Due September 2005 - Thread 6

[PiccadillyCircus]

Here is another new thread .

Boompi - as far as I know (which may not be much!) that's exactly what a doula does. There's a website www.doula.org.uk/ which might help explain a bit better than I can at ten to seven in the morning!!

Boomppi - a Doula doesn't 'call the shots' as such, but if they've attended a lot of births, they will have an idea of what should/shouldn't be happening and be able to support you in making sure that you get the care you need. Some of them are also trained midwives, but not all of them. The Doulas that are listed on the link that was posted Doulas have to have current certification. There's a list of doulas by area there, and a good description of what the role of a doula is.

Thanks for info re IV antibiotics. Feeling a lot happier now. Will talk to midwife at appt next week. Pedicure and lunch was fun - def do it again. As I predicted, someone stood on my toe on the tube home, but other 9 toes still beautiful!!

Boompi - a doula won't call the shots as Kiwifruit mentions but we (I am a doula) have supported births before - some of us more than others - and therefore can support the father (yes he has needs too!) to enjoy the birth. We support the parents emotionally and practically, we make sure they know what they can or should ask the MW if for any reason things are not going according to their plan.
You may find this page on the doula survey make interesting reading.

Pupuce - I dont actually mind having a c/s and am quite pro epidurals. My biggest concern is for my baby and I am therefore worrried that I will be left alone, without an experienced member of staff, for too long and that the baby will become distressed and no-one will act on it. Birth anoxia is my biggest fear and you do hear horror stories. I work for the NHS and know how problems occur at busy times with staff shortages. I really want someone other than my DH to be making sure everything is ok/ putting pressure on staff if need be. I guess a doula may not be the answer? From your experience - any suggestions on how I get this message across loud and clear in a system of shift changes?

Hi all.

Our house moving situation is starting to get stressful. Our buyers' survey showed up some minor points and they are lowering their offer. Argh! We've not agreed to it yet to try and suss them out but it is mighty stressful for me at this time.

The surveyor revalued the house on the basis of his survey but says this valuation may be revised if blah, blah, blah. Well, we have the blah, blah blah (i.e. damp proof guarantees) so really, they can't expect us to lower it as much as the Surveyor says.

Did any of that make sense? I'm just sounding off.

Did everyone have a good weekend? We visited inlaws and took DD to Birdland. I don't get that excited by birds and neither did she but we had a lovely pic-nic.

I keep trying to explain to dd about mummy's tummy having a baby in it. It goes over her head. She's one week short of being 2 and a half. How are your children taking the news onboard?

Boompi.... I can assure you that if you pick the right doula for you she CAN PUT pressure on the medical staff to look after you... here is what a father wrote a little while back:

"Why hire a doula? If you are anything like I am, a husband all too keen to do my bit but somewhat challenged by the awesome reality of childbirth, then a doula is a fine way to ensure that you and your partner have the very best support for the occasion. Our doula was magnificent. Her practical advice and support during the pregnancy was excellent. However, she really came into play during labour. Physically she was a great help for my wife during her labour, and her mental support was extremely valuable to us both. But it was her role communicating between us and the medical staff where she was so wonderful. Labour wards tend to be busy places, and midwifes are rarely able to dedicate themselves exclusively to a single mother. Moreover, work shifts are such that it is common to have more than one midwife covering a particular birth (in our case we had 5!). She ensured we had continuity of medical attention, and was almost certainly the difference between my wife having a natural birth and a caesarian delivery....."

My daughter is 22 months, and really completely clueless about baby in mummy's tummy. Looks at her own and at daddy's tummy when I mention it! I suppose the bigger I get and the more obvious the kicks become, she may take more on board, but I think on the whole she's going to have a massive surprise (a good one?????) in September

Boompi - i just realised where we have a misunderstanding.
A doula does not call the shots medically. She could however make sure you get the care you need. IME when I am around MWs are quite aware that there is an extra birth partner who is not as clueless as the dad.... so we tend to get very good care.

