Erica I'm a huge fan of the Twilight series but I'm saving myself until the last book comes out in paperback. Maybe I should buy it for when I'm bf'g (if DD gives me 5 minutes peace)... You're so organised with baby stuff - I'm impressed! I thought I was doing well getting a pram - think I need to buy a few more things yet!

Broodzilla I felt a definite foot the other night when there was quite a lot of kicking and movements. I tried to grab it and it went scuttling away! Baby's been really busy tonight, making my stomach bulge and dip - slightly uncomfortable but fascinating to watch.

Tamlin I don't blame you for being angry, I would be too in your situation. As for the SPD, DD was delivered by forceps with my legs akimbo in stirrups and as I've been told I'll need to be induced again this time round, I've been dreading that kind of intervention again. Must speak to my consultant about it when I see her next (thank goodness I persuaded physio to actually write in my notes about SPD, as she initially said she didn't need to write anything ) Sending healing thoughts to your DS...

Skorpion I read somewhere this week that bilingual children are generally bright and quick to pick things up in school so if I were you I'd teach baby both.

Scarlotti We didn't have sex at all after my first bleed at 14 weeks and only started to tentatively when the genetic testing was over a few weeks ago. Unfortunately my pelvis became so painful that I'm finding it very difficult now. Also, DH's libido has completely disappeared since my boobs started leaking randomly... Husbands aren't very good at putting things tactfully but I'm glad you're feeling better about things.

DH has just brought a cream cake up for me so I'm going to leave to indulge my sweet tooth, yum! Hope you all have good weekends if I don't get chance to check back in xx

Ninja exactly the same here! I went to a Welsh high school but nobody at home spoke Welsh. I got to the point at the end of school of thinking and dreaming in either language, but I've been away from Wales for so long now I'm very rusty. Shame.
Now my Mum has moved back to Wales she's learning!

I imagine I'll just be teaching the kids the odd words.

Skorpion I agree with everyone else. I have an Austrian friend who always speaks to her three in German and they all chatter away in both languages. I also have a Danish friend who does the same. I think they are very lucky to be able to grow up bilingually. It doesn't seem to have affected their language skills.

DH grew up in Wales but doens't really remember much Welsh now although when we go to Wales I get him to pronouce all the phrases we see and it sounds so lovely to me. I think it is a shame to lose it. I'm quite envious of anyone who has a bilingual background. I asked DH if we could move to Japan so the DSs could grow up bilingual but he just looked at me as if I were living on planet dream land.

Hear hear on children having the chance to speak two languages. As a primary school teacher, I know it supports their understanding of language generally, having a broader base to draw experience from. And once they've learned two it's even easier to learn more. My brother in law's girlfriend was brought up bilingual English and French and lived in a German area when little. She is fluent in all three...and Spanish! She also finds it very easy to pick up other languages from her wide travels - encourages children to feel like a 'global citizen' too I expect

Would love for our 3 to grow up knowing a different laguage, but seen as DH nor I speak a 2nd langage fluently it's not going to happen. Maybe fact that i'm from Yorkshire and DH is from Oxfordshire means they have enough to contend with language wise!!

Waiting for my mother to arrive, she's staying with friends 3/4 hour away and going to visit for afternoon, called at 10 this morning to say they would be here between 12 and half past then called at 12.25 to say they'd just set off - SO annoyed. An extra hour is a lifetime to a 2 year old

Bilingual children have such a huge advantage. They may learn to speak a little later than average, but I think that's more than compensated for by the advantages it confers later on. In the families I know, they have one parent speaking in their native language consistently to the child, while the other parent speaks English, and the children don't seem confused at all by this. (The Spanish/English one year old I know can alternate between 'caca' and 'poo' quite easily! )

DS has actually lost his voice. He can only speak in a tiny whisper, which is quite different from his usual cheery bellow - he's croaking furiously 'No! Mine! Don' wan' do it!' but we can hardly hear him. It's rather as if someone has just turned the volume knob down on our tot - I hate to say it, but the peace and quiet is rather nice.

Had yet another solicitors letter today from ds's dad.
Why do some men think they have all rights and no responsiblities? Arghhhhh
Apparently DS's bullying problem is an "out right lie". That DS has to obey the contact order and I'm only to contact him via the solicitor from now on.
Why can he not just accept his son is having some difficulties settling into his dads new life and put his son's needs before his supposed rights.

Sorry just needed some where to rant.

Going to take DS to see ice age 3D later. Hopefully I will have calmed down by then.

The contact order by the way would mean DS going to stay for 2wks over the summer.
DS has asked to go up for a weekend first then to see how he feels after that.
I don't think that's unreasonable.