Due May 05 part 3

[myermay]

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fashill, you have to write a letter to your employer by 15 weeks before your EDD (i.e. when you get to 25 weeks). It is a formal letter and you have to say that you are pg, what your due date is and when you intend to start your maternity leave. I reached 25 weeks this week and so wrote my letter. I still am not sure when I will go, but I put the latest date I reckon I could get to (35 1/2 weeks). I also work in a very hectic, busy and quite physically demanding environment. I worked until 37 weeks last time and then went 2 weeks over. It was Xmas time, but even with all the seasonal distractions I went spare with all the sitting around waiting - I was so used to my working environment that I found silence and stillness quite stressful (and I had been really looking forward to it!). This time I think I might get signed off by my GP before 35 1/2 weeks (possibly as early as 32 weeks) but I will only go for that option if I have lots of non-physical but engrossing activities planned! That way round I will also get sick pay until the date I have told them I'll finish (or 36 weeks if sooner), so financially I'm better off! Hope that helps!

Re Moses Baskets - no point. I'm sure I've said this before, cost us c. £10 per sleep for the amount ds used it!

Maymum, we have one of those cots. We never used it by our bed because we found that ds made a noise when he was sleeping and we prefer a quiet bedroom! So he was banished to his own room at just 2 weeks. I think no.2 will be banished even quicker! However, it did become very useful recently. With the timing of no.2 we needed to fast-track ds out of his beloved cot into the double bed we had waiting for him. He is a very short 2 year old! So we first removed one side of the cot and dropped it to its lowest setting. This gave him a few weeks to get used to the open sided bed and sheets (rather than grobag) before we moved him into the new bedroom. When he fell out on the first few nights he didn't hurt himself or get traumatised, and by the time he moved into his big boys bed (he needs a two stepped stool to climb into it!) he'd stopped falling out! Oh, and when they're tiny and you ache all over from giving birth you can have them really high up so you don't hurt your poor aching bones lifting baby in and out! So I would definitely go for it again.

Do you really have to tell employer by 25 weeks when you think you'll start ML?

I had a Moses basket and loved it! Had it for about 3 months.

Tinker, yes. But, I think you can change your mind up to 28 days before the change takes effect. So, I have informed them of week 39. A bit ambitious, I know. If I decide to change to week 35, then I just need to tell them by week 31. But the chances of me doing this are slim to none.

Uwila - thanks. Oops, better get my act together. Have told my boss am considering end of April but guess I'd better formalise it a bit.

A useful website: www.dti.gov.uk/er/maternity.htm

Your employer will also want your MATB1 form (I think that's what it's called?). It basically is a form from your doc that verifies your pregnancy and due date. And,I think you can obtain this somewhere round... now?

Need to enquire about that one myself.

Fisil, thanks so much for the advice about cots.

Hmmm... Mat.B1
There's a bit of a problem with these in our area at the moment. Midwives used to see people for a 24 week check, and they gave out the certificate then. There's a new system whereby they don't see you between 16 weeks and 28 weeks (ages!!!) so it will be too late to give out the certificates, and they don't give them out at the 16 week appt. I rang my midwife yesterday, and one of the team filled out my MatB1 form based on me giving her my due date by telephone - I could have told her any date!!!! So at 21w4d my MatB1 is ready to collect. I suggest you wait until your next MW appointment to get yours unless it will be after 24 weeks, in which case ring and ask for it sooner.

I'm not 100% sure about the date I want to start maternity leave - is it better to tell them the earliest or latest date I would want to stop work? (I'm thinking of stopping 2-6 weeks before due date, probably 6!!!) I hope that makes sense.

Thanks Pamina3, that's very useful. So basically if I make a big effort to get ds1 into an out of area school that is very popular, getting ds2 in would only be marginally easier and by no means guaranteed. So may aswell look at the most local schools first (damn, will have to stick to my principles and practice what I preach!)

Thanks for advice re moses baskets/cots, v. helpful.

My HR dept asked me for MATB1 form today and so I phoned the midwives about it. The midwife I spoke to said that they're not issued until 26 weeks, but as I won't see a midwife til 28 weeks she said to phone one of the midwives when I reach 26 weeks and they'll fill one out for me to collect... Just another thing to add to the 'to do' list since by brain doesn't work anymore....blub!

Oh yes, thought of another bit of advice on a product for you first timers. If you are going to get a changing table (which I know some people think is unnecessary but I wouldn't live without), get one with drawers rather than shelves. When baby reaches about 9 months (or whenever she/he begins to crawl and get into things) he/she will pull everything off the shelves. The drawers are a bit more difficult and you can put child locks on them.

So, my advice is drawers not shelves in baby's room.

Maybe us 2nd/3rd timers should come up with a list of things we couldn't do without, things we wish we hadn't bought, things we'd do the same again, things we'd do differently.

I've just thought of another one - we bought a hi-fi for ds' room, and it is staying there for the next baby, an extremely useful bit of kit (especially the remote!)

Fisil and you other 2+ timers, that list would be really useful!

I would like to second sleeping bags - essential.

NOT the towels with hoods (although I did use them) - some nice quality normal large towels shoud suffice.

DO NOT buy a bottle warmer if bottle feeding - took forever to warm milk and is much quicker to either microwave or put in a jug of boiling water.

Can't think of anything else at the mo, but if I do.....

I have to say that I loved my bottle warmer, used it to death! That reminds me, must buy a new one for this baby...

