Dec 08 - the one where we wonder what are our bodies going to do next?

[rosmerta]

Sorry for rubbish title, best I could do

hi chutney, nice to see you back & glad you're feeling better. You can always post here though about how you're feeling, I think we've all gone through weepy moments!

Hi chutney - poor you re the weepy. I've had a couple of days like that at a time, but not for long periods of time.

I pulled a sickie from work yesterday and I must say, it's paid dividends as feeling so much happier today and actually keen to be here. Only do seccy work, so don't feel like I'm missed too much when I'm not here. It's not that taxing, so feel a bit bad pulling sickies. Ho hum.

Spent yesterday on the sofa, then our super kingsize bed was delivered yesterday evening. OMG! It is amazing! I can nest as much as I like with pillows etc and move around without so much as touching DH! He's happy as he can put his knees up and wriggle too, so we're both going to be so rested! Only thing is that the bump is now causing my some backache! But sure I'll sleep through it enough - I'm a very good sleeper!

The beast was on fine form last night. It had been quiet all day, but last night, it was writhing around inside - and rather disgustingly, I kept picturing it as a large slug. I don't know why, but maybe because it was so slimey feeling! Honestly, I think it was really restless. Must be so boring in there for it!

WG - so glad you've felt movement now - it makes me feel so reassured!

hey Chutney sorry you were feeling so down but glad you are feeling better now. Please do post though if your down even if it's just to say your feeling low i wouldn't think you were whinging, and i'm definite no one else here would.

I have my final NHS midwifery appointment tomorrow, will tell them i am going to go private from then on and all that, but also looking forward to listening to his heartbeat as havent heard it since 17 weeks and apart from that rushed scan at 20 weeks have had nothing so am really looking forward to it.

Morning everyone,

Thanks for the calcium and bananas advice. I had a yogurt and a pitta bread with cheese for brekkie so feeling like I've made a good start to a calcium-filled day.

Good to see you back chutney, I hope you continue to feel better.

Beans about your big bed! We are realy fighting for space in the bed that came with our rented flat. Can't wait to get back to our kingsize when we move home in November.

Chutney, don't avoid posting because you feel like crap, you poor thing. That's precisely when you DO need to post. I was thinking about you this morning actually, as it looks like I'll be able to go to the next London meet up now and I was thinking it was a shame you can't come. I always get low when I am very tired or have had a broken night - it's the one thing guaranteed to affect my perspective - and I do wonder how other people manage who are pregnant and ALREADY have kids. It must be exhausting. £100 a litre for breast milk, though! Wowee. I was shocked at the Ulrika piece in yesterday's Standard, going off on a frothy about other people's breastmilk, but she always strikes me as a complete idiot anyway (and bullied an acquaintance of mine when they worked together )

So Oli, how was the sleep?

Had a spot of trouble with DP last night. Because I only see him at weekends at the moment, phonecalls in the week can occasionally lead to misunderstandings, especially if we are both tired. I'm having a c-section and at the moment I think I'd quite like him to stay at the hospital the night after I have it. I'll be in my own room and they provide campbeds for partners if wanted. But he doesn't want to. He hates hospitals, is incredibly squeamish (and tbh I think disturbed by the fact that I'll have had an operation - I know he is worried about coping with being there when I have the section). And then he came out with some crap like 'it's not the done thing' and 'I think you've got more serious things to worry about'. Great! I was really cross at the time but now I don't know what to think. I might start a thread about it. Maybe I'll feel too rotten to want him there, I don't know. And that's the problem: I don't know who is being unreasonable, him or me

pix - I was really worried it wouldn't fit in our bedroom, as it's weenie! BUT it just about does.

We had to do a lot of furniture moving on Tuesday night to get things ready and it finally feels like the bambino might be arriving. Although we've made a pact not to buy any clothes for it til October, as it feels like tempting fate a bit! Although after reading all your posts, I confess I've just been online and bought some baby CDs, which I'll start playing to it as soon as they arrive. Got a weekend on my own this weekend, so will happily prance around the house listening to it on full volume!

