Due June 2005, Thread 4

[Scraggyaggy]

Happy New Year everyone!

Following Katzguk's suggestion I've started up the new thread - hope no-one minds.

Well, I did absolutely nothing for New Year. I have the cold from hell so I was in bed by 9pm. I was very disappointed as we were supposed to be going to a party but I decided not to go as I wouldn't have enjoyed myself and then I'd have made dp miserable too. So, I celebrated by having a lemsip topup at 12 o'clock! (One for the books!) Hope you all had a nice time.

Have been reading your threads about what to buy and what not to buy. I started buying after Christmas as I want to start really enjoying this pregnancy now. Dp is incredibly worried that something will go wrong and we are tempting fate but I don't want to be walking on egg shells for the next 5 months .... yup 5 months already!!! Scary stuff!

Anyway, we have bought a Graco travel system as I have spent hours in the shops clipping and unclipping and puttin them up and down and I found Graco to be lightweight and really simple to use. Then I trawled the internet on boxing day and found that Toys'r'Us was doing some good deals.

Cot is going to be an Ikea special. They are so cheap, I just don't think you can argue and we are big fans of Ikea. However, if anyone has any experiences of this then let me know. We aren't bothering with the moses basket.

I've got a 2-way baby carrier from e-bay, which is still new apparently, although I haven't received it yet so I'll hold bck on judgement.

And then the mumsnet wanted and for sale boards are fantastic. I've got a bottle warmer and a travel cot through mumsnet. I'd reommend that anyone here use them.

There are three things which I need help with though:

• steriliser; microwave or electric??? Any opinions?
• breast pump; is there one which is comfortable and easy to use? I don't want to spend a fortune and then not be able to use it.
• baby monitor; I definitely want one. Am planning on sitting in the garden over the summer, and baby might not want to be moved. Should I get a normal one? A digital one? Has anyone used an under mattress sensor type one? Need big help with this one.

Have bought myself some books on motherhood and new babies too. Am such a planner, I need to be having a good read now so I can put all the theory to practice in 5 months time!

Hope you are all well and not being sick any more! x

Welshmum - I am definitely interested in any info you have regarding the non-sterlisation method with bottles. Dp and I were both thinking it seemed a bit OTT (despite him and his strange other worries!). Considering all the other germs and bugs they're going to come in contact with it seemed odd to try to sterilise.... maybe it's just me being niaive (sp?)

Isn't having too sterile an environment bad for baby in terms of baby not having the chance to develop his natural immunities?

just wanted to point oit to those interested in the bugaboo frog that you can purchase them from www.babies247.com for £479 and postage is free. I got mine 6 months ago after 48 hours searching for the best price imo they offer the best price on most brand...jane etc etc. They also had it delievered in 24 hours!! They also stock the car seat adapters and maxi cosi car seats that fit the system.

HTH

Leah (due august 05....having to put the bugaboo to a lesser use whilst ds learns to cope with the wheeled board!! ie- using it as a dowstairs crib!)

CAT me if you want to know anymore about the frog...or just post and I'll answer.
I am very very cross there is no double of the pushchair- I got thru 4 others before this and wish I'd bought it first!

Hi leah! Did you compare the bugaboo with the Jane Powertrack 360? The carrycot can't be used as a car seat can it?

oops - sorry I mean, Leah's mum!

Morning everyone, how are you all to day? Isn't it funny now no-one is feeling sick anymore!? It seems like so long ago...

Welshie thanks for the advice on not sterilising. My main reason for not wanting to do it is mainly because it means more equipment and if I don't plan on using the bottle regularly, it seems rather a waste of time, money and space. I would be grateful (and it sounds like others would be too) for some information about it, as long as it isn't too much trouble for you. Some time between now and June will suffice!

I have my second appt. with the midwife after I have lunch with a friend, so I probably wont be on that much today.

The builder just came round with an engineer to look at our loft space and when he came down he said he would be dropping some scaffolding round and they would be hoping to get started on Monday We weren't expecting them for a couple of weeks, it's great they're getting started sooner, don't get me wrong except... our loft is full of shit!!! Dp was hoping to go to the boat show this weekend, I think he'll have to knock that on the head. God! The nightmare begins!!!!

