December- The Final Countdown!!!!

[Calmriver]

HI Guys, I am still confused, so please join me on this one.

I'm thinking that's the ticket for it to be a go in our house. I've also thought about having some disposables for when dh is by himself with the baby.

Having read the posts today from all you experienced mums (i.e. not first-timers like me) I am reminded how terrifying the thought of a baby coming into my life actually is!!!
Can I ask (on behalf of all first-timers) for one piece of advice you wish someone had told you before your first baby came? Would be much appreciated!!!

Talk to your DH/DP about stuff. Don't expect him to have the same vision of family life/labour/etc etc as you. Not meant in a bad way,but when you're tired(both of you) petty arguments can take over and especially if you have a way of doing something and, lo and behold, your dh/dp isn't telepathic and hasn't guessed/know YOUR way.

Everything else just falls into place and if you mess it up totally at least you;ve done it as a team.

Now someone pass me a stairgate

Evening all, would have been on here earlier but MIL on phone enquiring after my third nipple - pleased to report it;s gone even more. MW said if it had been abscess I would have been in serious pain. But probably just cyst from having enormous boob that rubs on bra etc

Gloria, the best bit of advice I can offer - is to ignore any unwanted advice you get rather than thinkning 'X' said she did this and it was great - but yet still feeling uncomfortable about doing it yourself. Every mum and baby is different and your instincts will serve you perfectly!
Basically no matter what you get told, you can pick and choose what you want to take heed of and what you think is a load of cr*p. It's your baby and if someone questions you just say 'it doesnt work for us'!

Don't feel like a failure as a mother if you do not immediately bond with your baby. Especially if you've had a long and difficult labor! It will come in time.

have just had a look on e-bay at the nappies section
What the hell do I look for - it's so confusing there's so much stuff.
I wish the nappy officer would hurry up and get back to me so I have some clue!!!

Gloria, agree with you about the terrified thing, I don't think I was ever so terrified in my life as the weeks leading up the birth. Fair enough too, it's a complete unknown! I think my advice is that motherhood is like a new job & you have no experience in the field, you oughtn't to expect to be brilliant at it straight off the bat. Most of the problems I had as a first-time mum because of that, I should have believed in myself & had confidence that no-one knows their baby like a mother, everything else follows from that.
Jabber, your birth & mine starting to sound awfully similar. I remember feeling so resentful at all these other mothers who 'instantly' bonded & I didn't feel a really strong tug for months & months! Have you been giving any thought to how to avoid PND this time? I read this book on progesterone therapy combined with 3 hourly starch diet which was v.interesting, gave me hope that I could avoid it this time!

Right DH went out at 8 with orders for me to go to bed and here I am 2 hours later off to bed with alrge Milo.

Night Night
x

lol vanilla. I have got washables (figure they can't be that hard...afterall I don't have past disposable experience to compare the workload to!). Took me AGES trawling through websites to figure out what I needed for them! Takes a PHD I think.

I have ended up with shaped fluffy nappies, nappy nippas, fleece liners, wraps and a couple of fleece wraps for nights, wet nappy bag, laundry mesh bag. Still need a nappy bucket. Have I missed anything?

Baby?

ThankS for your comments . I know i tend to try and do everything (why ask DP when I can do things quicker / better myslef??) but will try to let him in more!And another major thing is comparing myself (badly) to others, will TRY not to do that, probably will be too tired!
MN has been great for info and support. Just reading your posts makes me laugh and believe I can do it!

Yes still here - started to bid on e-bay for puzzles for DD, got sidetracked writing post about our cat and lost BRUM puzzle - bugger!

Gloria - I know what you mean. Even when you give DH/DP the best instructions you end up standing next to them supervising so it's easier to do it yourself - trust me this will change when baby arrives and you need to sleep.

Dont get hung up on comparing yourself to anyone else - you will be the best mum in the world for your little DC regardless!

AQ, you're right, it's more than a little daunting to think that things could go down the same road this time around. What I have done different so far:

Still seeing my therapist once a month just to kind of check-in, rant, etc.

Still on my zoloft, but have had to start tapering off this trimester. Have had a few bad moments but I think I'm starting to do okay. However, I will not hesitate to start back on it after babe gets here if I get "that old familiar feeling"

I feel like I have bonded more with the baby during the pregnancy and have much more realistic expectations this time around - hope that helps a bit!

Will not hesistate to 1) ask for help this time and 2) tell everyone to leave me alone so that I can rest instead of entertain guests!

I do want dh to help out, of course, but have not let him get the upper hand yet and don't intend to. He's more than a bit of a control-freak and can really smother a person. Typical man, whether he knows what he's talking about or not, he'll act like it - tried to put honey on ds's pacifier last time

And, last but not least, for me anyway having a scheduled section has taken a huge load off of my mind. The trauma of ds's birth was just too much to chance again and my lovely, lovely OB has been very understanding of all of my little quirks and requests

I guess we'll see in the post-natal threads whether any of this makes any difference at all...

Aha, jabber-ghost, I thought I recognized you haunting another thread....

Up at 1.40am, yet again, and couldn't stand to lie in bed itching so have made hot milk and am waiting to feel sleepy again. Fed up of this.

