Dec 08: but that doesn't mean you can touch my bump!

[rosmerta]

New thread with bisou's title suggestion

monring all, Beans my BP was 100/60 at start of this pregnancy and now i'm 120/80 no one seems bothered but now you have said what you GP is telling you to do i have decided i had better put my feet up a bit more I have to say my DH has been amazing, he was great 1st time around but i think knowing what i manage to do at the end of the pregnancy (i.e. push out a small human being) he is even more helpful this time around he does loads of the housework cooking & entertaining DS this is all in between his own work.

But the fun will be over from next week for 2 weeks as he has to work away from home for 4 days out of the week for the next 2 so it will be just be DS & I. The sites are too far away for him to commute so he will stay away from Mon-thurs boo hoo. oh well we have until monday and it's his birthday today so we having a nice family day and dinner out for us tonight.

oh and i have found a way to make it feel not so far away, i have started counting down the weeks rather than up, so i now have 12 weeks to go yay!!! sounds so much better when compared with size of bump. Although MW did that bump measure thing and i am bang on for my gestational age now hooray. One small concern though is that my bumo is starting to peak out from underneath some of my looser maternity tops, they don't seem to be long enough!!??

Oh no, that's a shame, veggie - but hurray that he's being so helpful! I'm sure the BP is nothing to worry about, but would rather they kept an eye on me etc. We sound like we're quite similar on the BP front.

Was chatting to DH last night about labour and I said that I would quite like my mum to be around at home when I go in, so that she can come in if DH gets tired and needs to rest and also, she can come and collect us (parking is £2.80 per hour at St Thomas's, so they recommended we get a cab there) once it's all done and dusted. He had a bit of a huff and said he didn't want her there as wanted us to do it together. I can see his point, but actually when it comes down to it, surely it's up to me if I want her there or not??! Luckily, they're only 40 mins from London, so I've decided that once I go into 1st stage of labour, if I do want her there, I'm going to tell him that he has to call her immediately! And I don't think he'll be in a position to argue! My sisters both had her nearby and said she was absolutely amazing. And she's said she'll be on standby to cook meals and do cleaning and washing and things for the first week and will commute up and down to London for us. how nice is that???!! I'm definitely keen to take her up on that!

oh sorry that should have been bump is starting to peek, obviously i would be mortified if my bumo was peeking out.

PS veggie - some of my maternity tops aren't long enough either - you'd think these companies would make sure they are! it's quite irritating as they rise up and make me acutely aware of my tummy sticking out! Especially when wearing my underbump jeans. always have to wear an extra-long top over them!

H&M stuff, though tiny, is long. I'm about 5'8 and they are more than long enough on me.

Beans: I wouldn;t want my mum within100 miles of me while in labour so can't really advise . I can see your DH's POV. Maybe reach a compromise - that she will be on hand for running errands etc. but not in the labour room?

it's some mothercare ones and one H&M one that arethe problem the tight fitting ones are ok but the ones that hang loose aren't covering i wonder if they may have shrunk a little i usually wash in cold but occasionally if they are very dirty or if DS has had an accident i wash warm.

Hey BTW i am actually really liking that Ina May book very down to earth and common sense.

beans not that i would advise you to definately not have the epidural but having the room with DH afterwards would be really nice for everyone involved. It's a shame that such a small intervention cancels out the single room thing. But in all other areas i hear St Thomas' is fanatstic very forward thinking Trust. and i know what you mean about the view i worked some night duty shifts there and the view of the houses of parliament and down the river at night were amazing, almost worth having to work at night .

Veggie & Beans, have you tried those bump band things. Not sure what they are called but they sell them in mothercare they look like a huge stretchy alice band thing. They are designed to go under clothes to cover the gap between bottoms and tops....

sorry i missed one of your posts Beans my DH didnt want to leave me but would have little moments out of the room to get some fresh air. I think he will not want to be out for long but really for your sake he will need to be feeling fresh and ok so it would help to have someone to pop in when he needs to step out for a moment. I personally don't think i would want my mum but DH & I have talked about having a close friend of mine and her husband close at hand to give him a breather (she would come in) and someone for him to talk about it to (he would make him a cuppa and have a chat) the only problem is they are also the people we have on hand to take DS is he wakes up upstairs while we are having this one.