Morning all,

DS is at nursery today so that I can work from home but I thought I'd come on here and catch up before starting work, then maybe have a cup of tea, then maybe try and book a holiday for march (before bubba comes and I'm still allowed to fly!) and then maybe start work, he he he!

Glad you're feeling better Uwila.

Lua and Katz your packages sound great! I just get the basic Govt. allowances.

Sweetheart re your Mat leav/pay questions...if you are paid for working at all during your time off then you do not get SMP for that week, but if the money you get is part of a package and not for 'work' then you just receive the money from your company (as it is they are who pay you your SMP anyway) they just claim back the relevent allowances themselves from the Govt. in their NIC payments. As for the start of mat leave...if you take annual holiday first but bubba arrives early (within 4 weeks of the due date) then statutory mat leave starts then and any remaining annual leave could be added to the end of your OML/AML. HTH.

Re the SPD - I've not had it but my friend (due any day now, yippee!) had it from about 16 weeks. She found that accupuncture really made a difference for her easing the symptoms drastically, maybe this could be worth thinking about for the future.

Well I'd better start that work really...catch you all later. x

Morning Lippy

Was it you thinking about getting a double buggy? Have a look at this that's on the site that Leahmum posted.

You need to click on the "y" of "enjoy"

Hello -o-o-o-o-o..... No-one here.... Rattling about on my own..... oh well, will have to have ANOTHER Kit-Kat!! x

Has anyone seen Pink lately?

Pink - I will be getting the train from Swansea to London Paddington. If you like we can get the same train up together?

x

Wow, how quiet was it on this thread today!!! Thanks for the link Charley, sadly I already have a huge buggy and am not going to buy another, or spend that amount of cash - again! I think I've decided to go for a single buggy and sling until dd can go on the buggy board, at the moment she's too little.

Scraggy are you coming to the meet from Swansea??? Blimey, there's dedication

Second midwife appt today at 16 weeks. Nothing very exciting; tummy palpated and listened to the heartbeat which is great, and re-assuring. I wwas just thinking to myself today "oh my god! my bump hasnt grown for days, whereas before it was getting bigger at a rate of knots, something's wrong!!!" Nothing like a good bit of pregnancy paranoia to keep it all exciting!
Apparantly the frequency of appts has been changed and as a 2nd time mum I don't need to see her again until 28 weeks! But she suggested I make an appt with my doctor at about 24 'just in case'. After 28 I think it was ummmm 32, 36, 38, then baby!! Ah well, nothing ever happened in those visits for me anyway.

I think I'm being dense but where do I sign up for the London meet up? can't find it Cheers ladies

just in case anyone is thinking of getting one of these. I would love so going to badger DH!! they have these chairs in the mothercare at Meadowhall and they are the most crmfortable things to breast feed in.

chair

Message for NQWWW - Hope you're still around! Popped onto the Yahoo thread today for a nose so I left you a message there regarding the difficulties you've had with posting on this thread. I just suggested you try using Netscape as your browser - I have a Mac too.

I haven't got my second mw appt until I'm 18 weeks (next Friday) - don't like the sound of that palpitation Lippy!

Hello,
Sorry haven't been around. I seem to be going through some hormone changes and have been extremely sick and tired and literally confined to bed. I missed going back to college yesterday and almost fainted in Safeway This is the only time I have wished I had a partner to go get some milk - no such luck

I went to antenatal yoga tonight for the first time. It was really good. I got so tired though. I hope my bloods results come back soon as I was bordering on anemic in a test just before I was pregnant and I think I must be now. I don't want to take iron tablets though as they'll make the constipation worse.

I wish I was feeling better. I think I am being lazy half the time but I really do feel awful. I don't know how I'd be if I had a job, I don't think I would manage. I am only in College 2 days a week as it is.

I've put on 7 pounds - I was feeling a touch heavy until I realised coming here it is normal. All of a sudden I can't get my trousus done up. I invested in some Dungaree's in mothercare. They were a little too Pregnant actually but I suppose I'll grow into them. I didn't like anything in the sale though why is that? you go into a sale and end up buying something not on sale...