A clock that lights up in the dark is essential for the baby's room too. You will spend a lot of time in there at night

I bought a pine changing table which is now used as a general storage unit and shelf. Given that they are limited to your baby outgrowing them which doesn't take long, I'm not sure of the value in getting one that can't be reused as anything else.

I had two bottle warmers and used them all the time (one downstairs, one upstairs). However, this one is going to drink milk at the temperature it is given or go without!

Thanks for the advice ladies. Been on major shopping sprees the last couple of weeks and should have everything bought by the end of Feb. leaving plenty of time for delivery (8 week wait for delivery on the nursery furniture ).

Has anyone elses dp/dh put on weight while you've been pg? My poor dp has put on over a stone in the last 5 and half months, whilst I'm only 3 pound heavier than my pre-pg weight (did lose a lot due to morning sickness though). Trying to reasure dp that its common for partners to put on weight during pg but don't think he believes me.

Uwila - I cannot agree strongly enough with your advice re: baba sleeping in the light in pram/moses basket/carseat anywhere during the daytime and in the dark at night in cot. Totally essential, the best piece of advice i was ever given. Ds was always a convenient sleeper, he knew he could drop off and wake up anytime during the day, but night-time was NON-NEGOTIABLE.

And yes, we still have a shelf full of baby products, i will eventually use them myself, (although i have my own preference) rather than throw them out. All we used was the e45 bath oil, and still do. It cleans and moisturises and protects the skin - and completely messes up the bath and bath toys though, very greasy but well worth it.
I'm not sure if anyone read my thread on gestational diabetes but im on a really restrictive diet and it's killing me. Anyone else suffering yet?

Anyone doing anything to try and prevent stretchmarks? I didnt get them with ds but have a feeling its inevitable this time......

I read in once that the only way to prevent stretch marks is if your mother didn't get them AND her mother didn't get them. Unfortunately, my grandmother has long since gone to the grave. But I have two sisters. Neither of them nor my mother got stretch marks, and I didn't get them first time round. So I think (hope!) I'm safe this time too. Although I dod remember my belly itching from about 7 months on last time, so I dipped into the various preggy creams. And my favorite was the Boots one (in case anyone is interested).

Hi all hope everyone is feeling good! We are so excited now dp has felt the baby himself. I think its suddenly got very real for him
We spent hours looking and trying to collapse travel systems only to find that they are all really heavy and a lot of them require two hands to collapse (I have a weak left hand) so we eventually dropped the travel system idea and got an Alpine Surf pushchair from toysrus suitable from birth.

Drawback being you can't have the baby facing you but I'm guessing I probably won't be going to far with it initally anyway. We also got a cotbed in the toysrus sale! Anyway being that we now have to buy a separate carseat I wondered if anyone has any suggestions??

Also are antenatal classes good for meeting people (none of my friends are having babies yet and i'm a bit scared of being totally lonely at home with a newborn) - if so NCT or NHS or both??
Thanks sorry this is so long!

Holly, I think NCT are better for meeting people. At ds' 2nd bday party yesterday we had 2 NCT friends and one NHS exercise class friend. So I guess you can get friends anywhere. These friends are wonderful - they always understand!

I haven't been to NCT. But my NHS group from DD1 still gets together now and then. It started as a group of about 18, and there are about 10-15 who regularly still get together. It has been an invaluable network for me. It's always nice to compare what other babies the same age are doing in relation to yours.

As for NCT classes, I have heard that average age tends to be older than NHS (no ide if this is true). Also, they believe very much in minimum drug and medical intervention. I considered signing up for NCT this time round, but since my views on childbirth are that medical intervention is a good thing, I decided that going to an NCT class would probably just p me off. But, if you are someone who is keen to have low intervention home birth and you are committes to breast feeding for 6+ months, than you may find just the kind of support you are looking for at NCT.

Whatever you choose to do, SIGN UP EARLY.

I think it's just the luck of the draw Uwila, as my NCT teacher was very much of the "just get the baby out anyhow as long as you feel OK about it" school of thought - which suited everyone there (from the home birth, eat your placenta non-intervention lady right through to me with my "if I remember my own name I don't have enough drugs" attitude!). I think you're right about people being older though, I was 28 and one of the youngest.

Hi, I've got lots of info about maternity leave as I work for a local authority and we have a specialist maternity advisor (who has also advised private sector). MAT B1 should be available from 20 weeks (I got mine at 21 weeks)and you need to have given it to your employers with details of when you are starting maternity leave by 25 weeks, so 26 weeks (which it used to be) is too late - although your workplace may accept it anyway, mine wouldn't, your doctor can do this or your midwife. You can bring the date you plan to start maternity leave forward if you need to, like Uwila says, but you can't put it back once you've given it in writing, they will also make you start maternity leave at 36 weeks at earliest if you are off sick with pregnancy related ilness after week 36 but before starting maternity leave. I've given my employers MAT B1 and letter, saying that I'm starting maternity leave at 39 weeks, I'm taking 2 weeks leave before this, so will stop at 37 weeks, and I'm using some leave to work part time in April. I had to put all about leave in the letter too as my employers insist I use all of my annual leave before I go on maternity leave. Hope this helps.
I'm going to visit the workplace nursery today, its so popular they recommend I look around and reserve a place now even though we won't need it until jan 2006 - can't believe I'm visiting nursery and baby isn't born yet - its quite exciting though [cmile]. Are gro bags and sleeping bags the same thing? Have visions of putting my baby in gro bags next to the tomatoes in the greenhouse ! Any other recommendations would be useful, ta.