Due May 2009 - Bring on the Creme Eggs, mooing and choo chooing

[Jennster]

Thought I'd better start this soon.

Hi Fikelly,

I understand about not having much in the way of family around and also scary first time birth - i had em CS under general and didn't wake for a couple of hours after. DH did skin to skin with DS and first feed. so from that point of view - i think you are completely right to want that reassurance of having DH with you. even if things go really well its the fear factor from your previous experience.

If you still need / want MIL to come down to help out - then why not have a sofa bed in lounge - or an inflatable mattress that you could put up in baby room / truckle bed in DS room - as for the first little while baby would be in your room perhaps?

However, she does sound less than sympathetic to your situation and it may be better in the long run to try to cobble an arrangement with others! letting her just visit when you feel up to it, rather than being a cause of additional stress.

FiKelly,

How difficult for you, and very stressful.

I think if you really do want your MIL to come and help (and i think she is being very inconsiderate and unreasonable to expect to have your bed), then you could give it a while and offer the following:

A temporary (e.g. camp-bed/single sofa bed) in with either DS or in the nursery, assuming that LO will be in with you for the first few weeks (or even if they are not ).

It sounds like she might have gone off the idea, based on her reaction to getting tickets sorted in November, so it may be best to come up with another plan. One option might just be to take DS with you to the hospital (they must have situations like this a lot and have a room where he could be supervised and where DH could check on him now and again- worth speaking to your community MW or arranging a hospital tour).

As for her comment about you managing on your own and that she'd done it, given your last experience and no wonder you are upset by it all, pg hormones or not.

fi oh I feel so sorry for you and your DH and very very and on your behalf. How unreasonable (and stupid) of her to suggest a pregnant/just given birth lady should give up her bed and sleep on the floor! Unbelievable! She's obviously completely forgotten what being pg / postnatal / sore/ exhausted feels like! If I were you I'd tell her on no account to come, and then make sure you have standby friends on alert to help out when the time comes. People (IMO anyway) are usually extremely happy to help out (and be inconvenienced too - even offering to help in the middle of the night) if you are going into labour. Even if they are not particularly good friends of mine, I'd always step in and offer to take someone's child if it were required, as I'm sure most people would!! Everyone knows how hard it is (and worrying) to organise good 'cover' for childbirth. I hate to think of you being upset about this, and thank goodness your DH is on your side!
[big hugs and no more crying!]
x

Fikelly, you are so not being unreasonable! Of course DH should be with you in hospital and no way should you give up your bed, pre or post-natal! Stick to your guns!

Inflatable bed in the LO's room sounds like a good compromise, with LO in a moses basket or similar with you. We're not going to bother sorting out the nursery for a long time yet as DS ended up in with us for a good 6 months. I found it much easier to settle him at night.

I did suggest the camp bed even buying another single bed and mattress for her to use that we could put in the babies room as #2 would be in her crib in our room. Having a spare single bed is no problem as we'd need it eventually when #2 was older and we could keep it sealed up in the garage... but DH was so pee'd off with the whole convo he's happier to stick to our local friends on call plan while best friend from belgium gets here.

Thanks for the re-assurance I didn't think we were being awkward/unreasonable. xox

I hope i'm not like this when I'm a grandparent too!!!

Fi, So sorry to hear about your mil. She sounds very unreasonable. My own parents are coming over from Belgium to be there for the birth and they totally understand that we're not going to give up our bed as usual. We normally do that as my mum has a knee prothesis, but she herself said that this time she's happy to sleep in something a bit less suitable for once. Your MIL must know how difficult it is to get up when you're huge or have just had a baby. Hope plan B works OK. Good luck.

Yes! enough of the MIL and back to nappy bags

what do you think of these... babymel

FiKelly what a terribly awkward situation for you to be in - I do think your mil is being VERY unreasonable - and its a good job your DH thinks so too! Stick to the friends plan - it would probably be nicer anyway!

Nice bag!! I didn't know about this whole bag shopping experience! Wooohoo!