I've decided to go for a hug a bub rather than a sling. I've had a bad back a bit over the past few years and think it sounds so cosy hugabub although the only negative is you can't breast feed descreetly in them. Its just I have heard from loads of people that there babies didn't like the baby bjorns and those kind of holders that much. it depends on the baby but alot said their babies hated it and I really want to carry the bumpkin around strapped to me. Has anyone used huga a bub?

Well I am 18 weeks tomorrow it all seems to be going rather fast. I invested in a single parents guide to pregnancy and babies as seeing all the Dad's do this has just been doing my head in. They put far too many smiling couples into the manuals if you ask me. They should put in a few pictures of worn down exhausted parents if you ask me. One of my mates way like 'hell I wish me and my DH had looked as content and refreshed as that'.

I have got a mountain of single parenting books now. Some are really good with stories about how they managed - what happened. The challenges and stuff. One I got though 'the complete single mother' is a piece of American trash. I hated it. In the part 'single mums by choice' said you probably wanted to be pregnant more than you were admitting to yourself and you have to accept that maybe you were a bit responsible for it!!!! Honestly ladies I took the morning after pill - I visited cap nurse hell this baby just wanted to come! Oh and it had a bit 'what to say when they ask about Daddy' the answers were so glossy and fake and fraudulent, I know when I was a kid (I was adopted) if someone had tried to palm me off with that kind of mushy bullshit I would have looked at them incredulously. I guess the American picket fence and the motivation culture deals with things differently to us cynical British. Of course when the child is young I'll tell them something age appropriate but I don't want to tell glossy elborations that aren't the truth. Kids hate being lied to an eventually they'll find out. I just think you have to reassure them positively about the way you feel about them. Also if you try to explain as they grow up perhaps they'll understand that life just isn't easy like people pretend it is supposed to be.

When I was a kid and most of my friends were kids we were taught that there was someone for everyone. You should have a Mummy and a Daddy. but these things can't keep up with the reality of modern day life. I think if I hadn't be forced so many middle classs pathetic morals and falsities I would be alot happier with existence. The perfect family life thing is such an illusion. Even healthy ballanced two parent families don't always get life easy. I think it is about time we started addressing these things rather than making people feel crap that it didn't turn out that way. Chances are my kid will know other kids without a father anyway - this isn't 1920.

Honestly that book pissed me off It said you are probably mourning the dream of having a two parent married home!!! is that what everyone aspires to? sure I'd marry a guy if they were decent. However with things as they are now sometimes people get married and they live in hell. I have known enough shit men in my time and known two of my close friends in severe domestic violence. They forget to tell you that part when you are a kid. So many people live in shame because they don't have that 'vision'. My aunts husband having a lover was kept a secret in my family until I was 21 years old!! I think I have more to give my child on my own then trying to negotiate with someone who treated me disgracefully and was down right degrading. One of my Mates was saying 'don't you want to keep in contact for money?' I wonder what money is worth if you are prepared to compromise your selfesteem for it.

If people treat you like shit you shouldn't make contact just for the money. You have to live your whole life with them making claims on your child. Not to mention if they treated you badly what is to say they won't attempt worse in regards to custody? I felt morally I would prefer to raise a child with a father. I debated in my mind and hoped - I guess I did in some way loose a dream. In my life the only constant positive force has been my father. I guess I mourned the fact I have never met a single guy with a shred of decency in him. I went to girls schools so I never had platonic male friends. I guess the only reason I wanted to contact the father is that I had some fantasy that things would be better for the child. Maybe they would be, I don't know. I have to consider as the mother though, that the way he might treat me would be detrimental to the development of my child. He can be contacted at later date if necessary for the childs sake. I spoke with my Dad abut it and he said frankly (after I was completely honest with him) that the father didn't really have a right and wasn't worth it if he was prepared to treat me so poorly. I guess hearing that from a 'real man' eased my conscience a bit. I guess as a woman you learn to compromise so much. However compromising my own self esteem by being linked to someone like that isn't going to make me a strong assertive mother. Anyway sorry for the rant. Just wierd. I am coming to terms with the fact I am going to be having a baby on my own My father has been so important to me it is just hard to believe my baby isn't going to have anyone like that. My baby won't really have his granddad either as it'll cause huge family rows because of my mother. My father hasn't told her I'm pregnant. He never told her when my sister had an abortion. infact you can't tell her anything gor her anger doom and judgement. Hey maybe I'll be the kind of mum I never had to my kid and the father will be less important Well my Father always said he tried to be a mum and dad to me because my mum never wanted to know. I guess sometimes even if you have 2 parents you would have been better off with just one.

