Due February 07 - New Thread!!

[Tommy]

there we go...... that wasn't painful at all

hello hope everyone is doing okay after a bit of advice really (no suprise there) i have my second mw appointment next tues think this is when we tell her the birth plan. problem being we have not got one yet thought we wanted to go for the birthing centre but are now starting to think about home birth!! should i tell her i might want a home birth or should i tell her i defo want a home birth and then if we don't tell her then. worried that if we seem unsure they just won't let us have a home birth????

hey thanks everyone for ur concern and kind words the prob that im ahving with the move is that im far away from friends and family granted it is only 30 mins drive and i do drive but i feel so isolated over there i dont like the area teenage kids hang about most of the nite im not used to that as i am from a tiny little village, i hate it and cant c it ever being home for me plus the fact that ex partner was supposed to be paying half the rent but now he wont be i cant afford it im thinking i may give the flat up get my deposit back i have spoken to the council in the area that im from and where i want to be i just think i will have to keep on at them and maybe stay with my nan in the meantime i just wish i hadnt rushed into it xx

ruthie - it's still early days yet so if I were you, I would tell MW that you haven't really decided yet and talk through the possibilities and implications with her.

We have decided on a home birth but haven't really discussed it properly with MW yet as we are planning to do that after Christmas.

Becs - sorry you're still feeling down about your move. Being close to family and friends is so important when you're getting ready for a baby. When I was pg with DS2. my DH got made redundant and the only job opportunity that came up was nearly 200 miles away and I was terrified about moving away. Fortunately it didn't come to that but I can understand your fears. Staying with your nan sounds like a good idea if it is practical.

thanks tommy sounds like a sensible idea to wait till after christmas just though they might have to plan for it iyswim. Becs just been reading through the posts sounds like you have had a rough time of it really feel for you. i was in a similar way when i had my first baby 14 yrs ago i moved into a flat far from home on my own and it was reallty tough. i ended up moving back to my parents and moving out when my lo was 8 mnths. if your nans is a realistic option i would highly recomend it you need all the love and support at this important time in your life and going to your nans sounds really sensible you will know when your ready to do it alone.
thinking of ya

Ruthie - just remember that you can whatever type of birth you like... regardless of whether they say you're 'allowed' a homebirth or not! If you have never mentioned a homebirth to your mw I would let her know that it's something you're considering. That way she can't try to make any excuses about 'not knowing and not having enough time...'. As for the birth plan, I would tell her that you're considering various birth options and that your plan will vary. So therefore you aren't going to firm anything up until nearer the time.

I gave my mw a brief overview of my birth plans... I'm writing one for homebirth, one for hospital. But the basics are the same... vitamin k injection, want to do everything to avoid induction or intervention, natural 3rd stage, please don't offer pain relief, breastmilk only, if separated from baby DH to stay with her, if at hospital want out ASAP!

Hello all! Planned a home birth with my daughter...you can have whatever you like although depending on area will get more support from some than others! I come from area with very low homebirth rate so faced fair opposition. Luckily, as I was a midwife myself at the time, had the confidence to insist! However the midwifery team will need to get a few things sorted out for you, so they like to know as soon as you are able..normal labour occurs at any time between 37 and 42 weeks so this may be why they are hassling a bit.I do have a bit of sympathy with the midwifery staff as they have an unbelievable amount of paperwork to sort out and legislation to work through which is why they sometimes like to push for early decisions.If you plan for a homebirth you can always change your mind, even up to the last minute so give her some warning that these are your thoughts and she can point you in the right direction.Majority of midwives are lovely deep down (!!!) some keep it well hidden , and will do all they can to look after you and the baby but have to be so politically correct,professionally perfect and due to litigation culture have to spell out worse case scenarios for everything that they come across as grumpy doom mongers! I remember running a clinic once where a lady wrote in a letter of complaint because the midwife hadn't made her antenatal check a 'moving and spiritual'
experience!!! Another lady on the ward pulled the emergency cord because she wanted me to remove her wristwatch for her and felt tired and someone tried to sue us once because her husband had felt queasy during the delivery and banged his knee on the delivery bed!!!!! Oops..turning into a bit of a rant! Sorry!

thelittlestboho...pram sounds fab..saw a lady walking down the street the other day with spotless pram and a chihuahau (have I spelt that completely wrong?!..you know ..one of those little dogs with big eyes!) strapped in!!!! Must have been a shock at the birth!!!!!!!

It seems lots of people are having tough times at the moment, what with housing stress, crummy hospitals & MWs, serious family illness, major pg problems and suchlike. Keep sharing and hopefully we can all help each other get through. I'm sending positive thoughts to all of you.

