May 2017 #10 - To be prepared or not prepared

[RasperryInAMelon]

Here's a link to the last thread and photo updates just incase anyone's looking for anything!

Thread 9

Photo Page - Bump Update

I don't have access to a desktop right now though so can't post the link to the GoogleDrive spreadsheet, but it's a few posts down in the previous thread!

Happy chatting!

claire I'm exactly the same, completely mentally checked out although only 7 days left after today so hard to concentrate on anything now. I'm also probably not coming back as we'll be too far away once we move, but no one at work knows that yet incase I decide it's manageable! Think that makes it harder in a way

@Tickyboovicki it's hard thinking about the future.

I've been looking at finances today for the next 10 months and taking into account £1000 a month childcare costs and upping our food bills etc.

If I go back to work we'd have roughly £700 spare each month after everything. But that's with LO in childcare upto 12 hours a day, 5 days a week.

If I don't go back, we'd have roughly £300 a month spare.

Such a tough one...

jw I'm loving the height difference my DH is 6'4 and I'm 5'2..... I wonder if our kids will be tall or short? Mine looks like she's got his size 13 feet already though

Thanks for article savage

Off to first NHS ante natal class now. Yippee!!

jenny hope you feel better.
We ended up in maternity triage last night because of a day of reduced movement - luckily everything was fine and movement back to normal today. feeling a bit nervous this week because I was born at 34 weeks... will be happy to get past it. Have been having loads of braxton hicks including 2 while strapped to the monitor yesterday and have been having a mix of lower back ache and stabbing pains in my bump today... hoping just normal aches and pains. Maternity triage is next to the neonatal unit... made me feel very lucky!

Been laughing about the idea of a lotus birth... definitely not for me. Even worse I think is the thought of a placenta smoothie which apparently is a thing!

I'm with you there Yellow, the smoothie sounds disgusting 😷 but the lotus isn't for me either! Just told DH that I wanted it and he should google it 😂😂 poor guy 🙊🙈

Evening ladies

Am in bed with dd watching cinderella. She's not impressed that mummy isn't well as she was hoping to have a bath etc but just have no strength to do anything.

I always seem to fall ill when dh is working a late shift! He won't be home for another hour but am hoping dd would have fallen asleep by then.

Pretty sure my colleagues told my senior manager about my mini meltdown (she was working away today) as I had a call from her this afternoon. She told me to just play it by ear this week but I'm pretty sure I won't be back in the office for the next few days.

I've only got 7 half days left at work. No chance of a quiet week and a half as it's so busy.

Raspberry there's loads of threads on MN about it but even though it seems expensive to go back to work if you think long term you probably do want to work it's generally worth it. By stopping you de-skill, lose experience and promotion opportunities and your pension suffers. However if you think you probably wouldn't go back for a long time then that's less relevant.

I've generally worked part time over the last 10 years but have had spells working more and less and hopefully found a balance that suits everyone. Absolute full time with 12 hours childcare a day sounds brutal to me but I know families that it works for. I've at times felt bored and lonely when I've not been working at all, so doing 2 or 3 days a week suits me.

Thanks @teainbed - I won't have the option to go back P/T to my current job sadly, so if that was a consideration then I'd have to find a new job, which would be a shame as I have finally found a place that I love working and really enjoy my job.

DD would only be in 12 hours if DH was working away. I work in the City so would have to drop her at 7am and depending on if my boss was away at the same time then I wouldn't be home until 7pm. However on a general day DH would be able to drop her at 8.30am and pick her up for 5.30pm which will be better.

In all honesty, I think I'd go out of my mind being a SAHM - I know it works for some people, but I don't think it'd be the right thing for me. As you say, it's also the worry of de-skilling and falling behind in my area of knowledge.

When I go back to work after this baby and we have two in childcare for three days a week, I will basically be earning nothing. It will all go on nursery fees. However, I feel it's worth it for maintaining the career I've worked hard for, plus I love the mix of having days at home and days at work. I adore DD to the moon and back, but I also love using my brain and skills and being challenged by work. It's an endless juggle though.

Glad you are taking it a bit easy Jenny. It's so hard with an older one and being pregnant, especially when you are not well.

