Due Nov 2008 - PMA - our tums & bums are growing but we get an excuse to wear big knickers - now that's a stroke of luck!!! x x x

[ChocOrange05]

Hope you like the thread - minds not working so well at the moment!

Hugs Vbab

My dh can be a bit of an arse at times but I once did NOTHING all day and when dh came home and asked what I had been doing all day and I said nothing, I think he got the point. It doesn't mean that he doesn't still have his moments, but not as often.

Vbab . You are clearly a superwoman. Echoing what Choc just said, in some ways, we women make a rod for our own backs. If I knew 6 years ago (when I got married) what I know now, I would have done things very differently. Because I took pleasure in always cooking for my DH, and doing all of the housework, it is now assumed that this is my role (despite working full-time, and that my DH is self-employed and has much more spare time than I do). It wouldn't occur to him to do the things that I automatically do on a day-to-day basis. On the (rare) occasion he takes on a small task e.g. unloading dishwasher, he points it out to me and expects praise. It's a tricky one, I've tried leaving all the housework but that just irritates me and doesn't change a thing.
More importantly Vbab is that you feel appreciated - that's just about makes it all worthwhile. And sometimes men are completely insensitive to the fact that we do all of this stuff, day in, day out, without gratitude. I hope you have a better day today.

thanks ladies at least i know i'm not being unreasonable now in my behaviour like DH acts like I am.

I've become so sad and pityful trying to get praise that on a day off from work and I do chores and stuff I list it all to DH. Partially I guess to try to highlight what I do but to try and get some PRAISE. Instead he just stares at me in boredom as I list everything.

Monkey - I wish I had done things differently early on in our relationship too. Every now and again I "down tools" like heartmum but things just stay a mess and dont get done.

The only thing that keeps me with DH a lot of the time is my love for him. But could not tell you why I love him. Those days went a long time ago. Not sure if he truely still actually loves me, even though he says so, because I think he should treat me better then. I'm sure he would treat strangers better.

LOVE is a shit.

I thought that if you loved someone you did everything possible to make them happy and put them before you. Basically make an effort and not be selfish. DH seems to have forgot that.

No, it doesn't seem to work like that for men Vbab

I had a wobbly moment over the weekend and posted my woes in the relationship section:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/588024

I think being pregnant and hormoneal can make you see your husband/partner in a differnt light, I know I have been looking more closely at our relationship and analysing every little detail, from how I have to ask for him to do things, to how we never talk about anything and live practically seperate lives. And then last night I was thinking that I should set up the airbed in our room because all my fidgetting and tossing & turning must be keeping him awake and it's not fair when he has to get up for work. I am hoping that once baby arrives and my hormones have settled somewhat that things settle back down.

heartmum - sorry about your troubles with DH. I would never wish DH wasn't a dad because the majority he is great. But half the time he just doesn't handle things well with DS or know how to get the best out of him. He then gets upset when I try and tell him nicely how he could have done it better or see things from DS point of view. Dont get me wrong sometimes I try everything and nothing works with DS. Kids tend to throw curve balls but fact is 9 times out of 10 I at least keep calm rather than going straight off the deep end.

DH has a standing joke with his family, a phrase he said to DS and they have found it funny since "dont make me get up", not in a nasty way I may add.

oh dear. Sympathy to you all.
I often tell dh that I have done 'nothing'. Becasue I often do 'nothing' other than MN.
Although yesterday, I cleaned, hoovered and dusted all skirting boards.
I upset dh yesterday. I told him I prefer it when he doesn't come home at lunchtimes, because I don't feel so under pressure. That went down like a lead balloon.
We are not doing very well , are we ?

Household stuff is such a cause for arguments and resentment, which then just makes you think: what am I doing with this person? Believe me, have been there definitely to some extent, vbab. though I don't do half what you do, and I won't either! (Dh takes care of all DIY stuff and washing up and tidying and ironing own shirts). I don't so much mind lack of appreciation, but when I am criticised for NOT doing this, that or the other I just wonder if he noticed all that I did do. I have resorted to listing what I did so he can see it and then not criticise the 2 things I didn't get round to.

One thing I would say though, is to be careful that you don't expect appreciation for the things you do because YOU like it that way.I am always telling dh that if he wants the house tidy he can do it, because it just doesn't bother me if it is a mess. I am happy to take on the cleaning and the cooking, but not tidying as well because it is not important to me. I think it's a bit unfair to expect someone to appreciate stuff if it doesn't bother them at all eg. would he care if his clothes were all over the floor? If not, you can't expect him to appreciate that you pick them up - you are doing that for your own benefit. However, ironing his shirts or cooking his favourite meal, or washing his clothes are things he would miss if they weren't done and therefore he should appreciate them. It just helps to remember what you are actually doing for you and what you are doing for him. Then you won't expect appreciation for everything, but certainly some things - and a bit of reciprocation too ie. I've done that for you, you need to do some things for me too. No harm in saying it nicely either!

Sorry to hear everyone is feeling a bit fed up and not appreciated, I do think our hormones make us feel even more this way!