Not much to report from me. Sleeping's not great but not as bad as for others, done minimal preparation but I'm not alone in that it seems, house in disarray due to slow kitchen replacement but at least I'm not contending with moving...

BTW I got work to do me a health & safety workstation assessment and have ended up with a different desk to accommodate the bump better, a memory foam wedge which helps me sit in the right position, and may get (if it arrives before I go at Xmas...) a comfy new chair. I can thoroughly recommend the foam wedge thingy, it makes sitting soooo much more comfortable. Nag your employer now and see what you can get!!

I was promised a new chair when I was working last time - it turned up the day after I finished. That's NHS organisation for you!

To add to the list of difficult things, DH is currently playing mediator to his warring parents and is often out till silly times of night and is very stressed about it all. I'm trying to be supportive as I know it's hard on him but I feel like saying "look after me too". It's his birthday tomorrow though so hopefully we'll have a nice day together.

Have been sleeping a bit better now that I have some Gaviscon, I don't have to prop myself up so much which means less aching hips/legs/everything, although DD1 did wake us up a couple times last night as she's teething. I feel like I need a day off!

The joy of Gaviscon!! I bought a bottle a few weeks ago when heartburn was really bad. I've been swigging from the bottle (measured dose obviously!!) a couple of nights but seems to have eased off. I finish my current temp job tomorrow, we're moving house at the weekend and then I'm hoping to find some more work. Starting to be scared by idea of birth plans. Got first NHS parentcraft class tomorrow so perhaps all will be revealed. Have many of you had luck with finding NCT classes? I registered here in Sep but not holding my breath that we'll get into the class.

Meant to say Moosma, hope you have a lovely day for DH birthday tomorrow!

After having a couple of days of feeling inexplicably down in the dumps I seem to be much better today. The baby seems to have moved into a slightly more comfortable position so that's really helping as my stomach has felt very tight and stretched since before last weekend. Belly button is starting to stick out a bit though, much to my consternation - had hoped it would stay an "innie" but seems to be half in (bottom half) and half out (top half) at the moment!

Becs, I feel for you. If you can stay with your nan I'm sure that would make you feel a lot better. Coping with moving away, living on your own and being pregnant is perhaps a bit too much to deal with all at once.

SmudgeMum, we only booked NHS antenatal classes in the end - decided not to fork out for NCT ones as well as they probably cover much the same things. Classes don't start until 15 January when I'll be 33 weeks - cutting it rather fine if baby arrives early but that's the NHS for you I suppose! Also have an active birth class booked at the birth centre for 25th January.

Haven't suffered heartburn yet, but no doubt that's to come. I hate to tempt fate by saying it, but I'm actually sleeping incredibly well (and have done right through my pregnancy so far apart from some initial insomnia in the first couple of weeks) although I do have to get up once in the night for the loo. Although I'm not running what I would call seriously any more, I'm still managing a slow 3 miles every other day or so, and if I can't manage that then I'm using the elliptical trainer in the gym on a "hills" programme to give me a reasonable work-out. I also try to walk home from the station rather than catch the bus on days I don't do a proper workout. I'll be 28 weeks on Monday and am pleased that I have managed to sustain some form of exercise routine thus far.

Did have a couple of "down" days over the weekend though - felt really tearful for no apparent reason, and the nicer DH was to me the more tearful I felt! Fortunately this doesn't seem to happen too often but I always feel a bit of an idiot afterwards!

Hello ladies - had a bit of a catch up on all this after my time away, which was a lovely break. So sorry to hear of all of you having a hard time right now. Remember that we are all hear to listen to the gripes and problems as well as the good stuff. I do hope things sort out for you. I was in floods of tears on Friday when we got home - triggered by a rude e-mail from a printer (rule no 1: don't check work e-mails until you are actually back at work!) and after that I lost it completely and cried for ages with DH cuddling me. I was trying to explain that I just needed to cry. He was putting all the blame on the NHS antenatal class we had gone to that afternoon which did present everything with stark reality rather than rose tinted specs. Maybe it was that too.

On sort of that subject, CurrentBun, perhaps it is good that your birthing centre told you how things can really be. I am registered at Crowborough Birthing Centre and it has had to be other people - Flowertot on here and some people I have met in RL - who brought it home to me that I might not end up there, and it might not all go to plan. They are so confident there, and told me they turn away 'only' 35% of first time mums because of complications, but that they always have beds (this has been scoffed at by lots of people) and they defiitely take the rosy tinted view. Maybe that is why I was shocked by the NHS class ?

I saw the midwife today and all is well, baby is size for 32 weeks (using her measurement across my tum), although I am only 30+6 which she says is a good thing. No idea if it is still transverse. I told her I had some discomfort under my right ribs and she had a feel and said she could feel something and it was either bottom or head! Heartbeat was found near my belly button (which is half in and out like yours, CurrentBun). So I really don't know how it is lying.