Sorry LT, cross-posted. I can sort of see his point, but I think DH's find it difficult to understand how hard things are for us and that we need reassurance and being looked after a bit. I find my DH is the least sympathetic of my friends towards me! But he's also the kindest at times. The problem is that if he does stay and it's against his will, you'll be peeved with him anyway. I would leave it for a while and come back to it next month. I think he should be willing to support you - it's not like we want to be in the hospital ourselves, so he should be able to swallow his squeamishness for you... Or am I being unfair?

LT TBH i think when it comes time and he sees his little bub he will want to stay, DH is always grateful for the fact that we all slept together that first night and didnt have to leave us. Many of our friends had to leave their wives and bubs very soon after the birth due to hospital restrictions and were really sad about it. We had one friend calling us at 10pm one night because he missed his DP & new ds so much he needed to talk to somebody.

I'm with you, Veggie - I guess you don't need to make a decision yet, LT and on the day, he can always decide to stay - and I think he might want to. And actually, by then, you might not want him to or won't mind either way as you might be out of it!

I spoke to my friend who had her little girl on Sunday yesterday and she had to have a c-section. This was after induction, with pethidine, G&A and an epidural! She says the whole thing is pretty hazy now, but that she'd recommend an epidural!

chutney - nice to see you and glad you are feeling better. It can all be a bit of an emotional roller coaster...

beans - enjoy the bed! Its fabulous isn't it having all that space...Handy if you ever end up with the LO in your bed as well. You'll still end up clinging to the edge, but might just about be able to stay in!

*Veggie - good luck with the appointment. It is lovely when you get to hear the heartbeat.

Lady T - your DP might feel very differently about staying with you when the LO actually arrives. The worst part for us first time round was when visiting hours finished and DH had to go home. After all the drama of the previous few days DH felt very odd and lonely leaving us behind and for me as well... From a practical point of view, you will need help through the night post c-section. I found myself having to call the nurses all the time the first night as everytime DD needed feeding, changing or whatever someone needed to pass her to me as I couldn't get her out of the cot myself. It might be nicer for you all for DP to be the one around to do that - if nothing else he'll feel useful and I know in the early days it was very easy for DH to feel there was nothing much he could do. Either way, make sure you get the help!

Beans, I think you are right in that there is no point in pushing it again now. The trouble is, I like to have all arrangements sorted in my mind far in advance, and to plan for all eventualities, and he isn't really like that.

Veggie, I suppose I also feel miffed that he isn't WANTING to stay, and then I get all cross that he will be perfectly happy to be parted from us and have a nice night's sleep at my flat. But his perspective is that he will be with us all day and just be under the nurses' feet at night. But I think, what if the baby is crying in the night? I won't be able to hold her as I'll be flat on my back. I'd rather he looked after her than a midwife. But I don't want to force him as I know his squeamishness about hospitals and operations is utterly genuine. He was good when I was in the Royal Free for a week earlier in the year, and I know that was stressful for him. But I didn't have huge stomach wound and a catheter then.

I agree, LT - I'd feel the same re wanting him to WANT to stay. I'm the same as well, about having things sorted - hate not being in control and feeling like it's all planned - particularly over such a big thing as this. But I think re the pregnancy and re the baby thing, we'll have to relinquish a bit. But perhaps say to him how much it would mean to you if he was there and wanted to be there. And that you need him to be there and want to be there etc. On a practical level as much as emotional. although both are equally important to you.

I WANT THIS

How gorgeous!!!!?

Ooh, quick boring question - I'm keen to get a winter coat for maternity wear - but is it a waste of money? ie, will I be boiling anyway? And does anyone have any recommendations if I do go ahead and get one! Thanks!

Beans, I LOVE THAT! There was a cute Boden one in brown but it's twice the price so yours is better.

I'm thinking about a maternity coat too, and I can't decide either. I'm thinking, though, given that I will have the baby by end Nov, I might get a few months' wear out of it after as I will be fat for a while and a cardi might not cut it.

Turnip, I think I am indeed tending more to letting him get away with it now...

LadyT just to reassure you - if you do end up by yourself that night, the nurses should come and pass you DD if she cries - they did with me when I had my section.

It would be lovely for you to have him there but I guess if he's really unhappy with the idea the ward should offer you support - if you were on a shared ward he wouldn't be able to stay and they would help you..

My Dh came out with a cracker last night! He asked me if I definitely wanted him there at the birth. I gave a very definite yes, I'm not going through it by myself!