Gosh that really was a long mail sorry just tired and upset really. All the mums to be I talked to tonight were talking about their partners

Scraggyaggy I'll put something on the London thread

Morning everyone,

Been feeling a bit off colour the last few days - must be the sheer exhaustion from having to be out of my PJ's before lunchtime!!! Roll on maternity leave

Teabelly - thanks for the info about maternity leave/pay. Just one further question if you don't mind......

What happens if my boss agrees to 6 months half paid leave??? Does this mean I miss out on the 6 weeks at 90% of my pay - or do I get 6 weeks at 90% and then start getting half pay???

I don't want to start negotiations until I know exactly what I'm talking about and what I'd settle for.

Thanks very much for your help so far.

Morning everyone - I'm at 16 weeks today, hurrah. Have to go to a funeral though, not exactly the ideal way to celebrate. Fortunately it's for a member of dh's family who I only met once, so I'm not personally affected by it.

I found out yesterday that the wife of a friend of mine in Paris is pregnant, due in September - yippee! Can start the bean's French education early with regular trips to see them .

Pink - your post resonated with me because I had a long chat earlier in the week with a friend of mine who's just become a single mummy in - let's just call them difficult circumstances. (Put it this way, I may have to meet the father in London for him to do a DNA test as she lives abroad and doesn't trust him not to send a stranger in his place). He was never very clear during the pregnancy whether he would be involved with the baby or not but now that the bean is here he seems to have decided that no involvement from the beginning is 'better' (for whom, it is not entirely clear).

She's very upset about it, particularly because he seems to be pressuring his family into doing the same (originally his parents wanted to get to know the bean even if he didn't). My feeling is that the important thing for a child to have parents - whether one, two, three or more! - who love you and want you. And I hope that over time she will come to see that it's not worth stressing over what the dad does since it's entirely outside her control. I think she has the same feeling as you, though, that she has a fine dad herself and is upset that her ds won't have the same. I think my view is somewhat different because I have a so-so dad and a very fine step-father, even my friends rave about how fab he is! I'm not saying that should be your dream, or hers - it certainly wasn't my mum's!

Anyway, please let me know the name of a decent single parenting book, I guess it might help my friend - I'll suggest MN to her as well.

Hi everyone,

Trib, you and I must be due at the same time, I'm 16 weeks today, due 23rd June.

Haven't had brekky yet, so I have to run.

Lipstick I'm due 24 June!

OK well - I'm bored!!!!

I was thinking last night about maternity wear and how crap it is trying to find stuff so I've put together this list of all the places I've found that do it - beware some of them are ludicrously expensive - well in my opinion anyway!!!!!!!

I'll put them roughly in order of cost - most ££££ at the top...... HTH!!!!!
(It relieved my boredom for a few mins at least )

isabellaoliver.com
Forms
hommebody.com
House of Frazer - mataus (or something like that?)
avenue-des-bebes.com
Mamas and Papas
Blooming Marvellous
Jojo Maman Bebe
bumpsmaternity.com
simply-maternity.com
funmum.com
Next
verbaudet.com
Top Shop
H&M
Argos additions
Ebay

I'm sure there's more out there somewhere!!!! Some wereso expensive I left them off - If you can afford to spend that much on maternity wear than I'm jelous and I'm not helping you!!!!!

hello bored lipstick!!

i have bought most of my maternity wear in the sales from mothercare, H and M and next. All i need to buy now is a swimming costume, i want a regular tankini but ones thats long in the body, the one i bought before is now worn out!!

dis you see my link below for a nursing chair?

sorry bored sweetheart not lipstick!

yeah I did katz - I meant to say that if you buy furniture from a website I found the other day you get a delux matress AND one of these chairs for free!!!!

Hold on will try and find the site!!!!!

Oh and I can't bloody believe I missed Mothercare off my list!!