Only the other day I text DH to say dd had finally gone down for a nap and had been a nightmare all morning, so he replied saying 'why dont you take the chance to get something done while she is asleep' I replied saying I had already swept & cleaned the floors, loaded the dishwasher, put washing on & hung it out, and cleaned both bathrooms! so I wass now having a well deserved sit down. DH then replied saying 'why have you done all that you are pregnant and shouldn't be doing too much' Just cant win!!!!!!!!

I dont normally list everything I do but his comment just annoyed me so much, then he contradicts himself, he ist bad most of the time but it is definately annoying me more since being pregnant!

mum2becks your post sounded familiar - DH doesn't want me to do much as I am pregnant but at the same time he does like me to cook and clean the house. Although I can't complain about my DH at all (except for PS3 usage ) as he has been a star since being PG - doing most of the cooking (when I don't want to), washing up and DIY-ing all round the house - I just hope it stays this way after!!

merrymarigold - will definately think more about what you have said.

mum2becks - your DH sounds just like mine.

sorry about the DH woes

Mine is a star in the domestic department and spends his weekends clearing up after me and the mess I

oops interrupted there by a knock at the door and a delivery from my favourite florist. DH has sent me a bunch of the usual exotic blooms and a little bunch from each of the DCs, bless him . I am sitting here on the verge of tears and feeling guilty as I was about to have a whinge about how he seems a bit emotionally detached at the minute.
off to call and say thanks to him.

Oh god, that was insensitive of me crowing about flowers

sorry vbab

lacks hold onto your DH. Sounds 1 in a million.

we have our moments vbab but he does put up with a lot from me, and I know I don't tell him how much I love him enough. We never seem to get any time to ourselves either for lack of babysitters.

I need to take him out for a clandestine lunch somewhere nice without the DCs......maybe one of those restauruants with rooms

right lunchtime, then sleepytime for DD.

catch you all later.

Lacks - what a trooper your DH is sending you flowers! Gestures like that make up for a million annoyances.

Daisy I just copied and pasted your flowers post to my DH - think he'll get the hint?!?

Choc - I've been going through the baby list you kindly sent me - do you need a different size cellular blanket for the moses basket versus the cot? The reason I ask is that I had a quick look at John Lewis website, and they don't seem to do ones specifically for moses baskets. They do ones for the pram or the cot. Hmmmm.....I seem to get confused over the simplest things!

Hello, I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first and supposedly due on 14th November. No idea about the sex. Going to be having a homebirth.

Emily Mary Rigby or Emily Rose Rigby if girl.

James Bernard Rigby if a boy.

Baby is VERY active, felt him/her move at 13 weeks! First felt kicking at 20 weeks.

I've had no morning sickness, cravings or anything else the books/midwifes/doctors tell me I will have.

People have a habit of saying really stupid or annoying things ie. are you stupid, your having a homebirth, you'll be putting yourself and the baby at risk. The best was when I admitted my dissapointment at not being pregnant with twins and wanting them (it runs in my family) and my sister-in-law who has no children turned round and told me I was going to have my hands full. How would she know.

Anyone?

Monkey I think they do 2 sizes - the pram ones which fit moses baskets and then the cot versions which will be bigger. If you wanted to save money I assume you could just buy the cot version and fold it in half? I have bought these ones from Mamas and Papas and it says for Pram, Crib and Moses basket.
And don't worry about the confusion - I wondered the exact same thing!

MrsRigby I like your names - especially Emily Rose is very pretty. I am also having a homebirth which does get some very interesting looks / comments but DH and family are all supportive so thats most important. There are also a few others on here having HB so you are joining a familiar crowd. And count yourself lucky you have no pregnancy symptoms!!

Hi MrsRigby and congratualtions. Lovely names...I have an Emily

there is a first time homebirth thread on here somewhere and I think one or two on this thread might be on it as well.

people do say the strangest things. I think they feel that they have to fill the silence with words, no matter how trivial or irrelevant they are. I'm sure you'll do just fine, with both the birth and the full hands

lol Choco, I hope he gets the hint.

I'm just watching an old black and white film with Cary Grant on C4. By heck he was a handsome young man.

DD down for a nap and I feel that I should get the bedrooms sorted out and put washing away before it gets too crumpled and needs to be ironed , but I really cannot be bothered.

Thanks LackaDAISYcal and ChocOrange05, peoples stupid comments are getting to me.

You should have seen their faces and heard what they had to say when I mentioned I would be working right up until the day before my due date.

If you are feeling fit and healthy MrsR, no reason why you shouldn't. I worked till 38 weeks and then DS was nearly 2 weeks late and the last month was so very boring. I lived in a tiny flat and there was only so much I could do, so i spent a lot of time just sitting around waiting for labour to happen. with a 17 month old DD this time around I think my days will fly by!

afternoon!

GTT went without a hitch, then went to sainsburys for a lovely cooked breakfast, beats hospital food anytime!

just waiting on results now.

i emailed for secret stork, have gievn my mums address as c/o address