August 2021 Babies - Final evictions and the fourth trimester

[BertieBotts]

Time for a new thread! :)

29 gorgeous new babies have joined us already, welcome to the world 💖💙🥳

@Smurf123 - Welcome to the world, baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles - Welcome to the world, baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain - Welcome to the world, baby boy💙
@PurplePansy05 - Welcome to the world, baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 - Welcome to the world, baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum - Welcome to the world, baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 - Welcome to the world, baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 - Welcome to the world, baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx - Welcome to the world, baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x - Welcome to the world, baby Ella💖
@Biscuitcat - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername - Welcome to the world, baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns - Welcome to the world, baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 - Welcome to the world, baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 - Welcome to the world, baby Ethan Benjamin 💙
@WolfMother326 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair William 💙
@BertieBotts - Welcome to the world, baby Alexander 💙
@RandomCatGenerator - Welcome to the world, baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp - Welcome to the world, baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB - Welcome to the world, baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Fran919 - Welcome to the world, baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 - Welcome to the world, baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries - Welcome to the world, baby Frankie! 💖

Counting down until till they welcome their munchkins:

@Dia12 - EDD 8 August, Girl 💖
@livingwithbees - EDD 16 August, surprise 💛
@Sheisfee - EDD 19 August, Girl 💖
@Alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@LottSE20 - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@ame88 - EDD 28 August, Girl 💖

I've never had nor heard of that as a postnatal symptom. Could it be something like indigestion?

@RandomCatGenerator ouch sounds painful 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m really trying not to go on my phone around Freddie. Before he was born I’d planned not even to pick it up if he was there but obviously that isn’t practical all the time 🙄 I’m annoying myself though every time I catch myself on it when he’s lying awake waiting for me to speak to him or entertain him. I just think from his point of view how sad it looks that I’m staring at this little thing in my hand rather than spending time with him. He’s only little for such a small amount of time too 😢 It’s a really bad habit and 9 times out of 10 there is absolutely nothing of interest on my phone and I’m just wasting time on it! This week I’m going to try and only touch it when he’s having a nap 😌 feel like it will drastically improve my life to stop wasting so much time on it!

I think maybe it is just very painful indigestion / ‘gastric distress’, as suffered during my third trimester. So embarrassing :( I had no idea it could be so painful until pregnancy.

Well, at least I can fully empathise with Solomon when he has the wind gripes, poor thing!

@RandomCatGenerator could it be trapped wind or indigestion?

I think I might have to resort to a swaddle bag from this time onwards. DD sleeps quite deeply downstairs from roughly 8pm to 1am then comes to me for a feed then put in snuz pod but her sleep is so so active from now until 6.30 ish when she wakes. She's not been swaddled since birth!

@RandomCatGenerator I was going to say maybe it’s trapped wind, it’s so painful! I know someone who’s rang an ambulance for the pain before pre covid and it turned out just to be wind 😂 No wonder babies cry when they have it! Hope your feeling better soon.

@sarah13xx I know what you mean I think a lot of people have the habit though so don’t beat yourself up. I’m trying to not look at my phone for the night feeds as well as I find it’s waking me up more so when I can actually sleep it’s taking me longer and wasting precious sleeping time! I’m awake now as he’s just done an explosion though. 🤪

@Ready2020 does she wake herself up being so active? If not I would be inclined to just leave her to sleep in whatever you are using at the minute.

In terms of contraception DH has already phoned the doctor about the snip 🎉 I was on the pill for 10 years so it’s only fair. We don’t want any more than two children anyway and it’s something he’s prepared to do so I’m glad!

@Magik01 is more the lovely 45 minute sleep cycle that wakes her up between 1am and 7am. She finds it hard to self settle between those times. These nights I'm mostly awake between those times as I try and help settle her. Or feed her when needed though she only takes a couple of feeds then. I try shhing her and give her a dummy but she's not great at going back to sleep. Then the hands, legs etc start going.

I always say I'll stay off my phone at night but I get bored!

I think she can keep herself awake with the startle reflex at this time. I see her arms start to relax but then ping up again.

@RandomCatGenerator does the pain radiate into your chest area ? Could it be gallstone related ?? Many women suffer gallstones after pregnancy

You're brave to give up the phone :o I am not sure I could. I have swapped to using the kindle app rather than social media though, I find that is not quite as addictive.

I get what you're all saying re phones. I use it when feeding - online banking, Amazon, replying to friends and family, shopping lists, buying more clothes and toys for DS, reading about babies, our chat on here, and whatever else...my Google search is entirely baby related now 🤣 I don't tend to use it much when he's awake though. I'm starting to recognise when he's awake and would enjoy some entertainment and when he's just in between feeds/about to have a nap. He acts slightly different then and I leave him alone in peace and do my own stuff then not to overstimulate him. He's changing every day now, I'm always on the backfoot here, following him. It's incredible how much of a different boy he is now at nearly 8 weeks 🥰 xx

If you like the idea of staying fully present with them during caregiving activities (feeding, changing, etc) you might like Janet Lansbury's writing and podcasts about babies, but I would say she emphasises this so that the times when the baby is just chilling - awake but not feeding/changing etc - that's your time to do other things, because she feels it is very important that the baby is allowed to have their own space to explore and interact with the world, which they can do even before they are mobile, by looking/listening/smelling/moving their arms and legs etc. You can of course observe this process, as it's fascinating, but the whole philosophy is that those caregiving times are the focused attention times and so you don't need to "play with" or entertain your baby because they already have enough of your focused attention.