I'm sure it would be reassuring to have a doula, but not sure that worth the extra expense. Think my dh would have felt a bit of a spare part if he hadn't had the 'go-between' role with the midwife - if they disappeared for a bit and we were worried, he went to find them! Presumably the doula can't intervene medically anyway, so would still need to find a midwife if there were any probs. I suppose midwives might take her more seriously than a panicking husband, but equally might they not resent being told their job? Seems like a lot of money for a bit more peace of mind. This is just my 'knee jerk' opinion so quite happy to be told I'm wrong!!!!

ds2 is 18 months and if you ask him where baby (we've already decided on the name) is then he comes and touches my stomach. He'll say 'hello baba' to it as well - and has taken to kissing it! He's not had much to do with babies though so it will still be a shock. With ds1 as he's 3 he knows exactly whats going on, and will include 'baby ' when he tells people who went where - confuses people no end until he says 'the baby in mummy's tummy' . He asked me the other day if the baby came out of my tummy, bottom or arm! God knows where that came from!

We ended up hiring a doula for the reasons outlined by Pupuce. I was especially concerned about the lack of continuity of care in the UK system - I haven't seen the same midwife twice so far, and am highly unlikely to have a midwife I know at the birth. Continuity of care has been shown to be really important in giving women and their partners a positive birth experience (in NZ, you have the same midwife for all of your care (and you get to choose who that midwife is, if you choose the midwife led model) and my doula has said that the NZ model is held up as the 'shining light' of maternity care - don't know if I would go that far, as I know from speaking to friends that it is in no way perfect, but I do like the idea of having continuity of care and being able to choose who provides that). Think my main concern was expecting DH to have to act as the go-between in a situation where neither of us really knows what should or shouldn't be happening - having a doula will help to take the pressure off him a bit so that he can have a more pleasant (! if you can call it that!) experience of the whole thing too..

Maybe if it wasn't my first, and if I hadn't read so many horror stories (which I MUST stop doing!!), I might have thought twice about it, but at this stage, the peace of mind that having a doula is giving me is far outweighing the cost!!

Beatie, we moved house 18 mths ago and I totally sympathise! IME most surveyors should be shot!!(radical view I know....sorry to all surveyors out there..!) - sometimes you wonder if they've been to the right house when you read the report! I think they like playing God in house-moving situations! Hope you manage to convince your buyers to pay up - IME buyers are often as depressed by bad surveys as sellers, esp if it's the house they've set their heart on. Unless they're using it as an excuse to pull out, they are probably bluffing with getting the price down, as they will have already spent enough on moving costs to not make it worth their while to pull out - does that make sense!!

Our 2 boys are very aware of baby. They do talk to 'it' (still can't quite call it her!) but tends to be singing rude songs and ends with a raspberry on my stomach!! This could have a dreadful psychological effect on the baby.......!

Andif - LOL at your boys! Bet they will be very protective once their baby sister gets here!

Andif... you can always read the link I posted a bit lower down (about the survey)
I am not suggesting a doula is for everyone BTW.

It's funny that I didn't post the last part of the quote from the dad..."I don't believe we have ever spent a better £500 than that for her services".
I should add that this was tehir 4th child and according to them the only time they had a good birth.

This is my fee - other experienced doulas charge anything between £250 and £650 (and one in London charges £850)
Less experienecd doulas can do this for £50!

Hello all!
Haven't posted for a long while as I've suffered really badly with m/s, even had a spell in hospital on a drip but am almost back in the land of the living now. I've been popping in now and then to see how everyone is doing and am glad to hear that you are all (mostly) well and all bumps are rapidly expanding .
Had scan #2 last week. Baby growing well but confirmed EDD 3WEEKS later than I thought. I'll adjust the stats thread when I can find it again. Didn't find out what "flavour" the baby is am quite happy to wait though will be amazed if it's another girl as pg has been so different.
DD1 (15m) has taken to pulling down my trousers and poking my tummy button. She waves at the bump too but it's difficult to explain "baby brother or baby sister" - don't think she understand that they come in different colours/flavours, etc.
Very jealous of all who made it to the London meet up. I can see your toes sparkling from here!
Good luck to all of you who are moving/extending. DH has decided that we will now extend but with little more than 4 months to go I think we'll struggle to get it done in time.
Anyway, enough waffling.
Good to be back...

hello all - interesting to hear about doulas, my dh is very concerned about the fact that i won't have met my midwife before delivery, haven't mentioned the fact that it probably won't even be the same one throughout labour! Just thought i'd post re my scan - went last week and haven't been online since. All was well and it all feels much more real now, it was so reassuring to hear her check off all the bits and pieces and very exciting to see the little hands and feet, I kept laughing and making it all move but the scanner was v patient. It was perfect timing as we went up to see my parents this weekend and came home with a big basket full of little outfits and blankets so definitely feels like we are really having a baby now!!!!!

