Due April 2009: Episode 9 - April Mums with Guns: Rise of the Fanjo Warriors?

[BabyBolat]

Here we go again....

I know. I used to think that 9 months was really fast to grow a baby - 9 months to go from two separate cells into a real human being with gorgeous chubby legs & fuzzy hair & a personality of their own. Objectively, I suppose it's still pretty impressive. But in the middle of it I have to say that it doesn't half drag on

How does one make one's bowel movements sloppier? You make it sound so easy!

Ooh, ooh, everything is happening today, the NHS rehab clinic have just delivered a brand new shiny folding wheelchair for me to borrow until I am better. The consultant's secretary has also phoned to make me new appointments for clinics and a scan, and to make sure they are convenient for me and that as many appointments are on the same day as possible to save me trekking up to the hospital too much and damaging myself further. I feel like a VIP and proud to be British - when the NHS works, it really does work. Honestly, this is better than private healthcare. Just a shame I had to get so outraged first.

Boffin, now you have a choice of fancy new places to park your bum? You're crippling us with envy! I'm so pleased that they've finally got it sorted xx Three mini cheers for the NHS on that count.

& brettgirl, I know - it sounds like such a breeze Perhaps I'll just puree all of my meals - it'll be practice for weaning & will surely guarantee at least a degree of slop?

Thing is Springy, yes they do develop at an impressive rate but then, once the baby is out it still has soooooooo much growing and developing to do. I am not good with newborns - they freak me out to be honest - I'd rather have an 18 month old straight away!

Schulte, have fun getting an 18 month old out of your vagina

To be honest I think this baby might be about the size of a toddler... the top of my bump seems to be just below my chin!

Prunes, Springy. And bran flakes.

I've already been pregnant for around 9 months. No that isn't my crap maths again. Conveived this one within a fortnight of a miscarriage. OK so I had a fortnight off, but I was recovering. I truly feel like I have been pregnant forever. When I think back to last summer I just remember being in 1st trimester groundhog day.

Can't wait to stop being pregnant. I keep boring DH by wittering on about my fantasy cheese and wine treat. A selection of stinky cheeses with a fabulous glass of wine. Mmmmm

Oh yes - to make bowel movements sloppier prunes are v. good. I am constantly trying to help make DDs easier for her. At the moment she is mainlining fruit. Grapes are effective.

Except bananas - avoid at all costs. And of course eggs.

You wait until one of your kids is 5' 11'' with hair like a Titian painting and a figure like an Amazonian goddess and you think 'Blardy hell, I gave birth to that!!' (she was only 7lbs at the time though, fortunately).

Schulte I'm a bit nervous about newborns too. Although they are divine around 4 months old. Not so fragile that you are afraid of breaking them and starting to interact, reach for toys and respond to things but still cute, cuddly little babies with lovely baby smell and usually not teething yet so not prone to excessive howling. It's a whole different ball game once they start to be able to get themselves independently from A to B.

LuLu 6 months of first trimester sounds like hell. Sorry to hear about the miscarriage

Springy - also avoid chocolate. Now here's a challenge for you

Ha ha lovely baby smell! DD smelt of sausage fat for the first few days of her life - probably a mix of blood and amniotic fluid - DH said it was surely to help the dads bond!

7lb to 5'11". Tis extraordinary isn't it. What did you feed her Boffin?

No worries about the m/c. All fine as this pregnancy has gone pretty smoothly. But I do somethings look at myself and think that not only am I resembling an elephant but having the gestation period of one too.

Sausage fat???

Your poor DD. That is so funny.

Yes, LuLuBai, she was a bit early and looked like a bag of bones when she was born, and was slightly jaundiced. I bf her for quite a while and then fed her a good old solid German diet with plenty of pork and potatoes. There's a tough of the Valkyrie in there, clearly (I think her uni nickname is actually Brunhilde!!!)

Freudian slip - a touch of the Valkyrie.
Her 21st was great - we had all her friends over and I did a huge buffet for them all.

As one of them said, "BoffinMum, you just don't know how great it is to have a proper meal. You have no conception what it is like to every night push a load of vegetables around a stir fry pan thinking, yes, tonight's the night when it will all taste different and special, only to realise that it will taste as boring and dreadful as it did every other night that term".

At the end DD got plastered and sat in the living room before they all went out clubbing, and said "I love you all, thank you for making my birthday so fucking fierce!" and then fell off the chair. (Typical. She is a very affectionate drunk).

It was brilliant!