Beans, IMO at Tommy's in the hospital birth centre if you give birth in a delivery room then your DH can stay if it's late enough - if you gave birth at 2 in the morning, you would not be moved to the PN ward for some time so DH would stay for the night any way. If you have an em CS then you would be taken back to the delivery room to recover and DH gets to stay with you. All they are saying I think is that if you gave birth at 10am and then went up to the ward, your DH would not be staying overnight though he could be there all day. Presumably as well if you give birth on the home from home and all is well, you wouldn't want to stay and could just take the baby home after 6 hours or so anyway?

When you are in labour, your body will tell you if you need an epidural and I don't think I would have be able to hold out just so he could stay! However, depending on the time of day, he can be there for most of the night anyway.

HTH.

chutney - thanks for that info - definitely helps. TBH, if I need an epidural, I'm definitely not going to hold out just for the sake of the room! I have no qualms about calling for drugs when/if the need arises! Plus, no one can know what's going to happen - so can't bank on anything. I would like to try for natural birth anyway, but if it's too much, EPIDURAL HERE I COME! Plus I'm an absolute wetty about pain, so sure I will have one!!! But will try without. And if I can get myself in a birthing pool, then that might help too.

Might see if mum can just wait at home for us, then if she's needed, she's not a million miles away if DH needs a rest.

in fact it is best to not think of any of that as it might make you a bit anxious those sorts of things make me a bit anxious and can slow things down.

beans I am v v of your helpful Mum. Mine was worse than useless with DD - expected me to cook all HER meals and prepare HER teas and coffees and entertain HER etc and kept demanding to know what 'routine' we were on and when I was going to give up my futile attempts at breastfeeding (even brought bottles and formula into the hospital as she thought I was being stupid). And all this continued after I'd only just been discharged from hospital for the second time and was very wobbly and physically weak.

My Mum doesn't do emotion, empathy or helpfulness. She's not a bad person and I don't mean that to sound terrible - it's just she is pure intellect and anything else fazes her. Always was, always will be.

Sorry. Rant over. Just had a bit of an eye-opening time with her yesterday where I found myself wondering why I ever expect her to understand/relate to ANYTHING that I do or say! Small example: I can't walk very fast now my bump is big and because I'm paranoid about triggering SPD like last time. I mentioned it the first time she zoomed off ahead... but by the fourth time I just let her walk in front.

FGS I'm nearly 40 and I'm still expecting my Mum to change/be kind/say sweet things to me/be proud of me. LOL I need my head examined!

On a different note - does anyone else have an infuriatingly blocked nose? I know it's normal but it's really irritating. It's getting to the point where I almost feel I'm mildly suffocating - what with the baby pushing on my lungs as well. The stuffiness in this office does NOT help!

I hope everyone who's going has a brilliant time on tonight's meet up!

Sorry. I didn't realise that was such a huge rant. Just really wish my Mum was sweet and emotional and kind... sometimes you just need a hug and some support and understanding.

yes, you do revert to needing your mum while pg. Mine is having a bit of a blip atm, so am in parent rather than daughter mode IYSWIM. Am trying hard not to stamp my feet and say 'Not fair! Everyone should be looking after pregnant meeeeee'

Verso - I do sympathise entirely as Mum can be a TOTAL cow as well. I love her dearly, but she is quite well known for having a very sharp tongue on her and judging people horribly. She constantly tells my sister and her husband how to raise their children etc, but apparently as far as birth is concerned, she was wonderful and helpful. She is a bit of a juxtoposition - one moment she's incredibly kind and helpful and loving and the next, a complete cold fish with bitchy comments to boot. So it's hard to gauge her. But I do know that she's always there when I genuinely need her, so am happy to have her around. Plus I don't have any qualms in telling her if I think she's out of order, where my sisters are a bit more nervous of her and don't tend to say what's bugging them. So we rub along ok most of the time. When I first felt the baby move, it was her who said "what a load of bollocks" and made me feel like shit. But re my BP she wants to keep abreast of it and was the one who made me talk to my GP about my swollen ankles etc. so can be hard to know where you stand with her!! Plus she's quite mean behind peoples' backs, which can make it a bit hard to fathom her. Wow, sorry, went on a bit there!!