OTOH if you're breastfeeding in more of an attachment parenting style then it can feel like you're stuck under a sleeping/feeding baby for the entire day sometimes and I think I'd go a bit crazy if I was trying to stick to a promise not to use my phone/computer. A lot of the early 4th trimester/AP type advice does tell you to stock up on box sets and get an extra long phone cable! So I do tend to sit in front of a screen when feeding, and I don't feel guilty/worry about it because I know that I do give him focused attention at other times when he's awake but not feeding. And if he's happy to be put down and left then I use that time to get on with some boring jobs or have a shower/make food or whatever!

This is not to say either approach is wrong, nor that some kind of mish mash no-expert winging it approach isn't good too! But more to illustrate that if you're not careful, you can end up coming across advice which is incomplete. If you took Janet Lansbury's "You should be fully present and attentive when feeding" and somebody else's "It's important to spend time engaging with and stimulating your baby when they're awake" and didn't take the balance with that advice (Janet's endorsement that babies don't need adult-led play; the AP advice to stock up on box sets for feeding) then you can end up in a situation where you feel that you have to attend to the baby constantly unless they are sleeping, which is fine while they are tiny and sleep several times a day, but you'll end up burning out if you continue that into the toddler years, particularly if your partner does not subscribe to this ideology, which let's face it they generally don't... I don't know many men, even the really involved dads, who read parenting books, parenting forums or follow parenting "experts" on social media.

Does anyone have any recommendations for keeping the baby dry while wearing a carrier? I used the carrier for the first time yesterday and he loved it, but now it's going to rain all week!!

@Daffodil21
I put my jacket on after the carrier was on the other day and could pull it over him when it was windy but the same would work in the rain I’m sure. Hoping in the winter he can wear his big full body snow suit type things in it

@Magik01 yeah I’m definitely losing out on sleep because of it. I’m not so bad at getting back to sleep during the night feeds but can’t actually get to sleep in the first place til midnight some nights. The light from a phone is meant to trigger something in your brain that stops you from sleeping though so it’s obviously not the best plan before bed 🙄

Even the fact my husband and I will lie there watching something in bed while not talking and both staring at our phones I just find so bad now 🙈 I always say it but when I was a child you’d have a video and if that’s what you picked to watch you’d put it on, sit through it til the end and enjoy every second of it. Now I very rarely watch something without being on my phone at the same time 🙄 and if it’s on Netflix I wouldn’t even bother watching it to the end if I wasn’t enjoying it. It’s just so much easier to give up on things these days! I’m a teacher and I constantly say it at work. What hope do I have of getting children to listen to me or do some boring stuff on the board when they’re used to constant entertainment and flashing lights from a phone or ipad? 😕 Really trying not to let Freddie grow up thinking I stare at my phone all the time so he wants to do the same. It’s such a bad habit 🤦🏼‍♀️

@BertieBotts totally agree you’d go insane without it you were stuck at home and having a hard day or night though. I feel like I’m kind of coming out the other side of the newborn stage and he’s really quite good now, even the night feeds are fine and generally quick so trying to wean myself off it a bit 🙄

I think his two sets of grandparents should maybe read that book 😂 if it’s time for his nap and I go to my mums she’ll wave every toy she can find in his face. I’m like please stop! She was watching him for an hour one afternoon and he screamed the entire day after she left from the amount of overstimulation he’d had when he just wanted a nap 🙈 Same with the inlaws (although it’s not as easy to say to them ‘leave him alone’). They were here at the weekend, heads all leaning in his Moses basket poking at him, just as he was about to drift off and I quite abruptly said ‘he’s meant to be sleeping’! We’re kind of passed the newborn visiting stage now so I’m trying to stop it being a case of, come and everyone get a hold of the baby every time they come round 🤦🏼‍♀️ They stayed for 2 hours then my husbands friend and his wife were coming to visit so they turned up. The in laws still just sat in our living room. Pretty sure it was because they hadn’t got a hold yet 🙄 My mother in law then said to my husband ‘your dads wanting a hold’ as Freddie still slept. I took his friends away into the other room and they eventually left but it’s hard to get the message across that people getting a shot of him is really for their benefit only and not his 🤦🏼‍♀️

I have got a maternity raincoat which works over the carrier. Did that yesterday with a hat and he was dry and toasty even though it rained :)

You can get like raincovers/warm covers but they look so fiddly to use, never tried it.

An umbrella is an option perhaps?

@sarah13xx I can't do my pre pregnancy coats up yet, let alone put it around him as well 😂 he's got some snow suits but it's definitely too warm here for them atm, but it is wet!

@BertieBotts I've just bought one of those - I wish I'd seen it while I was pregnant as I ended up just wearing my husband's coats!