Has anyone been getting Braxton Hicks contractions? i have been getting them on and off since 10 weeks pg but recently have become uncomfortable and very noticeable they have been going on for a few days now, i have read on internet to contact your midwife if having more than 4 an hour but there was no reason why. i am having more than 4 an hour. should i be worried? i mean they can't be real contractions as they don't hurt or anything.

Hi VF - great to see you on Saturday! I would contact the midwife, just to be on the safe side. I didn't know that you could get BH this early on - can't even begin to imagine what one feels like!

VF, I've also been having lots of BH contractions from quite early on - think it gets more noticeable with the more babies you have - others are probably having them too, but just don't notice. Haven't had as many as 4 an hour though - it really varies from day to day. Prob worth mentioning to midwife when you see her. You can also ask questions on the NCT site which may be useful in the meantime.

i've been getting Braxton Hicks for a while now......they feel really odd.

whats concerning me is when i go shopping (or anywhere) if i walk around for more than half an hour without a rest i get quite bad pains in the bottom of my bump. yesterday they took my breath away and i nearly didn't make it to the bench. had the same thing in Tesco on Sat am and must have looked very strange leaning over the trolley.........leaning forward seems to ease it. poor dp was really worried but typical me i put it down to my ligaments stretching........this last week my bump has got noticeably bigger.

i'm starting to feel quite uncomfortable and am now panicking that my kitchen will be no-where near done when baby arrives as i just don't feel up to doing the extra days in the shop so dp can get on with the building!! guess i'll have to try, my current kitchen is awful........

Hello - have come to join Due in Sept thread. I'm 22 weeks today!!
This is my first baby, and I'm very excited. Though definitely anxious too... I have lots of dreams where I accidentally put the baby in a drawer and forget and go out, or feed him/her the wrong things. I am hoping these dreams are just my mind's way of gearing me up to be organised and conscientious!
I'm living in London - soon to move to Sutton. I don't suppose anyone else is in Sutton?

I have been having BH contractions for a quite few weeks now. Told midwife and she seemed to think it was fine - said they start really early on but often people dont notice till 28 weeks plus.

Moschops - not sure if its the same thing but I get a 'stitch' like pain below my uterus if I walk too fast for too long. Mentioned to midwife who wasnt sure about it but said I could speak to GP about it if I was really worried. Its not that bad so I have not done so. Put it down to ligament stretching too!

Welcome Badger2005. Had similar dream the other night - put puppy into deep freeze by mistake and then thought 'OMG, if I am that silly with a puppy how can I have a baby!' and woke up sweating! Think its all very normal anxiety.

Hi Badger2005

Well, update on the house. The buyers have agreed to pay the originally paid price if we get the damp sorted. I still don't believe there is much damp. The house had a damp proof course 3 years ago. The Surveyor verbally told me there was only damp measured in one small section of wall and that he would not recommend we or the buyers do anything about it as it's not worth the hassle for less than a whole wall. Suddenly, in the written report for the buyers, the whole of the ground floor walls gave out a damp reading.

I'm hoping I can track down the company that did the damp proofing as we have guarantees for 30 years. Anyway, fingers crossed for all to go smoothly from here.

If you get Braxton Hicks you're supposed to drink lots of cold water to gett hem to go away. Those who have had the BHs.... are you feeling stressed out when at the moment? Sometimes stress can bring them on.

Welcome, badger2005 Make sure you add yourself to our stats thread .

Amazed by all these BH contractions. To my knowledge I never even had one with DD (who was induced at 40 weeks)! Quite envious in a weird way - feel like I'm missing something Hope that's not an annoying admission - I do remember people saying the same thing about morning sickness not so long ago

Still can't make up my mind re. the double buggy ..... Phil & Ted's and the Marco Sky seem so much more compact than any others, and that is a priority, for bus journeys etc. But not really sure the Marco is suitable for a 19mo+ - apparently the legroom in the back seat is non-existent, and DD is quite tall already - also you can only use it from 3m, which means I'd be forced to use stroller + sling till then. Phil & Ted's could be the answer and people do seem to speak very highly of them, but let's face it they are plain weird! (The buggies, not the owners ) Think I need to grab one in the park and take it for a test drive ....