Thanks, guys. Sometimes it feels good to stamp one's pregnant feet! - and to know you're understood.

Silly thing for you:

Tuesday
Colleague at work: "crikey! your bump is tiny! I have a friend who's five months along and she's huge compared to you!"

Today
Lady in canteen at work: "you carry very big. It's all out in front. I think it's a boy."

Well. There you have it. Empirical evidence that I am carrying... a baby. :-S

haha, same for me Verso.

10 weeks Random lady - are you pregnant? (cheeky cow, how did she know?!) You look about 22 weeks (me, gutted!)

27 weeks Random bloke - I assume you haven't had your first scan yet, you don't look pregnant enough (me, smug and pleased, though slightly bemused as his wife is apparently 5 months so he must know you pretty much don't show at all pre 12 weeks!)

and me. At about 10 weeks Friend said gosh you are massive then last week (24 weeks) she said you are tiny. I think I am quite average

hello all - been somewhat out of the loop, but have taken time to catch up.

one question: have not yet had any conversation with a MW or doctor about maternity pay/allowance etc. when am i supposed to get that form? about 5 weeks ago, i was supposed to see the mw but the doctor saw me instead - do you think i missed the session where they give you that form? any advice gratefully received.

we have done NOTHING re: nurseries, painting, decorating, preparing etc. am thinking/hoping once i get to 30 weeks, i've got 10 weeks to sort it among the small amount of part time work i'll have. i'm working part time up until 38 weeks - that's not crazy, is it?

have a wonderful catch up tonight.

Waitinggirl friend got her Matb1 form from MW. I got mine from the GP (but had to ask). Ring you MW and find out who you should get it from.

They will not give it to you before 20 weeks but the advice is to tell your employerer when you are going on maternity leave and give them the MatB1 from 15 weeks prior to your date of delivery. So at about 25 weeks. Hope this helps.

WG: you should get the MATB1 form at about 25 weeks. I got mine at 20w cos I was going to see the GP and not the MW at my next appt if that makes sense. If you are unsure, ring your surgery as they will know.

Well I found a coat . No luck in H&M, think Oli's coat has vanished (their stock does change really quickly). But found a lovely one in Topshop of all places, and the 14 is a good fit with growing room for the bump thanks to the cut. And it has a hood.

www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=20&viewAllFlag=false&catalogId=1 9551&storeId=12556&categoryId=130044&parentcategoryrn=42347&productId=769651&langId=-1

sorry terrible spelling and misuse of words above hope you understand what I was trying to say.

btw - beans - re: your friend who had the mmc - it is awful, isn't it? have also had experience of that, and it is so hard. i still feel fatalistic thinking of this baby as a "when" not "if" - maybe that's also why i'm procrastinating on all the getting ready. had to take some medication the other day which a couple of doctors argued about, as to whether it was suitable for pregnancy - in the end they said it was fine as i wasn't in the first trimester. having taken it i was convinced the sproglet wasn't moving as much and got so paranoid. it's still moving, though - and am trying to put worries out of my head. i'm sure we all are.

fingers crossed for all of us

btw - i know waitinggirl sounds like someone who procrastinates - i actually named myself that when i first went on mn for support as i had to wait 4 weeks to find out whether my 2nd mc was actually a mmc or was going to be ok. they just couldn't tell - it was literally wait and see...

MATB1 form is available from midwife/GP from 20 weeks. You must notify your employer of your intention to take maternity leave by the end of the 15th week before your expected week of childbirth, unless this is not reasonably practicable.

Some more info here