@MrsJW15 now that's a height difference! My mum is 4ft11, and my Dad is 6ft3. There isn't that much between DH and I, he's 6ft1, and I'm 5ft8. When I was a teenager, i use to pick my mum up when she started telling me off!

Oft, childcare fees... we were quoted £550 a month for a childminder here in Nottingham. They wanted set days, which is something my boss wouldn't agree too. Is that a standard price? I think I was quoted on the basis of 30hrs a week.

Feeling exceptionally low in mood and very tearful. Work are not responding to my emails about annual leave and I am literally 2 weeks away from losing 2 weeks. I feel uncomfortable with my SPD. My parents bought us a brand new pram, but now DM wants the money for it for some reason, so I'm worried about that. She always bloody does this! Oh here's a gift, oh wait I didn't realise how expensive it was, can I have the cash back? ARGH.

Working is so important for my mental health, I couldn't cope full time at home, at the moment I work 4 mornings and it's the perfect balance for our family, plan to go back doing the same next year. My mum is amazing and does half the CC so that helps a lot with the cost and will with 2 children.
Rasberry you could look for something more local? You do HR is that right? Lots of small businesses would benefit from having PA that does the HR as a part timer along with diary/emails/organisation for the MD (basically this is what I do!)
Also consider if you plan on having a second child as it might be worth going back to your city job FT short term for a another round of maternity. (A friend of mine went back 12 weeks pregnant!!!)

@nursebickypegs I was the same with my mum! She's only 4ft11 and my dad 5ft10

I'm going to have a look at childminders aswell while I'm off. The nursery us quoted c£1000 a month, but I think a childminder would be cheaper.

You're off work now aren't you? What have you emailed them about? Have you tried calling your HR department to chase?

That sucks about your mum - is it the pram you wanted or would have bought yourselves? Are you in a position to say, thanks but we can't afford it, take it back and we'll buy the one we can / want ourselves?

Lots of hugs coming your way!

@yellowismyfavourite ewwww to placenta smoothie! 

Placenta smoothie 😷
Can't wait for a big fat rare steak when i get home though.

Don't think I'm temperamentally suited to being a SAHM, plus having seen my parent's divorce have a massive detrimental impact on my mum's income after taking years out for childrearing I can't do it to myself (not that DH and I are planning on splitting up but you know what I mean). That said I'm out of the house for 12 hours a day 5 days a week currently, won't be going back full time.

Haha Rise, not at all supportive, and knows me well enough to know it would be a joke lol. Just lots of ewww that's disgusting lol.

I would love to be a SAHM, but know when baby is 5YO, I'd want to go back to work. Unfortunately with my job, if I quit, that's it! There is no returning without a whole new application and training. It also means part time is less days, but still 10-12hour days. Luckily MIL is fantastic and will look after the baby during the week. I'm thinking of going back Thursday-Saturday, so 3 x 12hrs, so DH gets a day alone with baby too, and we still get a day as a family. I just need to win the lottery, that would solve everything 😂

Rise I just did my Waitrose online shop and it was the same, the iPad wouldn't stay still because the baby was kicking it away!

Mmmmm @Autumnsweater steak, medium rare, not drooling too much honest

NurseBP - that's a good price for 30hrs, I'm sure I pay around that in my NHS subbed nursery for 3 full days. They are understanding with my start finish times each day, I just give them my rota a few weeks in advance.

You guys also need to look into childcare voucher schemes offered by your employers. I didn't start mine until I went back to work, and in hindsight I probably would have saved some money had I done it earlier. Although it's a chunk to lose out of your maternity pay.

I went back to work after 6 months with DD, some days it felt like absolutely the right decision and some days I wanted to cry. I'll be taking a little longer off this time, but if I want to stay in my job it means upto a 40min drive to and from work. With 2 children. And up and out for 7am... even if I move to my 'local' branch it's about the same drive.... I love working so it's something I'm also struggling with.

Winning the lottery would help us afford a flat with space for a nursery - but I'd have to start playing it first!

nursebp that sounds infuriating about the pram!