It's this if anyone's interested (pic attached). Very good price and no reviews, so hoping it won't be too good to be true!

@Daffodil21 I didn’t buy any pregnancy jackets because it was sunny but don’t worry I can’t do mine up with him in there 😂 I just held it round him a bit. Could probably have wore my husbands and fastened it maybe. If I’d been pregnant in winter I’d definitely have bought one of those ones with the panel

@sarah13xx I was big very early on because one of my treatments for recurrent mc was steroids and the other was progesterone so you can only imagine the state I looked! I couldn't have hidden the fact I was pregnant if I tried, from about 8 weeks!

I just bought a zip up panel for DH and I had a 3 in 1 parka for my birthday so that's what we'll use over the baby carrier. Lots of my friends bought bigger size coats/borrowed their husbands'. Joules tend to do really lightweight rain coats that are cheap, pretty and good quality, so you could wrap up underneath and then just wear it on top to cover both of you.

Interesting post, Bertie. I am really not a fan of doing things by the book in any relationship and don't have enough time for parenting books now. It kind of feels rigid and pressure inducing to me. Now that I have him and the more I read from you all, I think I have more of an understanding that every baby is different and whilst their basic needs are the same, how they are met depends on such a variety of factors and their and our personal preference I guess. I am just trying to keep him safe, loved and content, whatever this means every hour of every day. And we all do the same, just in slightly different ways. I think DS's preference is to be close to me all the time during the day, be it playing, feeding, cuddling up. He's the happiest then. So that's what I'm doing atm. I got the sling out last weekend and use it for an hour here and there to move off the sofa. He loves it. I suppose this would fall under AP. I've never set out to do that but it seems this is what keeps him happy. I kind of instinctively went into that mode of making his needs central, but I don't know if this is right, obviously never done it before. I worry sometimes he'll be too clingy or spoilt and I will never have much time to myself, but then the alternative is him being upset for hours and I worry he's too young for feeling like his emotional needs are not being met, he needs sense of security. That's my approach now, I'll be adjusting it forever. No idea if this is right, tbh, I ask myself a lot. xx

@Daffodil21 - I was wondering this too!

What carrier does everyone have / recommend? We’ve been offered one (not sure which one) but I’d prefer to buy my own albeit I don’t fancy the cost of some of them.

We’ve had first smiles today too which has literally melted my heart!

Going to sign up to some online baby classes for the next couple of weeks (unless anybody can recommend any good you tube channels for baby massage / sensory / music ? all the in person classes are half way through so I’m going to wait for the next term to start in November

I was thinking of getting one of the coats with an extra panel in for winter, but not been organised enough yet!

@Fran919 we have a very old Ergobaby (from when our 8 year old nephew was born!), which is good. It doesn't allow forward facing, as I think the design must have changed since then, so when he can hold his head up we'll buy a new Ergobaby (probably the Omni) so he can have the option of different positions. I also have a Boba wrap sling, which he likes, though I'm still getting the knack of tying it!

@PurplePansy05 I have the same wonders as you about having him on us all the time vs helping him be a bit independent. When he was tiny he used to sleep really nicely in his basket in the day but now he likes to be on a person! At the moment we're going down the path of least resistance and letting him sleep on us in the day for the most part, especially as he's happy in the cosleeper at night. I figure he won't be napping on me when he's 18 so make life easy for now! Though I'm hoping over the next couple of months he becomes more contented napping in a cot in the day as I can get far more done!

Is my DD the only one that wakes between sleep cycles at night.....? Feels like it. I feel between 1am to 7am I am in my own sleep torture!

Went to a baby massage class today. She didn't get a morning nap before the class so was basically asleep by the end of it It's a useful class and we enjoyed it but for some reason the room was quite cold which was unsettling all the babies.

Got a busy week this week with no day where nothing is happening. It can make the week go by fast but I do like a couple of days to ourselves. MiL is here on Thursday and Friday and we are leaving DD with her for 4 hours on Friday so we can go to the cinema to see James Bond. I'm quite nervous about it!

My sister is coming to hang out tomorrow. We've agreed a weekly visit but tbh I'm but exactly sure what she is going to do. We don't do a whole lot during the day apart from feeding, trying to get DD to nap and the short awake time between all that. But she's not working (chemo has been good with cancer shrinking. 2 month review to see how it's going) and wants to spend time with her neice when she can.

@Fran919 I tried one of the cheaper ones on Amazon - he loved it! I was worried I'd have to buy cheap buy twice but so far so good! It has inward facing, forward facing and I think it can go on your back too. I got mine on Amazon but I've seen it in Smyth's toys. It's called the Infantino Baby Carrier and it was £30 odd

@Fran919 ergobaby omni is the one we have! Quite a lot of faff to get it on at first but it does seem to be really good and the main benefit seems to be the fact it can adjust a lot and will be suitable when he’s a bit older too. I found a video on the south london sling library on YouTube really helpful to put it on the first time. I was trying to buckle up the back with one hand myself like how is this possible?! Then discovered you don’t need to fasten it that way and can just cross is over and buckle the sides instead!

Not starting a sensory class til November either, going to a massage one for a couple of weeks first