DandyLioness i don't think you're playing devils advocate at all... but whether we're still in this apartment or in the new house we'll still have the same amount of bedrooms (we're in a 1st floor 3bed apartment). DH explained to her in nov we needed to know well in advance as we'd need to save up the cash to buy her a single bed and mattress for her to use and get the room laid out ready for her to use... money is tight for us and dh wanted to have everything set up without a last min panic...

Fikelly,

A doula might be a good bet really- from what i've seen on TV (not sure if this represents reality ) but you pay a fixed amount for their time, both in the run up to delivery, and then during delivery (however long that takes) and then they support you afterwards too (making meals, taking children/dogs out for walks etc). So if it came to the birth, and you couldn't find anyone to mind DS, and you wanted DH with you, then your doula would be there to help with DS. Worth seeing what the doulas in your area are like, although if money is tight, then its a few hundred quid you might not have...

DH wants to leave our existing friends plan in play and if she does come down she can then just have a holiday & do the cooing grandma bit. She said flatly there and then in november not to save up for a bed for her as she couldn't guarantee to come. I personally get the impression she wants a holiday to see the family and not a come & help pitch in type of visit. So i'm working on that basis and i'm sure when DH has time to recover from her ear bashing he'll be ok with that...

I've got quotes from a number of doulas... and the £190 would help towards that... but fortunately a friend who works full time and that i know from the post natal classes with DS has said she'll be on call 24hrs a day and if she needs to take a day off work last min her boss is very amenable... if she is ill or her dc is then we have a back up of my other friend from post natal (but she'll have an 8wk NB by then and their little boy of finns age) and I think she'll be worn out... but nice to have a back up.

still browsing nappy changing bags & I really like this lin & leo one but not the price i'll have to ebay search a lin & leo I think...

err strike them off the shopping list and add to win the lottery list! still on ebay as BNWT... oh well

Nice bag. Friend of mine has a babymel one (brown) - it's really nice. So many lovely ones out there......

frazzle I think the babymel one is more within justifiable price range i'm prepared to spend. I like the black and white colour way coming out too... hmm should be getting my £190 form from the MW on wed... and my old change bag has really had it

£159 for a diaper bag!

First time mums will probably not believe this, but you don't really need a big bag just to hold a few diapers, a babygro, and some wet wipes.

i know it fair took my breath away! at the moment with ds all i need is a small/medium size handbag for his nappy/wipes/snacks/drink & my bits squeezed in the pockets. With #2 i'll have a bit more to carry but I don't want to be lugging around something huge!

Hi - just popping in. The pace of conversations on here has really picked up again. Only been able to skim through so won't try to respond, just say hello and hope everyone is well. I will try to keep up this week!

been an emotional day... dh soon to be watching the superbowl so going to head off to bed with a hot choc and maybe another choc mini roll too thanks for all your support night night xoxox

night fi sleep tight x

Fi at your MIL! You should absolutely not let her use your bed, nor should you be expected to go to hospital alone. Even if you could somehow (if only!) guarantee a straightforward birth your DH should be there as the baby's father. I think Dandy has a point though, she possibly feels on the defensive because you've made plans without her and has (over) reacted by stamping her foot and attempting to make you put yourself out for her. It doesn't excuse her behaviour though. I think you're right to plan around her not being there, and perhaps after emotions have cooled down a bit you could discuss her coming down and staying on a camp/air bed. Have to say, though, personally I wouldn't allow any staying guests unless they are willing to muck in and help out!

Re changing bags, there are so many gorgeous ones out there! However, I did buy a Mulberry handbag in the January sales so if I want a posh changing bag it'll have to go on my birthday list.

Well - our house is now full of baby things!!! Our friends have donated to us their whole lot of baby equipment - moses basket and stand, baby bath, baby gym, bouncy chair, bags and bags of clothes (including loads of brand new 12-18m shoes) - and a M&P Pliko pushchair and car seat.

Am not sure what to do about the pushchair. It doesn't have the pram/carrycot bit with it so the only way to have the baby facing me is by using the car seat (the pushchair folds flat but is only forward facing). It doesn't push as easily as the Bee either. But DH is unwilling to fork out for a new one (even though my Dad has given us the money) when this one is 'perfectly good'. Any thoughts?