We start the NCT classes tomorrow evening and hope those will be good (I have paid enough!) and then second of four NHS ones on Friday. What with need to work from home to attend midwife apmts and antenatal classes I don't have a full week at work until I go off at (no later than) 12 January. It is a relief to know that I don't have to do five days.

As usual gone on far too long ?
xxx

hey moosma - it's my DH's birthday tomorrow as well

saw Mw today and baby is measuring 31 weeks - I'm 28 weeks - but she is happy that everything is fine. I have another scan on 2nd Jan so I gues we'll check everything's O then.

Talked about homebirth a bit but decided we would talk about it in detail after scan.

Glad most people are feeling a bit happier - I am too

Something hopeful for you CurrantBun, someone my parents used to go to church had her first baby when she was about 30 and she was very fit. She said that she laughed all the way through the birth and said that the rowing machine at the gym hurt more. I have heard that the fitter you are, the easier it is, so it sounds like you're on track for a sneeze-pop experience!

I weighed myself again this morning and I've gained 3lbs now, (I'm up to 8 stone 7), I'm 28+4 today and I'm seeing the mw next wednesday so might mention it to her and get her to check that I'm the right size weeks-wise. I think the bump is growing ok, I've put on 7 inches round my waist I look a bit like a match stick man with a golf ball attached!

Oh, and happy birthday to your dh tomorrow Tommy!

Hi all I saw the MW today and it was a better appointment than the last two. She also had the nursing assistant in with her.I went in thinking I have to be assertive with this woman. Everything seems fine, heart beat going, baby head down (which surprised me)
I was weighed and have put on 4kg I mentoned about the numb fingers and she said it was probably linked to my sleeping position and I also spoke about my worries due to approaching the time my mum had her problems and she gave me a chart to record baby's movement and gave me numbers to ring if I got worried. happy Bday to your DH Tommy,
Sorry to hear you are still not feeling too good becs maye the move to your nans would be a good idea until you are all settled and ready for big changes.
It's my Bday next week (Tuesday) shall we have tea and cakes??

CB - I can do one better for late classes... despite the fact that I have been asking aabout it for weeks, the NHS classes in my area have put me in to start my 4 weekly sessions on January 9th, when I'll be 36 weeks. I did point out to the Health visitor that if I am early at all then I'll miss classes, but she just offered me extra sessions on breastfeeding, which is the first session anyway.

Being a first timer, and not really knowing anyone with babies, I'm pretty clueless about what you do with them when they arrive and I had hoped the classes would sort me out on that a bit, but I am convinced it's going to come early and I feel really unprepared. I looked into NCT classes but the only thing they could offer me was a very expensive weekend class which isn't on till I'm 38 weeks !

... on another point entirely... at my ante natal yoga class we were recommended to try pro-biotics for hearburn. I certainly find that a quick shot of one of these actimel drinks certainly helps settle things down a bit at night... mind you still not found anything that helps the restless leg very much. It's been months now since I could sleep longer than 3 hours without being woken by one or both legs dancing around the bed. (Hence why I am posting at this ungodly hour)... and if I one more smart alec tells me that it's " to prepare you for when the baby comes !".....

MoosMa - whatever your MW says I'm jealous of your small weight gain. I've put in 2.5 stone so far and I feel like a whale. I know I'm not supposed to worry about it just now, but I have no idea how I'm going to get rid of all the excess after I've had the wee one.

.. and my lovely neat "inny" belly button has got the half in half out look now too. It seems to be the "in" look for navels this week.

whinge... moan... gripe...

Don't worry suis, my belly button gave up the ghost at about 4 weeks, you can't really see where it's supposed to be anymore, it's just kind of flat and wide

Also I lost 4lbs a day after having DD1 just from the bf-ing so you may be the same and lose it in no time!

weight gain! I'm not even going to step on the scales til the sprog is born! Thank the lord the midwife hasnt attempted to weigh me - I think I'd cry!

Well, interestingly after all the fuss and bother about my 'low' BMI at the start of my pregnancy, I have not been weighed since. I'd have thought that if my weight is that much of an issue they'd have me on the scales at every appointment. I only know that I've put on about 4kg because I stepped on to the scales in the gym last week (although I'm not sure how accurate they are). It all seems slightly ridiculous.

Can't believe how late some people's antenatal classes are - I thought mine were bad enough. I think it's really bad that there's every possibility you'll have had the baby by the time the classes start, Suis, especially as this is your first baby. Like you, I feel completely unprepared - a few of my friends now have babies so I'm hoping to have a few good chats before the little one arrives to get myself a bit more clued up. Otherwise, most of the information I've got has been from MN and various books and online articles.