Jabber, I didn't have more than baby blues really...on and off for the first six months. But from what I have read, know, and imagine, having realistic expectations is probably an enormous part of combatting PND...and hats off to you for doing everything you can to take care of yourself just in case.

Gloria, so far so very sensible advice...will rack brains when more awake! But basically, I'd say go with the flow..your baby will teach you how to be a Mum the best Mum in the world for him/her.

Poor you, elliboo, I had terrible insomnia last night. I only worked a half day, but I was pretty cranky even so.

Oh, and after a slight, partial remission, piles are back in full force! Arghhhhhhh!!! I thought I would take a nice whirlpool bath to feel better and the jets aren't working in the tub It's been so long since i did that, have no idea what's happened or when. Drat...

Eli, I was up all night too. Should have joined you on here

AQ & Jabber, I suffered with PND too. I had baby blues with no.1 for about 10 weeks. With no.2 I had PND for about 9 months. I don't want to bore/scare people but it was REALLY bad. Nearly 3 years on I think it is better but I still have dark days. I ended up being prescribed ADs which I didn't take. Instead I saw a homeopath and whatever he gave me helped but mostly I think it was getting the chance to talk to someone. I am prepared for it this time. I keep telling myself it can't be any worse!!

So my advice for 1st timers is, be prepared for your hormones to go mad and hopefully they won't. Don't suffer like I did, see a doctor if things don't start to look up after 3 months. But remember, you will start to feel better and you will bond with your baby. I can't believe how I feel about no.2 (DD) now compared to how I felt (mostly about myself) at the start. Also on a more practical note, I knew everything about being preggers & giving birth but hadn't read a thing about looking after a baby, what to expect. So get reading now! But then MN is a great help

More on the advice front, sorry if what I said before was a bit depressing but I was so unprepared for the 'mone thing and hate to think of it happening to others.

Anyway, I was amazed when my Dad had a baby recently by the amount of humming, musical, vibrating equipment they bought to keep my half-bro happy and he seemed to hate it. If there is one piece of "equipment" I would recommend other than the essentials that is a sling/baby carrier. My two lived in it during the day for ages and loved it. And despite what people might say about "making a rod for your own back" from 3 months they both slept happily in their own beds for 12 hours a night without waking and aged nearly 5 & 3 don't want to be carried everywhere!!

Thanks, fellow insomniacs - next time I will comfort myself remembering that I am not the only bumpy-one sitting up grumpily drinking hot milk at 3am! I eventually went to sleep at 4am, but thank goodness dh not working this morning and he let me sleep till 9.30....bless the man.

Castles, its really helpful to hear ohters' experiences - thanks for posting yours. I found I had a real low around the time I stopped breast feeding at six months - which I had not expected at all. Took me weeks to realize it was mostly hormonal! And who knows what things will be like this time - I for one like to know and understand stuff, makes life much less scary

Oh, and on the 'not a rod' thing - I was one of those who picked dd up every time she cried for the first year, and, to quote pre-school teachers, 'she's so independent!'. Probalby just her her nature, but no rod to be seen. I didnt' have a sling last time (not sure why, just didnt' think of it) but do this time, no idea how to tie it on but like reusable nappies will no doubt learn...

And I cannot start my day without sympathizing with your piles, Jabber...have discovered that a timely suppository does the work of ten applications of cream, and (sorry, TMI alert) stops them going whence they shouldn't Hpoe they get better soon!

OK

Hubby fed me my iron supplement rather than the Gaviscon when I woke up in agony in the night, sadly the mistake was only realised after I had had a healthy mouthful of iron, am pre-empting the Constipated for Britain by eating as much fruit etc as I can, any suggestions anyone???

WB - water and lots of it!!

Thought I was in for a sleepless nightlast night my chest seemed so heavy, could'nt understand why until bump flinched and I felt a foot in the chest and a head tryin to break through my pelvic floor - tears to the eyes I can tell you!

Eliboo, I definitely agree that it's great to read other people's experiences (good and bad). Just shows that there's no "right" way to do things.

Oh and the best advice I was given on the Hospital Bag front which I had entirely forgotten about till I found my lists from last time, is a empty & clean washing up bottle.

Wiping yourself clean/dry after going to the loo in the first few days after birth is far too painful to contemplate, as most facilities don't have a bidet use the bottle to give yourself a quick wash and then you can pat dry.

Believe me this is good advice!

Its a little TMI but is worthwhile taking with you just in case...

I think I did this for about the first week rather than the first day as I had some bad tears

Wow WB you just bought it back to me.

Luckily our hosital has bidet's so you can pee on those while running the water.

But if you dont have a bidet or a washing-up bottle you need to lean right forward on the loo while weeing so you dont pee on your tear/stitches - if you're unlucky enough to have them.

I have been really hoping my low placenta will move so that I don't have to have a caesarean. But the more I read about tears and stitches the more I think it might not be such a bad thing to miss out on the wondrous experience of vaginal birth.

Loulou, I had 3rd degree tear with DD - but I did'nt actually know this was the worst it can be. Even though MW said I had a row of stitches like a train track.

I do remember I felt the MW stitching me up and kept demanding more local anasthetic, until she said I had had enough for 3 people.

Have since realised how bad it was last time I am more scared this time than before - although you dont ness tear the second time just because you did the first. Although plan to do some massage of the perenium (sp) with oil just in case it helps.