*esme, teainbed, raspberry the way I'm seeing it is, I'll have £x left over after my half of childcare costs, and DH will have £y after his half. The effect on household income is the same but it helps me remember that I shouldn't assume I'm the one for whom it is/isn't financially worthwhile to work! Now let's wait and see if DH fancies going part time

I couldn't be a SAHM, purely as I spent years at college/uni and working in the NHS! I'm a nurse first and everything second. Selfish I know!

@WishIWasSleeping I'm such a duh brain, I forgot about childcare vouchers! I'm going to have a look into that, all these things I didn't know existed. Beginning to think £559 isn't too bad, esp as it's a 5 min drive from our house and she does organic meal times!

@RasperryInAMelon before I was pregnant we booked to go to Orlando for 2weeks end of march/April. Totally forgot until I checked my diary, so I've been emailing work asking if I can be paid for the AL or carry it over. They said I have to return to work next week or I'll lose it, so I've just called unison. I am so bloody done with the lot of them! HR said I have to go through management, management aren't responding so I am emailing with a PA. I have a horrible feeling I'm going to lose it, because that seems my luck.

Haha @RasperryInAMelon did you pick your mum up too??? still in my head my Dad is the biggest man in the world, I use to think he was giant when I was a kid.

@peasandquiet it's so common for women to return pregnant! Ive seen it loads of times!

Also bloody pram-saga. It was one I wanted, DM knew the stigma I had towards the old pram (bought it last pregnancy and miscarried) so she helped out. Like I said she always does this, and DH now refuses to accept any help from her as she's done it so many times. I bent his arm about this and told her "don't you dare do what you usually do" and she has. I'm just going to give her the cash on payday as I don't have the strength to argue. Oh and DH is all "told you so"!!!

In a positive way, DH and I have started saying Bubs name rather than saying "him" or "the baby". Can we share baby names here?

Badger I'm hoping that between us, this baby is average sized! Nurse I hope this baby doesn't end up big enough to pick me up!

Autumn yes to a rare steak! Or a burger! And our NCT class this weekend were very supportive of a G&T when you get back from hospital .

Wish I definitely need to get my head around the childcare vouchers. It does seem like a good option. Cox I'm definitely seeing it as each of us having half of childcare costs. We are relatively joint income earners and my salary shouldn't be seen as covering childcare. I do think going back is important in terms of a long-term career. I just don't quite know what I'm going back into and I find it a bit unsettling in terms of my professional identity.

I'm struggling to catch up again 🙈. Back from NCT class and it was great! We practiced massage (well women sat in chair and partners did the work) and breathing techniques.

On the subject of work, even though there are days I think it'd be lovely not to have the stress of the job I think I'd need brain stimulation by working. Ideal for me would be part time, 3 or even 4 full days but fat chance of that happening with my anti-part time boss. I'll still try though and may look for other roles during mat leave. I don't have a job I could realistically pause for a significant time without deskilling.

You know for some reason I'd not considered a childminder and really don't know why so I'll look into that, although I do really like the nursery I viewed.

@nursebickypegs sorry about the pram saga, that sounds annoying, but at least it's what you wanted. With names, I mainly say it in my head, it's cute you're both using it for the bump .

nurse we can definitely share names! On the condition no one tells me they don't like it 😂

@Tickyboovicki haha same here!

@MrsJW15 same here!! I'm secretly pleased he's a boy as I was always the biggest, tallest girl in my class. I'm so stocky!

We are going with Teddy. It was Theodore, but DH hates Theo. It's quite sappy why we have picked it; our pet names for each other is bear, and it's stemmed from that. Everyone in the family has gone about the name but the suggestions we have had are usually the bloody dogs names we have had in the past! His middle name is going to be Clark, which is my Grandpa's name.

DH has the most common name in the world, I have an unusual Irish name which no one spells right, so a "simple" name is what we wanted. If it was a girl, it was going to be Dorothy.

Yep you are completely right Cox I only said that about me basically earning nothing to demonstrate the huge sum of money that it will cost us to have two in nursery. In reality me and DH earn about the same and it all goes in and out of one account. DH currently compresses his hours and has DD one day a fortnight, but this will increase to one day a week as the current plan is to both go down to 4 days after dd2 is here.

Childcare vouchers are changing soon (I'm not quite clear how) but I think the current scheme is better so if you can sign up now, do.