And then he said "But I don't like the idea of seeing you so unhappy and in pain"..fair enough.

And then ruined it by saying "And I don't want to feel like an idiot getting in the way and I really don't want you to start shouting at me if you get cross or panicked..I don't see why I should get yelled at".

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! I'm sure if I can handle immense pain he can handle me being a bit irritable!

The worst thing is that he helped his sister with her two births. Her husband didn't turn up to the first and had left her by the time she had the second. He stayed well at the head end, but was the only person near enough to get there in time as their parents were a way away at the time. It's lovely that he was there to help and support - but apparently she just gave a few squeaks and said it really wasn't too bad and she didn't know what all these women made such a fuss about. And now he has taken this as his benchmark of a "normal" birth! I demand my right to scream and yell all I want without being told that she didn't do it that way!

Anyway - Chutney huge hugs. Just wanted to say please feel you can post even when feeling rubbish and miserable - we are here to help.

And re maternity coats, I just wore my normal one last time around with the buttons undone. Better go do some work!

ladyt I'd give him a bit of space to mull it over, he'll probably then realise how important it is to you that he's there & will stay.

just popping in quickly as its time for ds's lunch. Will catch up properly in a little while

Mmm, think I'm going to Pizza Express for lunch today. La Reine with extra Pepperoni. Oh wow. A bit dribbly thinking about it.

I also have a DH who likes to 'be spontaneous' (his words) whereas I'm much more of a planning ahead girl, so I'm completely with you on wanting to get this agreed now. ladyt I'd give him a bit of time before mentioning it again, and hopefully he will realise how much that one little action on his part will mean to you in time.

hatty don't you already have children (twins?), was your DH there at that birth? (really sorry if I'm confused - struggle enough to remember simple facts, so when I don't have faces to put to the names I'm useless)

Baby appears to have settled in my back - its not been there before and its very uncomfortable - going for a wander round the office now. God knows how I'll cope with contractions!

Hello girls....I feel LOADS better after a reasonable nights sleep last night. Went to bed at about 9, DS cried out around 1am but didn't need much settling and then woke as usual around 5.20! DH barely woke me when he came in from a work night out so all good!

Chutney welcome back...don't keep your tears for yourself...share them with us...we're all wrecks too!!!!!

LT I know what you mean about misinterpretations and problems with DH. We don't tend to have arguments as a rule ....except when I'm pregnant! I think everyone elses advice has covered what I would say..

Hatty...these boys. Honestly. I'm sorry for your SIL, being on her own, but she's not done you a great favour by saying she doesn't know what other women make a fuss about. The fact is, some women DO have easy births like that but they are the fortunate few. My Mum was like this. But my sister had a terrible time! It sounds like you are having a VBAC, in which case I would imagine support from him will be particularly important. It's not lack of love from these blokes, it's just...lack of empathy.

On a different note, I have decided to make DD a Christmas Stocking - I think I am getting a bit soppy and my friends would all guffaw but I don't care I have found a lovely site called www. stitcher. co. uk (don't know how to do links) and they sell stocking kits for you to embroider to a pattern, OR kits of felt that you applique. I think it will be just the job when I am too fat to move and it's the sort of thing I have NEVER had the time to do in my life and probably never will again!

Zoe you're right I do have children, but my twins were delivered under general anaesthetic c-section due to their breech position and my blood going funny and threatening not to clot..so he wasn't allowed in the delivery room in case there were complications..so sadly we both couldn't have been less involved in the birth!

So this time around, I may as well be a first time mum when it comes to the birth having never even experienced a contraction!!

Ooh back position sounds really uncomfy, hope you manage to shift the little one around again.

Beans stop the pizza express torment..we are miles away from one but I can think of nothing else now! I have a real thing about their garlic bread and dough balls. We go on holiday Saturday so I'm trying to empty out the fridge so I have nothing tempting for lunch at all except beans on toast!

Off to have lunch and collect DDs from nursery - have a good afternoon all.

However, re: the stocking kits, they are not cheap - £17.99 - £41.99, and they take four weeks to come. The book which gave the the idea says it's best to give yourself from August (!) to make the things, so I might get a felt one as they are quicker than the tapestry ones and I'm a clumsy sewer.