I'm glad to hear I'm keeping up with the latest trend in navels!

currantbun - before I forget, just thought I'd let you know that calendula oil twice daily seems to have done the trick on my nips - not flaky and itchy any more. Beware that it's a scary orange colour and stains!

suis, what a rubbish service in terms of classes! I'd suggest looking in the library as there are lots of good books about labour and birthing which might help to give you the basics and hopefully some reassurance in case you're early. Plus all the knowledge of MNers is around too, either on this thread from those who've done it before, or on the childbirth threads.

For info about what happens after the baby arrives and what the hell to do with it (apart from BF it), IME, the ante-natal classes aren't much good on that anyway. We had to beg our NCT teacher to show us how to change a nappy!! DH and I ended up doing a lot of learning by doing with DS, and talking to our parents etc. Again, the library might help out a bit - books like "What to expect - the first year" take you through month by month and it may be handy to read the first bit through in advance.

Oh, and another general thought before I forget. If anyone has yet to buy vests for newborns, I'd thoroughly recommend getting at least some which do up across the chest with poppers/ties rather than going over the head. They are much easier to put on in the first few weeks and esp good if the baby's had to be delivered with forceps or ventouse and might have a sore head. I think Jojo have them, and a number of the organic catalogues like Green Baby.

bye for now.

I will definately try that tip for the pro-biotic drinks for heartburn before bed - I have been having a small glass of milk and a swig of gaviscon, along with my 2 - 3 pillows - not that I can sleep much at the moment - no particular reason - just general pg insomnia.

FIL should be out of hsopital tomorrow - no driving for 6 weeks and only light duties - so DH was telling me all the things we need to be doing for him (with the assistance of his brother & wife who live 5 mins away - we are 20 mins away!!!) - DH seems to have conventiently forgotten that he won't let me do the hoovering and push the supermarket trolley around for us - unless he is going to do it for his dad!!!!!! (falls on the floor rolling around laughing as he is a lazy blighter)

The darling daughter (my SIL) is gracing us will a visit from London - she doesn't drive so will be no use at all- and we will have to make a visit to go and see her - oh great - just what I want! Can't do it sat as busy (not sure what with yet, but...) but may manage 10 mins sunday! DH is working both days so I just need to wear out DD so she is really stroppy and narky!!!!! And of course I will be sooooo tired!!!

I honestly thought we would have learned all about what to do with a baby via the natal classes but truthfully, we learned nothing, except the pain relief methods which were available and what the inside of your pelvis looks like to a baby.

When my first was born we still didn't know how to change a nappy or bath a baby, we wanted answers to so many questions; how did you get clothes on something so small? When would you know they were hungry? how do you clean little girls' bits? How often should you feed them? the list went on....

Bf'ing was achieved by putting the baby in the vague vicinity of my breast and hoping she knew what to do (we somehow both did).
Incidentally, the classes we took started at 38 weeks for some!

The hospital tour was limited to here is where you'll be staying (sample room), sit in this conference room and we'll show you how the baby descends out using this dodgy model and ugly baby doll!
This is what forceps look like, this is a ventouse blah, blah, more scary looking implements with which we will drag your child from your body.
No word on active labour, breathing, transition and the shock you can physically feel following labour. Nothing on the third stage and what is normal.

When we got home the day after giving birth, my mother came round and showed us how to do everything.
There was at no point a discussion of the post-natal period, except 'you may be sore for a couple of days and bleed for a couple of weeks, the Community midwife will answer all your questions then'.

They were very keen to point out that you shouldn't go to hospital until contraction were 5 mins apart and lasting a minute, she mentioned that a lot.
Oh, and that we would probably need and want an epidural!

To say we were unprepared is a gross understatement, but ya' know somehow it all turns out in the end and you muddle on through.
The second baby you forget most of what it's like anyway, most probably natures way of ensuring we have more kids and the species survives.
This forum will probably tell you more than the classes will, though I never did NCT, maybe they're different.
Just my twopenneth
Ask away, I'll see if my befuddled brain can remember anything useful for you

Hello

We have our final NCT class next week, and I've found them wonderful. Was lucky enough to put down name for them when 4 weeks pregnant (ex-neighbour is local secretary) but think they are very popular and oversubscribed here too. We've done lots on the feelings and emotions side of things, loads on natural/active/waterbirth but balanced out with the realities of caesarean birth etc. Had rather scary militant bf'ng lady last night - but still very helpful. Havent been shown how to change nappy but feel we've covered most everything else. Do try and wangle your way on to a course if you can - highly recommended. Still going to the NHS ones, but only to get the tour of the maternity ward - dont think they will provide anything we've not had already.